4 - remember what I said to the person who wrote entry 1? same goes for you. unless you have something insanely groundbreaking to show us, just stick with the prompt. as a result you ended up wasting about 30-40% of the story on a setting that wasn't relevant to the 'adventure' at all. additionally, anything that could have been considered an obstacle or challenge was glossed over in favor of Chase just going to different places and talking to different characters. I'm not even sure what the point of the three dawn gems were and he found them in less than one paragraph. the final confrontation was very anti-climactic, and not in a clever way. the entire story lacked any sort of tension or climax, making it feel like the main character getting home was a forgone conclusion and we were basically just going through the motions waiting for that to happen. it was still the best entry this week, but there were plenty of flaws that could have easily been fixed with more upfront plotting. try to come up with more unique ideas for the setting yourself instead of borrowing already existing things. additionally, you need to learn how to make the situations in the story actually come across as obstacles, otherwise everything you write is just going to come off as boring.
saveus_Maria's FINAL objectively correct rankings
Entry 4
Entry 1
Entry 3
Entry 2
--
http://img.imgcake.com/mariapngza.png