Lurker > ShinigamiSoul

It's the guy from the super-long confession again. I just wanted to say thank you to @Anony1125. It's always nerve-wracking sharing my story with new people, even if it is anonymous. Lots of people react badly, and that's completely understandable. But even something as simple as "glad you're finally happy now" really does mean a hell of a lot to me. I've been through a lot, and there were times I wanted to just end it and be done. I'm glad I didn't choose that route, and it is a powerful feeling knowing that despite what I did there are other people who are glad I stuck around too. They're the reason I keep working on myself. So I don't disappoint them and betray the trust they've given me by not turning their backs on me. I just hope I never let them down again.

And to @Ruvan22, there's no way whatever you read was from me. But I know my story isn't exactly unique. At least not entirely. I've heard people on this board talking about very similar situations they've been in (that thankfully didn't lead them to do the same things I did, obviously). There's no single piece of my life that is completely unique to myself. Lots of people have been depressed, been isolated, cut themselves off from the world, didn't have many friends, screwed up with girls, wondered where they went wrong, blamed the wrong things for their lot in life, etc. But I've never shared MY story online like this before. And if you thought it was long, you should see the version I wrote for the therapy program... >_<
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@deanshow posted...

You're probably gonna get warned for that delete it asap

Fine...

Although you quoted me, so...you should too.
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Continued

I became somewhat of a hero that weekend. The girls comforted me, showered me with attention and relationship advice, and warned me to watch out for those bed wetting skanks. Apparently, they're riddled with STDs. The Division 1 baseball players across the hall hailed my exploits and told me it was all good because at the very least, I got some (I didn't). One quirky guy told me that golden showers were "hot" while the rest of the group nodded their heads in agreement spurred on through herd mentality. In other news, one of my dorm neighbors/new friend I made that week (my best friend to this day) stole a big roll of towel paper from the bathroom, wrapped himself in it like a mummy, and passed out. He woke up and was certain that his new roommates had wronged him while he was in a vulnerable state. To this day he still holds it against them. I digress... What began as a simple ruse I fabricated to escape embarrassment quickly turned into a delusion I buried myself in to escape the truth. It wasn't until a week later that I fully realized and accepted what I had done. In my first weekend of college, I had drank so much alcohol that it caused me to wet myself like a helpless 4 year-old child, while I was in the warm embrace of a beautiful woman. I wanted to cease to exist.

It's been a little over 10 years since that incident. On nights like these, while sipping my protein shake, I sometimes look back on that weekend at Unit 3 Norton and think what if? What if I never got stupid drunk and peed myself? What if I chased after her into that elevator and followed her into the abyss to liberate the truth? Or hell, what if I never lied in the first place. My thoughts shift to my fleeting mistress... the shame and humiliation she must have felt... I mean how do you even get that off your chest? "Mom! My first week of college was terrible! I drunkenly peed a guy's bed!" To this day that moment must still be buried in the depth's of her soul... eating away at her until there's nothing left. What the fuck have I done. My thoughts then shift to myself. The humiliation I would have felt if I told the truth. I would have been the laughingstock of the floor. No girl would ever dare cohabitate a bed with me again. I probably wouldn't have even graduated from college. I had to do it...it was self preservation. A mother deer abandoning its fawn to escape a predator, a climber shaking off his buddy into a ravine as he clings to a cliff for dear life, a high school freshman stealing an inhaler to claim he has asthma before he's stuffed head first into a trash can... you get my point. In my head I see those piercing blue eyes again. I'll never forget them. I still wonder if they're as piercing as ever since that incident. I drift in and out of sleep. I toss and turn in bed. I'm a tormented man. In my mind I am at a crossroads. I struggle with my feelings... my morality... right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, gamefaqs vs reddit, do I bench again and skip leg day...is my FRS actually slow?! It's a constant battle that I carry with me for the rest of my life. On some days I feel that I've single handedly ruined a young, innocent girl's life. On other days I feel like I'm just a sly dog.

