Lurker > malignantmouse

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


True, I try not to get frustrated by this judgement but it can be hard sometimes.

TheOnionKnight posted...

I have a pretty high sex drive, to the point where it can get distracting, but I'm good at putting mental barriers in place. So I can say to myself "nope, not this one" and actively put people into the friend zone. I have some very clearly demarcated lines in my social circles, in my own head, and I just don't cross those lines. Once I flip that switch, it's actually hard to flip it back. Sometimes thoughts still creep in, but if someone is in the "off limits" category in my brain, that's usually enough. But you have to really mean off limits. Like it will not happen. Ever. I think some guys still fantasize about "well, maybe..." Whereas I truly file it away as impossible.

Of course it also helps to get laid regularly. That way, you're still satisfying your urges, not suppressing them. So if you start to get horny, you can channel it into anticipation for the next time you see your partner, and take the focus off the present moment.

I should be able to do this with my personal trainer, in terms of setting her off-limits. It is like that in my head already, but maybe it isn't as concrete as it should be.

And getting laid is easier said than done, especially with someone you actually enjoy spending time with.

Philip027 posted...

I'm with you on that; the majority of my friends in my teenage years were female because of it.

I don't have any sort of sex drive though, so can't relate to the rest.

Yeah, and even I can be a bro sometimes. But women were just easier to be around in a general sense, when things weren't getting in the way.

OzoneNeon posted...

Whoa now, all boobs are beautiful.

bsp77 posted...

Amen, brother

True. Its about the pilot, not the plane.

FigureOfSpeech posted...

this, sort of... though not zero, just really easy to switch on and off

What does switching on and off mean? Like you just stop being turned on or sexual on command?

Timmyjinkle posted...

You can get rid of your male sex drive, through transcendental meditation, as you transcend through the need of a Sex Drive, but only when you get above initiate internal chi-level, which can take 5 to 10 years for a moderate practitioner.

I don't know if you're serious.

VeggetaX posted...

Yanking one out has always helped me out

Can be helpful, but sometimes does the opposite. Also can be a major time sink.

OzoneNeon posted...

Ngl, there was a really hard class I was taking a couple years ago, but the professor was really cute >_> I literally used that as my motivation to study more and make time for the class cuz I didn't want to disappoint her

I ended up getting a B. I honestly probably would've gotten a C- or D if the professor wasn't hot <__<

To be honest, I've somewhat been there. But I resent it.

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It sucks, I'm jealous of you somewhat.

Its really hard to understand the other side, I feel like we both have mental experiences that the other can only imagine but never truly understand.

MedeaLysistrata posted...

I don't regularly. I have tried it a few times though. Usually you find something to focus on and every time your mind sways you go back to focusing on the specific thing. I guess the idea is with enough practice you will will be able to hold something in your mind and not have to worry about the thought being replaced.

HOWEVER the book How to Meditate by the Dalai Lama says the solution to sexual thoughts is to focus on things like their organs and biological processes. Or something like that, I read it ages ago.

Like a leaf on the wind?

And that is interesting, I'll try it, but it seems weird. I don't know how effective it will be.

bsp77 posted...

I do much better having female friends when I am in a relationship myself. When I have been single, sometimes things happen with those friends and it screws things up. I wish that wasn't the case but it is what it is.

That makes sense, I think I've experienced this in the past. But I'm so far away from that.

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Meditation might help you with reigning your thoughts in if you really need a fix

Not a bad idea, though it is something I struggle with. Do you meditate?

MedeaLysistrata posted...

I hate this so fucking much. My doctor has been loading me up with prolactin since 2014. Not sure if it actually affects my testosterone but I believe it does.

I think viagra is a pro-lactin inhibitor, so I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

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In a sense of a shared experience it helps somewhat.

But it does make it feel inescapable. No one is safe.

It feels like a burden.

I have a female personal trainer, I hate male personal trainers. It isn't anything against them but the energy is just different. It is like the football or wrestling locker rooms in high school. It is a completely different vibe.

90% of the time I can't talk because I'm too exhausted from a set, but I can ask questions and give thoughts and she'll fill the gap with her own stories. I enjoy it a lot because it feels like she talks to me like I'm a person. There isn't some implicit tension.

But she is a girl who has dedicated a lot of her time to maintaining her fitness, so she is very attractive. And during sessions it can be like fighting an infection. A constant barrage of intrusive thoughts telling me to stare, flirt, be close, whatever.

And I hate it, I hate it so god damn much. And I hate when I tell people I have a female personal trainer and they immediately ask me how attractive she is. It is so fucking annoying. Even my gay male friends do this. I can't stand it. It isn't supposed to matter, I don't want it to matter, leave me alone.

The personal trainer example is the most prominent, but this applies to so many situations with women in my life. There is a girl in one of my hobbies who is so gosh darn fun to talk to and she has become so attractive. I've become borderline obsessed. It feels like the sex drive is ruining my life. I'd cut it out if I could, but I can't. I've also read studies suggesting that a lot of guys require testosterone and sex drive to have motivation, and they're less successful otherwise. So I don't know what to do about it.

TLDR;

I prefer spending time with girls, I don't like the "bro" energy. But my sex drive inhibits my ability to do so and it drives me insane.

The Ask:
Does anyone else experience this? Do you have the sex drive but it isn't a burden? How successful have you guys been building relationships with people you are attracted to? (this one is mainly for guys, I don't think I'm capable of fully understanding and internalizing how girls view relationships)

shadowsword87 posted...

There's a reason why the first wave feminists learned martial arts and brought 6 inch spikes pretending to be hair ties. It was to beat police responding to their protests.
I hope we don't forget our history with these things.

Hair spikes?

The martial arts though:
https://www.jstor.org/stable/43903513

My ex and I broke up in college. I was a couple years older, but had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. She on the other hand was absolutely determined to pursue medical research. Specifically curing the disease that almost killed her sister.

And then she just did it. Blazed through undergrad and graduate school and now she has 8 or so research papers on the topic.

There is no reason for me to make this topic, but it just blew me away and I feel like I have to mention it to someone.

She pursued a goal for years. And an honorable goal too. If successful in curing the disease she will have changed the world for the better. I don't think I've met anyone like that, technically I met her but I don't think I really knew it at the time.

Have you ever met someone that determined, someone that might actually make a difference?

But if you don't respond to her message, and leave her on read, you have no idea if she is uninterested. And you can lie to yourself and say you ghosted her, not the other way around.

It is a tricky situation. Schrdinger's message.