Lurker > HotLap

Good old Digrat.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

I might try the multiplayer version of this with a buddy. Will post results if good.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Metal tastes great, what a waste of a perfectly good pint of iron.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Was this self-inflicted or did a mobster tell her that her ass was going to be sleeping with the fishes?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

gmo7897 posted...

I mean, are you calling me an anus? Thats hardly warn-worthy.

Im not even going to mark that. >_>

@gmo7897 , any tips on how to get warned?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

HotLap posted...

Oh damn were closing out all the storylines. Cant wait for the Bugs Bunny piss snap.

It exceeded my expectations.

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Keanu Reeves:



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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

teepan95 posted...

o shit

should I take rice with me?

Its been over three months. Shes drowned, teep.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

> You nod nervously before asking, "Did you just fucking talk, Sir Dump?"
Sir Dump: Yeah, I just talked. I didn't know I could do that. Um... Anyway, back to the matter at hand! You're getting chills just by thinking about it!

> You say "Don't fucking railroad me, Sir Dump! I've had you for two years and you haven't spoken once until now. Fuck Donut the vampire. This IS the matter at hand!"
Sir Dump: (Sigh) Whatever you want to do is fine with me, Kit. We're still gonna go together, and whether you want to go through with this or not won't change anything.

> You shrug and mutter, "I guess you have a point there. We'll always be together no matter what."
Sir Dump: (Sigh) If you take Donut up on his offer, you'll be taken care of.

> You say "How on EARTH do you know this?"
Sir Dump: I met Donut a few times before, and if you go through with this, you'll be taken care of too.
You look at the vampire. He's grinning ear to ear.

> You say "You two have met before?"
Donut speaks: Yes, believe it or not I used to be a respectable businessman. One of the few in fact.

> You let out a long exhale and rub your eyes.
Donut continues: Then the world went to pot, but that's a different story. Long story short I had dealings with a demon who offered me a deal too good to pass up.

> You say "If Sir Dump is the demon, I'm going to flip the fuck out."
Donut laughs.
Donut: No, Sir Dump doesn't have that kind of power. I'm an imp. A really deranged imp, but an imp none the less.

> You say "Hold up, are you an imp or a vampire?"
Donut: (Sigh) I was a vampire, but now I'm just a deranged imp. It's complicated.
You rub your hands together.
Donut: Anyway, I digress.

> You look down to Sir Dump. "And what do you have to say for yourself?"
Sir Dump: Hmm, I'm sorry that I can't help you pay your tuition. Perhaps if I had known you were in this bind before, I would've helped you out then. Alas, I did not.

> You say "Is this a fever dream?"
Sir Dump: No, I'm very much awake. Though, I can't help you pay your tuition, as I no longer have access to money.
Donut: That's not entirely true...

> You say "WHAT THE FUCK TUITION ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
Sir Dump: I have a house that you could live in. For free. You'd just have to take care of it. I have some food, water and shelter that you could have.

> You say "Sir Dump, your house is my backpack. I can't live in there."
Sir Dump: I have a spare bedroom in my house. You could stay there. It's just weird.
Donut: Yeah, that's what I said...
You rub your hands together.

> You nod and hold your wrists out to Donut, smiling. "Just fucking kill me."
Donut: Okay. We can go together then.
You nod nervously.
Sir Dump: Well that's all I got.

> You say "Kill me."
Sir Dump: Okay. I'll do that after you're done visiting your uncle at the GASAP center. That's what we call it.
You nod.
Sir Dump: We should go now...

> You say "I haven't eaten in two days other than that pancreas. My mind is breaking down. I just want it to be over."
Sir Dump: Right, well come on then. I'll take you to see your uncle.
He stands up.
Donut: Which one?
Sir Dump: The emotional one.

> You say "You guys go on without me. "
Sir Dump: Of course.
Sir Dump and Donut start to head out. You hesitate for a moment, and then start to head into the basement. This causes both of them to look at you.

