Lurker > EclairReturns

That reminds me of that song from that cartoon where the delivery guy, his great-grand-nephew, and a robot travel forward through time.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

wolfy42 posted...

I must have these answers.

What the hell...?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

WastelandCowboy posted...

Cloud Strife

Well, I'm pretty sure he had a phone in the original FFVII. I think he actually had one in the movie with the advent children. Chances are pretty high he'll have one in the remake.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

EclairReturns posted...

Sunday

Crap, I forgot yesterday was Saturday. <<
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Sarcasthma posted...

raise your hands up in the air to summon all the blades in the universe to create a single, giant blade

You mean like Kakarot in that cartoon with the orange globes and the aliens.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

That depends. If I were the top scientist in my field, would that mean that everyone in my field who is smarter than me dies, or does that mean I gain intelligence to surpass theirs?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

MrMelodramatic posted...

public transport

Yes.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I mostly just cut down on explaining the math problem I had trouble with, which incidentally, initially made up more than three-hundred characters of my post. <<';
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

spikethedevil posted...

wall of text

I have like ten characters left. But I'll see how much material I can remove in order to add paragraphs (which require twelve characters max). Okay, it should be readable now, I think.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I spent the morning trying over again how to prove that the dimensions of the two vector spaces whose elements are the two arguments of a bilinear form are equal if the two radicals of a bilinear form both consist of only the zero vectors of their respective vector spaces in the form. I also spent that morning trying to fix up my resume which doesn't look all that impressive, in my opinion. Then I started having doubts about who in their right mind would hire someone without much experience, volunteer work, recognitions, or worthy internships that might be indicative of what sort of career I might pursue after graduation. But then I realized that since I can start applying for days off work to interview and the like, that I now have the opportunity to test my luck. I also realized that I don't exactly have the right to complain about my resume being dung until I get a reasonable amount of rejections that imply so. Anyway, I fixed up my resume very slightly, found a job advertisement that might fit into my particular lack of skills. But then I wondered if relocating for work would be all that great an idea. I have at least two crippling disadvantages that would repulse any people who might go through the trouble of seeking me out across the ocean to hire me in their state. First, I have a mental illness that is still in the process of being resolved, and which sometimes interferes with my ability to work properly. I just found a good pschologist I feel I can actually talk to, so to abandon my attempts at being healthy again in lieu of getting out to some distant city with no help and no family to support me would be a poor decision to make, I should think. Second, I cannot drive and thus have no reliable means of transportation, which I feel would be a major factor in being passed over. I was planning on discussing my worries with my psychologist this Thursday, and with my psychiatrist the following Thursday. Overall, it just seems absurd and not a very good and well thought-out idea. At the same time, I am beginning to dislike my current environment, which contributes somewhat to my distress. In any case, this problem of bilinear forms was in my mind for nearly the entire day until I walked back home from where I went at nearly twelve in the PM. In the past few weeks, I had made it a habit to go to my old campus, and find a quiet, secluded spot near the math building to just think, relax, and be away from my troubles and worries. But today, since everyone moved back to their campus dorms this week, there were a lot more people around than in the past few weeks. Today, I just wanted to be alone and didn't really want to talk to or be near anyone due to being nervous and anxious whenever I do so--today, at least. In short, the campus was not as bereft of students or teachers as I would have liked, so I could not have my quiet place to "escape", for the lack of a better word. Additionally, I had forgotten one of my pills at home; the sort of pills that prevent total recall of certain repressed events that cause me great anxiety to relive. So it was then, upon realizing this, that sitting around at campus because I had nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon was not going to be worth it. So I went to the bus stop, got on, and got off the bus. And, since I did not have the sense to bring my medication, I started to relive this embarrassing string of moments during my last semester that highlight my immaturity and made me remember my embarrassment during those moments. I likely still lack this maturity I envy in others. Anyway, I went home and finally figured out that answer to that fact about bilinear forms and the dimensions of the vector spaces whose elements it maps to a field. It was four in the PM when I had arrived home. My mother told me to print out paychecks for my aunt because the latter does not currently own a computer. So I obliged. Afterwards, I played some Crash Team Racing, watched some television, and here I am. Anyway, how was your Sunday, board?

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

MrMelodramatic posted...

idiot

Were you going to ask if that was her class schedule for the semester, or just her schedule for yesterday?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Mad_Max posted...

I believe Anakin would've become much more powerful than Vader eventually became

Do you think he might have been able to surpass Palpatine?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Zareth posted...

one way, like 80-80

Yes.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Unbridled9 posted...

protection ends when your birthday comes

You mean like Harry Potter.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Kungfu Kenobi posted...

80 minutes one way

Yes, that is what I meant.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Entity13 posted...

she

Oh.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Entity13 posted...

writer

Wait, were you that bloke what published that fantasy novel with six-hundred or so pages on Amazon?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Oh, so sort of like Ross Geller.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

TheWitchMorgana posted...

ama

Is it in Canada?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

TheWitchMorgana posted...

how my grandparents met

Aww, that's heart-warming.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

dud posted...

