Wow, thats a lot of exes.
They're sorta spaced out, and that's every ex for my entire life. So like, the first one was from 6th grade up until now when I'm 32. I'd say I have the average number of exes I guess?
only advice I can give you is: its not the fault of other people, or some cosmic force hell bent on harming you. It COULD be sheer bad luck; in the end, relationships are a matter of change, even though you can stack the deck in your favor.Nah... I've seen it happen enough. Anyone else can attract someone just by existing. They'll have opportunities and connections with people that then evolve into something more. They don't need to change who they are, or put on shows. Even if they're unattractive and have a nasty personality. Just being themselves is good enough, and I'm just not good enough. That's all there is to it really.
There is something you can be doing to stack that deck, you just need to identify what it is. Those people you say are more desirable than you are more desirable because theyve done the work to be more desirable.
Not trying to make you depressed mate. But if you compare yourself to somebody like me who has had multiple relationships, Ive asked plenty of girls out who have said no. You need to learn to dust yourself off and try again.Even without comparing to anyone else, I'm disappointed with myself. Then I see all the success everyone has, and I want that too. I don't need some rich super model, I just want someone to care about me. I want to be loved, and to be wanted.
Nah... I've seen it happen enough. Anyone else can attract someone just by existing. They'll have opportunities and connections with people that then evolve into something more. They don't need to change who they are, or put on shows. Even if they're unattractive and have a nasty personality. Just being themselves is good enough, and I'm just not good enough. That's all there is to it really.
There's just something inherently undesirable about me. I don't know what it is, but everyone else can see it. It's like they just naturally reject the idea that I could be a potential partner.
You don't end up a friendless, loveless, 40 year old virgin if you have options.
Even without comparing to anyone else, I'm disappointed with myself. Then I see all the success everyone has, and I want that too. I don't need some rich super model, I just want someone to care about me. I want to be loved, and to be wanted.That starts with you.
I'm just not capable of inspiring that in others I guess. The worst part is that it proved my dad right. He always said no one would ever love me, and here we are.
You have no self-respect and no love for yourselfThat's true.
so why would anybody else feel those things for you?Let's invert that. Why would I feel love for myself when no one's shown I'm worth it? I also don't let people see that side of me. Trust me, I've become a pro at hiding myself.
Youve closed yourself off. Nobody else can do that.Yes. I'm very closed off. I have walls upon walls, upon walls. It takes me such an incredibly long time grow close enough to someone to start lowering them... But I'm still friendly and kind, and honest with people. They can still get to know me, I just keep things distant emotionally so I don't get hurt. Does that make me undeserving of love? Does it make me a bad person?
I hate to say it, but its on you.You're right, it is me. I'm the problem. Always have been, always will be.
My parents were dicks too, of the highest magnitude.I don't know the history there, but I guarantee my parents could give them a run for the money.
That's true.
Let's invert that. Why would I feel love for myself when no one's shown I'm worth it? I also don't let people see that side of me. Trust me, I've become a pro at hiding myself.
Yes. I'm very closed off. I have walls upon walls, upon walls. It takes me such an incredibly long time grow close enough to someone to start lowering them... But I'm still friendly and kind, and honest with people. They can still get to know me, I just keep things distant emotionally so I don't get hurt. Does that make me undeserving of love? Does it make me a bad person?Does it make you a bad person? No. But it does make you a very unrealistic prospect for finding that sort of connection with somebody. You say you want it, but act in the exact opposite way to achieve it.
I understand that it would make growing attached difficult... But that doesn't matter because no one's ever been interested in trying.Even if they were, you wouldnt notice. Youre too busy convincing yourself that its impossible.
You're right, it is me. I'm the problem. Always have been, always will be.Then thats a choice. You know youre self-sabotaging and continue to do so.
I don't know the history there, but I guarantee my parents could give them a run for the money.
I mean, you can have those without all the baggage of prior romance.
