Current Events > My wife is applying for MAID (Medical assistance in death).

(+) Yeah! (+)

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I have an update.

My wife had decided to appeal the decision since she felt she wasn't given a fair second assessment. Without really any warning the dude who runs it all called my wife at 2pm yesterday, said he was gonna come over to chat with her, and then did just that.

I was at work so I wasn't there with her. From my wife's perspective she feels like he cared more than the second assessor and seemed a lot more thoughtful.

We shall see what comes of it.

What would be the best case scenario?

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

What would be the best case scenario?

He decides my wife should be given the opportunity to use MAID.

Oiy.

So my wife contacted our landlady about how our kitchen faucet was leaking and whatnot. Normally she has been a bit annoyed with my wife's allergies but overall good.

Comes over and has a new faucet installed that has like, almost a shower head like end with rubber, which my wife is allergic to. My wife let's her know that wouldn't work for us and our landlady just blasts her about how she doesn't have to accommodate allergies, and how can she live with these allergies, and then went into how she isn't making any money and just unloading all sorts of shit about it all.

She then just reinstalls the old one and tells us to buy what we want and take it with us if we choose to leave our place. When my wife said that she would be happy with a simple one like was on it now, she's like, "I fucking hate it and I want the $300 one I purchased. Now I might not be able to return it and I'm out all that money"

These sorts of interactions are just another thing that makes my wife not want to live... it's just so dehumanizing for her and makes her feel like she is nothing but a failure.

The hell of it is that like... all the shit she was complaining about is shit she has control of. You don't want us there, don't have us sign the lease. Oh right, beyond these accommodations you've never heard a peep from us and we've never been late with rent. We've never questioned the lease and what you are comfortable with. We are excellent tenants. She never even comes over unless something breaks down. Hell, when her shitty washing Machine broke down we saved her thousands of dollars by spending hours with a wet dry vac and fans to ensure there was no water damage.

Like I get times are tough. Don't take out your financial frustrations on my wife.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Oiy.

Damn, thats rough.

Maybe Im misunderstanding who is engaging in these daily interactions, and of course we dont really know your marriage, but it might be time to take the reigns and handle them for your wife.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Damn, thats rough.

Maybe Im misunderstanding who is engaging in these daily interactions, and of course we dont really know your marriage, but it might be time to take the reigns and handle them for your wife.

The problem is I work 40 hours a week so sometimes if we need shit done, I'm just at work at that time. If we need more from our landlady I will step in for sure next time because this is ridiculous.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

The problem is I work 40 hours a week so sometimes if we need shit done, I'm just at work at that time. If we need more from our landlady I will step in for sure next time because this is ridiculous.

Yeah, I was kinda worried about that.

I remember you mentioning you teach. Not sure if you still do, but Im surrounded by family and friends who teach and they put in so much time and effort for not only their students but also their classrooms.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

almost a shower head like end with rubber, which my wife is allergic to. My wife let's her know that wouldn't work for us and our landlady just blasts her about how she doesn't have to accommodate allergies, and how can she live with these allergies

I have a latex allergy, and it is my nightmare to:
(a) run into a common item that has no reason to be made of latex but is any way for some reason.
(b) Be unable to get rid of said item myself, or somehow be forced to keep it by someone who can't be made to understand what a latex allergy is and why that's not OK.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of people I've run into who can't be made to understand: my uncle, my dad, three different physical therapists (we'll just put these powdery latex items back in the cupboard for people who won't complain to save money...), a home medical equipment specialist, and several teachers.

A rubber faucet head! I'm literally shivering at the thought. It'd be a long time and several gallons of water through the replaced non-rubber head before I'd use that sink again. x.x

Someone must have pissed in your landlady's cheerios though. Who the hell buys a $300 faucet? Why does she care so much about what the faucet looks like in your place? And how can you manage properties and not know how to return merchandise?

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

He decides my wife should be given the opportunity to use MAID.

