Lurker > GrandConjuraton

There hasn't been an ice cream truck in at least fifteen years around here, but I live in the middle of nowhere, so...

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

I'm lonely, :/

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

TheOrgyPorgy posted...

I hate myself and have a negative view of life so

Same.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

I don't think i'll bother, either, but that's mainly due to complete apathy instead of being an anti-vax person (aka, someone of highly questionable intelligence).

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Bump

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Lost_All_Senses posted...

You can't find that proof my continuing to be around the same people at least. Or no people more so. You should use all this as the excuse for if you try and fail, not as an excuse to just never try.

Btw, I have a physical illness and am on SSI. There's people here who expressed that they'd let me die in the street if it was up to them. All but directly, because they're too cowardly to admit it when it comes face to face with them. And there's millions out there that think people born with illnesses should be a sacrificed. Why would I care about them tho? There couldn't be lesser people to give that kind of power to. Everytime you give them power, it comes from your stash and you slowly deplete.

You're looking to fix the wrong part first. People here express concern and compassion for you all the time btw. You throw it to the side. So you kind of already proved you gotta fix the way you process love givin. Your past might of messed up your ability to process when people are showing you genuine love. If that's it and you don't fix that first, then you might not be able to fix what you want.

You can say it's because people here don't matter. But that would just be part of the problem. Because there's people everywhere who have genuine feelings and compassion for others. People here make me feel good about myself a lot. It's the ones that try to make me feel bad that fall flat.

You sound like my therapist, :P . She's said pretty much the exact same things to me... but, honestly? I'm just too afraid of being hurt anymore to ever go out and try again... not that I have anywhere to go try, anyway. Even my therapist struggles to think of ways for me to meet people or make friends, and she has a much better idea of what my local area is like.

It's hopeless, and i'm hopeless.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Gotta figure out why that is. You address it with anyone? I love myself because I feel like I do what I should when it comes to people I love. I don't live to serve them or anything, but I come through even when I don't want to at times. And I put a lot of my extra energy towards doing stuff for them. I don't feel selfish, I guess is what I'm getting at. I can be selfish at times, but it's not a dominating quality. And I set my bar so low that it's enough.

I feel like most people don't realize that they set their own bar. They're always trying to live by other people's. People forget there was a time when we weren't all up in each other's business and weren't constantly comparing ourselves to others. I was able to walk my brain back to that time somehow. And I gotta say, it's chill as f*** and I have way more time to think about stuff I actually want to think about. I'm not too busy thinking about your stuff or his stuff, just my stuff. And my stuff is fine by my standards.

I already know why that is, x.x . I was a bullied a lot while growing up and had little to no positive reinforcement due to that and having no friends, and the way I was raised (very intentionally keeping me from trying to be social while I was young) stunted me and any growth I could have had in a very major way. Society (particularly those in power/with power) continually spits on me and those like me because of rampant fearmongering that has little to no basis in reality, and pretty much everything in my life up until now has taught me that I SHOULDN'T feel positively about myself.

That being the case, I feel as though my feelings will never begin to change unless I start finding proof that people can love me anyway, despite all of that... and I will never find that proof. There is no way for that to even begin to change.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Southernfatman posted...

Yeah, so why don't you kill me?

In a more just world, killing yourself wouldn't be as condemned as it is. As things are... I can't really help with that, x.x

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Pretty much. But I've never been called it by anyone but myself. People I love respect me and that's all I need. All that other stuff is extras. They'd be nice. But I don't need them.

I need and desire more than what I have, x.x . I know that plenty of families don't have the kind of love for one another that they "should" have, but in my mind, I still feel that family (at least immediate) have an obligation of sorts to love each other... and with that feeling there, and with having little to no love for myself, I very much need it from other sources.


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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

lurk posted...

I miss him so much. Did you know he used to use multiple alts to agree with himself in topics at times?

I do too, even if he did hate me, x.x

I knew of his GWF Bill account, but I didn't know of any other accounts that he used concurrently... coincidentally, I used all of my alts to agree with my main before I closed it, lol. This was one of them.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

lurk posted...

AE topic.

jk

I've carried the torch ever since he left and I probably always will, x.x

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Eliza-Schuyler posted...

a loser is a person who isnt going anywhere in life and has no goals. they get in online fights over subjects they cant control and probably dont do any sports or clubs besides maybe anime club or something. they dont have friends and dont do anything meaningful.

Are you naming off things that apply to yourself?

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Eliza-Schuyler posted...

deny.
being the confident popular girl doesnt make you a loser

It depends on your view of what counts as a loser or not, but you're probably covered.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Confirm

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

It was played daily over the intercom, and while I did stand for it, well...

