LogFAQs > #902529374

Okay so basically a lot of kind of bad stuff happened to me last year and this year. I'm also 250lbs due to emotional drinking beer and psych meds that increase appetite and weight gain substantially and habit of emotional eating at night.

1. Sister lets male "friend" stay and live here in den WITHOUT getting permission from my mom or dad and didn't even tell my dad or mention it to him at all. Huge disrespect from both my mom and sister basically going on with my dad.

2. Female friend of 7 years (counting when I came back to town and talking to her again) that I also was friend with HS and kinda close after HS -- stopped being understanding, patient, supporting, and nurturing (a complete 180, she brought me out of my shell I used to be afraid to go in stores/public) and basically started treating me worse than anyone else ever emotionally etc. and justified it saying she "wasn't going to baby me" anymore. A bunch of conflicting emotions and confusion with no resolution for months and months.

3. I end up getting really wasted and blacking out and dad having enough of me getting drunk, so I get arrested on the front porch and taken to hospital. They just let my dad take me home, but then issue a warrant for my arrest. I'm a marshmallow and wouldn't do well in jail. I have never been in trouble with the law and I'm a good boy basically besides dabbling in some substances.

4. Dad basically says he's done and leaves to live with a male friend. My parents marriage is on the rocks out of basically nowhere.

5. I decided to go to a year long program before realizing I had a warrant after the incident, and felt really positive about it and everyone built it all up. I check out the place and it looks great. When I end up getting there, it ends up being very different from how my impression of it was, and little things here and there start adding up and I get to the point where I hit a (possibly primal?) fear in my head telling me I am not safe there, paranoia or whatever. I risk hopping fence and go to corner store and convince my mom to bring me home.

6. Back at home and feel judged almost all the time, all my thoughts, ideas etc it feels like I'm being mocked by society in general and it's very stressful and I never had to deal with feeling this way all the time. I got to the point where I'd have an outburst when my sister was verbally railing me accusing me of shit for no fucking reason and me the whole time pleading with her to stop.

Basically since #3 happened, my life has been a fucking waking nightmare. Things really started to go downhill since Trump became president. My self esteem and confidence is zero. I have severe trust and abandonment issues. I don't know how things will get in public anymore, and I only really feel safe at home.

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Basically I feel sick about 40% of the day like my whole body feels bad, and I don't know why. I recently changed my antidepressant, and sometimes I take kratom, and kratom seems to help it feel better. I smoke cigs and usually have some coffee, but I've done all this for years.
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