Lurker > dawiseone4

its fun so far. scary. but fun.

nice.

Anyone else gonna try it out?

bsp77 posted...

Then give us an update. I, and others, did give advice.

I'll try not to be crabby about past transgressions.

we didn't meet yet.

Dakimakura posted...

Yeah, it was just one instance of trying to overthrow the government. Gosh you guys overact way too much.

watch out a single post years ago is overthrowing the government guys LOL
for the record (which apparently is subject to be reviewed years from now which is fucking weird) I do not agree with that stance at this time.

Wasn't asking for sympathy, advice.
Also it was 1 post literally years ago lmao. Not like something I spew frequently or even infrequently.

viewmaster_pi posted...

what do TC's past posts have to do with the relationship issues he posted about? assuming it's real. like yeah, that's a dumb boat for him to jump in, but is it really necessary to dig up his posts from years ago to derail the thread? some of you do too damn much, and it's always over the same political paranoia

I don't even remember making that post lmao.

bsp77 posted...

But are you a Trumper and Covid denier?

Who gives a fuck.

Regardless, I appreciate all of the insight, CE. I guess I'll see how her attitude is and thoughts/plans are when we meet later and hope I can make the best decision for me.

Not sure why my active posts is even an issue here. It's not like I'm a new account This is a personal topic about my life not sure how any of this could be interpreted as satire or trolling.

I've been on this site since 2005, obviously more of a lurker than a poster.

And in regards to fact checking the timeline of my relationship, I really don't think the specifcs really matter here. It happened early on in the relationship.

Also fucking odd I post about relationship advice and people go look at my post history from years ago. Weird.

25, i'm 28.

I know when I type this out the answer will be a very clear yes. My friends all say yes. But undoubtedly my heart loves her and I've never felt so loved before by a person.

We've been dating 8 months. That alone I understand means the answer should probably be yes. 8 months in we should not be having these problems. We knew each other two years prior. I consider her my best friend which makes this even harder.

We fell in love early and deeply. She has a very troubled life at home. Narcissistic, emotionally abusive parents that I have witnessed myself. She started staying at my place for weeks at a time. I got a dog during this time, we agreed to raise it as our own. Our own little family. It was beautiful.

2-3 months in I found out she had a secret Twitter account kind of like a sexual diary. It appeared on my feed as "people you should follow". She didn't interact with anyone, just kind of talked about sexual things she wanted and such. I thought it was odd. I confronted her about it and she got really defensive about it. An argument ensued, our first one, really. I regret doing this but afterward I went through her phone. She was on Tinder talking to girls. More sexual stuff, nothing really alluded to her wanting to meet up or anything but it was sexting nonetheless. She was doing this as early as the first day after we became official. She was using it while I was at work and when I was sleeping from work (I work graveyard).

Well, I kicked her out of my apartment. We ended up reconciling a few days after. She comes over again pretty much every day I have off and we spend time together and it's just as amazing as it was before. Not proud of it again, but my trust was obviously skewed and I have gone through her phone once or twice since then extensively and haven't found any traces of that kind of cheating again. But then again she may have been better at hiding it.

I don't necessarily think my trust is broken, I never even found it to be a huge deal because it was with girls and not a single guy. But I definitely did not like the prospect of that being hidden, and of course I was not ever mentioned in any of these sexting sessions.

Fast forward to now. She is not happy at her home situation. Her parents are rude, abusive. She takes it out on me. Whenever she has a bad disagreement with her parents, her communication with me is often rude and dismissive. She has on multiple occasions told me she wants to break up with me because she can not be in this headspace she has with her family drama and still be in a relationship with me. Of course, she has followed this with not actually wanting to breakup but she feels very overwhelmed.

Nonetheless this emotional turmoil and drama is not fair to me I feel. When we are together things are great but when she is at her parents for a prolonged period of time, we have fights and arguments that are just stupid. I've offered to help her get her own place. But I am adamant about not letting her move back in with me. We moved to fast to start, we should do a more traditional pace. You disrespected our relationship and took advantage of me letting you stay here and I just won't let her come back to do it again.

Problem is she has extensive student private loans that will resume later this year. (Like 200k). She will not be able to feasibly have her own place and pay back these loans at the same time. She's stuck at her parents house, essentially.

She often tells me that she feels I am not romantic enough with her, don't give her enough of my time, am not understanding her mental state and situation. I feel like I'm giving her 100% and all I have. I feel drained sometimes, emotionally. Physically she drains me too (she's a fucking freak in bed), over and over and over and over again. And sometimes it is just exhausting.

I'm tiring. But I do love her. I've had many relationships in the past and I've never felt this way about anyone before. She often remarks the same thing to me.

But tonight I broke up with her. I explained to her that the way she treats me is not right. It's not fair to me. She knows the long hours I work and if I'm not giving her enough time/attention/romanticism then I suggested she maybe find someone who can because if I'm giving her all I have and it's not enough then what am I to do.

She cried. She bawled. She wants a family with me, we've talked about it frequently. We match each other so well in almost all aspects. Similar hobbies, values, personalities. I feel like I need to put myself first, though. She told me she understands my quarrels, she's willing to do the work to be better, to treat me better. She wants to explore all avenues to leave her toxic situation at home to make it work with me. She said she understands she fucked up in the beginning and is presenting herself as a huge red flag, but that she's committed to us and has never felt a love or relationship like this before.

I'm just at a lost. I told her would could talk some more tomorrow, that I need time to think. She was understanding, again. I don't think of her as a bad person. I'm still hurt by the Tinder stuff, I took her back knowing full well of the consequences and what that might entail. I'm at a crossroads. She told me to look at the future, at what our future could be together once she can pay her student loans, move out of her parents place and we move in together. She wants it so badly, she says.

I just don't know if maybe I should believe in her and us, that we can fight through this. I don't want her to feel like I'm giving up on us and I don't want to, but I also want to do what's right for me. I'm not scared of the dating market, I'm not scared to be alone. But I want to make sure I'm making the right decision. Because I do look at the future, and I can see a future with us together. But the road to now has been murky and the red flags are there.

And of course, the risk is always I get in too deep and then I also inherit this heinous large 200k school debt. I try not to make it about the money, but that's the reality of life isn't it? Not a disney movie. That's big money. I make OK money (120k/year), she is barely starting her professional career having just graduated college. Maybe it's a maturity thing. I remember being her age and making similar mistakes in past relationships. I'd wish I had been given a chance back then. But when do you say enough is enough? I miss her...