You remind me of a colleague I had. One of the sweetest guys I've met, great sense of dry humor, but he was 'hiding'.
He was shy, he had long hair, he only wore black clothes (not an emo, just scruffy death-metal Captain Caveman vibe), he barely spoke up around others until he felt comfortable, and just very lowkey in every way possible.
He was good at his job but never wanted the spotlight, or attention, and was fine with picking up the crappier tasks. I had a good connection with him, and he later told me he's never been comfortable around people, but always felt very comfortable around me, and enjoyed my company.
The thing is, you could tell he wasn't very happy with his life, but hiding beneath that Captain Caveman was a fantastic sweet guy. Like 'heart of gold' kinda guy. And he would never believe it, but if he'd just get a fucking haircut, some decent clothes, cleaned his facial hair, he'd instantly go from a 4 or 5 out of 10, to an 8/10, because he had a good face, nice smile, amazing eyes. Not saying that would solve any psychological issues he might have had, but considering he once mentioned one day he'd like a girlfriend, he'd probably attract someone a bit easier if he cleaned up a bit, and when you look a bit nicer and feel a bit more attractive, that also changes your attitude, self-respect and confidence a bit.
Just try to make an effort. Not for anyone else, but just for you. Buy a nice shirt/sweater, fix your hair a bit, walk with a bit more confidence, lift your head, find some things you enjoy, be it art or video games, or movies, or whatever. Life IS pretty meaningless, but while you're here, you can give it a little bit of meaning for yourself.
Take it each day at a time, try to do anything nice on those days. Just 1 thing. Doesn't have to be big. And it can be just for you. And it can be completely meaningless. Like feeding some ducks, or greasing your bike. Whatever.
It sounds like nothing, maybe it is, but you just do 1 of those little things and when you did it, you feel a bit better about yourself and what you did.
That's it. That's life.
I'm glad people like you exist. Without knowing who I am, my political beliefs or opinions on anything, you helped me, I'm very grateful. Thank you man.