LogFAQs > #976719125

Currently Playing: Demon Quest '85

What Is It? A visual novel/adventure game where you summon demons so they can solve menial problems for your high school friends.

Thoughts:
-Next up is Demon Quest 85. I know nothing about it but Im going to guess its an old school RPG from the name and menu icon.
-So Im sprawled out on the roof of the car, and Im naked. Wow what a great opening line.
-Vomit everywhere. Wow what an awful second one.
-Oh I get to respond. Its either I dont want to hear about this youre my brother or Go on Ew what an awful second option if this is their brother.
-I pick the first one and they keep talking anyway. Im going to guess my choice didnt matter at all.
-Apparently this guy Im talking to did this on the dean of admissions car at his college. DELTA HOUUUUUUSE!
-So Im gonna get off the phone with you real soon, okay? Can you just say goodbye like a normal, not naked covered in puke on a car person?
-Hm okay so I found a book under his bed. It is some sort of monster book. Brother is confused about what it could be though.
-Also he 100% thought I found his secret porno collection.
-Brother claims it was grandads book. Uh huh. Nice try. I found your weird monster porno book, pervert, and Im telling mom.
-I think its about demons? Like summoning demons. Wow granddad was into some freaky shit.
-Brother says he tried it last year by shutting of the lights and saying I summon you, demon! Shocking that didnt work. Did you really need a book to figure that out?
-I can now look through the book. It is The Ars Goetia: A Book On The Names and Offices of Demons and the Methods for Speaking with Them. Yes this demons name is Hank and he works in accounting and you can reach him at extension 666.
-I get to name myself now. I choose Svengoolie because I am a man of culture and some is the playable character.
-Alright, first page gives me the low down. To summon a demon I need to offer a gift or tribute, play the appropriate music, bring three companions of pure heart and good breeding, and a concern that the companions share (or at least an interest in a common topic). Ok. Uh. So I know zero people of pure heart and good breeding. I feel like people of pure heart and good breeding arent trying to summon demons in the first place.
-Some good demon choices here. First page shows Marquis Cimeies, the grand Marquis of Hell. Hes a huge warrior astride a black horse, which is awesome. He is the master of bloodshed. Good. And hes also the master oftrivia? The fuck? Hold on, sorry to interrupt your eternal torture but first I need to know: what do you call that little plastic piece at the end of your shoelaces?
-He has the ability to locate missing objects. I feel like that may come to relevance at some point.
-He claims to like all kinds of music. As someone who dated a lot of girls with that in their Facebook bio, I can assure you that means mostly country but Im too scared to put that in my bio and get judged for it.
-Next up is Marquis Shax. He is a great thief that steals monkeys and horses from the houses of kings. What weirdly specific things to steal. Well my gold and jewelry are undisturbed. But someone stole my snub tailed macaque and this time it wasn't Fish and Wildlife services.
-He can also steal knowledge and possesses the ability to make men forget anything. Thats cooler than the monkey thievery.
-Also hes a stork. Did I mention that yet? Less cool than a giant knight on a horse.
-Duke Crocell is next. He is a teacher of liberal sciences, geography, and geometry. And your next demon isyour fourth favorite professor from college! He will forget to grade your papers until the last minute oOoOoOoOoOo
-He can also find water. These demons are a weird hodgepodge of characteristics.
-Duke Agares is a weird dude. If whilst wandering the Eastern wastes thou encounter a man riding a crocodile, do not countenance to mock that man. Yeah, no shit. Why the hell would a mock a man with a pet crocodile? Is this something that needs to be said, demon or not. If you ever see a bear do not hit it with a beehive. Yeah, ok, got it.
-He carries a hawk with him and you are under no circumstances to mention it. Fuck now that one I might do by accident. I feel like it would be the first thing Id say to someone carrying a hawk.
-Hes also an instructor of language, can cause earthquakes to strike, and may compel creatures who have fled their home to stay still or return. I feel like he made up that last one because he felt inadequate around the other demons who had more skills. Uh yeah my other skill is that if an animal runs away, I will make sure they stay runned away or Ill make them return. But I cant tell you which before hand so just trust the process. Its likeyeah. Come back or not come back represent 100% of the possible options here so of course one of those two things will happen.
-Ok next page is President Glasya-Labolas. Theres a president in hell? Who knew the place was a democracy.
-His blood is the hatred of man. Oh cool mine is O negative so I think I can be a donor still.
-The author says they TOTALLY know how to summon him but wont tell us because he killed his friend a long time ago. Which friend, you may ask? Well you wouldnt know her. She goes to another school. In Canada. Shes not on Facebook so dont try to look her up.