I got a job.

Congratulations. What do you do?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Oh.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

dud posted...

AMA

How goes the job search?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I thought Kana was going to become some kind of social worker.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

What "blue dot" are you talking about?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

faramir77 posted...

if you claim that you're an unborn fetus

You mean like Jen a couple of years ago.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Aaantlion posted...

Weird is more like it.

I mean, considering the fact that you can log-in to those three accounts all in the same day. It wouldn't be a productive use of your five minutes, but you can still do it.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I hate it when people wish me a happy birthday. That's why I never tell anyone I know outside of my family when my birthday is. Do you think this is understandable?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I don't understand. Are you coming out of the closet?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Zareth posted...

mattress

No, that was the Carlisle bloke.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

I'm not comparing my life to yours; I'm just saying that I hate my life, too.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Yes. Just see that topic I made yesterday.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Not like I can anyway, with my lack of preparation for graduate school. I didn't even consider the possibility then, and I'm not considering it right now. I told myself that I'd clear myself of my mental problems and return to school only if I knew for certain that I'd enjoy academia again. It's mostly my insufferably large inferiority complex that holds me back in school, really. I am far too proud and arrogant to accept help for others, and will brutally chastise myself if they had given me help with understanding something that I could not have done otherwise. It makes me feel worthless and exactly like a complete imbecile incapable of achieving things on one's own. I never would be proud of presenting others' work as my own.

I remember during one of my senior seminars where I just drafted up this ten-page paper about math with my own research and cunning. I remember being thoroughly proud of it. I had obsessed fervently over editing it for up to six hours straight in a day, until I submitted it to my professor for review and correction a little past midnight. I had to shorten it, ultimately, to a five-page presentation paper because I had far too much to present about in a fifteen-minute presentation time limit. I was heart-broken when for some reason, it got deleted from my computer one day. I regretted not backing my data up. Anyway, when other people presented, I noticed that at least two of my classmates that I went to class with at some point had ripped off their presentations directly from their lecture notes of the class they were to present material from. I cannot be mad at them for doing this, but I was a bit disappointed at their lack of originality. Sometimes, it feels like creativity barely exists these days, and it kind of depresses me. But I'm likely being silly or overly pessimistic when I say this. Anyway, how was your Sunday, board?

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Last fall, my mental health started deteriorating and my depression growing to the point that my condition mentioned earlier would start to manifest once more, inhibiting my ability to work. I started talking to talk as if to an invisible person at home and during class. Sometimes, people were under the impression that I was talking to them when they don't consider the possibility that I am very ill. I started to silently break down during class (because I wouldn't allow others to see me weak and unstable, fearful of what they might think of me), and cried sometimes after class because of how much pain and distress I was in and how much stress I was under, which made it worse. It was clear at that point that I no longer enjoyed school.

At the same time, there were many, many instances during my last two semesters when I would just stay at school for a little while longer, not wanting to return home to my mother's house. So I just don't even know if I want to be at school or at home. There are many other pairs of direct contradictions that I will never be able to explain properly. It makes me wonder if I could have handled a full-time schedule. Then last semester, I just didn't care enough to put in my best effort; I got two more B's as a result.

Nowadays, I hate my job, as previously explained. They don't pay me enough to afford rent. I could have been doing something else right now, if I were not so hasty and rash in making decisions about my employment. I know fully well that I will be ridiculed and chastisted for saying this. Almost three months ago, I took a full-time job here, being too afraid that my severe lack of skills (aside from the handful I've picked up in my time here as a part-time employee) would not enable any company to hire me. It was this fear that convinced me to take the job, believing I was suited for nothing better. I don't know; it's very entirely possible that it's true, anyway.

Like I keep telling you lot, I don't know what I want to do, because I generally have lost all enthusiasm and interest in life. Everything looks like dung, no job or career looks interesting, and I just don't really care about anything anymore. I have said that last line over again so many times I cannot even count. But dear Lord, I cannot emphasize how true this statement is. Life has lost all its fun, everyone around me is either horrible or insufferable to talk to or be around.

People outside are afraid of me because I always scowl. How can I smile when there is absolutely nothing to be happy about? Everything sucks now, and these days I feel myself becoming angrier and angrier about how it seems that way. My only acquaintance has not answered my text in over a month and I do not feel like I am in the mood to try contacting her again. All I asked her was what she was doing until graduate school. I don't know why she hasn't responded... I mean she never really responds when I ask her stupid nonsense that might lead her to believe I have texted the wrong person. Now that I think on it, it's a likely possibility.

