LogFAQs > #897973621

#144 - Dave Crist Nominated by: JONA

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Fuck Dave Crist. In a tag team of Jannettys, Dave Crist somehow proves himself so much worse than any Jannetty you can conjure in your mind. He's the Crush of Demolition. He's the Droz of LoD. He's the Dave Crist of the Crist Brothers.

It doesn't help that the Crists were paired with LAX, a team that is always entertaining and utterly ridiculous. Konnan is the definition of "so bad he's good." Consistently repeating the same 20-year-old catchphrases ad nauseum, he somehow creates captivating television with his supposedly criminal organization that features four to five people playing dominoes constantly. Occasionally they will say things like, "Diamante, get control of the hoes!" or "BRRRRAAAPPP!" These statements somehow only reinforce the majesty of this excellent and yet also terrible gimmick.

LAX is all about the pomp and circumstance surrounding street level gangs somehow deciding that wrestling will be a moneymaker. The Crist Brothers have come along (accompanied by the ever irritaing Sami Callihan) pretending to be what is essentially the biggest gang in Ohio. Ohio, you know, the capitol of gang violence. Except, Dave Crist has this weak, high-pitched Matt Sydal voice and accompanies this with a Corey Graves foppish pompadour. His entrance pose, replete with a mask taken off of the face of the gargoyles in Hunchback of Notre Dame, consists primarily of Crist pretending to fall asleep. This is extremely appropriate as his flabby gut slows his workrate to a crawl and makes anyone within viewing distance immeasurably sleepy thanks to the boredom that oozes from Crist's skin like molasses.

Now, Crist is a member of the aforementioned Crist Brothers. Jake and Dave, the Brothers Crist. Whether these brothers are Uso style brothers or Edge and Christian style brothers, I have no idea. But I find it hard to believe that Jake Crist, a fiery and well-dressed example of a decent lowcard guy, shares the same DNA as a lumpy dopey reject like Dave Crist. Dave is the wrestling equivalent of Gabe on The Office. So unremarkable and yet at the same time unrelentingly awful that in no way can you stand to see him on television. He's a blight to the wrestling world with his mediocre awfulness.
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