I was only gonna rank the user-chosen weapons, but
3.5. Basketball
Not as useful as the mid-range bludgeon, but more useful than the short-range strangling tool. It can be long range but requires good aim. It's heavier than a graphing calc so it's safe to say it probably causes more damage when thrown at an enemy. Also, because basketballs are bouncy, the ball can immediately return to its thrower due to physics. This is much unlike the board game, calculator, and turtle which physics says will hit and plummet to the ground.
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<3 Crimmy - http://img.imgcake.com/CrimsonOcean/GenDrak0001jpgyz.jpg
Thanks Drak - http://img.imgcake.com/drakeryn/genesissagajpgat.jpg