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TopicExperimental CYOA: You might be trapped in a simulation
nikko004
09/14/18 5:04:43 PM
#299:


>Nobert: Take a sarcastic jab at the bucketmaid's appearance before defending self

You let out a horsemask-muffled laugh while pointing at the bucketheaded maid. "Wow, are you lost, kid? Which convention are you supposed to be in?" You slap your knee with more laughter. "Damn dude, did you get stuck here from your 18th century time-travelling--"

Dani: Try to kick the player in front of you in where you hope their manhood will be.

You've long hopped over the counter and thrown an explosive kick towards their lower region.
In the next moment, a blood-curdling scream soothes your ears.
You stand with your overly confident stance. "Do not address me as a child, fellow player. And I'll have you know, maids are always relevant and fashionable--"

Evi: Instigate fight rooting for the robomaid. Also try to join the chaos.

You also hop over the counter and throw a groin-kick at the curled-up horseman on the ground. "Heck yeah! I love bar fights!" You turn to the bucketmaid amidst the additional screaming. "Cool outfit, Ms. Robot Maid!"

The bucketmaid suddenly stands with more reservation and puts a hand on their...bucket cheek. "Oh...um, thank you--"

You've already materialized your knives and charge right into the middle of the room where all the rowdiness is happening.

>Dani:


You definitely recognize that as Evi's voice. Gosh, she called your outfit cool! This is the best--

The rude man continues to groan. "God...refuses to let me die..."

Wait. You also recognize this voice. You kneel down before him. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry--"

He lightly taps on your back. "You're...facing the wrong way, dumbass."

You clench your fist and turn around, aiming your fist right where his lower region should be.
Even more screaming ensues.
You shake off your hand. "Oh my. This dumbass is so sorry, Nobert."

He lets out an even more ghastly groan. "Fucking hell...Dani..."

Suddenly, a pair of maids appear next to you. One of them speaks up. "Is this barbarian bothering you, soldier?!"
The other maid comes forth with a kick to...you guessed it. "Oi, don't mess with us, fucker!"
The first maid joins in, curbstomping him.

>Nobert: Mourn the loss of your future children'

You can see it now; God's face. Actually, it's more like Morgan Freeman's face. This must be what ascending to heaven feels like.
A gallant choir sings to you. The sweet taste of freedom from the hells of this world--

Nevermind. The pain wakes you back up. Dear lord, this hurts worse than when you had to launch a tactical bombshell in the company bathroom and blamed Brad for it. Heh, things were never the same for ol' Brad--

Another sharp pain to your precious jewels. You slowly raise your arm up. "Uncle...! Mercy!"

"Hmph" says one of the maids before stopping. They then walk back into the fray.

Dani stands with smug confidence once again. "I think there is a lesson to be learned here, though even I'm not sure what it is."

Suddenly, Evi's body crashes next to you guys. "Heyyyy it's you guys again! Man, that walking L'Oreal commercial is hoggin' all the fun. You guys oughta help me stop him!"

You slowly sit up and see that Lionhart is completely dominating the fight, tossing aside any fighter that gets near him.

"I have a better plan in mind," says Dani as she grabs the both of you and drags you guys up the stairs.
---
How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
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