Lurker > HotLap

I used to live in a town in MA a couple streets over from a buddy of mine. One weekend (pre-COVID) I suggested we shoot hoops at a court down the street from us, but he said it might not be available due to a pickleball league. I legit thought he was joking until I walked down there and saw dozens of old people in visors paddling wiffle balls around the court. There was a sporting goods store in town that specifically advertised that they carried pickleball supplies. It was a weird town.

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I just started playing a few days ago. No game has made me so misanthropic so quickly.

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Alec needs a horny bonk.

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Dnd Jn Rum

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She's ready.

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teepan95 posted...

I'd laugh if I weren't crying

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Its fine.

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I feel so uneasy.

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I wanted a blue wave, but fuck me I guess because instead I GOT A RASH ON MY PENIS AND TESTACLES.

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Bump. Should be in a decent state of mind to write something dystopian after tonight.

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Room for three, BKLLBF.

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Thanks dude. For the nice words and for calling me hot.

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Probably will be around tonight if theres a game.

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t

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thronedfire2 posted...

Massachusetts

it was just like 60 last week now its 36

Sunday is supposed to be high 50s and rainy so Im not even going to bother shoveling.

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Tiger King honestly feels like three years ago.

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fuck you vegy

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UNRELlABLE NARRATOR

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This shit is actually accumulating what the fuck

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eston posted...

Why is this dude getting so defensive lol

I think thats his thing? I dunno lol

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Next update will have a vote, I swear.

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Definitely a guilty pleasure for me as well. When The Normies are reacting to a show I love, Ill usually join their Patreon. Might do the same for Blind Wave now that Ricks going through Lost. I usually like group reactions since theres more discussion, but Jimmy Macram is a really good solo reactor.

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Your breath quickens as you walk further away from the safety youve enjoyed for years. Lennox called life outside these walls hell. Youre having trouble knowing what to expect. It cant be that bad, if most of the population lives there, right? Then again, it was apparently bad enough that your father and his friends built walls to separate themselves from it. As you reach the end of the road, you stare up at the fifteen foot steel wall and wonder why it only now strikes you as excessive.
Lennox notices youve stopped and gazes skyward with you. Are you sure?
No. You give another tug on the drawstrings of the hoodie and sharply exhale through your nose. You wordlessly stride forward toward the turnstile in the wall.
A security officer calls out to the two of you from his booth, Dont try to come back without your ID on you and an email confirming you are permitted to be here. Something we can validate, PLEASE, he sounds exasperated. Im tired of these fucking people coming up to the wall saying theyre here to give flowers to Miss Weiner with a hard dick in their pants. Miss Weiner dont want those flowers. Jesus.

The prospect of dozens of people coming to the wall to offer themselves to you doesnt exactly make you excited about stepping into their domain, but you cross the turnstile anyways. The first thing you noticed was the smell. The lavender-scented air that overpowered your nostrils almost to the point of sneezing now seems justified. Musty sweat. Expired seed. A whiff of poop. The smell. Dear God, the smell. Thankfully, the smell was the worst part.
Based on the descriptions Lennox provided, you thought youd see something horrifying. Something disgusting. Maybe primal and barbaric. But what you saw was just a little sad. Every building seemed to be in disarray. Not collapsed or abandoned, just ignored. Any routine maintenance that should have been done over the last seven years has simply fallen by the wayside. Who wants to be horny on a ladder? Nobody. So the paint stays chipped.

New York wasnt the friendliest place before, but you cant spot anyone who isnt looking directly at the ground. A man in a cotton grey jacket passes you holding a pharmacy bag. Hes got a full-on erection in his jeans. He stops briefly to swiftly reach down and tug his erection into his waistband. He glances over at you out of the corner of his eye as he sees you staring. He grunts unhappily and shuffles off. Hes so torqued he can barely think straight, but someone he loves probably needs those pills. A woman in a tan overcoat and a red ski cap passes the freshly tucked pedestrian. Shes been staring at her feet with each step, but her focus fades as she turns and peeks at the mans behind. She suddenly shakes herself back into concentration and checks the time on her phone. As she moves past you, the two of you make eye contact. Her green eyes scream, Fuck it, Im going for it, as she bites her lower lip. Once again, she seems to come back to attention. Shes not walking through New York City to get nasty with you on a sidewalk. Her shift starts in ten minutes and shes still four blocks away. Everyone is horny all the time, but horny dont pay the bills for them. You cant imagine what it would feel like to have to suppress those urges nearly every waking moment. Not only that, but knowing that everyone else feels the same way and yet no one is acting on it. Its both admirable and a little depressing. Youre not sure if-

Lennox that man at the bus stop is masturbating, you whisper as you try to subtly point at him. Sitting on a bench is an older man, probably about seventy five years old, tugging on himself in his sweatpants. The people of New York dont seem to be paying him any mind. Theyre not even making an effort to avoid him, just walking by as if he were just another person waiting for the bus. A college student holding a gym bag stops in front of him and asks, Hey, how long til the next bus comes along?
Dont dont talk to me right now, the old man pleads.

