Part 2, Chapter 13:
It's been a bit warm for my taste.
So yeah, apparently the producers of the hunger games can just defy the laws of science and just start moving walls of fire like you're trying to get to the Megaton Hammer. (I would've said "in the Fire Temple", but it seemed kinda stupid to say fire, in the Fire Temple). Anyway, Katniss is running running running from the wall of fire...and then the Gamemakers decide "You know what? Let's screw with her some more" and start hurting fireballs like goddamn Mario (lotta Nintendo references from me this chapter).
Oh s***. If there is one thing you do NOT do EVER...it is mess with a girl's hair. How DARE they allow Katniss' gorgeous brunette braid be burned? They shall PAY for this injustice. Pay dearly. But anyway, Katniss survives, but not before getting absolutely f***ed up by some fire. She finds a new source off water though and just stays there because why the hell not? Water feels good on burns, I assume. But anyway, she gets somewhat caught and suddenly she has a pack of angry and jealous career tributes all wanting her blood. Her sweet, delicious blood. Mmmm...
Where was I? She gets into a tree because apparently she's still good enough for that, despite her injuries, and she's clearly running on adrenaline to keep her mind off the pain just long enough to reach a safe place. And thankfully for Katniss, she succeeds in not being fat (or at least big), the very trait that often hinders even the manliest of men on Survivor, and buys her some respite from the otherwise unstoppable Career Juggernaut (not to imply that the X-Man Juggernaut would be a Career, but let's be honest here, he totally would be). And what does Katniss do, in a temporary position of the high ground (literally)? Why, she mocks the Careers like a bawss. And she's absolutely right. They really can't do s*** to her at this point, and this is proven when Cato goes down faster than Lindsay Lohan in a back alley.
Also, important to note is the fact that we finally learn the names of District 1 Girl (Glimmer) and District 2 Boy (Cato). Glimmer is a far superior name, even if it is pretentious and douchebaggish. Fun fact: Glimmer sucks with a bow and arrows, which makes me wonder why the hell she has them in the first place. Seems like that's the sort of s*** that would just slow down someone who's more skilled with a different weapon. But then it occurs to me that Glimmer is probably completely incompetent (District 1 doesn't really seem to have anything that makes it worthy of being a Career district, other than being considered as such), and that makes me laugh, because I already know she's blonde, and it's such a funny stereotype in a life or death situation.
But anyway, the end of the chapter brings the return of Rue! Rue, who I find far more bearable than goddamn Prim despite them being the same age, because Rue actually seems like she's not a complete pushover. What will this new twist bring our heroine? Find out next time!
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Captain Tracy Mombaro and Agent Mirasuke Inhara: Two of the toughest, hottest furrs you'll ever meet.