Nah... I've seen it happen enough. Anyone else can attract someone just by existing. They'll have opportunities and connections with people that then evolve into something more. They don't need to change who they are, or put on shows. Even if they're unattractive and have a nasty personality. Just being themselves is good enough, and I'm just not good enough. That's all there is to it really.
There's just something inherently undesirable about me. I don't know what it is, but everyone else can see it. It's like they just naturally reject the idea that I could be a potential partner.
You don't end up a friendless, loveless, 40 year old virgin if you have options.
Even without comparing to anyone else, I'm disappointed with myself. Then I see all the success everyone has, and I want that too. I don't need some rich super model, I just want someone to care about me. I want to be loved, and to be wanted.
I'm just not capable of inspiring that in others I guess. The worst part is that it proved my dad right. He always said no one would ever love me, and here we are.
What part of it has to start with you are you not getting? You cant invert it. Thats just a lame justification for your defeatist attitude.*Is treated like trash. Is talked to like trash. Is looked down upon as trash. Is told he's trash.*
You say you want it, but act in the exact opposite way to achieve it.I'm emotionally distant, sure. But that shouldn't stop people from trying to get to know me better. I'm generally well liked and respected, it's just no one really cares about me beyond surface level stuff. No one's ever tried to get close to me or anything like that. Not in real life anyway, I've had people reach out on gamefaqs plenty of times, and had a few friendships form that way, but they don't last.
Even if they were, you wouldnt notice. Youre too busy convincing yourself that its impossible.With my trauma and anxieties, I'm keenly aware of how behave around me. I'm very good at reading people and recognizing how they feel.
Yeah no, the issue here is pretty clearly your attitude and the fact you definitely need to go to therapy to deal with your issues with your self-image and your father.IDK how you guys can say I'm wrong for saying it feels hopeless, and that I have a better chance than I think and to not blame myself... Just to turn around and say I don't have much of a chance and that I'm the problem.
*Is treated like trash. Is talked to like trash. Is looked down upon as trash. Is told he's trash.*
"Well, it's your fault for feeling like trash."
I honestly feel like I could turn this around if I had someone caring and encouraging in my life. I don't though, so I'm just looking at things for how they are.
I'm emotionally distant, sure. But that shouldn't stop people from trying to get to know me better. I'm generally well liked and respected, it's just no one really cares about me beyond surface level stuff. No one's ever tried to get close to me or anything like that. Not in real life anyway, I've had people reach out on gamefaqs plenty of times, and had a few friendships form that way, but they don't last.
With my trauma and anxieties, I'm keenly aware of how behave around me. I'm very good at reading people and recognizing how they feel.
There's only been a few times that I didn't recognize what I was seeing, and those were the times I thought people may have been showing interest and I got shot down pretty harshly.
IDK how you guys can say I'm wrong for saying it feels hopeless, and that I have a better chance than I think and to not blame myself... Just to turn around and say I don't have much of a chance and that I'm the problem.
Relationships are not therapy. Women are not your therapists.I don't want a relationship to use as therapy. I want to be happy, and I feel that if I can find some form of success that my line of thinking would naturally shift to match the situation.
Being emotionally distant is the problem. That actually does mean people wont want to get to know you, and thats reasonable.And they can measure how distant I am, and judge me as unworthy how? By never taking the time to talk with me? By ignoring my existence until they need something?
I don't want a relationship to use as therapy. I want to be happy, and I feel that if I can find some form of success that my line of thinking would naturally shift to match the situation.
And they can measure how distant I am, and judge me as unworthy how? By never taking the time to talk with me? By ignoring my existence until they need something?
I'm fully aware that me being so closed off could be a big problem in a situation where someone did want to be close. I mean, they'd just have to give me some time, but I do see where someone might mind. But I don't see how it matters much when there's no one.
Yes, people can pretty easily measure your attitudeHow can they if they never interact with me? Then when they do I'm friendly, helpful, and kind? Everyone I interact with regularly likes me(except dad, but that's a whole other thing).
How can they if they never interact with me? Then when they do I'm friendly, helpful, and kind? Everyone I interact with regularly likes me(except dad, but that's a whole other thing).
