Current Events > Are Space Pirates in Metroid like the dumbest bad guy organization?

(+) Yeah! (+)

"Hey, here's this unknown radioactive substance that we know nothing about. Better experiment with it by injecting it into METROIDS THE MOST DANGEROUS ORGANISMS IN THE GALAXY and also ourselves because why not?"

There's even a scan in MP1 where they admit they can't find Samus' ship anywhere on the planet when it's literally like less than one kilometer away from their crashed ship. That they know where it's at because they're still there guarding it.

Only Umbrella Corporation comes close imo.

The Galactic Empire

Organization XIII

Garabandal posted...

The Galactic Empire

I never got the, "These people are literally a danger to themselves," vibe from the Galactic Empire that I got from the Space Pirates or Umbrella.

Team Yell

I remember one scan where they tried to mimic Samus' morph ball and had a failed experiment with one of the space pirates lol

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

Solar_Crimson posted...

Team Yell

That's Pokemon right?

Deku_Link posted...

I remember one scan where they tried to mimic Samus' morph ball and had a failed experiment with one of the space pirates lol

I knew I was forgetting something lol

These guys are freaking morons

Kim_Seong-a posted...

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

Not only that but there's also a few scans in MP1 where they mention that everyone is to go on red alert since they know Samus is on the planet and to shoot to kill on sight. And it's like, when the hell has a Space Pirate EVER threatened Samus? Literally just sending them to die. lol

Not to mention they literally had to tell their subordinates to NOT FEED THE METROIDS OR TRY TO TAKE THEM AS PETS

How stupid can you be?

ImAMarvel posted...

That's Pokemon right?

Yep. Basically just soccer hooligans.

Actually, Team Magma might also be up there, since their goal of getting rid of the oceans to make more land for humans to live on is monumentally stupid.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Actually, Team Magma might also be up there, since their goal of getting rid of the oceans to make more land for humans to live on is monumentally stupid.

Aqua and Magma are both stupid as fuck. So glad Emerald came along and pointed out that both groups sucks serious shit, instead of making you pick sides.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Yep. Basically just soccer hooligans.

Actually, Team Magma might also be up there, since their goal of getting rid of the oceans to make more land for humans to live on is monumentally stupid.

Apparently no one on Team Magma ever took a basic geology course. lol

Confederacy of Independent Systems

Kim_Seong-a posted...

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

Well he is the best out of all of them to deal with Samus and he deals with everyone else not named Samus quite well. If Ridley ever comes back after dread I feel like he would need some power ups to deal with Samus at this point.

Isn't Samus' ship only visible to her? I think I remember some scan information about the cloaking tech, but it's been a while.

Kim_Seong-a posted...

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

Bird woman?

Heartomaton posted...

Isn't Samus' ship only visible to her? I think I remember some scan information about the cloaking tech, but it's been a while.

That's not a thing from what I can recall.

Revelation34 posted...

Bird woman?

Bruh, Samus is like a hybrid between human, alien bird, and Metroid DNA by Fusion.

And at one point before she had Metroid DNA, she also had a shit ton of Phazon in her too.

ImAMarvel posted...

That's not a thing from what I can recall.

Bruh, Samus is like a hybrid between human, alien bird, and Metroid DNA by Fusion.

And at one point before she had Metroid DNA, she also had a shit ton of Phazon in her too.

This is the furthest in the timeline we have gone though. We have never seen her do anything to space pirates with her new Chozo dna

The Psychlos from Battlefield Earth

I went looking. Looks like the ship is indeed cloaked to anyone who isn't Samus, or at least to the pirates.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/3/0/AAcI8BAAES1i.jpg

_____Cait posted...

This is the furthest in the timeline we have gone though. We have never seen her do anything to space pirates with her new Chozo dna

IIRC, Samus got a blood transfusion (which somehow gave her Chozo dna? lmao) way back before even the first Metroid game, when she was adopted by the Chozo. It's why she can use the Varia Suit iirc

ImAMarvel posted...

That's not a thing from what I can recall.

Bruh, Samus is like a hybrid between human, alien bird, and Metroid DNA by Fusion.

And at one point before she had Metroid DNA, she also had a shit ton of Phazon in her too.

I only ever played Metroid Prime and one of the earlier games I have vague memories of being killed by a metroid.

the space pirates seem technologically super smart, but very dumb practically

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/3/3/AACrrZAAES1l.png

Heartomaton posted...

Isn't Samus' ship only visible to her? I think I remember some scan information about the cloaking tech, but it's been a while.

This is what I thought too.

Heartomaton posted...

I went looking. Looks like the ship is indeed cloaked to anyone who isn't Samus, or at least to the pirates.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/3/0/AAcI8BAAES1i.jpg

I'll have to look up the scans from MP2 and MP3 bc MP1 definitely doesn't say anything about that, aside from that one.

Revelation34 posted...

