Lurker > EclairReturns

Metalsonic66 posted...

changed a lot

Then why does the protagonist of the eleventh Dragon Warrior game look suspiciously like Cyborg 17, if he had brown hair?

That sounds almost ironic.

SilentSeph posted...

each leg part is a pant

I usually assume that that's the historical reason behind it.

Yes, but only because it acts as an additional deterrent for people who want to approach me.

argonautweakend posted...

atheist

He is friends with Han Solo, who happens to be an avid non-believer of the Force. It is likely that Lando is, also.

KJ_StErOiDs posted...

slathered the board

You mean like the aforementioned condiment on a slice of bread.

MrMelodramatic posted...

slaves that are other species

I'm pretty sure that owning a pet is not illegal in these United States of America.

Lokarin posted...

opportunity

Lokarin posted...

slavery

I'm not sure that those two words should be associated with each other.

Blightzkrieg posted...

love interest

When has Mario made out with the water soaker, though?

wwinterj25 posted...

stuff like that

I didn't do anything like that; I just uttered a perfunctory "thanks", followed by my stepping through the doorway.

Krow_Incarnate posted...

miserable bastard

Yeah. I've been on my own for over three weeks now. It's what I had always dreamt of. But I'm not completely sure that it was what I wanted. I certainly don't want to end up a bitter miser, or something to that effect.

Sarcasthma posted...

worked

You mean like in that story with the monkey's paw.

I've been doing it for over a year, now. I feel really bad about it. She's always making efforts to reach out to me, and to be kind to me, and so forth. I always feel ashamed and guilty whenever I don't acknowledge her presence. I always feel really nervous when talking to people, and making eye-contact with them. Just today, she held out the door for me, and said hello to me. I didn't even say bye to her when she left for the day. It's hard not to feel bad, repaying her kindness by being so cold.

captpackrat posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/5/2/AAQwHjAAE_Gs.jpg

Is that from the episode where Hank is charged unsuccessfully for pretending to be sick in order to receive worker's compensation?

TheJustice posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/8/5/AAXkR_AADNr1.jpg

That's so peculiar. Garfield never has speech bubbles, only thought bubbles.

Greenfox111 posted...

things are going well for all of you

I've finally moved into an apartment after dreaming about the notion for many years. I feel somewhat blindsided, since I didn't really mean to achieve that dream so soon; it was just sort of born out of a need to escape a bad living arrangement. Now, I don't really have any more goals, a fact that exacerbates my existential dread. I don't know what I want; I can barely enjoy anything anymore.

In any case, after two decades or so, my OCD-like symptoms of needing to compulsively clean things have manifested again, and are proving to be very cumbersome to me. I find myself always trying to recall how clean some objects are, before placing them in close contact with another set of objects. I've relapsed into my long-forgotten habit of assigning "cleanliness levels" to stuff I own. It's proving to be a real time-waster; this is unfortunate, because I'm starting to realize how little time I truly have left, and how I had taken it for granted. I can no longer feel comfortable in my own home as a result of my OCD-like tendencies. I feel like I'm just wiping things down half the time, because of contaminants I suspect those things of having. Even I'm starting to get tired of it. Recently, I rediscovered a long-lost car-seat stain that I had assumed to be a non-issue; these past few days have been stressful, with my panicking over it and such. I got it taken care of by a professional today, thankfully, so hopefully I need not worry about it anymore. Of course, my thoughts still wander to worrying over other stains that I may have overlooked. It's just tiring, to say the least.

Lately, I have not been able to "feel" my surroundings, in the sense that they feel real to me. It's all just background noise to me, unfortunately. Unfortunately, the background noise includes those with whom I interact on a daily basis. My mind is almost always pre-occupied with some daydream, memory, musing, or other such nonsense. This proves detrimental to my day-to-day functioning; others may see me as spaced-out, and indeed, I may have trouble processing my surroundings as a result of my chronic dissociation problems. Trauma from my childhood often creeps into my mind uninvited; this also hinders my ability to function. Writing about it helps to an extent; I don't really trust the people I talk to with my problems. I feel like I'm a prisoner of my own mind sometimes. When I'm with others, this feeling is mitigated to some degree; it's silly, but I feel a bit of guilt by passively using others for this purpose. But then again, my co-workers choose to come to work of their own free will, and not necessarily for my benefit.