End
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There's something I need to get off my chest. During the first weekend of my freshman year in college, I brought home a very drunk, but attractive girl whom I had met at a frat party. We continued to drink in my dorm to the point where we both became so intoxicated that we passed out on my cramped single bed. Being an inexperienced lightweight, I bit off more than I could chew and wet the bed in my drunken stupor with my new lady friend snuggled up into my arms. I awoke with a sense of dread and a moist feeling in an area that shouldn't have been so. As fate would have it, I had risen before she did. I deftly changed my attire, poured beer over her (very short) shorts, roused her, and then proceeded to calmly inform her that she PISSED MY BED MAN! WHAT THE HELL?! To make my ruse more convincing, I started to get really animated and continued to scream obscenities. She stormed out of my room with tears in her eyes, making the walk of shame down my dorm hall, all the while I was going on a tirade about my urine stained sheets. My fellow residents began sticking their heads out from their doors to witness the ordeal and were not so quietly making comments such as, "Omg she peed herself drunk. What a SLUT(I still don't understand how bed wetting indicates a person's sexual promiscuity)!" As she frantically summons the elevator to whisk her away from this unfathomable situation, she turns to face her accuser. I take one last look at her starting with her pristine chuck taylors, her slender legs, glistening in the Corona Extra I just had poured on her which dripped from her fashionably ripped denim shorts. Her somewhat bulky Cal hoodie snuggly wrapped itself around her like a mother shielding its child from the cruel and unmerciful world that is college. I then moved on to her pouty lips, her perfect and possibly surgically modified nose, and that's when I saw them. Those piercing blue eyes. At that moment she vanished into the elevator and was transported down into the abyss. I never saw her again...

To Be Continued
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deanshow posted...

How bad were the Harpie fathers confession ones TC? I remember reading them and wondering why the fuck someone would take the time to write that

They'd probably get me warned
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In 7th or 8th grade, I had a friend sleep over. I woke up in the middle of the night with him sliding down my shorts and underwear with his erect penis out. I asked what he was doing and he started crying and begged me to never tell anyone. He is currently married with 2 kids.
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I poop every morning before I shower. I don't wipe before getting in the shower to save toilet paper. I just wash my ass with shower water. No need to stomp it down the drain or anything.

This is gross and you should wipe dat ass
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Sayoria and I have been dating for years and became engaged in the fall, we plan to wed in the summer probably on the beach.

Congrats @Sayoria
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i liek chocolate milk

I like cereal
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Indian men are the new bulls, DrunkMuggle showed me this

Hmm... @drunkmuggle
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I want to eat ShinigamiSoul's booty like groceries while he sings me Danny boy in a thick Russian accent


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This is Cornman and sometimes I like to wear a pink dress, look in the mirror and sing "Im a pretty corn~, Im a pretty corn~"
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I used to weigh 450 pounds. Now I weigh 330. Still fat but I look somewhat human now. I think I was trying to eat myself to death.
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Actual list of sexy CEmen:
Hairy-man
Carlbertomfg
Gavi
The Admiral
Edededdy
SBallen
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ZombiePelican needs to get a fucking life and stop trolling on CE. Get a girl and/or job. Also delete your account.

Oh snap! @ZombiePelican
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I like to pee on myself and smell my own juicy farts


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The Admiral posted...

You guys must be dislocating your shoulders reaching so hard. Must be terrible for you that people didn't take the bait so you could cry racism, but having to fabricate reality doesn't make you look especially good.

Lol, pretending to be sympathetic doesn't make you look especially good. Nice try, though.
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HeyPuff posted...

The Admiral posted...

Samurontai posted...

The Admiral posted...

HeyPuff posted...

The Admiral posted...

Terrible. Hope DaShawn recovers and the thug who did this spends the rest of his life in jail.

Lmao

What?

You're parodying yourself

It's kinda funny tbh

Uh, no, I'm not, but whatever helps you feel better.

