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Snowball Fight #Jim Carrey's Attempt at a Thriller - Jack Garland

Soon after adding orphaning to her list of crimes against children, Ritz returned to the tavern she had come from, still wearing her Layle outfit. On the wall she noticed a BOUNTY poster, with her pink-haired photograph beneath it. Thank goodness she was fully incognito. She ripped the poster off the wall, reading the fine print which said "Bounty: This chick! This bounty only being offered at this particular tavern and nowhere else. Should you collect this bounty please contact PlanetoidCeiling for your reward", before stuffing it into her pocket. At least it wasn't widespread.

After sipping a virgin Mont Blanc cocktail, she decided that she could use a bit of fresh air and solitude, as her killing spree had required a bit too much socializing lately. She found a nearby snowy plain, and took off her wig, letting her pink hair spill out. Clearly she hadn't been far enough from the tavern because from behind her she heard a deep voice shout "YOU!".

She turned around and about 20m, the superior measurement system, away from her she saw a totally shredded blond-haired man wearing just a t-shirt and pants. A stranger in her paradise. Ritz was confused at what this man was doing in Smiffficia - he was wearing regular people clothing and looked more like a macho guy who secretly power bottoms in darkrooms at pride events than a Final Fantasy Character. At least he was holding a broadsword to give some benefit of the doubt. "Uh, hi, me?" Ritz replied.

"YOU ARE CHAOS!!!" exclaimed the man before he lunged at Ritz with his broadsword. Ritz was, admittedly, not prepared for this. The man wasn't wrong, she may as well be the embodiment of chaos at this point, but she just wanted a few moments to herself and wasn't 15 steps ahead like she normally was. Maybe just 4.

Ritz leapt to the side and cast a quick Conceal, rendering herself invisible to the buff as hell man who probably had a faceless Grindr profile. The man stood near where she once had been, positively seething with rage. "COME OUT CHAOS! I MUST CLAIM MY BOUNTY!" demanded the man. But in the moments that he stood there, he had lost the advantage which he never had in the first place.

The gambit was risky, but Ritz was confident in her abilities. Because she had mastered the White Mage class, one of the other classes that hadn't been explicitly mentioned yet, she cast Auto-Life on herself before drawing her bow, which removed the Conceal and revealed her location. "Over here big daddy!" she shouted, drawing the man's attention. He charged at her, and she shot some arrows, deliberately missing every single one, confusing any reader who hadn't picked up on the foreshadowing earlier in this paragraph. Before long, the man had hit Ritz with his broadsword, knocking her to the ground, killing her.

"Chaos control complete..." muttered the man, his rage finally subsiding. He picked up Ritz's body and flung her over his broad shoulders which probably wore a leather harness on certain occasions. As she was flung over his shoulder, Auto-Life kicked in and Ritz came back to life - the man carrying her oblivious to her revival. She would only have one shot at this, so she had to combine the ingredients of a few prior kills to make this one seem different enough from each of them. She cast a localized Blizzaga in her left hand, making a snowball, and imbued it with Beso Toxico before shoving it down the back of the man's t-shirt.

Because having snow put down the back of your shirt is jarring as fuck, he man recoiled and dropped Ritz to the ground. She scampered away, the man looking at her in shock partially because he couldn't believe she was still alive, and partially because god damn does getting snow put down the back of your shirt suck. "CHAOS!??!?!?!" the man yelled once again, failing to keep his composure. He took a step to chase Ritz down, but he was only able to take one step, as he had been Doomed. He fell to his knees, where he likely often was for 18A reasons, before falling to the ground, dead.

Ritz was relieved that she had survived the ordeal, but was concerned that she hadn't been as ready as she would have liked for the situation. But once again, she had succeeded. She snatched the man's wig to make sure she had yet another disguise, before making her way back to the razzle dazzlin white Corolla where Montblanc the stuffy sat in the passenger seat. This area probably wasn't safe for her given present circumstances, so she set off in a direction that can only be described as 'away from here'.