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

mattymad posted...

ame thing every day, same thing every week, etc. It's all gonna blur in to one with no highlights throughout your year/memory to make you realise just how much time it's been.

I feel this pretty keenly as a shut-in of seven years with nothing going on in their life, x.x . Time as it happens feel so slow, but when I think back and can't really think of anything noteworthy, it feels weird realizing that that much time HAS went by.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

When your life is as worthless as mine, there's not much in terms of positives to be seen or said.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Not even slightly. There's not a lot of neutral territory where i'm concerned; people either hate me or like me.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

bump

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Veggeta X posted...

How do you currently feel about Capcom?

I don't really play many of their games or have a huge history with any of their games, so i'm more or less neutral... i'm somewhat inclined to not trust them because of how greedy they seem to be, though.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Mistere Man posted...

What is an Ae?

A bad joke, x.x

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

TheDogfather posted...

Have you been outside since March? I haven't.

Early June.

I had to go for appointments, but now that they've moved online, I haven't needed to leave.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

Nah, the app is legit but it's definitely kinda overpriced. Might wait to see if I can get it on sale for cheaper

Surely there are free ones you can use?

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

3PiesAndAFork posted...

This is how dumb conservatives are. Even with all that space they're not physical distancing.

Covid is a hoax!

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

CRON posted...

In a Tweet, he misspelled it as "Frorida". I wish I was kidding.

...

lmao

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

You have to pay to keep using the app and I was going to wait until my next paycheck. lol

Sounds like a scam, x.x

Veggeta X posted...

TC, how much do you agree with the logic "You are who keep as your company"?

As with most things, there is a degree of nuance. If you completely surround yourself with only (or mostly) of a certain type, I think that it's fair game to start making assumptions about you. If only some of your company is of that certain type, and you actually do have a real variety in those who surround you, I might wonder WHY you choose to be around that certain type, but I wouldn't make an assumption about you. I would only start making assumptions if you give me a good reason to, like engaging in the type of behavior that the person in question does.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

Damn, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. Have you tried meditating? It's been working for me, though I need to get back on it. I've been using Headspace. lol

What made you lose track of it?

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Machete posted...

that sucks :(

try not to let it get to you much if possible. I know that's easier said than done, and the world is s*** right now, but I'm trying to stay on the right side of my own issues and so far that's working relatively well so I would recommend doing the same and just not letting the negative s*** get you down, if that's a feasible option (I know full well that sometimes it's not unfortunately)

Ivynn posted...

Has the pandemic made you feel more anxious/depressed or has it not affected your mood?

The pandemic situation has made very little impact on my life, really, x.x . No one in my immediate family has gotten sick (up until the point of me typing this, at least) and I historically never really leave the house, anyway, so it's basically just business as usual for me with a smidge more frustration because of the constant onslaught of commercials, advisories and such about Covid constantly being everywhere getting on my nerves a bit.

It's been about a month and a half since I last left the house, I think.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

Yeah I know how you feel. Been feeling up and down lately myself.

I haven't been on CE lately but weren't you dating someone? lol

:c
*gives a big, warm and loving hug*

This is one of my only topics on CE for the last while, so the same could be said for me. Anyway... yeah, but we can't be together right now, so... :/

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

Dang. Sorry.

Is it the same 'ol?

Yep, x.x . The usual loneliness, depression, and general feelings of worthlessness... I think i'm getting ready to head into another slump.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Veggeta X posted...

Would you condemn your friends if they said or did something bad or dumb?

It depends on what that "bad" or "dumb" thing was. The only thing I can think off off of the top of my head that was cause that would be them saying or doing something transphobic, but other than that, I would have to have a specific situation in order to judge how i'd feel about what they did/said...

Ivynn posted...

Read any good books lately?

It's been a really long time since I actually read a book, ;-;

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Veggeta X posted...

TheDogFather got bent out of shape because I simply asked him what his political alignment was in his AMA topic. How would you feel if I asked you what your political alignment was?

I'm a very strong leftist, but that's mostly for economic policies. I'm not conservative for anything else by any means, but I don't fit squarely into the mold of a "typical" leftist on everything; for example, i'm more or less pro-gun, but I think that civilians having assault rifles and such is stupid.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Ivynn posted...

I've been well. Still having to work from home, even tho a lot of places are opening up now but I ain't complaining. Also finally getting around to playing The Last of Us 2 which isn't as bad as people who whined about it said it was. Have you played it or plan to?

I've never even played the first one, honestly. It never really caught my interest, .-.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Alright is not a good summation.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

BipBapBam posted...

Who are you saving up for now?