Speaking of work, I've been unpopular as of late, as a result of my sociophobic tendencies. Social activity or lack thereof aside, work has been stagnant; not much seems to require my attention. I've been contemplating hard about transferring to a position that is a bit more challenging. I've promised myself that I would not start looking until I have a passable coding portfolio that I'm not ashamed to showcase. Unfortunately, that portfolio only consists of one half-finished item. I'm not feeling very confident in my prospects; I still feel like I have to code a few more projects before I can be taken seriously.

So much has seemed to happen this week. I've hardly had much time to relax, and enjoy myself.

You mean for the sort of Cheerios that General Mills is well-known for making?

Metalsonic66 posted...

Pour out some mead

You mean like Horace Slughorn in the March of Harry Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts?

Lokarin posted...

crawling through ducts and pushing load carts into quantum resonators

What does that have to do with religion?

ReturnOfFa posted...

city

Not a big one, no.

blu posted...

rent

It is about seventeen-hundred American dollars, excluding water and electricity.

blu posted...

Single bedroom

Yes.

Nade_Duck posted...

you openly admit to being a kind of a dick and then proceed to complain about others not liking you for being kind of a dick

Yes, that is what happened.

TheGuiltySpark posted...

your problem

I was feeling stressed-out last night, and felt like talking to somebody about it.

JudgeMentok posted...

intentionally make your posts difficult to read so

Maybe. I was too tired and distressed to bother spacing out this post, in any case.

Sahuagin posted...

shouldn't it have already been clean?

I have problems. :(

ReturnOfFa posted...

you will get most things clean with hot water and a couple of drops of dish soap

Thank you for the tip. I'm trying to get into the habit of using low-power cleaning techniques, because I don't want to overwear everything as I had in the past few days.

Suddenly, I'm met with a host of new challenges with managing an apartment. Since I'm the first new tenant, I've had to buy everything that I usually take for granted: trash bins, shower curtains, beds, and less commonly for people for my income level, sofas. The moving process has been complicated by my OCD-levels of obsession with cleanliness. The first thing I thought to do was to buy cleaning supplies. But in my carelessness and eagerness to sanitize the apartment, I used a cleaning spray that was a bit too harsh, and now my eye stings whenever I come into contact with everything I used it on. Thankfully, I've used it only on the wheels on my luggage, a spot on my counter because I was afraid that the spray would be too harsh, and unfortunately, my car. Now, I've had to use baking soda to strip away the offensive odors and residue. The situation is particularly bad, especially for my car. I may have used a bit too much baking soda to absorb the chemicals, and now it looks like I'm keeping a fine layer of snow in my backseat. Now, I don't feel comfortable transporting things I'll be using to eat and prepare food, like bowls, chopsticks, and rice dispensers. Overall, I feel that I need another day-off to put my affairs in order. After moving out, I realized that I took other people's company for granted, too. It's just me in this apartment. And aside from needing help getting everything set up, I'm feeling more lonely. I know I've spoken of it many times before. But it isn't until now that I feel like I need other people in my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't very kind to those people who are already in my life. I have been quick to shun my co-workers and everyone else at my workplace out of either shyness, social anxiety, or just being too tired to engage in social activity. I'll have to mop up the place with water, because I'm a poor sweeper, and there are still remnants of baking soda everywhere. I also have to return a package to Amazon. One thing I am noticing about myself recently is that I don't have nearly as much time to mess around at home than I used to. I think it's due to the stress of all the logistics of moving-in, which is hampered majorly by my obsession over what's clean, what isn't, how clean something is, what touched what, and other things that likely have no basis in reality. It's just so hard for me to manage. Before, in my living space, I didn't really have much to manage; it was usually my landlords, whom I also took for granted, who took care of that for me. Now I realize that I took them for granted also. Anyway, sorry for the lack of organization in this post. But I just don't have enough time or energy to even get my thoughts straight; they're always clouded by worries and the recent stresses of moving in.

