Okay I finished
Rebellion 2001
Rock vs. Stone Cold is being hyped as our main event. And we're starting with a cage match for the intercontinental belt.
Steel cage match: Christian vs. Edge
Edge fights before even getting his coat off, and now he tries to blind Christian with the coat.
A couple rams into one side of the cage makes it look kind of loose. Both guys are going for covers, why would you cover in a cage match, that's no fun.
Christian's tried to escape a few times, he keeps getting caught. Now they're trading some covers.
Into the corners, Christian tries punching away. He's pushed off and a spear! Heyman is saying Edge is trying to run away from a fight when he starts climbing out.
Christian is heading up, over the top! Edge catches him on the outside and pulls his legs through, then ties his feet with wrist tape. Edge punches Christian on his way out.
Clips of a past Raw where Angle defected. Everyone in the world ran out during a McMahon match.
Who's this guy. Oh, it's Chavo. He's stuck on mic duty. Who's this other guy, I think it's Hugh Morrus. They're interviewing divas.
TURN IT UP! YES!
STAND BACK THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH! YES!
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Hurricane
There's some lockups and counters and Hurricane is posing.
Holy crap does Shane Helms have a Green Lantern tattoo on his arm. This explains so much.
Scotty is tossed out of the ring and he skins the cat. Head scissor counter as Scotty's getting some offense. But now Hurricane gets some shots in, a nice flip into a neckbreaker.
Some kind of camel clutch with the arms crossed by Hurricane here. He sees the cape. He tries to fly but gets caught by a punch to the gut. Scotty knocks the cape off and gets a superkick.
Hurricane goes to do the worm! Scotty's up though, and now Hurricane wants a chokeslam, what. Hurricane with a rollup, his feet are on the ropes, still a kickout.
And here comes the worm! Been a while since I've seen that. And there's the pin.
Chavo and Morrus walk in on Lita now, she's in her underwear.
Here's a super closup of DDP's face. What a goofy promo. Is he a self-help guy now?
DDP vs. The Big Show
Oh, DDP is supposed to be a motivational speaker. He's grabbing on to Big Show and the big guy has no trouble standing with that extra weight.
Big Show wants to go for a chokeslam early into this match, and DDP turns and gets the diamond cutter. Slow to cover, Big Show kicks out.
And here's the chokeslam, Big Show buries DDP like he's Undertaker. What was that, 4 minutes?
They screw up and start playing Big Show's music again during DDP's post-match promo.
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ONLY FIVE CAN LADDER.
Sushi, kamikaze, fujiyama, nippon-ichi...