> You don't look back.
You walk down the stairs, and into the cool darkness.

> You look for something that will end your life.
You walk over to the metal door, taking a deep breath. You grab a large piece of firewood, and start to go back up the stairs.

> You bludgeon yourself with the firewood at the top of the stairs.
You bring the piece of wood up, and ram it forward with all your force into the back of your own head. You stand there for a moment, basking in the euphoria of pain, and end your life.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

> You say "Well I'mma get going."
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Wait! Don't go yet!
The raggedy man begins crawling towards you.

> You say "What's up, chief?"
The raggedy man: (Speaking) I'ma get to the point. You wouldn't happen to be a vampire, would you?
You look at the raggedy man with hesitation.

> You shake your head.
The raggedy man: (Sigh) I was a lot of things once. A thief. A liar. A murderer. But you don't need to know that.

> You say "Nice. I'm a joker. I'm a smoker. I'm a midnight toker."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) I don't need to know that either.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Look, I'm a big man with a big voice.

> You wait patiently for Donut to continue.
The raggedy man: (Sigh) All right. Look, I'm a vampire.
You take notice of Donut's gaze.

> You say "Tough being a vampire in the apocalypse, I'd imagine."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Vampires are a dime a dozen, but we're also very hard to make. You have to have a fresh human or else you'll quickly die.

> You say "How fresh is that pancreas?"
The raggedy man: (Sigh) If you had, say, an hour to kill... I might be able to help you.

> You say "Sir Dump and I are doing just fine on our own. We don't need help from a vampire who hasn't even heard of the Steve Miller Band."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Well how about this. You go find some human, I'd say you've had more than enough experience with that.

> You say "What's in it for us?"
The raggedy man: (Sigh) If you help me, I'll help you get rid of that mask.
You think for a second.

> You say "What mask? "
The raggedy man: (Sigh) The one you have on now. I can see your face underneath.
You rub your eyes, and then pinch yourself, hard.
This is all too much.

> You say "A vampire and a mask? This is all too much."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Okay, look. You can have my blood. I think you know what that means.
You smile, but then frown.

> You say "I assume I'll become a vampire."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Of course you will. What kind of vampire would I be if I didn't offer you that?
You follow Donut outside.

> You listen to the rest of Donut's offer.
Donut stands outside his home.
The raggedy man: (Sigh) I'm waiting.
You take a deep breath.
You: What about my family?

> You dab the tears from your eyes as you remember the Bungley family waiting for your return.
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Look. I'm sorry, but I need you to understand something. If you help me, I have to turn you into a vampire.

> You say "Why is that?"
The raggedy man: (Sigh) I can't offer you any... emotional connection. You won't have a family. You won't have friends.

> You say "I don't know about that, Sir Dump and I will always be friends."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) It's a risk either way. Help me, and you're on your own. Help him, and you'll be on your own too.

> You say "Tell me more."
The raggedy man: (Sigh) You don't want to do this.
The vampire is clearly agitated, and it shows.

> You say "Honestly, you're probably right. Being a vampire in the apocalypse seems like it sucks ass. "
The raggedy man: (Sigh) Alright... Just, hold on a minute. I have to go get my supplies.
The vampire disappears back into his house, and you wait patiently.

> You whisper to Sir Dump, "What was with that women with dicks comment? I was talking about burritos. That came out of nowhere."
Sir Dump slowly nods his head.
Sir Dump: I have no idea. He just does that sometimes, you know? He's always been like that.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

You are Chunk Bungley, a survivor trying to survive in a post apocalyptic world by scavenging among the ruins of what is left. You have a backpack and a canteen. You haven't eaten in two days so you're desperately searching for food. You enter a rundown building and begin looking for any sign of human presence.

> You look for food.
You walk through the building and find it completely empty. The doors to the basement are locked so you head down. As you descend into the darkness, the canteen is shaken vigorously.

> You tell the hamster in the canteen, Sir Dump, to chill.
The hamster in the canteen squeaks and you put the canteen down.
You: (to the hamster) I will find you a better home if it's the last thing I do.

