A younger coworker has taken an interest in me.....

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Current Events » A younger coworker has taken an interest in me.....
ninjaman44
08/21/2025
11:01 PM
#1
and I'm a little unsure as to how to proceed. To provide a bit of context I'm in my 30s and have been with the same company for about a decade, and we recently got a new hire in her 20s who pretty much immediately took a liking to me. Despite hating my job, I have a good reputation here and have always kept to myself and avoided dating in the work place. I'm about 10 years older than her, and have started to get some weird looks from my coworkers who have caught on to what's happening.

She doesn't care that I'm older, but the age difference makes it a bit difficult to have conversations, and it's become quite apparent that we don't have much in common because of that. All the same that hasn't deterred her at all and she continues to express her interest in me and initiates conversations whenever I'm around. I understand the age gap might not seem that large to others, but I've only ever gone out with people my own age. She's not looking for a fling, and she's a sweet girl who's quite mature, well-educated, and very pretty. She's also been very supporting after hearing from another coworker about the recent passing of my best friend, which is something I really appreciate as that's been a difficult thing for me to process.

I apologize for making this topic, as I realize it's kind of pathetic for someone my age to ask about this kind of thing, but I haven't dated anyone in years, and haven't exactly been in this situation before where a younger woman was the one doing the pursuing (which is honestly quite flattering). I like her quite a bit, but I'm not sure if it'd be better if I just backed off and declined her advances. My job is basically hell and a large number of my coworkers are assholes who make my life miserable. I've thought about quitting a lot recently, and this has only made things more complicated for me.

TL;DR: basically I'd appreciate an outsider's perspective on dating a younger person, specifically a coworker, and would like to hear from anyone who's maybe had similar experiences.
realnifty1
08/21/2025
11:07 PM
#2
Do your best to put her age out of your head entirely, she is old enough to make her own decisions.

If you can manage that, then just figure it out like you would with anyone else you were dating; do you like them, do you respect them, do you have things to do other than have sex together, etc....
__starsnostars
08/21/2025
11:11 PM
#3
I've really only had one somewhat serious relationship in my life so maybe I'm not the best person to reply but I'll just say that relationships between co-workers can be messy and it can potentially lead to more stress and drama in the workplace. That being said if there is a connection and you think it may work / be worth it then you probably should consider pursuing if only so in 10, 15, 30 years from now you're not looking back with regret.
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monkmith
08/21/2025
11:13 PM
#4
dating a coworker can be messy.
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KhlavicLanguage
08/21/2025
11:15 PM
#5
realnifty1 posted...
Do your best to put her age out of your head entirely, she is old enough to make her own decisions.

Yikes.
Chickens and cheese.
SomeLikeItHoth
08/21/2025
11:15 PM
#6
You're both adults and it doesn't seem like you're in a position of power over her so not sure what the big deal is.
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Evening_Dragon
08/21/2025
11:16 PM
#7
Same thing's happened on my end, except I'm taken and let her down easy, cause it'll be real awkward otherwise. She's smart and engaging, I'd have taken her out already if I were single; the only real distance is that I have what feels like an unfair advantage in socializing. Like, her idea of being subtle about trying to get me to ask her out has me thinking "oh my god, were we all so transparent in our 20s??"
And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your span of life?
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Cassie
08/21/2025
11:16 PM
#8
Oh this topic gonna go places
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_____Cait
08/21/2025
11:18 PM
#9
At leastit isnt a topic about dating an older superior again
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OniLink5000
08/21/2025
11:19 PM
#10
If you break up, you still have to see them at work.

if one of you is promoted, you now have an ethical conflict if one of you has authority over the other.
No sig
realnifty1
08/22/2025
08:18 AM
#11
KhlavicLanguage posted...
Yikes.

*rolls eyes* So when do you stop infantilizing women their 30's or maybe you wait until they are in their 40's just to be sure.
voldothegr8
08/22/2025
08:23 AM
#12
The general rule of thumb is to not dip your pen in company ink. For every story you hear against the rule, there are dozens that support it.
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KhlavicLanguage
08/22/2025
12:32 PM
#13
realnifty1 posted...
*rolls eyes* So when do you stop infantilizing women their 30's or maybe you wait until they are in their 40's just to be sure.

