LogFAQs > #904829476

Nice guys generally really are nice guys. The problem is nice guys prioritize treating women nice over having a personality. Where some nice guys probably have the capacity to say things to a girl that she would find funny/charming/confident/attractive, that part of their brain shuts off when they talk to a girl they like, and they substitute that part of their personality with excessive compliments, trying to convince her hes the white knight who will never let her down, and some even go as far as BUYING things for a girl who hasnt expressed any interest in him.

Instead of talking about things she might be interested in, the conversation is always about her and things he likes about her, and possibly over-inquisitive at times. These things of course will begin to make her feel uncomfortable over time, and a nice guy will usually feel and possibly express frustration and confusion as to why his tactics arent working, because in his mind, hes doing everything right. Best case scenario, the nice guy will hide his frustration and become depressed, but wont let the girl know he is feeling this. Worst case scenario, he will try to get some sort of revenge or try to make the girl feel guilty for rejecting him, because in his mind, she is a total bitch for turning down someone who went out of his way to be the nicest, most caring, thoughtful and overall greatest potential boyfriend she could have possibly had. In really bad scenarios, stalking and threats of suicide to make her feel more guilty can ensue.

Sources: I used to be a nice guy. Although I was more like the reserved example who kept his depression to himself, and never the extreme example who took his frustration out on the girl. If I did, those cases were pretty mild, and nothing like threatening suicide or anything. The worst thing I feel like I ever did was try to convince myself I could be just friends with a girl who had rejected me, and I would occasionally ask her why our friendship wasnt as strong as I felt like it should have been. Obviously, if she had been as friendly to me as I wanted her to be, I would have kept wanting more, and never would have been ultimately satisfied with anything short of her being my girlfriend. Eventually, my antics pushed her away completely, and now we havent spoken in five years. Its for the best for both of us. Good for her for obvious reasons, and good for me because learning that you can NOT be friends with someone you have feelings for is one of the best life lessons Ive ever learned.