> You dump Sir Dump out of the canteen onto the floor and instruct him to heel.
You place the canteen on the ground and allow the hamster, Sir Dump, to scurry over. You pick him up and hold him close to your chest.

> You say "Remember Chipotle, Sir Dump? I was always scared of getting e coli, but I would kill for a carnitas burrito right now."
You stare into the eyes of Sir Dump. He looks back at you, as if sharing your memories. You put him back onto the ground and he squeaks happily and scurries away.

> You follow Sir Dump.
You exit the basement and find a pancreas in front of you, staring at you. You're not sure what to do.

You: Let's get out of here.

> You say "Is that your pancreas, Sir Dump?"
You stare at the pancreas and hold Sir Dump in your other hand.
The pancreas stares at you and squeaks in response.
You: (Thinking) This place is affecting my thinking.

> You shake your head in attempt to clear your vision.
You shake your head repeatedly and stare at the pancreas.
The pancreas begins to shake and roll around on the ground. You're not sure what to do.

> You say "Sir Dump! Find some insulin!"
Sir Dump squeaks and runs around in circles, looking for the vial of insulin. You hear a scratching sound and look up. You see a collapsed man in rags, drawing a bow at you.

> You put your hands up and instruct Sir Dump to do the same.
The raggedy man stops drawing his bow.
You: (Thinking) He's not thinking like the others.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Who are you?

> You say "I'm Chunk Bungley and this is my hamster, Sir Dump."
The raggedy man: (Thinking) A human with a hamster? This is too much!
The hamster squeaks and you put Sir Dump in your backpack.

> You say "How can I hear your thoughts? And why has a human with a hamster blown your mind?"
The hamster squeaks and you try to focus on his thought patterns.
You: (Thinking) I am an Alpha Bitch.

> You offer the pancreas to the raggedy man.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I'll eat you if you're going to attack!
The raggedy man looks at the pancreas and then at you.

> You say "We could just not eat each other and split this free pancreas."
The raggedy man: (Thinking) This would be a blessing to anyone who has lost a loved one.
The raggedy man looks at you and shakes his head.

> You say "Not so much a blessing as it is a dirty pancreas on the floor, but go wild, brother."
The raggedy man: (Speaking) I'm hungry.
The raggedy man begins crawling towards the pancreas on the floor.

> You take out a knife and ask the raggedy man which half of the pancreas he wants.
The raggedy man begins crawling towards the pancreas on the ground.
The hamster squeaks and you place him in your backpack. You take out your knife and walk over to the raggedy man.

> You cut the pancreas in half.
You take a bite out of the pancreas and begin chewing. Sir Dump squeaks and climbs up your arm.
The raggedy man: (Crying) I'm dying! I'm so hungry!

> You offer the raggedy man a bite of pancreas.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I'm way too weak to eat something like that.
The raggedy man begins crawling towards the pancreas on the table.

> You say "Beggars can't be choosers."
The raggedy man begins crawling towards the pancreas on the table.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I'm dying! I'm so hungry!

> You extend an arm out to touch the raggedy man.
You extend your arm out towards the raggedy man and he begins crawling towards it.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I can't take it anymore!

> You say "Do you want us to put you out of your misery?"
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I'm on borrowed time anyway... I'll take anything.
Sir Dump squeaks and you place him in your backpack.

> You say "How do you want to die? I have the knife. Sir Dump could dig through your chest and eat your heart. I could choke you. We have a lot of options."
The raggedy man begins laughing.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) You put me out of my misery? Are you serious?
The raggedy man begins crawling over to you.

> You say "You seemed all about this plan just five seconds ago."
The raggedy man pulls out a switchblade.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I can't get a straight answer out of him yet?

> You take a huge bite out of the pancreas.
You take a huge bite out of the pancreas. You begin chewing and it tastes like... nothing.
The raggedy man begins crawling over to you.