Yikes.
Chickens and cheese.
Dissident_77
08/22/2025
12:34 PM
#14
KhlavicLanguage posted...
Yikes.
How is this yikes? 10 years when one is in their 20s and one in their 30s? That's not a big deal at all. I was 43 and she was 28 when I started dating my wife. Guarantee it is a better relationship than you have ever had.

TC - the question is how do you feel about her? You said positive things but you also said you had nothing in common. That is all worth thinking about, not the age.
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
BlueFalcon
08/22/2025
12:42 PM
#15
ninjaman44 posted...
and it's become quite apparent that we don't have much in common because of that
This is a red flag right there. Why would you want to be with someone you don't have anythhing in common with?
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KhlavicLanguage
08/22/2025
12:44 PM
#16
Dissident_77 posted...
How is this yikes?

CE...
Chickens and cheese.
Resident_Hill
08/22/2025
12:45 PM
#17
voldothegr8 posted...
The general rule of thumb is to not dip your pen in company ink. For every story you hear against the rule, there are dozens that support it.

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Dissident_77
08/22/2025
12:46 PM
#18
BlueFalcon posted...
This is a red flag right there. Why would you want to be with someone you don't have anythhing in common with?
Personally, I want more details about this. What does this mean? Does it mean values because that is huge? Does it just mean pop culture stuff, because that isn't important?

Like what if you enjoy different music and movies, but both like to hike and travel? That could mean superficial differences but important similarities.

Simply need more information.
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
Dissident_77
08/22/2025
12:48 PM
#19
KhlavicLanguage posted...
CE...
And yet your response is the only one that makes me think "touch grass"...
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
Heineken14
08/22/2025
12:50 PM
#20
BlueFalcon posted...
This is a red flag right there. Why would you want to be with someone you don't have anythhing in common with?

I was going to say something similar. I wouldn't have used red flag since I view that more as something negative, but yeah if you don't think you have anything in common with her then that could be tricky. The age difference and co-worker (as long as you aren't a superior to her) are non-issues really.

You said she's nice and friendly and you are asking here so I feel like there is at least a little bit of curiosity there. Could maybe bring up some of your interests when you talk to her to see how she responds, to see if you truly don't have anything in common. Who knows, maybe you'll make a joke about hobbits or something and turns out she's a huge Lord of the Rings nerd.... or she just stares at you like you kicked a puppy and now you know for sure. lol
Rage is a hell of an anesthetic.
Cuticrusader09
08/22/2025
12:54 PM
#21
Id say probably dont do anything with her. One it seems you have nothing in common. Two people have already caught on. So shes not mature enough to know flirting on company time is not cool.

And I say this as someone who did date (and marry) an older man that I worked with (I was 27 and he was 40 when we met). But we did not flirt on company time. I only approached him on Fridays after 5 when most people had already left. No one had a clue that we were dating; we kept it private.
MrResetti
08/22/2025
12:56 PM
#22
Godnorgosh alt
NoxObscuras
08/22/2025
12:56 PM
#23
Yeah, I'm also curious what not having much in common means for the TC. It's okay to have different interests. You can still be on the same page about other things.

I say if you're interested in her, no harm in starting a relationship. It doesn't sound like you're in a position of power over her, and if you're both mature about it, it shouldn't effect your work. Not to mention, it doesn't sound like this is a workplace that you want to stay in long term, so you won't spend your whole career working together.
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MrResetti
08/22/2025
12:57 PM
#24
TC, from experience

Don't.
BlueTigerLion
08/22/2025
01:07 PM
#25
Dissident_77 posted...
How is this yikes?

Make me wonder if the average age of CE is upper 30s or even 40s. 10 year age difference from 20s to 30s isnt that much. Such as 22 dating 32.
Hey now.
BlueTigerLion
08/22/2025
01:08 PM
#26
TC you mentioned youre grieving your best friend and unhappy at work. Big life stressors can make relationships feel comforting, but they can also cloud judgment. Make sure youre not leaning on her just to fill a void thats fair to both of you.
Hey now.
KhlavicLanguage
08/22/2025
01:08 PM
#27
Dissident_77 posted...
And yet your response is the only one that makes me think "touch grass"...
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orcus_snake
08/22/2025
01:09 PM
#28
Yikes.