When have you ever address the victim by name lol

That's how you know Admiral's post wasn't genuine.
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Will post more after work
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I sometimes share a bed with my sister. It's nothing sexual it is just sleeping and being comfortable.

Kinda weird if you're a dude
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I like Persona games for the social sim aspects. I don't really care about the "self insert anime protagonist" parts I just like it because it reminds me what having friends and being happy felt like

Get out there and make you some new friends man
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Swiggity Swooty I'm Coming for That Cornman Booty

Now show me your elotes.


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I [redacted] my gherkin thinking about my lord and savior Macho Man Randy Savage
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I am the superior CEmen. In every way.
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I like transgirls
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u r a nerd
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Got diagnosed with a chronic disease. I'm becoming nothing, but a burden for my family and worthless at my workplace. I just want [redacted]

:(
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I wonder who's writing all these flaming "confessions"
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Could be one of them new mods.
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Scotty_Rogers posted...

It's pretty fucking disturbing tbh

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Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Howard Stern's penis! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!

I want Cornman's creamed corn inside of me


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Let's see that belly TC
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I only come here with my main to run my gimmicks. The other times you see me I am at work on my mobile alt. I am pretty good at avoiding moderation too. Despite participating in political topics and various drama here, I have yet to get modded and I post quite a bit with AMP levels higher than most users here.

Who dis?
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Multiple people on CE have seen me naked.
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Some of you guys are cool. Dont post here in about two months if you like having control of your accounts.
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Brutal is actually a creep. And this is coming from a cegal.

Which CEgal, I wonder?
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I was with the hottest chick at my work. Loved every minute with her. Unfortunately, we were both addicted to pain pills and I was an alcoholic on top of it. Relationship was great, but i decided to go to rehab to better myself. She sent letters, called me, came to see me. When I was done with the program, I found out she was back with her ex.... now Im back to drinking to just blur out some memories of her. It helps, but I still think about her all the time.
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JMO once offered to suck my Johnson if I backed him up in an argument on ce.
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Merlyn Wood from Brockhampton is one of the most attractive dudes Ive ever seen in my life. He has the facial structure of a super model. Im not gay, but he's *nice.*
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Ive [self service of oral nature] multiple times and enjoyed it because it felt like giving [redacted] to another guy
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In college I got drunk and pooped in a housemates shoes. I blamed it on another housemates 15 pound terrier. The poop was almost as big as the dog. They were nikes.

I hope you at least wiped your ass afterwards.
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I love LOVE moist towelettes!
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See you in the warned/ suspended general?

Bruh, I got dis
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My first gf and I were virgins when we started dating. She was deathly afraid of getting pregnant. She wasn't on birth control yet and she didn't trust condoms. So we did oral and anal for like 2 years. As a result Ive never really been that into intercourse. I have an oral fixation that makes sex either amazing (with the right chick) or awful because Im not enjoying it like a "normal" person might. Ive been really lucky though and had lots of my partners loving to get and give head.
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On very rare occasions Ill have an extremely strong episode of gender dysphoria. I don't feel anything of the sort 99% of the time, but when it does happen, its impossible to just brush off as some random thing - its like my entire being is screaming it as loud as it can.
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On certain kinds of websites I go by the name badboy3892.
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Liking loli doesn't make you a pedophile.
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This is Cornman and I have dreams about rubbing butter all over myself


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Hairy-man posted...

I want to know who is ugly!

People who've never even posted pics.
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V-E-G-Y- posted...

Again, fuck off with dis redacted shit. Don't even post dose lmao fail

Gotta keep it PG for KindergartenFAQs
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"I am a psychic. I predict that TC will end up being Warned."

Nah
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"I was in my mid 30s before I ever asked a girl out. I lost my virginity on my first date ever to the first girl I ever asked out. She gave a toothy blowjob but everything else was good. I wish I knew it was this easy when I was younger."
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List of sexy CEmen:
Neobowser
Gamer
Gavi
Megatech
Kogasteelfang
Hairyman
Hoth

Ugly CEmen:
[redacted]
[redacted]
[redacted]
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"I want to stick [redacted] Vyrulisses [redacted]."
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"Im outside CrimsonRage's bedroom window right now waiting for him to fall asleep."

