Oh, same here. Hell, I was one myself for a while. I had to repent of that and now I'm striving to be consistent with my faith.
Same but I went down a different path. Growing up and realizing all these people guiding me and influencing me were messed up was something else. I started to take note of how my family, pastor, church folk, etc. were just not good people, let alone good Christians and I couldn't be like that. No one is perfect but it's like everyone I was surrounded with reveled in debauchery and sin. I went through a rough period as a teenager because I had an awful case of scrupulosity induced depression and anxiety. It led me to seeking out other religious outlets, texts, etc. Ultimately the only way I could stay sane was just not to believe in anything. Once I freed myself of all of that, I really started to find myself as a person and set out to be everything they failed to be, even in the absence of God.
This is like looking in a mirror. Would love to share my story with you sometime. I'm not saying I know exactly what you went through, but I feel ya. ---
