And... paper's signed. Cremation it is. Making arrangements for death sucks.

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Board 8 » And... paper's signed. Cremation it is. Making arrangements for death sucks.
long story short, my sister and nephew are dead. both appear to have been murdered by his dad. been holding off on this topic for a few days now as i've been busy with too many phone calls and figuring out what to do next.

bodies were found day after Christmas.
i'm the one in charge of making the arrangements.
cops have been good. even got us back the pet birds.


death certificates are surprisingly difficult to get in New York if you aren't a funeral home/it isn't your job to get them. despite them being needed for a lot of other steps, the fastest way to get them is through the funeral home, meaning after the decision on the bodies has been taken place. don't know if this is different in other states or if this is always the slowest step one or two of paperwork.
some banks require only a little info to report a death so the account can be with a hold. others demand the same access as control over it.
notified her school (college) since they were around. unsure the boy's knows since it's Christmas break but guess that's someone to call Tuesday.
notifying employers has been steady, financial stuff (insurance, annuities, etc) would need the death certificate.
notified coast guard, it appears the main services military gives is a plot of land and some ceremonial stuff.
need to talk to office of victim services directly in person, with death certificate, as they can cover costs. this was actually a neat thing found out, in NYC crime victims are offered certain reimbursements. homicide is one of them and that's where it's weird. technically they can pay up front, though for that you need a death certificate. yet you get the death certificate through the funeral home, so... what? the money can be up front paid to the funeral home or paid to us if we already did it but it's still a weird process to me.
any changes to government services (e.g., forwarding mail) needs needs proof (death certificate) and power (power of attorney) but okay, that's expected. super can help with mail for now.
contacting credit bureau stuff (avoiding identity theft) will likely need more powers, or maybe the banks can relay that to them. something to figure out later.
still a crime scene, not touching utilities.

now i don't know if i'm missing anything. have read plenty of sites on 'here's what you do after someone dies' but a general checklist may not cover more specific details. like social media stuff, all that i'd only know after getting physical access to her computers. similarly i don't know which is/could be the most annoying thing that's overlooked, there's bound to be something missed. don't know if anyone on B8 has been through this part of the process/seen the worst of it but figured i'd post to see if anyone's got any other tips/advice/see something's overlooked.
"Maybe it's a tentacle, molesting the planet itself. - Aschen Brodel.
Hug.

So sorry to hear.
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Jesus Christ man, I'm so sorry. Wish I knew anything that could help.
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Started: July 6, 2005
ugh. hang in there friend
xyzzy
That sucks. So sorry to hear that.
RaidenZeroX : The Cream of Maya Fey Fanboyism.
Damn that sucks.

Sorry to hear it man.
And even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me,
by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea.
Wow, that's awful, I'm sorry. Hang in there
Currently playing: Halo: Reach, Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Sorry to hear that. All the best.
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what the f***

I'm sorry to hear that. Stay strong.
You have not heard the last of me...
And you never will...
thanks. did spare some of the details (it gets worse) and have been doing alright. just am going through the motions so it comes off a bit cold, i just know that paperwork needs to come first and anything else can follow. helps that cops were super quick with getting the guy, got a confession after he was caught lying, and the process is moving quickly. i don't mind giving a few details should anyone want 'em (the story has made news pretty far so if it sounds familiar it's entirely possible you've heard of it), though again, if it looks like i'm missing anything by all means, say so.
"Maybe it's a tentacle, molesting the planet itself. - Aschen Brodel.
oh my god

I'm so sorry to hear that. be strong.
(laughs)
i'm so sorry

if you ever want to meet to talk about it, let me know.
yet all sailors of all sorts are more or less capricious and unreliable - they live in the varying outer weather, and they inhale its fickleness
That's awful :( So sorry to hear that.
Board 8's Greatest Beard Band - Chairmen of the Beard
DpOblivion crushed all the gurus with his mighty Dpicks. Feel Dpowah!
Wang if there's any one thing I know about you it's that you're resilient as f***, stay strong man. I'm so sorry for your loss
we're all buds ~jc~
<DeathChicken> you are my hero for being the first person to cite National Geographic in Mercs
That's awful, my condolences, we're here for you.
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i went through this 10 years ago though it wasn't as.. um, shocking. it was a 'hey you're gonna be dead at the end of the day' diagnosis though, and yeah, that stuff ends up feeling inhuman. it has to be done though. stay strong.

