Okay... i guess I should stop being lazy
Entry 1
The most obvious problem is the continuity error with the sun. It's probably the one you mentioned in your earlier post. Next I'd say to avoid redundancy. For example, you already told us he stopped at his apartment, there is no reason to tell us he's no longer moving inhumanly fast. And.. "His speed increased, faster and faster, as seconds..." can be changed/shored to "Time passed at an increasingly accelerated rate" or something similar.
"I smiled. Today was almost perfect. Everything is going according to plan. Now if only it wasn’t a cloudy day." The last sentence seems like a complete mood swap. At first he feels like it's almost the best day ever, then he's complaining.
Now, the narrator keeps talking about his "plans" and how things are important or not important to them. The thing is, I don't know what his plans are. There is an obvious time travel type thing, but it's not even clear how that's really happening either. At times I'm led to believe it's really happening, and sometimes I think it's all in his head because I read it as the narrator being somewhat of a psychopath.
A major issue is your constantly changing tenses. A tip is to use third person (almost every fiction writing instructor I've had has recommended this. TBH I'm not I'm not exactly sure why, but it seems easier to get a good flow and stay within your tense restrictions while using it. If you're wondering why all my entries are in first person, that's because I have a lot of experience with screen writing.)
An issue I personally had was the narrators little "inputs" that were jotted throughout. They just seem tacked on and don't add anything.
This could have been interesting in a Minority Report type way, but nothing is clearly laid out for the reader, I'm not even sure if the narrator is a good or bad guy.
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Chrono1219