Dr. Aaron Perlut, Chairman of the American Mustache Institute, says he is upset with Hulk Hogan's plans to shave off his mustache, saying Hogan is "seen as a longtime leading figure in the sexually dynamic Mustached American community."
Perlut says, "Not only would the removal of his lower nose foliage cause angels in heaven to die and fall to earth -- as is written in biblical texts -- but it would send a poor message to young people of Mustached American descent who wish to embrace the Mustached American experience."
"We do hope that Mr. Hogan, for whom we have great reverence, reconsiders shaving his upper lip shading device as millions of those he has inspired would be greatly let down, leading to mass chaos and deep bouts of depression in the Mustached American community."
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