You hold your hand out at the spectacle in disbelief. Does no one give a shit about this?
What? Lennox asks.
That old man is jacking off on that bench over there!
You really havent been outside those walls in a long time, huh?
What? So this is allowed?
Public sex and masturbation, yeah. I mean the government kind of had to change the laws, no? Itd be like if dancing was illegal but then the government played Kraftwerk over a loudspeaker for the whole country.
This is a revelation.
At least hes doing it under the covers. Were all going through it, weve all given in at some point. Im not going to judge him for it. At least hes not making us watch. Hell, its destigmatized to the point that anything other than taking your pants all the way off is almost considered polite.
Its a CRIME! You dont care that the government are the ones who put the horny pills in the water supply. You dont see yourself ever being on board with whats happening at the bus stop. They might need to add a few more feet to that fucking steel wall.

Kraftwerks 1974 hit Autobahn serenades the block as Lennox steps away and answers his cell phone. Hallo?
A man wearing a zip-up raincoat over a pair of blue scrubs stops next to you. Was that Kraftwerk?
You nod gently. I think so.
God, I dont hear them too often anymore.
Me neither.
They remastered a lot of their albums in 2009, they sound fantastic. I have The Man-Machine on vinyl.
Um thats great.
Yeah, it is. It is. Fun fact, I lost my anal virginity to Radioactivity a few years back.
Voice dripping with disdain, you reply, Okay, you can keep fucking walking, sir.
The apparent medical professional looks slightly hurt and deeply perplexed as he retreats.

You can hear Lennox frantically asking questions to whoever hes talking to. You did it tonight?... We werent- Where did you-... our apartment?! Why? Thats the last place you should have gone! Okay Okay! Stay put. Im on my way. He hangs up the phone.
Everything alright? you ask curiously.
I think so? Yeah. Maybe. But potentially no. Probably, no, in fact.

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This is a documentary of his actual life. Im sure hed like to be having sex with Bugs Bunny and Peter Griffin too, but thats not whats happening to him.


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littlebro07 posted...

Hunter Biden poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!

He did?!

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Can write more tomorrow for sure.

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WafflehouseJK posted...

Oh fuck, how did I miss that a new AssMuff CYOA was happening?

Tag

Youve entered on the heels of a two week absence resulting in half an update, the perfect time.

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I am 8 years old and cant vote.

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Couldn't finish what I wanted tonight, but wanted to at least post something since it's been too long.
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B) Take his hand and follow.

You reluctantly take Lennoxs hand. Its still greasy from the currywurst.
Lennox wraps his thumb around the back of your hand, almost as if he didnt expect this result and hes making sure your hand is real. Well alright then, he smiles in spite of himself.
Normally his incredulity would be a little off-putting, but you didnt expect this result when you walked over here either. You came over for sex. Also a bite of pork, but mainly the sex. You cant say with any certainty that sex is definitely off the table, but it seems like the night is evolving beyond that.

You take your hand back and nod at the fresh saisons the waiter left. Its a cold night. Better down another glass of liquid warmth before we go. You grab the glass in front of you which promptly slips out of your hand and smashes on the floor. Saison and broken glass everywhere. The bartender motions for the waiter to take care of the mess. You feel no guilt knowing hes the one who has to clean up this mess.
Mmm. Always use the non-greased hand, Lennox ribs you. You can have half of mine.
You happily accept the drink with your left hand and swiftly down half of it in a couple swallows before handing it back.
Lennox looks impressed. Are you allowed to chug saison on Fifth Avenue?
You wipe your mouth with the sleeve of your sweater. Doesnt matter. Were not going to be on Fifth Avenue for much longer.
Lennox follows suit and finishes the rest of Burlington, Vermonts fourth driest saison. You both rise from the table and pass the forlorn waiter holding a mop and broom.

