LogFAQs > #968321342

Frank arrives at his office as A Christmas Carol Live begins. Curious about his brother's gift, Frank opens it up and finds said picture frame. There's heartfelt nostalgia seeing himself and James as young kids, especially after reading James' note, "To Frank, the best brother a guy ever had." Fast forward in the show to where they reach the Ghost of Christmas Future. Frank is having a drink, so he doesn't see the looming spirit trying to reach out for him!

But then the spirit retracts as a drunk, angry, shotgun-wielding Loudermilk storms in! Loudermilk takes shots but as he explains in a rant, he's still "blind, stinking, druUUuUunk~!" so he can't really aim the big shotgun that well. Frank retreats back to the elevator and it arrives just in time to avoid a lot of buck shot, and then there's another Ghost of Christmas Future. Frank thinks it's the one for the show, but no, THIS is the one. The spooky tormented souls inside its robe give it away, but Frank again plays it off like the props department went all out.

But now, Frank and the ghost ride the elevator as the mode of transportation through the bleak future that awaits. First, Grace and a teenage Calvin. Because Calvin has not spoken in a decade, he has been committed to an asylum, and Grace's visiting hours are barely "hours." Frank fights off the fear and sadness by pointing out this is a "possible future," that things can change. Frank knows people at NYU, they can help Calvin.

Next is a group of rich women having lunch, and one complains about homeless kids asking for scraps. The woman tells them to go away, and asks the waiter to shoo these "filthy little creatures." But then one of the others says, "Oh, Claire..." That echoes in Frank's ears. The friend wants Claire to be nicer, they're children. Claire replies, "Please, darling, don't tell me. I wasted years on pathetic little creatures like those. Finally, thank God, a friend said to me..."

Frank lips the words at the same time Claire says them, "Scrape 'em off, Claire. If you want to save somebody, safe yourself." Frank apologizes to Claire for putting that in her head, and Claire says, looking in his general direction, "Thanks a lot, Lumpy." Claire then wipes away a tear and smiles to her friends. Frank is upset with the ghost for showing him that.

Third is a funeral. Wendy is standing there so Frank fears his brother, James, has died young. But then now, James, a bit chubbier now, walks up to stand with her. So then, if James is alive, who's in the casket? Surprise! This is Frank's funeral, and only James and Wendy came. Frank is now IN the casket as his corpse is about to be cremated! Frank feels the fire and begs James to spare him from this! Frank begs for his life, shouting "I WANNA LIIIIVE~!"

And then DING, Frank returns to the elevator, and he stumbles out back to his office! He's so happy to be alive and to see the sun poster. But Loudermilk is there aiming his gun. "MILKMAN~!" Frank hugs Loudermilk and sings, "I'm ALIVE~ and so are you! Oh, are you happy to see me or is that a shotgun in your pocket?" Frank throws it aside and it goes off, shooting the ceiling.

Frank, in his frantic joy, has Loudermilk high-five and other such things with him. And then he even gives Loudermilk the belly blow! Frank then goes on about how he'll rehire Loudermilk, twice his old salary, as the Vice-President! He can even have Frank's office. Loudermilk politely declines, and he also asks what's the catch? Frank jokes that the catch is Loudermilk needs a shower!

Loudermilk is very confused. He was looking for "Francis Xavier Cross." Frank says "That's me! But the great thing is, it's NOT me!" Frank says he learned a great word from the Jewish people: schmuck. Frank was a schmuck. But now, he's not that schmuck! What time is it? Loudermilk realizes he no longer has his watch! But point is, it's still Christmas Eve, the show is still going, they can use that!

Frank interrupts the show right at the big moment of Scrooge's own redemption. Everyone thinks this is gonna end Frank after the day he's been having. This is much to Cummings' delight, but then BAM, he gets hit with the door as Loudermilk busts in, with the shotgun! He tells them all to keep the camera on Frank!

This interruption upsets Mr. Rhineland as he watches at home. Frank asks the world why they're watching a TV show on Christmas Eve, and Rhineland shouts at his TV, "Paying your salary, you ass!" Frank then wonders what jerk puts a live TV show on Christmas Eve. Someone replies, "Only you, Frank." Frank grumbles but he admits, a week ago, that guy would've been fired. But now, he admits that's right. He even admits to the idea of stapling the antlers to the mice.

Frank goes on to admit other things, like James wasn't supposed to get the VCR. But then he reveals the answer James didn't get right in the trivia game, and they're all stunned. How did Frank know they were even playing that game?

Rhineland calls into the control room but Loudermilk has bound and gagged Cummings and answers. He says Cummings is "tied up," and claims Cummings has called Rhineland "a flatulating butthead."

Frank continues going around the set, goofs around with the props, and orders champagne for everyone. And the good stuff, not the cheap stuff he sends others. Frank wants to make this into a Christmas party like back in the day! Frank also gets to kiss one of the lovely dancers because of mistletoe. It was a very good kiss, but not a great kiss. There's only ever been one great, and that's Claire. Claire, and the shelter, are all watching, as Frank brings up their romance, and even the Kama Sutra things they tried. Claire hurries out to get a taxi to the IBC building, and it turns out the cabby is the Ghost of Christmas Past!

Frank and the cast start singing carols, and Frank talks about how this "miracle" of being a better person doesn't just have to happen around Christmas. "If you waste that miracle, you're gonna burn for it. I know." So you have to do something good, help people out, and not just for the poor and hungry but for all people! You'll then want "the miracle" over and over again! Frank believes in it now. And then Calvin walks up, and Frank asks him, "Did I forget something, big man?"

"God bless us, everyone." CALVIN SPOKE!! Grace is overjoyed, Frank is happy, and he helps Calvin up to be on camera. Grace takes Calvin as Frank spots Claire hiding behind something. Frank brings her out in front of the cameras, though she's very reluctant. "Claire, the whole world. The whole world, Claire. And they lived happily ever after."

Grace helps start up another song. "Think of your fellow~ man. Lend him a help~ing hand. Put a little love in your heart!" As the song grows, Frank hears other voices. He looks up and sees the three ghosts, and even Herman, who now has fairy wings like the Ghost of Christmas Present, implying he's an angel or spirit of some sort. Claire tries to see what Frank sees, but he just smiles and they kiss.

Everyone sings along, Frank goofs around that he can see through the fourth wall and tells the audience watching in theaters/at home to sing along, a wonderful and happy ending to the film. James gets the last line, "My brother, the King of Christmas."

"Rory," Roselind says, surprising you.

"Are you crying?" Rebecca asks.

A) Yes
B) No! (cheap denial but still try)

wow I went way too hard on that one