When's the timeline on that?

Has daylight saving affected anything?

Cheers for the update. They sounds like shit what you went through with your landlady. I can understand her frustration but like has been said no need for her to take it out on you guys.

We went to see her Ehler's specialist out of province and got a stunning sort of change in his stance moving forward. He was asked for his medical opinion back in December when we were doing all this stuff and he wrote that for my wife's particular Ehler's diagnosis he did not feel she was suitable for MAID.

After seeing her yesterday and getting more information, he said that if his latest ideas don't pan out he would help her get MAID. Which is... stunning, quite frankly. We thought that with how he wrote his medical opinion he was just against it on principle... seems he has changed his mind?

You should email your landlord requesting accomodations for the said allergies so that you have a documented response on paper. Just feels like a minor and reasonable accommodation that they should be willing to provide and is probably supported somehow by the law.

My wife is getting some blood work done this morning. 10 vials. Wow.

Is she feeding vampires or something? Lmao.

SHRlKE posted...

Is she feeding vampires or something? Lmao.

lol

I had a crazy conspiracy theory once, what if blood donations were actually a cover for a peace Treaty government officials made with vampires centuries ago? Like we said we would give them blood "voluntarily" to feed their ranks.

Thus why we did blood letting for so many years.

My wife is chatting with MAID doctor from BC this morning. Dying with dignity told her to try a doctor there and they are doing a zoom meeting this morning.

So the doctor in BC has said she believes my wife can utilize MAID. Now we need to have a second assessor in BC agree with it too.

What a head fuck.

SHRlKE posted...

What a head fuck.

Yeah. It's been a trip for sure.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


More so in the US / Canada than the UK from my experience. Although that being said we dont even have anything comparable to MAID.

Saving from purge

Is there anything like this in the States?

I believe a lot of families would appreciate this service during such trying times, but of course without the extra stresses of bureaucracy and such.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Is there anything like this in the States?

I believe a lot of families would appreciate this service during such trying times, but of course without the extra stresses of bureaucracy and such.

There is a few states that do. I think like... Connecticut maybe? Philip DiFranco did a news story on it recently.

Yes very true. Those that do decide to do it generally go to Europe for it. Terry Pratchett did a good documentary on it called chowing to die thats worth a watch.

Obviously its quite dark subject matter so usual warnings apply if you decide to watch it.

My sister worked in hospice so we often have conversations about it.

Mainland Europe.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Is there anything like this in the States?

I believe a lot of families would appreciate this service during such trying times, but of course without the extra stresses of bureaucracy and such.

There was a guy doing it during a time when no laws really covered it and eventually they convicted him of murder. Since then no one has bothered to try making it legal.

Tyranthraxus posted...

There was a guy doing it during a time when no laws really covered it and eventually they convicted him of murder. Since then no one has bothered to try making it legal.

Ok, thanks.

Well, I still believe a lot of families could benefit from it and I bet many others feel the same. I wonder if there are any politicians interested in this at all, though.

Purge save

I see you a lot around here. Man, I didn't know that you had this going on in your life. I'm sorry and hope things get better than worse. I don't know how you're feeling but man, I kinda want to cry for you. Sorry.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Its an island.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom

Still no word from our appeal here in Saskatchewan. My wife would prefer not to travel to BC if the appeal works here.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Still no word from our appeal here in Saskatchewan. My wife would prefer not to travel to BC if the appeal works here.

And how are you doing?

I feel like I'm doing OK all things considered.

I'm heading into work daily, I'm still putting in good work and everything like that. Emotionally, spiritually, logically, I feel I am prepared to be a widow, all things considered. I haven't seen my psychologist in a little bit now (I only get 500 dollars a year covered and each session is 200) but he really helped me to work through some shame and whatnot I had with some of my feelings.