> You say "Where did you come from?"
The raggedy man: (Thinking) He should know what I'm talking about.
The raggedy man pulls out a switchblade.

> You say "Well I fucking don't, pal."
The raggedy man begins laughing.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) I came out of your mouth, dipstick. You bit into me.
You stare at the raggedy man in confusion.

> You raise an eyebrow and gently lick the pancreas.
Sir Dump squeaks and climbs up your finger.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) He's less sure now?
The raggedy man begins laughing.

> You begin laughing.
The raggedy man begins laughing.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Okay, maybe you're not sure. But that's okay too, I guess.

> You say "What's there to be sure about anymore?"
The raggedy man: (Thinking) I don't know, it's just funny.
You stare at the raggedy man in confusion.

> You say "What's funny?"
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Just life, dip. I mean... we're talking about a guy that just invited me into his body like five minutes ago.

> You hold Sir Dump a little tighter.
Sir Dump squeaks and the raggedy man looks at you.
The raggedy man: (Speaking) You know, you'd make a pretty cool pancreas.

> You toss him the half-eaten pancreas.
The raggedy man catches the pancreas and looks at it.
The raggedy man: (Thinking) You know what? I am a freak, but you're a freak for thefreaks.

> You say "What's your name?"
The raggedy man: (Speaking) My name is Donut.
Sir Dump squeaks and the raggedy man looks at you.

> You say "Do you remember Chipotle, Donut?"
The raggedy man: (Speaking) I do! He was so nice. But, um, he's not my type.
You stare at the raggedy man in confusion.

> You say "It's a fucking... restaurant chain. Not a... a man."
The raggedy man: (Speaking) Well fine, he's not my type then. I like women with dicks, not men with dicks. That's my problem.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

gmo7897 posted...

Im lost... what?

@gmo7897 , I said fucking anus. You have to warn me now. @Eevee-Trainer said it too, so it looks like you have to warn her as well. Hopefully shell get her own warned topic too.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Thats pretty cool, but did you know Stephen King was a writer?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

g0ldie posted...

probably the narrator in Divinity: Original Sin 2

Probably this.

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Theres no bottom.

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You live in a condominium, Nana. You dont have a lawn. To the nursing home we go.

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https://mobile.twitter.com/LinesFromNLSS/status/1293189354047774720?s=19

Me when my teammates run forward to be nasty boys instead of pushing the ball in Rock and Roll.

Also me towards everyone on the map when I start in the back row on Seesaw.

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Is the series complete now? If not, is there an end in sight?

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Theyll probably be about to start when the black frame hits.

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Oh damn were closing out all the storylines. Cant wait for the Bugs Bunny piss snap.

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This DNC has made it pretty clear that the Democratic Party doesnt really give a shit about progressive voters, because what are we gonna do? Vote for Trump? Its all about courting moderate Republicans.

I had a buddy who made the point that watching the DNC is a lot like sniffing a shot before you take it. You know you have to suck it up and do it, why are you making it harder for yourself?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

DrizztLink posted...

@HotLap

I desperately need to see the shenanigans you'd have in this.

This looks really fun, Ill give this a try after work.

> You say "Yllin, do you need another egg?"
"No, I'm good," Yllin says.

Also I dont know why, but this absolutely leveled me.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Guys, I gotta say... Im losing hope Ill ever be warned. Do I have to go against everything I stand for? Is that the price I must pay in order to get a warned topic? My principles? If... if thats what it takes... I guess here goes nothing. @gmo7897

FUCKING. ANUS.


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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Shouldve aimed for the Boop.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

@Fossil , I know youre not a mod anymore, but Ive run out of ones I know. If you could just list some mods I havent tagged yet, thatd be great. I will mail you a Baby Gap t-shirt.

If you think getting re-modded and warning me yourself would be faster, that works for me too.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

@AssultTank , I have broken into your home and stolen something valuable. The item(s) will be returned to you if you accept the following terms.