There is nothing yikes about that, she is a grown adult woman who has agency of her own actions.

Also to whoever said the age difference is a red gap, that is true and a red flag is worthy looking into, it is not an automatic fuck off flag.
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Dissident_77
08/22/2025
01:14 PM
#29
MrResetti posted...
Godnorgosh alt
C'mon, TC seems much less sleepy

MrResetti posted...
TC, from experience

Don't.
Anecdotal
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
Akuryu
08/22/2025
01:15 PM
#30
Being co-workers is a bigger issue than the age gap. Office romances are discouraged for a reason. Disclose the relationship to your HR department up front.
Shamino
08/22/2025
01:16 PM
#31
If you want to go forward, ask her to lunch.

Have an escape plan if things go bad. (Like how to professionally minimize contact)

Edit: Deleted my wildly incorrect age take.
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Dissident_77
08/22/2025
01:17 PM
#32
Shamino posted...
So there could be a 20 to 19 year gap here

ninjaman44 posted...
I'm about 10 years older than her

Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
SauI_Goodman
08/22/2025
01:19 PM
#33
The age thing is not an issue at all. The people giving you dirty looks are probably women your age or older that are jealous. But, if you dont have much in common you're not going to make it that far. Sure, sex is sex. But eventually it'll old.
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masterpug53
08/22/2025
01:23 PM
#35
Please ignore Khlavic. He deliberately seeks out topics on subjects like this to troll; irritating enough when its about news stories and such, but now there's an extra layer of scuminess when he's attempting to troll a CEman looking for advice.
Simple questions deserve long-winded answers that no one will bother to read.
Dissident_77
08/22/2025
01:26 PM
#36
masterpug53 posted...
Please ignore Khlavic. He deliberately seeks out topics on subjects like this to troll; irritating enough when its about news stories and such, but now there's an extra layer of scuminess when he's attempting to troll a CEman looking for advice.
Yeah, he admitted it on discord. I had a hunch I didn't like him, but this confirms it.

I will not engage anymore. I unfortunately take negative comments about age gaps too seriously.
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
inTaCtfuL
08/22/2025
01:34 PM
#37
Personally, I wouldn't even bother. I don't care about y'all being coworkers or the 10-year age gap, but it's interesting to me that you like this girl and admit that you have very little in common. That made me curious to ask you, what do you like about her then?

KhlavicLanguage posted...
Yikes.
Also this is giving me "Yikes" vibes than anything here. It's like you decided to remove all context surrounding that quote and are trying to make it seem like that dude is a predator going after barely legal women.

If this isn't what you're trying to imply, then can you explain yourself that doesn't involve using one word or memes?
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inTaCtfuL
08/22/2025
01:35 PM
#38
masterpug53 posted...
Please ignore Khlavic. He deliberately seeks out topics on subjects like this to troll; irritating enough when its about news stories and such, but now there's an extra layer of scuminess when he's attempting to troll a CEman looking for advice.
Oh, oops. Saw this before I hit enter on my last post. Thank you.
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Villain_S_Fiend
08/22/2025
01:43 PM
#39
You covered the only real criticism I'd have of a 20s-30s age gap; a lack of things in common to connect on. Besides that, who cares? Old enough to drink, old enough to wink (or something, I dunno).
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KhlavicLanguage
08/22/2025
02:08 PM
#40
masterpug53 posted...
Please ignore Khlavic. He deliberately seeks out topics on subjects like this to troll; irritating enough when its about news stories and such, but now there's an extra layer of scuminess when he's attempting to troll a CEman looking for advice.