I only ever played Metroid Prime and one of the earlier games I have vague memories of being killed by a metroid.

She doesn't get Metroid dna until Fusion.

HudGard posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/3/3/AACrrZAAES1l.png

Not to mention having doors and vents and shit that are accessible with Samus' technology.

Kim_Seong-a posted...

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

Ok, to be fair, if you look into Ridley's actual lore he's basically an unstoppable savant killing machine. not to mention a brilliant tactician/battlefield general. Until Samus popped up he was undefeated, full stop. They kept bringing him back because even with taking an L from Samus he had the best win record in the galaxy. Unfortunately for the Space Pirates, Samus is basically gender-swapped Doomguy and we've all seen how that song and dance goes.

viewmaster_pi posted...

the space pirates seem technologically super smart, but very dumb practically

Blame Mother Brain tbh. They were extremely dependent on her to do the thinking and she had a very... logical approach to things with very little flexibility. As a result, Space Pirates are pretty terrible at adapting to emerging situations such as Female Bird Jesus kicking their war leader's teeth in and blowing up their literal think tank.

ImAMarvel posted...

"Hey, here's this unknown radioactive substance that we know nothing about. Better experiment with it by injecting it into METROIDS THE MOST DANGEROUS ORGANISMS IN THE GALAXY

No, that would be the X virus.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/5/4/AARMtDAAES5C.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/5/5/AARMtDAAES5D.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/5/6/AARMtDAAES5E.jpg

They're not trained very well in combat, that's for sure. Like, if a space pirate takes cover while you're firing at it, it's likely just a coincidence.

The Umbrella company in the Resident Evil movies keep giving Alice, a woman who vociferously loathes them, superpowers. And in one movie, they create a clone army of her.

they are hilariously stupid.

"hmm. this thing is the ultimate killing machine. very deadly, extremely hard to put down, and openly hostile toward anything and everything around it except other metroids. the only thing that can really stop it is extreme cold. so wHaT iF wE jUsT rEmOvE tHaT wEaKnEsS aNd mAkE iT sTrOnGeR bY pUmPiNg iT fUlL oF pHaZoN"

"sir, are you talking about the murder jellyfish that literally suck out your soul?* you want to pump them full of space radiation and make them unkillable? i think that's a terrible idea"

"no you're a terrible idea, somebody kill him and start the metroid phazon injections! we'll figure out how to make them stop killing us afterward!"

[*seriously. they eat life energy. some of the lab scans you get were talking about how they couldn't identify what the metroids were consuming from their victims because all their vitals, fluids, etc. were perfectly fine. they were just eating their life energy, straight from the tap full stop. that's why my favorite thing in prime 1 is busting metroid tanks when pirates are in the room and watching them get sucked to death]

In fairness to the Space Pirates' Metroid breeding program, the Galactic Federation did that too. And the Chozo made them in the first place. So it's possible the Metroid universe is just at a lower baseline of intelligence than ours.

LinkDaLunatic posted...

[*seriously. they eat life energy. some of the lab scans you get were talking about how they couldn't identify what the metroids were consuming from their victims because all their vitals, fluids, etc. were perfectly fine. they were just eating their life energy, straight from the tap full stop. that's why my favorite thing in prime 1 is busting metroid tanks when pirates are in the room and watching them get sucked to death]

Yeah Metroid is VERY much soft sci-fi. Whatever, I'm all here for it.

pegusus123456 posted...

In fairness to the Space Pirates' Metroid breeding program, the Galactic Federation did that too. And the Chozo made them in the first place. So it's possible the Metroid universe is just at a lower baseline of intelligence than ours.

That's actually a very good point.

Remember the Chozo who fucked off to a planet to get closer to nature and discard technology, then got fucked up due to a Phazon meteor? It's almost as if having some kind of planetary defense system would've been really beneficial. lol

Ive always been confused as to whether the space pirates are a species or an organization. Because there are scans that imply both

ImAMarvel posted...

"These people are literally a danger to themselves,"

Suddenly the idea of Samus only foiling the plans of the Space Pirates because she loves them and needs to protect them from themselves because they're just so dumb is so cute to me

BlueBoy675 posted...

Ive always been confused as to whether the space pirates are a species or an organization. Because there are scans that imply both

I feel it's an organization simply because they look different in every game, with the only consistency being ones directly from Zebes.

BakonBitz posted...

I feel it's an organization simply because they look different in every game, with the only consistency being ones directly from Zebes.

I don't really know shit about Metroid lore, but I want to say that the canon reason for that is they just fuck around with their genetics a lot.

BlueBoy675 posted...

Ive always been confused as to whether the space pirates are a species or an organization. Because there are scans that imply both

I'm pretty sure they're just a species but they tend to change their design like every other game.

Space Pirates from the 2D games made by Intelligent Systems look completely different from the ones in the Prime games. Even the Prime trilogy aren't consistent with the designs too.

ApherosyLove posted...