1. You must warn me.

If you comply, the item(s) will be returned to you.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Personally speaking, every time Ive had all teammates push the ball in Rock and Roll instead of focusing on disrupting the other teams, weve qualified.

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That kinda seems like your own thing thats totally unrelated to this but Im glad youre having much satisfying.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Alucard188 posted...

Like one of them hentais I watch.

Oh, whats this hentai you speak of? Can you post examples?

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100% agree, theyre average at best. They give you an entire trash bag of them because theyre dying to get rid of them.

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Valjackal posted...

I see that you are not taking this seriously.

Your family was right about you.

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Valjackal posted...

Call him a dang hipster, that might do it.

@Alucard188 , youre a dang hipster.

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@Alucard188 , do you remember the rain in Luxembourg? We sat in that bistro under the awning in silence and took in that distinctive scent. Why doesnt the rain smell like that here? You promised me wed go back. When all this is over I want you to whisk me back to Luxembourg and dance with me in the rain.

Also please warn me.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Smashingpmkns posted...

The daily items have been kinda wack lately but I did get a pretty hilarious sunburn pattern

Sunburn pattern with bumblebee coloring is the GOAT combo.

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Garioshi posted...

Oshawott

My man!

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Which starter did you choose?

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Questionmarktarius posted...

If Alec can never marry Mr. Boop's daughter again, then the obvious workaround is for Alec and Betty to both go get sex-changes.

I bet Bettys wife, Alec Boop would be so hot.

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nfearurspecimn posted...

No you called someone dumb lol.

Nah Id never call @Patty_Fleur a dumb piece of s for spreading some false COVID-19 bs.

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FabIe posted...

You know mods have death notes except instead of dying you get warned. Guess whose name I'm thinkin bout.

Warn me now, you coward. I know its me.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

nfearurspecimn posted...

I'm surprised you didn't get warned for that post, HotLap

Which one? Just kidding, its this one.

Hey @Ps2Twilight , lets hold hands, baby. Maybe after that we can head to the bedroom. You know what happens in the bedroom, right? I put on one of my Scrubs Season 2 DVDs. What episode are we on? Oh Ill tell you, you randy minx. Were on episode 13, My Philosophy. You bet your bottom dollar that charismatic patient Elaine dies. Tears well up in your eyes and you look to me for comfort. Im dead asleep. I have been for 15 minutes. Please take a cab home and lock the door on your way out.

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Tampa is about to have some catastrophically dumb middle schoolers.

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I just had Jump Showdown for the first time. Im not a fan how the camera is constantly adjusting for you seemingly at random. I lost because the camera shifted away from where I had it and couldnt seem the beam coming to obliterate me.

Choco posted...

i'm decent at 3d platformers but like
i had the tail in the final second of the final game and then it got stolen by someone who wasn't even close to me
how do you not just constantly get fucked over i guess is my question >_>

Honestly I feel like Royal Fumble is a lot of luck since the tail grabbing is finicky. With Hex-a-Gone, if you can master the jumping to each hex instead of running youll go a lot farther. Fall Mountain I think you just get better at predicting where the balls are being fired over time.

As for team games, dont be on yellow.

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TC you dumb piece of shit.

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I still need to see The Lobster. I have a couple more.

Parasite
Dont Think Twice

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Two words. Jeremiah. Weed.

Its absolutely abysmal.

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I remember in the old CE tinychat back in 2010-2011 there was a trend of guys getting completely naked but covering their stuff with a beanie.

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randy_123r posted...

Damn, my qualifying streak at the rollout game finally ended at level 30. Got distracted and eliminated myself 5 seconds after the round started. Only the regular jump game is left.

I think the only one Ive never been eliminated on is The Whirly Gig.

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Choco posted...

hmm so is there a way to ensure i can always reach one of them or is it just a guessing game sometimes?

I think they briefly flash before they fall away, right? I havent gotten that one yet.

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Ive been trying to get a moderator to warn me for over two weeks now and it hasnt happened yet. I dont know what else I can do. I already said butt.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.