i'd be curious to hear some details if/when you're up to it.
xyzzy
So sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. Stay strong man.
Formerly known as Raven 2
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Deepest condolences, Wang
*slurps yakisoba* *nods*
*nods*
transience posted...

i'd be curious to hear some details if/when you're up to it.


sicko
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcb35gGx0t1qailr4o1_500.gif
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=57N0YAEJ
SeabassDebeste posted...


if you ever want to meet to talk about it, let me know.


appreciate that, though it's okay.
i mean don't be a stranger if there's ever an NYC board 8 meet but for me personally here, i'll be alright. thanks though.

Chaeix posted...
Wang if there's any one thing I know about you it's that you're resilient as f***, stay strong man. I'm so sorry for your loss


yeah, this is part of why mom basically said it's on me to figure this stuff out. she's pretty tough too (it's probably where i got it from) though i'm just... sharper, i think.

transience posted...
i went through this 10 years ago though it wasn't as.. um, shocking. it was a 'hey you're gonna be dead at the end of the day' diagnosis though, and yeah, that stuff ends up feeling inhuman. it has to be done though. stay strong.

i'd be curious to hear some details if/when you're up to it.


yeah, the circumstances here definitely swept us up immediately but i quickly accepted it even with a fuzzy head from the news. from there it's just been moving forward. honestly don't know if it's gonna hit me down the road randomly after everything's settled, but at least i'll have everything settled by then.

as for details... detectives relaying the news was what woke us up on the 26th. past 6-7 days have filled in the holes a lot better since. Friday was the last day of info (and will be until Tuesday) but based on his confession, this is the current story police and prosecutors have publicly said:

fed up with how my sister was raising their son, he went over on the 22nd with the intention to kill her. upon seeing that his son was a witness, killed him too. then he left, went back home, and celebrated Christmas with family and his new girlfriend. bodies then get found the 26th at 8:15 AM when the super gets reports of an odd smell and sees her body as he peers in through the fire escape. nephew was 4, died of asphyxiation, was found in the bathtub. sister was 36, died of strangulation, electric cord found around her neck. appears he hit her first before doing it too, though i assume specifics on that will be revealed later this week or the next (i know a bit more on this as i'm the one who ID'd the boy at the examiner's office and know a bit of the current state of the bodies, but i won't say anything publicly yet).

when it was initially reported as unknown for being a double homicide or murder-suicide, the latter seemed to be what press was leaning towards. wasn't there for long as they got the dad to confess and in court within 2 days (the details were messy with that idea too).


all of this has been pretty easy to find and the story's somewhat popular (seen coverage of it in some UK papers and of course on spanish media since everyone involved is hispanic) due to all three of them having been in the news before. wasn't nearly as big of a story but now the two are impossible to separate; 4 years ago she was a teacher, he was a student, relationship began when he was 17 (legal age of consent for NY), she got pregnant, she also got fired, and then they broke up. messy drama that media now has a conclusion to: father who entered relationship with his teacher kills her and their son. easy headline. fortunately media haven't been vultures and a few answers has been enough.
"Maybe it's a tentacle, molesting the planet itself. - Aschen Brodel.
how do you kill your own son and then celebrate Christmas

i feel nauseous
(laughs)
Weakupedia posted...
how do you kill your own son and then celebrate Christmas

i feel nauseous


gamergaters
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcb35gGx0t1qailr4o1_500.gif
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=57N0YAEJ
Ah so it was that story....


Sorry man.
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I'm so sorry something so horrible happened to your family
pUnny at his phone. Expect tYpos
Dude, this guy sounds like he killed them the exact same way Benoit killed his family.