Suddenly the idea of Samus only foiling the plans of the Space Pirates because she loves them and needs to protect them from themselves because they're just so dumb is so cute to me

This just makes me create an image in my head of Samus looking on some Space Pirates from afar in her ship, nodding her head in approval, with tears in her eyes, when they manage to not kill themselves. lmao

Space Pirates always seemed to me more competent to me than the Galactic Federation, those guys are useless

YoungMutual posted...

Space Pirates always seemed to me more competent to me than the Galactic Federation, those guys are useless

*literally any time the galaxy is at threat*

The Galactic Federation: Samus, we need you to basically cover our asses by doing all the work. We'll be off over there doing illegal and/or questionable experiments with Metroids and Phazon, which no one will ever call us out on or for which we'll never suffer repercussions for. Good luck.

Garabandal posted...

Confederacy of Independent Systems

To be fair they were set up to lose by their highest leadership.

BlueBoy675 posted...

Ive always been confused as to whether the space pirates are a species or an organization. Because there are scans that imply both

Kinda both they seen to not even distinguish between civilian and military. Seem to be some sort of military junta.

It seems like there are multiple species called space pirates but that might just be a result of their tendency to genetically engineer/experimemt on themselves.

I guess subspecies, major sexual dimorphism or simply conquering other species into their ranks/interbreeding species is also possible.

At least in Prime, I don't think they're really as dumb as they seem. Sure, they suffer catastrophic losses at every turn and most of their experiments end in disaster, but no matter what, they always gain something from it.

Through their battles with Samus, they reverse engineered the beam tech. They were eventually successful in cloning metroids, and they did succeed in infusing themselves with phazon in a relatively short time.

They're not necessarily intelligent in the same way that the Chozo are, but their cruelty in experimentation does yield tangible results.

ImAMarvel posted...

*literally any time the galaxy is at threat*

The Galactic Federation: Samus, we need you to basically cover our asses by doing all the work. We'll be off over there doing illegal and/or questionable experiments with Metroids and Phazon, which no one will ever call us out on or for which we'll never suffer repercussions for. Good luck.

Executives in a nutshell

Kim_Seong-a posted...

"Hey you know the guy that keeps getting killed by a single bird woman?"

"Yeah he kinda sucks at not getting killed."

"Lets keep reviving him to fight the same bird woman that keeps killing him!"

"Jesus Christ you're a genius!"

In all fairness, the way it turns out as we look at things right now is that Ridley got his ass handed to him in Metroid so hard that they essentially put him in the equivalent of Vader's suit only for space dragons, where he eventually healed up thanks to basically chewing up that leviathan core on the planet the Space Pirates took over in Prime 3, and then he died for good when Zebes blew up in Super Metroid with subsequent appearances being accidental clones of some DNA scraps. Not like the pirates keep bringing his body to the Lazarus Pit or whatever. They are pretty fucking dumb though, like how they did next to no research on Aether, thought nothing was going on there and they hit the Phazon jackpot, only to visit a planet where there's an interdimensional war going on, they're constantly possessed by interdimensional beings, and all the Phazon is in that other dimension where the air itself will kill you quicker than interacting with Phazon.

BlueBoy675 posted...

Ive always been confused as to whether the space pirates are a species or an organization. Because there are scans that imply both

Organization, simply out of how they look different in every single game.

Unsuprised_Pika posted...

Kinda both they seen to not even distinguish between civilian and military. Seem to be some sort of military junta.

It seems like there are multiple species called space pirates but that might just be a result of their tendency to genetically engineer/experimemt on themselves.

I guess subspecies, major sexual dimorphism or simply conquering other species into their ranks/interbreeding species is also possible.

That would be really cool actually. Like Space Pirates genetically engineer themselves so hard that what constitutes a member of their species is actually really, really loose. They could also genetically engineer themselves so that they can more suitably adapt to the planets they conquer as well. Come to think of it, that would explain Zebesian Space Pirates as well.

Reminds me of this series

https://youtu.be/M2NX8Fcn0sw

ImAMarvel posted...

IIRC, Samus got a blood transfusion (which somehow gave her Chozo dna? lmao) way back before even the first Metroid game, when she was adopted by the Chozo. It's why she can use the Varia Suit iirc

It's a sci-fi trope. Someone gets a blood transfusion from some alien or whatever and suddenly they have the aliens abilities and/or powers.

DarthDemented posted...

It's a sci-fi trope. Someone gets a blood transfusion from some alien or whatever and suddenly they have the aliens abilities and/or powers.

Alternatively, the Chozo were birdvampires.

Yeah, the Prime subseries kinda consolidates space pirates into these reptilian humanoids you fight, but in Super Metroid and Metroid 1/Zero Mission, pretty much all enemies in the game regardless of species are pirates, be the standard reptilian humanoid ki hunters, or ghost dragons, evil plants and sharks and whatnot lmao