I get told by guests at work that they enjoy talking with me, and that I'm very welcoming and approachable. All my coworkers like me, and I've been told by management several times that I'm the go to person they want to deal with people due to my friendliness. The thing is, despite all that none of them have ever taken the time to get to know me. When I try to talk, I get cut off and and interrupted. No one cares about me, or who I am. I'm just a tool to be used.
I really doubt that every person perception is so sharp that they can see through all of that directly to my internalized damage at a glance without ever interacting with me. I'm sure some probably are, bug I work with the public. I can see how unintuitive most people are.
I can see how they might figure it if they did try to get to know me, and how they might be put off by that, but they don't.
How can they if they never interact with me? Then when they do I'm friendly, helpful, and kind? Everyone I interact with regularly likes me(except dad, but that's a whole other thing).I've been in your shoes (believe me, it is/was a huge insecurity of mine), and I know for certain you can find someone, you just gotta look. How? I have no idea; I have no social skills and just got lucky on dating sites.
I get told by guests at work that they enjoy talking with me, and that I'm very welcoming and approachable. All my coworkers like me, and I've been told by management several times that I'm the go to person they want to deal with people due to my friendliness. The thing is, despite all that none of them have ever taken the time to get to know me. When I try to talk, I get cut off and and interrupted. No one cares about me, or who I am. I'm just a tool to be used.
I really doubt that every person perception is so sharp that they can see through all of that directly to my internalized damage at a glance without ever interacting with me. I'm sure some probably are, bug I work with the public. I can see how unintuitive most people are.
I can see how they might figure it if they did try to get to know me, and how they might be put off by that, but they don't.
Your problem is that youre at work. Guests and coworkers arent going to try to get to know you. Its a job.https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/80729448
But I can tell you that its not whatever youre claiming it isI don't know what it is. There's literally just an utter and entire lack of interest in me. That's it. I'm hurt that it is that way, and then I get blamed for feeling that way.
I've been in your shoes (believe me, it is/was a huge insecurity of mine), and I know for certain you can find someone, you just gotta look. How? I have no idea; I have no social skills and just got lucky on dating sites.I'm happy you found someone. I hate that you had that insecurity, but it is comforting to know I'm not the only one.
But also keep in mind that relationships are quite difficult, and chances are they're not going to be the happy fairy tale romance shit people display out in public and on TV.Trust me, I know.
I'm happy you found someone. I hate that you had that insecurity, but it is comforting to know I'm not the only one.That is fair. Feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to talk about it or need some advice or anything.
Trust me, I know.
It may not even be worth it, but I want to experience it at least once, so I'll know.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/80729448
Just looking at the poll should be proof enough, but you can read the comments too.
Besides, I'm not looking for anything at work. I'm just trying to show that I don't think others can see how damaged I am as easily as you think. There's no real reason that I should be such a failure.
Here I am, genuinely caring about the people around me, and seeing that I just don't matter to anyone. Why should I put in even more effort just to be shunned still?
I don't know what it is. There's literally just an utter and entire lack of interest in me. That's it. I'm hurt that it is that way, and then I get blamed for feeling that way.
Youre getting blamed for feeling that way because its incorrect. Theres no such thing. Youre making it up in your head to explain away something that has other causes.What's incorrect? Feeling bad for being alone my whole life? No such thing as what? I haven't blamed anything specific, just said that I'm upset that it's happened and that I don't understand.
And youre being told explicitly what to do about it, right now, by me, and youve basically completely ignored it. See a therapist.I'm not arguing against that part because you're right. The only thing is I've tried it before and it didn't go well. So now I'm hesitant to try again. That's all.
What's incorrect? Feeling bad for being alone my whole life? No such thing as what? I haven't blamed anything specific, just said that I'm upset that it's happened and that I don't understand.
I'm not arguing against that part because you're right. The only thing is I've tried it before and it didn't go well. So now I'm hesitant to try again. That's all.