My condolences for what sounds absolutely awful.
TheRock ~ I had a name, my father called me Blues.
Sorry to hear about your family. You have my condolences.
Yarr!
Weakupedia posted...
how do you kill your own son and then celebrate Christmas


i'm assuming this is a big reason why he doesn't have bail. the story's bad enough on its own but that detail is probably enough on its own to keep him in police custody permanently. so at least he's not gonna be a flight risk now.
"Maybe it's a tentacle, molesting the planet itself. - Aschen Brodel.
I can't even imagine how you must feel. I'm so sorry to you and your family, Wang
**R.O.B.A.Z.O.I.D**
Holy s***. I'm so sorry. My condolences.
digigal
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Woah
SephirothG
Mike Pence may be VP or President until 2033.
Condolences btw
SephirothG
Mike Pence may be VP or President until 2033.
D:

I'm so sorry Wang. My condolences. Be strong, man. You gotta keep going!
Remember when you were young?
No longer bearing the mark of Kan. I'm a new man now.
Had a feeling it was this news story after you mentioned NYC in the first post, and your later posts confirmed it. I live in NY as well, and this has been on the news all week.

Sorry for your loss.
jeeeeeze. maybe I didn't want to know.

as someone with kids, f*** that so hard.
add the c and back away
iphonesience
Condolences, friend.
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The silver lining seldom lies in sight too plain to see
Yeesh, that's terrible. It must be a huge betrayal. I'm sorry to hear it.
"God Hand is the ultimate expression of the joy of humanity, specifically the punching part of the joy of humanity."-Shigeru Miyamoto
Christ man. Now my brother pushing me down the stairs seems like child's play. Best of luck with everything and keep staying strong.

Also, regardless of that last, extra f***ed up detail, killing a f***ing 4-year-old should result in life in prison no matter what.
- Blur -
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Chaeix posted...
Wang if there's any one thing I know about you it's that you're resilient as f***, stay strong man. I'm so sorry for your loss

this (im bad at these things so ill shadow what jc said. just on a less familiar basis)
Heck, the wheelchair might even become an asset- Proto or Auron shuttles him around while he blasts away. - Tom, on crippled Ryu
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I'm sorry, Wang.
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Sorozone posted...
Ah so it was that story....


Sorry man.

This.

Why are some people on this earth so f***ing sick
Long live Saint Seiya!!
Holy f***, that's awful.

Anything you need, you know B8 has your back. Anything we can do.
JonThePenguin
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holy s***

I don't know what I can do to help but I'm around
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you'd better run for cover when the pup grows up; and we'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up
:(

Holy f***, that's bad...
Waifus are not gear adrift!
Hooyarr!
Sorozone posted...
Ah so it was that story....


Sorry man.

GoldSlime35 posted...
Had a feeling it was this news story after you mentioned NYC in the first post, and your later posts confirmed it. I live in NY as well, and this has been on the news all week.

Sorry for your loss.


barreldragon88 posted...

This.

Why are some people on this earth so f***ing sick


yeah, i don't know to what extent the coverage is on a regular basis, just know that i've been checking some basic searches daily to see what's going on, media-wise. beyond that it's just been some phone calls, some interviews from people who ring the apartment (or show up because someone else let them in), that sort of thing. it's died down though, whether it's because they moved on to the other family or because they know it's now something to ask the DA, i don't know. mentions of "the victim's brother said..." would be me.
"Maybe it's a tentacle, molesting the planet itself. - Aschen Brodel.
Alright, things open tomorrow. Including work.
The King Wang.
Listen up Urinal Cake. I already have something that tells me if I'm too drunk when I pee on it: My friends. - Colbert.
Didn't see this until just now - my condolences, Wang. :/
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Holy f***...I'm sorry, Wang.

If there's anything you need, just ask.
Phantom Dust.
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Jesus, man. I'm sorry. That's unreal

As I was reading I found myself hoping this would end up being the To Catch a Predator topic all over again, but knew it couldn't be anything but the horrible truth.

If you don't have a therapist, maybe start looking into one. You don't want to have to find one if/when it all suddenly hits you.
"Mighty boobs." - Vlado
Oh my god...I'm speechless. Just, hang in there. My condolences. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
Mr Peachi, Him Daisy!
That is absolutely terrible. Nobody should have to go through something like this. You have my condolences.
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DpObliVion is the new greatone. Congratulations to our Guru overlord.
Board 8 » And... paper's signed. Cremation it is. Making arrangements for death sucks.
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