Good evening and hello to everybody.
The last few months I have been considering a return to the UCA. You see, when I returned I saw that the league was in shambles. Extreme shambles. I'm surprised it's still around, to be honest. Attendance is down, workers are putting on shoddy matches, and the booking is positively atrocious. It did not take me long to assess the source of this problem - One Thomas J. Bombadil.
So I sat, and my task was clear - quite simply, restore the UCA to a state of health, if not it's former glory. This was no simple task, of course, and one worthy to spend time on. I probably sent a solid...twenty seconds thinking about it. Quite a long time, I know.
The first solution was a simple one, and one I considered - forcefully take control of the league. It would not be difficult in the slightest. One with my in-ring abilities, charisma, and ability to book competently would be able to utterly destroy Tom Bombadil within a manner of weeks. But this would not do. You see, the easy way out is rarely the correct one, and I quickly rejected this idea. Namely because it would not work out - Tom Bombadil is well aware his booking is incompetent. Or at least he should be, he's been told so since about day...three. Taking the league from him would drive away the few workers still loyal to the league that have been drinking Bombadil's koolaid, and the league simply would not survive this.
So I began pursuing the list of the UCA master file and drank in my vast and many accomplishments for inspiration. It's a legends thing, perhaps you should try it some time, and I discovered something interesting.
You see, Tom Bombadil coholds the record for the longest ever UCA Tag Team reign.
And like that, everything become clear. What do you do when a child misbehaves? It's rather simple.
Take away his favorite toy.
So my solution found, there was a caveat to this plan. A rather major one. You see, throughout my UCA experience I have always been...well, alone. Even when I was a "member" of a stable it was only because they slapped their name onto me to add my list of notable accomplishments to theirs. I didn't care so I did not refuse. But I have never been a part of a tag team, nor have I ever depended on anyone but myself. It was...rather arrogant, looking back on it, but the past is the past and we all make mistakes.
So now I find myself with a crusade to accomplish, yet no old allies to turn to. As such, Tom Bombadil you should listen I'm giving you a few free match booking you can thank me later, over the next few weeks I would like to test out a few tag team partners. Whichever one I find most suitable will become my partner in the battle to save the UCA's credibility. Of course my offer is that, an offer. I am commanding no one to do anything. I have no need of an unwilling participant, and if I have to I will break Tom Bombadil's tag record alone. But...such a thing would be more difficult perhaps then I could bear.
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I thought something like this would happen, and had a skull implanted in my forehead!