LogFAQs > #902535026

VentFAQS incoming. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated. Hell, I'll just be happy with someone who listens.

I'm the oldest of a family of 5. We live in a Midwest town that has less than 100,000 people. I'm single, and going to turn 30 next week. And that's all the context we need for now.

You could take every member of my family, and break down a specific conflict they personally contribute. (Probably me as well, but I'm not sure how.)To keep things more brief, I'll just share what's stressing me out right now.

Let's start with the middle sister, Simone. She has autism, just like my brother. She is not considered low-functioning, but she suffers from high-anxiety and intense OCD. She is connected with speech therapy, extra curricular activites and medication. Though she has seen considerably less seizures than she used to have, it hasn't helped her anxiety much at all. Just yesterday she had a 6 hour episode at my father's house. Asking him over and over what she was having for lunch, dinner, or dozens of other questions. And she doesnt do this happily. Sometimes she gets so distraught over it, she is driven to tears.

Speaking of houses, my parents are divorced. Have been since I was 12. It solved some problems. But it didnt change how they handle life. They constantly argue on how to raise Simone, and my other 2 younger sisters. They go far enough to criticize one another as toxic, and threaten each other for custody every other week, it seems. Neither one of them is innocent, IMO. But they both came from abusive households, which left them with a lot of baggage.

This baggage comes back onto me, and my sisters. I think my youngest sister is suffering from it directly. Let's call her Rose. Our state allows family members to be "employed" by other members with special needs. So I work with my brother, and Rose works with Simone. My brother can have his moments, but I dont feel like it compares to the difficulties that come with Simone's behavior. Mom and Dad expect Rose to work for Simone, because who could be better, right? There is also a lack of other SCL/Respite workers available who can cater to Simone's specific needs.

The problem is Rose is a teenager. She has always been very well behaved in the past. We were raised in a Christian household. She has always stayed true to our shared values until now. It's started with multiple boyfriends in just a couple years. Then came her patterns of staying out late. She has missed times where she needed to be available for my sister. Mom and Dad work long hours with Simone already, as well as their own careers besides, so they dont appreciate whenever she drops the ball. She is getting payed for Simone, after all. And now my mom is accusing Rose of smoking weed and drinking while underage. I didnt think she would ever cosider doing those things. But I'm just not sure anymore. As her older brother, it really worries me.

The worst part about this for me is how helpless I feel about it all. I do everything I can to be there for everybody. I take care of multiple chores for my mom and sisters even though we technically live in separate apartments. I talk to them all almost every day, sometimes for hours at a time. I offer support, encouragement, and advice whenever they're open to it (not very often). And I pray every day for them until I feel like my heart is going to burst.

I do find peace with God. I trust that He is in control of it all. I am blessed with a group of friends, a place to live, and a job that is very convenient and rewarding. But life can be really hard sometimes. So exhausting. And I wish more than anything I would stop feeling so powerless and defeated. Being in the middle of it all is so incredibly stressful.

If you also want to share your stories, I will try and read them in return. If you looked at all this mess, you have my thanks.
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