My next target is probably Sigurd's rerun at the end of the year, x.x . I wanted to get him on his initial run with leftover quartz from going for Okita Alter, but since I didn't get her and didn't HAVE any leftover quartz, that kinda didn't happen... After that, I want to get Moriarty during that event that seems to be about him next year. After that, I want to get Arjuna Alter when he finally releases. Finally, I want to try to get summer Ushi and Ibaraki during their reruns next year.

In other words, next year is going to be pretty light in terms of new servants that I want... but 2022 should be pretty stacked again because I want most of the Lostbelt 5 servants.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Zodd3224 posted...

I have slowly been making my way through Katatonia's discography myself. Havent got near the new one yet.

*looks at sig*

I see that you've betrayed me, ;-;

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

bump

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

BipBapBam posted...

I see none of my waifus there so 0/10 tbh

lmao Okita Alter was who you really wanted right? Great pull then~

It couldn't have been much better for me, honestly, x.x . Okita Alter was my obvious prize, but I also wanted Dantes to a lesser extent, so... that was good, and the extra copy of Gorgon brought mine up to NP3, and the extra Salieris let me bring mine up from NP2 to NP5. The only real way it could have been better is if Melt showed up, I guess.

I didn't particularly have a burning desire to get her, but Skadi showed up in just 60 quartz, so that was another victory for me on the anniversary... I flubbed on getting Saber Fran, though, so that's a bit of a bummer for me.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

BipBapBam posted...

Did your luck in FGO turn around yet?~

You tell me. This was my result from the GSSR from the anniversary:
https://i.imgur.com/uWd9FfM.jpg

Ivynn posted...

Are these some of the weirdest questions you've been asked in these things? lol

Good to see you.

Some of them are among the weirdest, but I feel there has to have been a worse set of questions at some point, >.<

Anyway, i'm basically the same as usual, honestly. I haven't been out of my house in a month and a half, so the shut-in thing is still going strong after all of these years... how have you been?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

My laptops have never been top of the line, so I know the feeling, x.x . See the above portion of this post for your response.

TheDogfather posted...

Can you conjure me something grand? I just napped for six hours.

Define grand.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

ImAMarvel posted...

do you remember me

Not a bit!

Of course I do, <3 . Why wouldn't I? We talked on Steam a bunch for a while, though that kinda fell to the wayside simply because I don't really use Steam except for rare occasions...

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

KamenRiderBlade posted...

So why did you change it?

I respectfully decline to answer, x.x . I've answered this question so many times that it's somewhat irritating at this point, in all honestly...

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

KamenRiderBlade posted...

Why did you change your UserName 2x?

What was the reasoning behind the name changes?

I don't have any idea why this question gets asked at least once every time I make this topic, x.x

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

It's a mobile game that came out earlier this month that was written by the guy who did the Nier games, but this is about fairy tale characters written in an extremely dark manner.

Some water with a strawberry drink mix in it.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Bumpz

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Bump

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

TheGoldenEel posted...

oranssi Pazuzu - mestarin kynsi
ulcerate - stare into death and be still
End - splinters from an ever changing face
Black curse - endless wound
Pyrrhon - abscess time

I've listened to these, but I didn't really see what the big deal was for them, >.< . In particular, I felt that the Ulcerate album was a bit of a snoozefest...

TheGoldenEel posted...

Hum - inlet

I did enjoy this one, though. I didn't go in expecting to like it, but it really did beat my expectations.

TheGoldenEel posted...

Old man gloom - seminar XIII & IX
Calligram - the eye is the first circle
WVRM - colony collapse

All three of these have been on my "to do" list for a while, but i'll hopefully get to them eventually, >.<

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

hockeybub89 posted...

Protest the Hero- Palimpsest

Yeah, this is the other one that fell through the cracks on my list, x.x . I'd never really been interested in them before, but this album really caught my attention.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Shoot, I forgot to put the new Firelink album on the list, x.x . It got lost as I went through my albums and decided which ones to write down.

KiwiTerraRizing posted...

How do you find time to listen to so much music?

I'm a no-life loser, so it should probably go without saying.

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Choco posted...

shut up :(

I'm just teasing, >.< . I knew you'd react that way.
*gives a big, warm and loving hug*

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj

Kaliesto posted...

Your ass is a lot like?

Unspecified_NPC posted...

Pancakes or waffles

Pancakes

BruceWayneJr posted...

how is babby formed? how girl get pragnent?

I think it involves data transfer via a USB port? I'm not qualified to speak on this manner, >.<

Choco posted...

WOW

Meat is also nice, :D

jon1012 posted...

What are your gang affiliations?

Dollars

Big_Nabendu posted...

Do girls really prefer big snausages?

They are preferred, yes, x.x

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You were the lugubrious spirit, the geist that warned this frozen silent storm
https://imgur.com/WXUtvXj