this IMPACT does not have a lumberjack cage match because that is dumb even by my standards
Pre-show: Shango creeps on Speed Muscle (60); Simmons d. Taylor (53); Omega consoles a distraught AMW with vidya gamez (45)
-Match: Edwards squashed Riggs
Rating: 66
-Match: Freebirds d. Faces of Fear
Rating: 67
-Samoans take out the #1 Contenders!
Rating: 56
-US Title: Noir (c) v. KENTA
Kobayashi actually holds his own in this match! We're about to see a major upset when Sabu runs in and whacks him one with the CW Title. :\
Rating: 74
Great chemistry
-AAE, Bubba Ray, and Awesome are laughing at the monitor backstage, and cut a quick promo on how those Japanese midgets are never going to get the US Title, the CW Title, or any other kinda gold, because they're not extreme enough! Tajiri and Michinoku crash the party and take them out.
Rating: 56
-Match: Strike Force v. RnR v. Priceless v. Following
Slater wins the battle of the too-over-for-the-belts tag feuds.
Rating: 78
-THE AGE OF SLATER IS DAWNING ALL HAIL
Rating: 64
-Eddie comes out with MNM. He briefly hypes up his vague "plan" from last week, and mainly builds up the ME, which Colt will lose just like he's gonna lose at Slammiversary.
Rating: 73
-Match: Colt/Abyss/Styles v. Guerrero/MNM
Whatever plan Guerrero has, it doesn't seem to go too well for him. MNM pull some crazy stuff but can't salvage their team, and Colt wins, leaving all three heels down in the ring.
Rating: 83
-Cameras follow Colt all the way out to the parking lot after a big win....where he is hit by a car! :O We don't see the driver and Eddie's got the alibi of being dead but c'mon it's obviously his flunky.
Rating: 71
Post-show: Slaughter d. Daivari (42); Guerrero and Barr "mysteriously" giggle backstage until they notice the camera (72)
Overall: 74 SUCCESS lol angles
Rating: 2.93
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~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq.
(aka not Krakenprophet)