Last Topic: 1:31:30am, 08/03/2022
Last Post: 10:14:45pm, 12/20/2018
How can I add in the three wise men?
So, I'm writing a parody version of the classic tale of Mary and Joseph, travelling to Bethlemhem and eventually giving birth to Jesus Christ. Here's an excerpt:
*Two days later, Mary and Joseph are in town and are approached by Roman soldiers.*
Roman: Hey! You pair. State your names.
Mary: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Roman: What? What is it?
Mary: That's our names.
Roman: Oh...right. Who is Jesus?
Mary: I carry him in my womb. He's the son of God and I am his chosen vessel.
Roman: You, Joseph. Is she mental?
Jospeh: Well sir, an angel came to visit her with news from God. A son is to be born to her with the blessing of God. His name will be Jesus and he'll be the one true King.
Roman: A simple 'yes' would have been fine. Listen here, the Roman Empire is holding a census. If you are not from these parts, you must leave and return to your home town.
Mary: But I am unfit to travel! Didn't you hear me say I am carrying the unborn child of God. I can't possibly travel all the way to Bethlehem.
Joseph: Is there nothing you can do, Mr Roman? Please don't make me go back to my mother-in-law.
Roman: Oh, we can absolutely change the rules just for you two. I'll send a message to the Emperor right now saying that his Royal Decree is inconvenient for two local nutjobs.
Mary: Really?!
Roman: No. Get the hell out of town.
----
Mary: What are we going to do, Joseph? This is your responsibility as the father.....figure of my child.
Joseph: We have no choice, my love. We must travel to Bethlehem. I can build us a carriage for the trip.
Mary: Ha! Yeah, right. Jesus will be a man with children of his own by the time you've finished. I'm still waiting on that bookcase you promised you'd build after our wedding. No, just buy a donkey, Joseph. I'll ride it like a bloody peasant and you can walk it.
*Mary and Joseph knock on the door of the inn and an old man in a dressing gown answers*
Innkeeper: What?
Mary: Excuse me?! That is no way to welcome a vessel of God! One who carries His Holy Son within her womb!
Joseph: I'm also here.
Innkeeper: What, you want a room? We're full. Sorry, not sorry. We can't fit any more guests in.
Mary: But I am with child!
Innkeeper: Yeah, exactly. So we definitely can't fit you in. Try somewhere else.
Joseph: Listen here, sir. My name is Joseph and this is my wife, Mary. She's pregnant with - er, with a baby. I'm a carpenter by trade. My business is booming. Making shit out of wood is really popular these days. I can pay you whatever you like.
Innkeeper: Cool story, bro. Make yourself a wooden hearing aid. I told you there's no room. Goodbye.
*The door slams*
Mary: Great help you are, husband. Now what do we do? And why didn't you tell him I was pregnant with God's child?
Joseph: Yeah, somehow I doubt he was gonna buy that.
Mary: Everyone else believes it!
Joseph: Totally...oh look! There's a shed over there.
Mary: We're not asking him if we can stay in his bloody shed!
Joseph: We're not asking him anything. Let's go.
I need ideas on how to introduce the ''Three Wise Men'' who gift this crazy couple with frankincense, myrrh and gold. What you got, PotD?
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