You throw open the door and find yourself on the twenty-eighth floor of a Fifth Avenue skyscraper. You take a moment to readjust to your surroundings. The exposed brick is designed to make you feel like youre in a basement club and usually you see right through it. After four and a half saisons, however, the glass windows looking twenty eight floors down left you slightly disoriented.
Lennox puts his hand on your elbow to stabilize you. You alright?
Yeah. Yeah, Im fine.
Lennox looks down at the city. Hey I know I asked you this during my rant earlier and I never gave you the chance to answer, but when is last time youve been off Fifth Avenue?
Years. Its been years. I uh I cant
Its fine, Lennox sees your wheels spinning. You dont have to answer. What Im trying to get at is youre, yknow, famous. Youd likely get recognized out there in a turtleneck. And if you havent been off this street in well just call it a while - it might be better to float under the radar.
You nod, but dont entirely understand. I didnt bring a change of clothes with me.
Im staying in this building. I can get you a hoodie, he offers.
Okay. Where are you staying?
My rooms on the second floor.
Oh they put you in the basement? you ask without thinking.
Hes confused. ...No, Im on the second floor. I can grab it and meet you on the street?
Sure. The street.

You ride the elevator down and part ways as Lennox gets out to retrieve his sweatshirt. You let out a deep breath as the doors close behind him. Guilt briefly clouds your mind when the elevator dings and you step onto the ground floor.
The doorman eyes you suspiciously, but quickly remembers to smile. Hello, Miss Weiner. Are you going outside? You can tell he was trying to find a way to phrase that more delicately.
Yes, its been a while since Ive actually walked across the street. The actual street.
You and Lennox have different definitions of what the street means. For Lennox its the roads he drives on every day, the sidewalks and the poor horny souls walking on them. For you, the streets are the roofed bridges built across Fifth Avenue three stories up. You dont live in the same building as the speakeasy, so to go home youd need to cross the street. Anything below the third floor is the basement. Where they put the people who entertain you. Who brew you beer. The people who get horny to survive, not the ones who have the luxury of feeling it organically. You cross the threshold of the entrance and inhale your first natural whiff of the city in ages. Lavender. Lilac. Is that petunias you smell? Its been so long that you forgot about the Fifth Avenue air fresheners constantly showering the area. You don't remember it being this strong. Its like someone took a shit in a bathroom, then sprayed an entire can of Febreeze to hide the wreckage. Except the bathroom is the entire country. And the shit is cum.

Lennox emerges after a couple minutes and hands you a black sweatshirt. You hastily shove your arms into the sleeves and throw the hood over your head. It doesnt smell dirty, but it doesnt smell clean either. Its as if the hoodie came straight out at the dryer without a dryer sheet after being washed without detergent. Are you ready?
You pull the drawstrings tight and shrink the amount of fame youll allow the rest of New York to see. Yep.

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Cumin.

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.

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Trying to build my first PC tonight and I'm about five minutes away from loading all the parts into my car, driving to an empty parking lot, and destroying everything on the pavement.

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$5,000 to get fired from my job doesnt sound great.

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I have the rest of the week off from work, Ill try again tomorrow :(

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https://mobile.twitter.com/theJagmeetSingh/status/1319057262149881856?s=19

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troll_swag posted...

I liked his play tbh. He was one of the few that wasnt scared of actually playing in the beginning. Most of them were acting like they were afraid to vote/take out AOC or Ilhan.

Sidenote: Ilhans daughter was actually pretty good and outplayed Toast one round lol

Yeah he was doing the heavy lifting of powering through the awkwardness of the early games by taking it more seriously and I think a more natural rapport developed because of it.

Also Toast intentionally gave himself hard mode there lol. You could pinpoint the exact moment in that game where the light clicks on in his head. He could have had an easy win, but instead got his partner thrown out and I realized his ultimate goal was trying to get mother and daughter to vote each other out.

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They're definitely not going all out, but their games are always pretty light-hearted anyways. Although it's obvious Toast is gunning for a youtube video this round.

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Toast manufacturing the game to try to put Ilhan and her daughter against each other is hysterical.

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Lol Critikal got kicked out for Ilhan's daughter.

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Choco posted...

her name kind of annoys me it's so overkill

Not sure that one's her fault.

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I don't know who Hasan is but being the only person left alive besides Ilhan and AOC and trying figure out which U.S. Congresswoman is a murderer sounds like an absolute nightmare.

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I was just thinking how fucking insane it is that Critikal of all people is playing a game live on Twitch with two U.S. Congress members.

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"You guys should be glad 200,000 Americans died, now I have to visit whoever's left."

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Bump for tonight (hopefully)

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Show me. Show me what youve done.

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