So I had a party at my place the other night after coming home from the bar. It was my roommates, a few friends and some people from the bar that we see there a lot (regulars, not just random people). One of the regulars was this dude I don't like. He's been over here before and caused trouble and the cops were called on him when he wouldn't leave, so I wasn't happy about him being here again but he had apologized for that s*** and didn't seem to be in a troublesome mood at first, so even though I wouldn't have invited him (my dumbass roommate invited him), I was okay with him being here.
Well, things were fine at first but then he started acting like a douchebag again and trying to fight people, just like before. He put me in a bad mood pretty quickly and I was drunker than I had been the previous time, so I went to kick him the f*** out and once again, he would not leave. I must've not wanted cops called again and stupidly decided to take matters into my own hands. I took out one of my machetes and my axe and started threatening him. He still wouldn't leave. He was babbling so incoherently that I think he was literally too drunk to even be aware of the circumstances. According to one of my roommates, I thrust the axe in the dude's direction (though I wasn't close enough to hit him). The thing is pretty old and apparently the head of the axe flew off and hit the dude in the face, giving him a serious f***ing cut. My memory of what followed is blurry, but naturally I ended up at the police station.
When the cop was questioning me, I kept pleading that I didn't mean for it to happen, that I was only trying to get the guy to leave and had no idea the head of the axe was loose. He asks me "So you're saying it was an accident?" I shook my head and grinned. "No officer, I'm saying it was an axe-ident."
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I never said anything about banging her. Also, I wouldn't bang her. -LusterSoldier (on a fat pageant mom whose daughter chugs Mt. Dew)