Oh yeah, and I've had a spot of bad luck at work socially. It seems that no one there really likes me. I don't blame them, since, as I've said earlier, I make it a point to shun and emotionally neglect anyone I come into contact with. All the same, though, I just don't like it. I always tell myself that if they hate me, it's fine. But lately, I've come to question how true that really is. Some other team makes a habit of trying to mock me somehow by acting like they're English. Others have come to mock me in other ways, such as clearing their throats whenever I'm around, since they know that I am very annoyed whenever a high-tier manager on the floor does it. In my own team, there was this bloke who expressed his hate for me by mockingly repeating thoughts that he thinks I have. Many people around me seem to get sick of me. The new-hire has conversed with the other group about how she hates me. I could have sworn a veteran co-worker has shown me his middle finger as I left the parking lot today. I also submitted a list of work manual revisions I wanted the acting senior co-worker to look over. I feel like I insult her intellligence and ability to write whenever I do this, since I take issue with how she words things in the company work manuals. Sometimes at work, I mutter under my breath about stuff I'm daydreaming about. I grow concerned, since anyone within earshot may mistake my muttering as being directed towards them. I'm not conscious of this habit most of the time, so I'm very scared that someone may misinterpret something I say, and then take offense to it.

Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.

DirtBasedSoap posted...

therapist

Some of them did; they mostly insinuated it.

Sometimes, I feel like my entire life is a giant hamster wheel in the purely figurative sense of the word. I go to work to pay rent. I rest and sleep to work. Lately, I feel like I've been caught in some giant, meaningless cycle of this. And it never really ends. I'm not really sure if there is a point in my life.

All my life, I had dreamt that I would be able to move away from my abusive family. Sometimes, I had never really thought I would have a future. Therefore, I didn't see any point in thinking about having one. Or rather, I had only fixated on my goal of moving away from my family. Now that I have, I don't really know what I should do now. It's just too much for me to deal with at the mo'.

My work is decent and stable, yes. But I find myself feeling like I am shirking my duties as of late. Mind you, this is only me feeling that I am shirking my duties. Right now, there are scarcely any duties for me to shirk. I think the lack of meaningful, challenging tasks plays a large part in my lack of job satisfaction. More often than not, I find myself emotionally cheating on my work by fantasizing rather hopelessly about finding better work. I worry sometimes that my boss shall have me fired for my recent listlessness, the fact that my mind seems to be elsewhere these days, and my overall disloyalty, even in spite of the technical knowledge that I figuratively bring to the table.

Speaking of my mind being elsewhere, I've been reading articles on schizoid personality disorder as of late, and I cannot help but resonate with some of the symptoms. I am generally reserved, and I show little to no emotion. Mind you, I do a very, very good job of trying not to show my figurative true colors to anyone, so the latter symptom may not even apply. As I've said earlier, I find my mind often being focussed elsewhere --- but as I've said, this is only because of how dull my life has become. So I may not have as many symptoms as I may have thought. In any case, I've read up on the quality of life for patients who suffer from this; the notion that a genetic predisposition determines how successful someone's life is is one that scares me.

But I can say that my life is starting to turn a figurative corner out of the rather gloom street that it's trundled along in the past month or so. In less than six days, I will be moving to an apartment of my own. It is a dream that I have had for many a year. It feels odd that I am fulfilling it only to escape my landlord. Sometimes, I feel that I don't usually get what I want from life, which is a notion that may have influenced my life in that it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy without my having become aware of it.

I wasn't raised to believe that I would ever get anything I ever wanted from life. I was raised in an environment that taught me that I wouldn't really amount to anything more than trash that has taken human form. As a result, I worry that others will think that I am basically that. No one in my family really taught me anything; they thought me incapable of learning anything. They were fans of telling me to do things incorrectly, and laugh at me for doing as they said, for being the bumbling fool they had always thought I was. They were also fans of giving me concussions, sometimes in my sleep, because they felt that I was challenging their ideas of what I was. Sometimes, my cousins would conspire to mutilate me because they were convinced that I would become a rapist upon reaching puberty. Neither of my parents knew enough English to listen to me properly. Even if they did, they didn't want to acknowledge the possibility that I cried for reasons that amounted to anything more than the fact that I was hungry. No one in the family would listen to the sort of abuse I went through at school; the abuse they put me through at home was much worse, anyway. Any therapist I ever visited would be brainwashed by them, be told to not believe any lie I supposedly told about myself. Then I'd go through a bunch of sessions of the therapist talking about stuff that didn't really matter to me; they wouldn't listen to a thing I said after my family got through to them. Sometimes, the therapists I'd visit go on about how I was a narcissist, how I was a rapist, and a whole host of other nonsense that my family made up about me. It got tiring, and very lonely, being ignored and misinterpreted by not only my family, but by outsiders also.

