Where are you getting that the author's a woman? He's named Brendan, and he even says "Really, it's the perfect summary of guys like your best male friend, and formerly me."
yeah this was weird to me. Also weird was that admitted to eating cole slaw out of his ex girlfriend's armpit. gross.
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We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Brace for the G's, and fast heel-toe work.