LogFAQs > #985800543

DnDer posted...

Some people never get there. Big props to you. That is putting in the work.

Thanks. It has taken a lot of work to also be really at the place where I can appreciate that I live a different life now. I loved Lindsay more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my life. What that asked of me was total commitment to the detriment of all other things.

I live a life now where I'm not watching the person I love the most die to a horrible condition/disease/illness. I'm not trying to fight off the perils of the world for her. I'm not awake at 3am taking her to the emergency room. I'm not going every 2 months to the dentist with her to get a filling done for something that isn't her fault. I'm not taking her to a doctor's appointment and then providing her all the support she needs when they have nothing to offer and no idea what to do to ease her pain and suffering.

For a long time I felt so much guilt over feeling free from that part of my life. Even now when I say it there is still a piece of me that makes me feel like a shit head for even acknowledging that I enjoy the fact that part of my life is done. But I do. It is the hardest thing in the world to provide that level of support day after day, week after week, year after year. I'm OK not doing the hardest thing in the world anymore.