Now, I don't have anyone to listen to my problems. Now, I'm just scribbling my thoughts into writings that no one will ever see.

Sometimes, I muse at work about the idea of exploring the sciences I did, like I did before. But the fact that I am almost always in a dissociative state prevents me from taking in any text I may consume as part of the schooling process. I feel like I'm always tired. I feel like I'm always just reliving the traumas from long ago. I feel like I can barely think clearly anymore. And then, I just give up, knowing that I wouldn't even have any energy for studying, anyway, let alone a clear idea of what would become of that knowledge once I inevitably lost my use for it. Rather, since I don't have any use for it, there would be no real point in retaining it, just like the rest of the knowledge I had sometimes pretended to imbibe, and repeat over four years ago. But then I wonder why this is even an issue, since I had been musing about merely studying, but not using, the sciences. And then that's when I realize how ingenuine my musings are. I never found school to be productive for me, specifically; I never felt comfortable being around people who were smarter than me. I abhor listening to people talk. Then there's that issue of people inexplicably coming to the conclusion that I'm stupid, then sabotaging my education by convincing teachers to throw away my work, or else hinder my pretenses at getting an education in other ways.

Anyway, what's the point of anything?

I must have these answers.

I find myself missing that Harley Quinn cartoon upon the loss of my HBO Max subscription. I wouldn't say that the show itself is good. In fact, it's got too much gore and cursing for my taste. It has the quality of being relatable to the common man. I can never get quite enough of Dr. Isley's bitter snark. I would very loosely compare it to the Venture Bros. in that it also makes light fun of existing source material. The title protagonist does have at least two moments, in my opinion, that makes you think that she has the powers of a Mary Sue sort of character. Notably, she defeats the Joker in the first episode, and evades the clutches of a Venom-powered ex-police officer later in the show. It's just a bit unrealistic, in my opinion; but you can take my opinion with a figurative grain of salt, since I don't know that much DC lore, anyway. Anyway, it's more about the drama, than the lore and the action and the typical characteristics you'd expect from a story based on comic book characters. That's not to say that it's bad, just that it differs in this respect. I do appreciate that it takes the time to lighten the mood, and not take itself seriously besides. I also enjoy that the writers have written a pinch of light-heartedness into the Bat-Man, who otherwise seems to be deadly serious all the time.

I also enjoyed that Disney cartoon from eight years ago, the one where some blond girl who thinks that Earth is a pretty great place, that this statement is remarkable because she is an interdimensional traveller who claims to have been through outer space, and that her foster homeworld suits her and is just her style. I enjoyed it enough to not bother complaining about the universally panned ending.

There's also those cartoons with those twins in Oregon, some Thai girl in a froggy world, and some Dominican teenager in a witchy world. These I find less remarkable, and to my great dismay, less likely to attract the attention of internet-goers who can actually write a legible sentence. But seeing as the target audience is the teenage demographic, I probably cannot complain.

BucketCat posted...

favourite from the past

I used to like Futurama and Megas XLR when I was but a lad.

Lokarin posted...

doesn't mean I need to meet your father

No, I don't think that life is quite that simple. You'll understand what I mean when we're older.

I've very little with which I can fill my free time. The only things I have going for me at the mo' are my fiction writing, my aimless programming projects, and my worthless non-fictional writings that consist mostly of my ranting about rather mundane nonsense that only I care about these days. I used to have a program I would watch on this laptop computer of mine, but my HBO Max subscription expired shortly after that rather anti-climactic, rather disappointing ending of that continuation of that cartoon with the human, his dog, and some bisexual vampire-demon. I do not feel comfortable renewing my subscription, since funds will be somewhat tight in the next coming months or so, with the upcoming move-in costs that will critically injure my wallet, much like a Blood Sword on the final boss of the second Final Fantasy game. In any case, it is hurtful whenever someone reminds me that I do not have a life, and that I have no friends. It is even more painful experiencing those two things in real time. Nowadays, everything looks and feels like background noise to me. Nothing interests me anymore; the usual nonsense, in other words. Anyway, how was your Saturday, board?