Kinda weird to treat "trolling" (which is apparently just a synonym for disagreeing at this point) as a worse crime than acting questionable towards women, but to each their own.
Chickens and cheese.
HighSeraph
08/22/2025
02:13 PM
#41
KhlavicLanguage posted...
worse crime than acting questionable towards women
I wasn't aware romantic interest between adults is acting "questionable"
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suchiuomizu
08/22/2025
02:18 PM
#42
KhlavicLanguage posted...
Kinda weird to treat "trolling" (which is apparently just a synonym for disagreeing at this point) as a worse crime than acting questionable towards women, but to each their own.

Yep, that post is more of your trolling,
WTF DUH I DUH
Arcanine2009
08/22/2025
02:24 PM
#43
I would tread very carefully.. Especially if it's someone in the same department as you. Prioritize your professional reputation. Things can go south when/if the relationship doesn't work out. Nasty gossip, retaliation, and fights might not be worth it.

If you don't have much in common, maybe it's not a good idea to pursue it. Weigh the benefits and costs. If you want something out of it, make sure it's consensual, and do it discreetly, and agree to being professional if there's a fall out.

Personally, if you hate your job and you want out of it.. and you want something out of this thing.. Best thing to do is to find another job and pursue the relationship like that. How much is your job and reputation worth? I know you said you hate it, but can you find another job easily too?
Less is more. Everything you want, isn't everything you need.
NoxObscuras
08/22/2025
02:25 PM
#44
KhlavicLanguage posted...
Kinda weird to treat "trolling" (which is apparently just a synonym for disagreeing at this point) as a worse crime than acting questionable towards women, but to each their own.
Nah, you've done this kind of thing enough times that I had to tag you as a troll to remind myself not to engage
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Arcanine2009
08/22/2025
02:30 PM
#45
voldothegr8 posted...
The general rule of thumb is to not dip your pen in company ink. For every story you hear against the rule, there are dozens that support it.
I know a lot of people that have met at work. Some ended up getting married I think it's natural for people to get interested in others at work and pursue..

Generally I'd advise against it in a white collar job where there's more at stake. Things can work out if

-if both parties are mutually attracted to each other and want something out of it
-both parties are mature about it, are discreet about it, and have a gameplan if things don't work out.. Like not showing drama at work and being professional about it
-if there's no powerplay involved.. Nobody works for the other
-they don't work in the same department (i recommend this)
-No cheating involved

Better to go after someone when they leave the company. But if they do it while both are working... They might let HR know eventually.
Less is more. Everything you want, isn't everything you need.
Villain_S_Fiend
08/22/2025
02:54 PM
#46
I've seen the fallout from workplace romances. I lost a promising new member of the team to it - he couldn't handle working at the same place after the breakup. If you're going to chance it, you have to be willing to deal with a bad outcome.
The food here is terrible. My steak was so tough it attacked my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.
sabin017
08/22/2025
02:56 PM
#47
You should just get ahead of this and disclose to HR that you're both in a relationship.
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Dissident_77
08/22/2025
02:57 PM
#48
sabin017 posted...
You should just get ahead of this and disclose to HR that you're both in a relationship.
Well, that's weird
Currently playing - Donkey Kong Bananza
ssb_yunglink2
08/22/2025
03:03 PM
#49
KhlavicLanguage posted...
Kinda weird to treat "trolling" (which is apparently just a synonym for disagreeing at this point) as a worse crime than acting questionable towards women, but to each their own.
Im one of the more hesitant people here regarding age gaps when the younger party is pretty young, but 20s mingling with 30s is not weird or questionable whatsoever. You know that.

Go pull this shit somewhere else

Hee Ho
Robot2600
08/22/2025
03:07 PM
#50
I've worked at the same organization as my life partner for the last 14 years. It's not "messy" it's awesome.

These ppl don't know what the hell they are talking about.

So what if she's in her 20s and you're in your 30s? You're gonna let your co-workers be the reason you miss out on a potential soulmate? Get real!

Also congrats on dating! It sounds like things are going well. Don't sabotage yourself!
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doshindude
08/22/2025
03:07 PM
#51
sabin017 posted...
You should just get ahead of this and disclose to HR that you're both in a relationship.

They don't need to know about that.

HR is not your friend.
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Current Events » A younger coworker has taken an interest in me.....
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