LogFAQs > #947179301

Hulk Hogan

I refuse to believe Hogan would sell for anyone here. Anyone who isn't American is instantly out, Hogan would never put them over. Superman is strong, but Hogan would want to prove he's a bigger star, brother. Superman, not knowing the magic of kayfabe, would be weak to the leg drop, and be eliminated entirely. Most of the Power Rangers are new and haven't earned their dues. The Rock got his win at Mania X7, so Hogan's definitely gonna get his rub in the rematch, brother. Eliminating jobbers who have no chance, that leaves:

Batman
Shaq
Abraham Lincoln
Chuck Norris
Indiana Jones
Doc Oc
Robocop
Tommy Oliver

Batman would make a good go at things, probably use a bunch of tools and pretend that Hogan had used them to get a DQ win. However, he has a strong weakness to enjoying punching things. Hogan would Hulk Up in response to this, and once he's Hulked Up, there's nothing Batman can do. Shaq still refuses to fight Big Show, so him fighting Hogan? Absolute waste, he forfeits like a coward. Indy might be tricky, but he's a professor. That likely means he is a nerd, and Hogan would never lose to someone who wouldn't hold the WWF Championship in as sweaty of hands as him. Additionally, while "just shoot him" probably defeats the power of kayfabe, I feel as if Indy will waste his bullet on someone else, as Hogan will simply outlast the non-American competition by virtue of refusing to accept that they can harm him, leaving guys like Godzilla to be excellent bullet sponges for everyone else. Norris would be a real, manly test for Hogan, but as you'll recall, Walker: Texas Ranger was more successful than Hogan's own show, Thunder in Paradise. Hogan will absolutely use his creative control to ensure that he gets the rub over that one. Robocop allied with Sting, which never goes well if Hogan has you in your crosshairs. Doc Oc loses for the same reason as Indy, but without the ability to destroy kayfabe.

That leaves Hogan, Lincoln, and Oliver. Honestly, I was strongly considering Lincoln, as he's a commander who knows how to lose troops and still rally people to support him until he eventually wins the war. However, then I remembered he had an amateur wrestling background, and I feel that'll cost him, as Hogan would never tap to a submission while a ref was actually looking. If Lincoln had a different finisher, he could probably take it, but the Four Score Stretch is just not something that'll work on Hogan. Tommy Oliver, though, that's tricky. He's, by far, the most experienced Power Ranger. He's all American. He's paid his dues, gone through different gimmicks, found one that works. However, he is being billed not as "Tommy Oliver and his Power Rangers", but "Every Single Power Ranger". He has, unfortunately, lost the rub for the big PPV. 93,000 Hulkamaniacs aren't gonna line the silverdome for a STABLE, brother; they want the main event. They want to see history. They want to see Hulk Hogan body slam Godzilla in the middle of the ring in the greatest test of strength ever. And I feel that Tommy, sensing that Hogan has him beat, would summon his Megazord, and at that point, WATCHA GONNA DO, TOMMY OLIVER, WHEN HULKAMANIA AND THE CORPSE OF GODZILLA TOSSED DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ROBOT RUNS OVER YOU?

Leg drop. One, two, three.

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