I must have these answers.

Zareth posted...

Should have walked away

You mean right before neglecting to hear the girl from whom you walk away say, "Please. Oh, baby. Don't go"?

keyblader1985 posted...

someone like that

Would you use the term, "anti-hero"?

HornedLion posted...

Do you see what I see?

A slogan that more reflects the intentions of the owner of that makeshift educational institute, moreso than the intentions of those who would attend that redundantly named institute? I mean, what else is an academy is for, other than learning?

Zareth posted...

I hide as a bonus action for a free sneak attack next turn

You mean like Kain Highwind from Final Fantasy IV.

Shrek posted...

loser

A more accurate word would be "coward", I should think.

PiOverlord posted...

please

Now you know how the people you run from feel.

papercup posted...

Naughty Dog just makes and remakes The Last of Us

That sounds depressing.

belongings to take with me. Forgive me if this sounds like the post of someone with OCD. I've compiled a list of what I'm definitely taking with me, which was much easier than trying to compile a list of what I'm not.

Box of mail clutter: Sensitive items that I don't want a soul to peek at.
Laptop computer: I can just wipe this down.
Backpack: Essential.
Clothes: Essential
Wallet, phone, charger, headphones: Can easily be sanitized.
Still-sealed rice-cooker: Not dirty.
Laundry basket: I have to do my laundry in something.
Everything in my suitcases, since those are sealed tight.

This is a list of what I definitely plan to leave behind.

Water: Inexpensive, and it costs only four American dollars for a forty-bottle case.
Dry toiletries and laundry detergent: In the bathroom, and out of the question as to whether or not I'll be taking them.

This is a list of what I might plan to toss/leave behind, and my reasons for not taking them with me.

Toothpaste and toothbrushes: They've been resting in a cabinet, but I cannot ascertain how dirty the inside of the cabinet is. In truth, all that's happened to it is that it's been transported from their old house to the new one. Anything inside may therefore be taken relatively safely.
Q-Tips, deodorant, and laundry sheets: Same as above.
Rice container: I have not touched this ever since the landlord made a mess of my sink. But it's been in contact with the cup, which has been in contact with the rice cooker, which has been in contact with the affected area. Granted, the cup itself was never in the rice cooker after the mess happened. Still, I'm a bit hesitant about taking a rice container that's been in contact with a cup that's been in a rice cooker that isn't that far away from the bathroom. Again, this may be the possible OCD talking. Perhaps not.
Ziploc bags, brand-new dishwashing liquid, dishwashing sponges: Unsealed, and in close proximity to the rice container, and that context I have given it.
Paper towel: There's only one, it's unsealed, and it is in close proximity with the rice container.

Box on the floor of the closet: Contains stationery among other things. I still have to question whether or not these are safe to take due to the proximity of it to a bunch of items I get tired of remembering the "cleanliness level" of.
Mints: They only hinder my toothbrushing habits anyway, and they were on the sink; I had to pass the sink to transport all my used toiletries into the bathroom, per the landlord's request.
Earplugs: I keep them stored near the mints.
Small disposable trash bags: Near the mints, and probably subject to light handling when I had to sanitize a host of other things.
Sanitizing spray and wipes: Nearby the trash bags, and they are almost out anyway.

Sanitation gloves: I may have forgotten to wash my hands prior to putting them on, and they're on the top shelf, where the supposedly safe things are.
Bowls, chopsticks: I didn't trust the cabinet enough to keep them stored in there, so they're in the closet, well above the trash bags and sanitizing materials.
Game controller: I'm on the fence with this one. It's in the top shelf in the closet, but it's just too personally dear to me to replace.
Spare hangers: On top the closet, where everything else in this block is, including the sanitation gloves.