Anyway, I'm just so angry at the mo', see. I am starting to view my entire academic career as a waste, a means to further nothing in my life. It feels as though I have squandered my time for nothing. And overall, I am more than angry at myself for it. I regret not doing anything fun during college. Most of the events they hold aren't really for me, on the other hand. I guess I just didn't care in college. I don't even care right now. In the past week, I've been daydreaming more and more about school, and as usual, when I reminisce, I start to remember the bad aspects of school. I remember being scolded for things I am far too ashamed to say on here. I remember being hated by some classmates and professors. It's an awful feeling. Sometimes I feel as though I don't want to return and cause more trouble for them...
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Three months have passed since graduation and I still am working at my job I've been working at for almost three years. I am getting paid only fifteen dollars per hour, do incredibly menial work, and feel like crying sometimes--and not just because of the job. I mean, I don't even need a college degree to do this job, and for some reason, when I initially applied for it when I was still in college and without a degree, they required a four-year college degree in something I cannot recall at the mo'. It's stupid; no one needs a college degree to go on a computer, look stuff up, work with databases, and input data. It's so messed-up. It's like the requirements are there for no reason at all.

Degree requirements aside, I now thoroughly regret ever volunteering at my workplace and finding work there. I wish I had held off on it, and found a job or internship in college that I might have had an interest in. But it's ultimately my fault anyway. I had always told myself to hold off on seeking internships because I already had a job working. I had always taken classes that I may have no interest in because I was more concerned at the time with maximizing my work hours. In hindsight, I could not regret it anymore. If I have wasted anything, it was time working at my workplace that I could have spent working elsewhere or taking classes I actually might enjoy, and possibly enabling me to graduate faster. I have far too many regrets to be going on with, and all in all, I feel that I have so incredibly dull and stupid for many, many years; something that people on here are very quick to criticize me or ridicule me for.

I feel that my entire academic career has been an entire joke. First, I suffered a mental breakdown six years ago due to having to concentrate too much on homework and the like, when the first signs of a mental condition that very fatally threaten my sanity start to show and I am forced to drop out that semester to recuperate my mental state. Then I have to listen to my mother about not taking too many classes and overtaxing myself, and not allowing this condition to further inhibit my ability to live my everyday life.

Years later, I start to volunteer at this place, because I pretty much cleared everything I needed to at community college and didn't need to take that many classes that semester. A few months into that semester, I then gain employment, which I insisted on holding onto and not forgoing in lieu of a heavier academic workload or another job. I insisted that with my severe lack of skills and experience, that it would be incredibly difficult to find another job--but I can only kick myself now for not even bothering to try. "I already have a job I am content with (I didn't know then that this was a lie to convince myself to not see what is out there), why must I search? It's far too much trouble." I could have graduated maybe two years earlier if I had ditched my job for a full-time academic schedule. But even I have to admit now that that would have been a poor choice.

But it's not like I couldn't apply for internships or anything. I kept telling myself that I had no interest in those things, anyway. I was right, but it didn't stop me trying to apply. I just didn't really care about anything, then; I don't even now. Though it's not like I even had any professors with which I had built rapport with to write letters of recommendations for those internships, anyway. I could not socialize with anybody with my own age group, much less an age group whose position and intelligence I am very much intimidated by. It could not have hurt to ask, but then I just kept reminding myself that I just don't bleeding care about the internship and that making a professor recommend me for something I don't care about would be a very thorough waste of their time, and something I'd feel guilty about.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

and the protagonists being charged with fixing it?

I must have these answers.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Ogurisama posted...

Summoned Skull

You know, I never understood this card's name. Every monster can be summoned, but why does this one in particular have to have a name specifying that it was "summoned"?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Aaantlion posted...

play/rehearsal

I cannot find any hours of operation, but I suppose it cannot hurt to look into it tomorrow.

wwinterj25 posted...

dark alley

I'm scared of the dark. The one time I went outside at night, I kept looking over my shoulder and hyperventilating because I was afraid of being attacked.

jramirez23 posted...

math lounge

It's closed on weekends, like every other building with classrooms.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Aaantlion posted...

drama center

I'm confused. Are you calling me a drama queen, or are you suggesting that I might have a certain talent in theatre?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Aaantlion posted...

regular library

I feel safer and more at home when I'm at the college. :(
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Aaantlion posted...

crash crashes

Huh?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

wwinterj25 posted...

crazy cat lady

You mean like Zangulus.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

wwinterj25 posted...

sex story my PE teacher told me

...What the hell?
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.

Jen0125 posted...

stay home

I hate doing that. I'd rather go outside somewhere and my college library is the only place I have no objection going to.

MrMelodramatic posted...

Why

I don't actually know. On one hand, fall term hasn't started yet, so they cannot operate during the usual times--that is to say, from noon to six in the PM on Saturdays and Sundays. On the other hand, I went there just last Sunday to get away from home and maybe read some books. But for some reason, the library is closed both tomorrow and today, and will not re-open until the morning of Monday next week.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.