LogFAQs > #913107279

Then I realized how often my parents fought

Then at age 5? 6? I would be screaming trying to break up physical altercations between them

Then around age 10 I stopped getting sleep, I was exhausted in school all the time. My grades started to slip, completed homework became less and less frequent. Meetings with various school staff about my concerning changes became frequent.

I went through puberty with no guidance and immense religious guilt. I started to hate myself.

I realized my dad was cheating. I was probably 11? I heard him on the phone frequently. One time he took me to a Green Day concert with a woman I had never seen. Once my parents finally divorced several years ago, he was quick to bring his mistress of 2 years to meet the family. He still to this day routinely threatens violence against people my mother dates, and threatens to put her out on the street.

In high school my grades got worse. I got less sleep. I would average between 1-4 hours a night, having stayed up all night trying to do homework; I would go in to school with nothing to hand in. I would show up halfway through the day.

I barely got through high school. I quickly failed college and dropped out.

I now work a dead end job. I still do not sleep, and I have stopped eating regularly. I have no social life, and Im stuck in a relationship I hate.

I am a mentally ill trainwreck and my condition only seems to worsen. The few people still close to me express great concern over my emotionally volatile state and how much I have going on in my head. I exist in a haze, I often feel confused and disoriebted, or just angry, bitter, and depressed. The former comes with a physical grogginess, and a genuine uncertainty of where I am or what Im doing. I get brief episodes of clarity, where I feel incredible embarassment and disgust over myself and the way I act and bitch to others. I feel physically ill all the time. I have puked more in the past few months than in the past 5 years.

:(
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