You still alive @CrimsonRage ?
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"I have deeded in 28 national parks, 4 national monuments and 1 state capital."

Impressive
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Hey Im goatthief. I said I left but I didn't. Keeping spreadsheets of JMO and Kaname Madoka specifically tonight. They won't ever feel safe on gamefaqs again."

Oh goatthief, haha...
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"Sometimes I record myself [redacted] then [redacted] to that video later"
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"Im incredibly depressed"
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"I exist and I find it nauseating"
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"Sayoria is a [redacted]. Truly [redacted]. Leana must be [redacted] to go back to her [redacted]. [redacted sentence]. Then again, she is/was estranged from her [redacted]"

Oh dear...
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"I will be gone before i turn 30, fuck everything"
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"I hooked up with a girl on Craigslist because we both had herpes. My foreman lent me his [redacted] just in case it was a robbery because it was in a rough area."
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"Im secretly a cornwoman tbh"

<_<
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"I just want to be loved. I have a lot of love to give, but its never enough."
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"Hey this is Harpie's father again. Ive been [redacted paragraph]"


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Continued

"I know this is already ridiculously long...sorry. I just wanted to let everyone reading know that I have graduated from the court-ordered therapy program for my offense. I've finished with the individual therapy sessions, as I've got my depression under control and I have the tools now to deal with it when it starts creeping back in. But the program also has a group therapy aspect. I don't have to go anymore. But I do. I feel it's my responsibility to the people who helped me and to the victims I created with my actions. It reminds me where I used to be, and how far I've come. And it's an opportunity for me to give back, in some small way. I may not have [redacted] myself, but by creating a demand for it I caused the next [redacted]. And if my experience can help someone else, or my progress can help inspire another offender to follow in my footsteps and change who they are a prevent them from creating even more victims, then I feel I am obligated to be there. And to everybody reading this, just know that no matter what you're going through there is always someone out there who has been through worse. And they've made it through to the other side. Follow them, and you can too. It takes strength to ask for help. So be strong."

End
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Continued

"After college, I moved back home and basically shut down. I couldn't find a job right away, and after about 2 months I had completely stopped even searching. I spent all my time in my room on the internet or gaming. There were times I would go for 2 weeks or more and the only times I'd step outside the front door was to smoke a cigarette or to get more cigarettes. I spent most of my time thinking about where my life went wrong and what happened to me to make me so miserable. I locked onto 2 things: then when and the why. The last time I felt like I'd been properly content, if not actually happy, was when I was about 10-12 years old, at the end of elementary school. I was athletic and played sports, I was doing great in school, and I was actually very popular with practically every single person in the school knowing who I was. Then puberty hit, and my brain chemistry decided it didn't want to be normal, and that's when the depression kicked in and I started shutting down. But for some reason I still didn't blame the depression. I thought it was a symptom, not a cause. And I got stuck on the idea that if I'd had more experience when I was younger I might have had the confidence to give it a try with the girl I loved in college. Eventually, I stumbled across [redacted] and saw [redacted] for the first time. Something clicked then. It was a combination of the two things that I had fixated on for ages. The lack of sexual experience combined with the age when I last felt normal. I started imagining what it would have been like to explore my sexuality [redacted], like most of my friends had. Viewing those images, I wasn't an adult fantasizing about [redacted]. I was a child exploring with a peer. I was trying to fabricate "memories" and experiences in the hopes that maybe next time I met a girl my own age that I was interested in they would give me the confidence to approach her.