Anyway, I am definitely not eager at all to replace all of these items. Can anyone tell me if I'm overreacting a bit in respect to the items I'm choosing not to take? Even I'm getting tired of my possibly undiagnosed OCD tendencies and obsessions. I can assure that it's driving me mad; it's caused me to become more disorganized and careless in my sanitary habits, ironically enough. Forgive my possible misuse of the word, "irony", besides. Anyway, based on this list, do you think I have a few overly obsessive tendencies that are characteristic of one who has that disorder with the obsessive compulsions and the like? This behavior is not new, by the way; for many years, I had suppressed it, because I forgot to care about myself and what I ingested. My family had handled my behavior by proclaiming that I was faking it, then shouted at and beat me for faking a genuine life-hindering disorder. Then I stopped out of necessity/fear. In any case, I started out this post asking for advice on which items I am overreacting about. So I shall ask: Which items am I overreacting about, assuming that you have the patience to read through that list?

I must have these answers.

Cruciferous posted...

this kind of feeling gets in the way of being happy or socializing with/relating to others easily

Well, it gets in the way of my ability to take people seriously.

Yes. It is ridiculously depressing to see basic rules of English being violated on official documentation. It is also tiring to read the online manuals at work; spelling errors, nonsensical half-edited sentences, and the blatant abuse of commas litter these manuals. I also have a tendency to filter out the bulk of Discord posts, since they are saturated with messages of the form in question. It is hard to shift out of the habit of skipping over text after a session on either Discord or Reddit. I generally have a pathological habit of forgetting to take people seriously whenever they consistently cannot write correctly. Unfortunately, online communities that are built around children's cartoons consist mostly of these sorts of people. Sometimes, I have to question what I'm doing, frequenting these communities to begin with. Then I provide myself the answer: Not much else in life really interests me anymore, and I feel a bit less lonely reading through discussions of the few things that do interest me. Anyway, I am inclined to blame the Worldwide Web, for not only condoning typos and incorrect grammar, but encouraging them also.

papercup posted...

Whats up with that?

I'm thinking that some lot have become jaded with what was once their pastime, and are now trying to influence their audience into following their line of thinking because they don't want to be alone in feeling the way that they are feeling at the moment.

I don't know anymore, honestly.

KogaSteelfang posted...

relatives hijacked it

KogaSteelfang posted...

invited themselves along and changed all of our plans to ones that suited them instead

KogaSteelfang posted...

it still looks like it'll be fun

These relatives sound horrible, and I sort of wish you'd stay away from them for your own sake. I seriously doubt familial abuse can be fun in any capacity, no matter the locale.

I do not know what you are asking. The topic title asks how to figuratively engage in that crude act of violence, while the body of your topic, which lists literal acts of violence, suggests that you are asking how to engage in that act of violence non-figuratively.

I have not called him "dad", "father", or the Cantonese equivalent thereof in many years. I do, however, refer to him as my "father" in my writings.

Lokarin posted...

good parent

You assume that the bloke to whom you are replying was good at parenting.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

It's like saying I'd need a license to go rollerblading.

People can still trip and fall, and in Optimus' case, other people can get seriously injured. I think it's just another way of getting around for him. It would be more accurate to say that it's like telling some bloke to get a license for walking.

Lokarin posted...

That time Lok was hit by a truck and died and came back as a truck that refuses to run over Lok cuz they're both anti-social

That sounds like some sort of paradox.

It astounds me that the latter is tolerated more than the former where Utada currently lives. <<';

Sarcasthma posted...

Sora in his underage lion form

You mean because it would qualify as pedophilia or bestiality?

Sarcasthma posted...

do you live in Japan

I live in America, the birthplace of that woman who sings about how the series' theme song's recipient is making her feel simple and clean tonight, and about how it is hard to let go of that feeling.

Sarcasthma posted...

semi-final ultimate .../2 remake

There does not exist a Kingdom Hearts II rerelease by that name. The only rereleases of Kingdom Hearts II that Square Enix have released are, to my knowledge, the original Japan-exclusive Final Mix+ edition, the PS3 2.5 ReMiX edition, the PS4 2.5 ReMiX edition, the edition included in the PC collection, and the Switch's cloud-edition.

