You have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower. According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in (friendly tip, skip Texas). The study lists the top 10 bad boy names in America as: Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter, which we must point out are not the names of any serial killer or presidential assassin that has ever existed, so we're assuming the research is skewed in a certain direction.
http://www.cracked.com/article/195_7-things-good-parents-do-that-screw-up-kids-life/?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended
No wonder he wants to knock people down.
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"This grass feels funny," Kirby thought. It feels like.... pants