I say getting caught was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it's true. Not because I got punished. I was given an extremely lenient sentence (just 5 years probation, some small fines, and a fair amount of community service, all of which I have since completed). No, the reason it was so good was because it finally forced me to get help. I was nearly 25 years old, struggled with depression my entire life, and STILL had not been officially diagnosed with it. Getting into therapy and getting that depression under control has helped me completely turn my life around. I can actually feel emotions, I can empathize with the people around me, I no longer feel exhausted after simply holding a 10 minute conversation with a stranger, my self-confidence is through the roof, I've got a full-time job, and I'm actually LIVING my life for the first time ever. I hit rock bottom. I thought I was going to be spending years in prison. I thought my friends and family were going to abandon me. And instead, I learned from it, I got a little lucky, and it turns out the very few friends I'd made had at least been chosen very wisely. And that girl? The love of my life? Not only had she stuck by me and supported me through everything, but she even wrote a letter to the judge and begged him to be lenient with my sentencing after I'd plead guilty. I still cry every time I read that letter, imagining how hard it had to be for her to say some of those things despite how I had betrayed her trust. And I firmly believe she is the reason the judge gave me probation. And a second chance..."

To Be Continued
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"I'm a convicted [redacted] and registered [redacted]. I was convicted on 2 counts of "attempted pandering of sexually oriented material involving [redacted]" and 1 count of "possession of criminal tools." In real words, I was downloading [redacted]. And now, about 7 years later, I believe it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Most people just automatically assume that if you look at [redacted], it's because you're a [redacted]. But I can honestly tell you that I am not sexually attracted to [redacted]. No [redacted] has ever been in danger when around me. I do not walk down the street, see a [redacted] in a short skirt, and think "damn she's sexy." My offense was not because of a desire to be [redacted]. It goes much deeper than that.

I've been extremely depressed for basically my entire life. This depression led to me pretty much shutting myself off and isolating from the world at a very young age. I had very few friends throughout middle/high school and rarely left the house to do anything. It got a little better senior year, when I starting hanging out with a small group that was as into video games as I was. But it was pretty limited. When I went to college I opened up a bit more and made a decent number of friends. I started smoking [redacted], and I think that marginally helped with my depression (still, at this point, undiagnosed and untreated). But I was still a pretty quiet guy and wasn't fond of going to parties. I met an incredible girl sophomore year and absolutely fell in love with her. It was the first time I'd ever experienced something I could call an actual emotion. Up until that point it had only been vague ideas of "this is generally considered to be a happy event, so I should smile" or "this is a moment where most people would be sad, so I guess I'll act sad so people don't think I'm weird for not caring." And yes, I actually did have to PRETEND to be sad at my own grandpa's funeral. Not because he wasn't a great person, or because I didn't miss him, but because I genuinely could not FEEL anything at all. I was like a robot going through the motions and cheaply imitating humanity...until I met her.

It was great for a time. We hung out literally every single day. She would come over to my place immediately after our classes and we'd spend the rest of the day smoking, watching TV, playing video games, and just generally enjoying each others' company. I'd never connected so completely with another person before. And I knew she felt the same way about me. But in the end, the depression was too much. I had convinced myself that if we were a couple there were only two possible outcomes. Either she would lift me up out of my misery, or I would drag her down into it. I didn't believe it was possible for me to be happy, so I was certain that I would just make her miserable too. And she deserved better than that..."

To Be Continued
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"Crippling mental illness took over my life around the age of 18. Any romantic relationship I began was doomed from the beginning and didn't last long. I was withdrawn from my family and friends. Keeping a job was impossible. When I turned 30 I realized time was running out to get what I wanted out of life, and feelings of hopelessness became overwhelming leading to intense [redacted] feelings. It was unbearable so I went to the ER after a few days where they gave me antipsychotics to calm my brain down. My [redacted] thoughts became more bearable and after a few months of therapy and being medicated I accepted that my mental illness was under control and I didn't feel so hopeless. Now my relationship with my mom is great and I'm connected with my friends again. I can finally work and love like a normal person. My life was hard but I gained wisdom, compassion, and the ability to deeply appreciate things big and small. All I want is to settle down and start a family. Meeting the right woman is hard but I think I'll get there."
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Some short confessions for now:

"Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?"
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"Im a bad person. A horny person"
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"i dont think ill ever be good enough and i dont know if continuing to try is worth it."