Sarcasthma posted...

scene in Kingdom Hearts 2 where Sora turns into a lion and

I am quite certain that such a scene was never in that game.

I have the strangest feeling that the words here are deliberately chosen for the purpose of writing a sexual innuendo, which would reflect the fact that the shape of the typhoon somewhat resembles that of a human penis.

I have been very agitated these past few weeks.

It all started when my landlord decided to move houses, and alert me only about five days beforehand, so that moving with him would be my best option. Unfortunately, it was. He had ecstatically presented it as great news. I, however, was less joyful about it. Moving complications aside, my new living space is worse than before. My landlord had stuck a toilet plunger into the sink where I used to cook my rice; now it's just no longer usable. It's not like it ever was, though; both the sink and the fridge they told me to use are located less than a few meters away from the bathroom. It's a sanitary nightmare, especially for a germaphobic person who might have OCD. They also showed me my new entrance: I have to squeeze in between a broom shed and their trash bin in order to enter their house. I interpret it as a measure of how much they value me. Anyway, it's a sanitary nightmare for when I have to carry groceries, among other things, into my living space. The landlord's wife and her shrill shrieking are --- and always have been --- beyond insufferable. She has no sense of boundaries or respect when it comes to me, unfortunately. I don't care to say more, because even I grow tired of repeating myself. The landlord had had a spat with his son last year, and has explicitly, and to my great discomfort, confessed to me that he thinks of me as a surrogate son. If this is how he treated him, then it's hardly any wonder why they were at such odds with each other.

These, and the fact that I just haven't any room to spread out properly, constitute the reasons why I am trying to move out on the eighth of October. Unfortunately, I cannot do it this month, since the couple are out on vacation until the end of September. My move-out simply cannot come soon enough. I'm just so tired of dealing with people all the time. I don't enjoy having to drive out to get food like when I first moved out on my own, without any sort of support. I don't like when people touch my things without even asking. It's just so terrible, and so very tiring. Sometimes, I feel that all people do is get in my way.

It's been almost a year since I started the job I am currently working. When I was hired, I was ecstatic, and considered myself very lucky to finally find work, which moreover paid more than any job I've ever had in my life. Now, I'm a bit less enthusiastic about going to work every morning. My main gripe with the lot at work is that their spelling and grammar is so depressingly bad. You would think that a middle-schooler wrote up all the communications and work documentation that were prepared for the workers there. Being forced to enable their habits by taking their writing seriously is just terrible. I am inclined to blame the American state I live in now; a quick Google-search tells me that Nevada is reported by a couple of sites to be one of the least-educated states in America. The computer-literacy of my co-workers isn't too high, either. I have finished writing a couple of tutorials on the program they regularly use, but I am doubtful that they will ever get around to them. It bothers me that they're so bad at Excel; it's why I wrote up those tutorials to begin with. I don't feel comfortable leaving their team without leaving behind any manuals on how to do things. Then again, they've always functioned perfectly fine before I came. Who knows, really, if they'll do better without me or not?

I have thought about changing jobs to something that pays a little more. But it's not like I myself am competent enough in programming to pursue a respectable career, sadly. I was just thinking of notifying my boss that I was thinking about transferring jobs, once my housing situation stabilizes a bit. I do hope that she will consent to being used as a reference. When I do get hired onto a better role, I plan to send in a proper notice to adhere to protocol and so forth.

I feel as though I can enjoy nothing, feeling as inconvenienced, ignored, and mistreated as I have been. Recently, I looked into that new cartoon with the reverted ice-wizard, and his formerly fictional creation-friends. Only recently have I remembered that I was originally drawn to the original show because I was in a bad mental state one day, and had been attracted to the notion of a less-than-sane man being genuinely cared for and loved. But I realized that I am not particularly interested in the franchise as a whole. In regards to my complaints of being ignored, I can say honestly that I do deserve to be ignored. It's callous to say that everyone's just background noise to me at this point. But it's also true. Sometimes, though, I feel too shy to engage, or to reciprocate their greetings. I am used to being ignored; I am used to assuming that people are really talking to somebody else when I think they are talking to me. I'm bad at talking, besides, having had so very little practice doing it.

Anyway, how was your Friday, board?

I must have these answers.