Why would the topic matter?
Like, what is in that topic that you need.
Because I can always look it up if I am missing something.
Funny story of the day: I literally started to throw up during my write-up of entry # 1, and I haven't felt right for days, it is why I stopped at entry # 1. I think my sickness is unrelated to the content of the entry to be fair.
Entry # 2:
Pet peeve of the day: Saying stuff like “His vision surveys.” It is such a flowery way to say “He sees” or something else. Like it goes out of its way to sound unique and by doing so sticks out like a sore thumb. Often times I find basic is best for narrative purposes. You are missing the word the word “of'” when describing the dirt.
Then you kind of lose me with your grammar here. I don't know why you thought it was a good idea to use only one word to transition to someone speaking to the character. Please never do that. It should be “Suddenly a voice called out” or something. Complete the thought. Every time. Yes there are exceptions to this rule, no it isn't worth trying to figure them out at this stage.
Your sentence structure is very stilted and lacks any kind of flow. I find this very hard to read because the constant short thoughts take me out of the scene. For example this is how I would have written the second main paragraph. Also notice that I am giving Vincent some character here as I do it. All you do for this part is tell us what he sees and that's not very interesting. It reads as if Vincent doesn't think at all. Now mind you if that was your intention fair enough but the story didn't read as if Vincent was quite so far gone that he couldn't at least think.
“Vincent steps out of the car, his head peeking above the roof as he stands. Slowly, without a word, he walks to the back. His face is a mask. He looks into the trunk and sees a woman. She has long brown hair, green eyes, and a fair complexion. She is by any measure pretty, although the look is diminished a little by her hands being tied up and a gag around her mouth. Only a little though. He turns back to the man.”
You also had various grammatical errors that if you compare mine to yours you'll see I corrected for the most part. Also grammar convention: You don't need to space Vincent's speech if the paragraph is in his perspective. You can just add it on to the end.
Anyway there are various grammatical errors but for the most part if you follow what I've said already you can root almost all them out. As for the actual story I really loved it, which goes to show that grammar isn't everything. You actually got me with the ending, as I didn't expect it. This was a really well thought out story. I have always enjoyed a good misdirection and I like these types of stories that delve a little bit into the human mind so kudos for going into this direction with the story. I know I spent some time talking about the errors, but I really did enjoy the story itself. You'd be surprised how many perfectly grammatical stories I've read that are complete crap.
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http://firsthour.net/screenshots/suikoden-2/suikoden-2-luca-blight.JPG
The Cult of Personality.