No use in giving up now, though
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"these topics are cursed the person who posts the confessions always ends up tasting the stench of mod [redacted]"

I'll be a'ight cuz
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"I always give Harpie shit because I don't want anyone to know I think about her constantly and daydream about holding her and making her happy. I'll probably keep doing it because if the truth ever got out I'd be so ashamed I'd probably leave CE forever."

Hmm... @Harpie
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Will post more after work.
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Spiritual, not magical.
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Very funny
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Pics of you?
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"the power of christ compells you to respond to these"

<_< @DocileOrangeCup
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"I was molested by my female cousin when I was 8 and she was 15. I had just been through a massive ordeal of my toddler sister and myself having been molested by my father. My aunt, the mother of my victimizer, was my mom's rock through all of that and likely kept her out of jail or the nuthouse.

A *lot* of blame, shame, guilt, and general unpleasantness was thrown my way - by my mom, my dad's family, investigators, attorneys, and more - during a three year period of dealing with my father. I was a boy, I was supposed to protect my little sister. I didn't speak up soon enough. I didn't do enough to keep her safe. From the time I revealed what happened to my father's conviction, I felt as vilified as he was.

So, I just kept my mouth shut about my cousin. I didn't want to hurt my mom more than she already had been. I didn't want to hurt my aunt. I didn't want to risk being shamed again. I realized way later in life that my cousin, with whom I had been very close, used that to her advantage to molest me.

I carried this burden for years and finally came to a good place with my inaction... until earlier this week when my cousin was arrested for allegedly molesting her two children. No one in the family believes the allegations because she's got such a squeaky clean reputation and is by most accounts a good person. Her husband, the accuser, on the other hand is not. He's an alcoholic and a deadbeat who she had decided to divorce. This was his revenge, his way of getting even for her leaving him. It wasn't true, it didn't happen, she would never do that.

I know otherwise, of course. Now, after nearly 20 years of beating myself up over this, on top of the guilt I dealt with due to my father and how everyone handled that, I have to deal with the bonus shame of pondering the possibility that her kids would not have been molested had I spoken up.

Despite that, Im still not going to say anything. I hope to God that it's somehow not true or that if it is, she's brought to justice but I can't let this out to them. I can live with beating myself up over this but I don't know what I'll be capable of should I have to deal with what everyone else would undoubtedly have to say to me were my story revealed now."

Damn...I hope everything works out for you and your family.
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DocileOrangeCup posted...

you arent gonna respond to them?

If I'm compelled to do so, sure
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"To be honest, I may consider [redacted] as an option if I lose my [redacted]. My love is the only anchor to this [redacted]"
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"I made a fake account pretending to be myself just so I could spam raccoon cheese grater [redacted]. Once I was done I deleted all of the posts and banned the account. I still chuckle thinking about it."
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GODTIER posted...

Depends

Are u sending dick pics or nah

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"My anxiety is so bad that I sometimes think my dog secretly dislikes me"
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"im planning on moving in with someone on ce"
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Submit your confessions here:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfO24p7-Qy0vcSd8xAufWFiv-YJ88zgqTRsp75x7LftYjbo1w/viewform

I'll post them ITT
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Millennials posted...

I shit 1-3 times a day and they're almost always quick and clean, even when I eat a lot and shit out a mountain. I get pp's several times a week.

Eww
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Did it come out fairly easy?
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PiOverlord posted...

omega cookie posted...

I used to relevant

Oh dang it. Whatever, the topic title being a mistake is just a reflection of my life.

You're like 18. Chill out.
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frozenshock posted...

Those are probably the last pictures of those men alive

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They good for humpin
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Ultima Dragon posted...

Get ready to bleed like a motherfucker and then be chastised for it, lol.

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Nice glasses
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We don't wanna hear about your lube production Kineth
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