LogFAQs > #894351919

btw, for people who are upset that they "can't" say the word, understand that no one says you can't say a word, but like with anything you say to others, they are going to respond to what you say as you are responsible for your actions. Here's some relevant rules on social etiquette.

-If someone I've never met starts calling me something like brother, pal or whatever and is TRYING to be overly cordial with me, it will look weird/suspicious/questionable.
Relevance: Considering that -a is meant as a friendly term, it shouldn't be assumed that another person you're not on good terms with is fine with that in conversation. As y'all hang out and get to know each other, break the ice on the subject.

-The energy you project and/or body language is also communicated with your words.
Relevance: Not saying that others are gonna be the best at picking up on such cues, but you can only manage your side. If you say something with condescension, vitriol, anger and so forth, that can be picked up on and show the intent behind the statement. If you say the word with such a disposition, you have to accept your part of the blame if someone doesn't like what you have to say.
Anecdote: I have a book that has the -er version as the title which is a scholarly look at the word. In my senior year of high school, we had a forum-style philosophy class (ToK for those who know what IB is) with debates and each of us was required to lead a discussion at one point in the semester. I brought the book to class. I think the class demographics were 16 white people, 1 black person (me) and 3 Vietnamese people. And we had a long academic discourse over the word where, yes, the word was spoken. The teacher asked me at the start whether or not we could use the word and I said something to the effect of "yeah, don't run wild with it though/in moderation, please" Some had reservations about speaking the word at first, understandably, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was a very engaging discussion and eye-opening to a lot of my peers. Some had been wanting to have "the talk", more or less, for awhile, but since they're good people and understand what respect and manners are, just didn't want to deal with the potential fallout of broaching such a subject. It was nice seeing people's tension and discomfort disappear as we talked about it. Point is, watch your tone and don't treat the word like a toy. It's a very serious word and if use it flippantly and carelessly, you're likely gonna be scrutinized.

I'm cutting it short for now. Maybe I'll make an addendum.
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If you're not looking for any honest discussion, agreement, meeting halfway or middle ground, don't bother arguing with me. Selfish narcissists need not apply.