It is true that I will lose the love of my life and that it will be devastating. It is true that will fundamentally change my life in negative and positive ways. It is OK to be ready to give up that care giver role that I have had to take on for the last five years or so. It is appropriate for me to prepare myself for what life is going to look like when my wife passes away (not if, when).

It is also true that I have been mourning the loss of who my wife was for some time. Not to say I do not love the woman she is, but her health conditions have changed the trajectory of who she would have become had that not been the case. I've been a primary care giver for a disabled wife for many years now and I've only in the past few months allowed myself to be comfortable discussing how difficult it has been on myself.

When I was seeing my psychologist last year I felt a lot of self hatred and shame for having any sort of negative feelings about the situation. I would always downplay how difficult it is to be in MY position by defaulting to how terrible it is for my wife to live it. I'm far more comfortable now in expressing how difficult it is to be a primary care giver for a disabled partner. This is not how I envisioned my mid to late 30's, and it can be true that it is both a burden, and a burden I choose to take on to help my partner complete her journey towards laying down her own burdens.

Both of those things can and ARE true, and it took a good amount of therapy for me to give myself the opportunity to express that and feel it.

I mourn daily the loss of an idealized future that we foresaw together. I mourn the loss of the person my wife and I wanted her to become as we aged together. I am a very strong person and for lack of a better, healthier word... I can take it. And I will until my wife gets MAID and is allowed to die with dignity.

What that will look like once we have approval on both sides? I have no idea. Focus on helping my wife cross the finish line. Celebrate an amazing dozen plus years together, mourn the loss of my wife and best friend, and then start the journey anew.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I mourn daily the loss of an idealized future that we foresaw together. I mourn the loss of the person my wife and I wanted her to become as we aged together. I am a very strong person and for lack of a better, healthier word... I can take it. And I will until my wife gets MAID and is allowed to die with dignity.

I've never been much of a drinking man, but I honestly feel like I need a strong drink after reading that. It made me think about some of the people who arent with me anymore, even the ones who maybe didnt pass away but we just lost touch over the years. Its this intense bitter sweet feeling because they were awesome and now theyre gone. Ive heard that we should be happy that we knew them at all, but the truth is it still sucks to lose someone we loved. Friggen life can be so unpredictable and cruel sometimes.

I hope everything goes as well as it can. My sympathies.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

I've never been much of a drinking man, but I honestly feel like I need a strong drink after reading that. It made me think about some of the people who arent with me anymore, even the ones who maybe didnt pass away but we just lost touch over the years. Its this intense bitter sweet feeling because they were awesome and now theyre gone. Ive heard that we should be happy that we knew them at all, but the truth is it still sucks to lose someone we loved. Friggen life can be so unpredictable and cruel sometimes.

The hardest part of growing older for me a couple of things:

1) The realisation you will never have time to do everything youd want to. This could be something stupid like realising you will NEVER get through your gaming backlog or something bigger like the realisation you will never be able to fulfil all your dreams.

2) The older you get the more people start dying. I was very lucky that I didnt really have to deal with a major death until my 30s that hit me hard but since then I will say there are at least one person I know who has died a year. Last year it was 3.

3) The older you get the harder to become to make friends. Kinda coupled with 2 in that as more people die your circle of people you know and care about gets smaller and smaller. This is why to me its so important to keep on top of your relationships and try and keep them going where possible and not taking people for granted.

4) That starting again is a fucking scary thought. I felt like I did this at 25 when Id split with my long time partner and it took me a long long time to get over it. In retrospect that was just a stupid on off relationship so now Im married the idea of needing to start over with even bigger steaks scares the shit out of me.

Apologies not sure this is the right topic for this but as TC is sharing thought i would as well.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I feel like I'm doing OK all things considered.

I'm heading into work daily, I'm still putting in good work and everything like that. Emotionally, spiritually, logically, I feel I am prepared to be a widow, all things considered. I haven't seen my psychologist in a little bit now (I only get 500 dollars a year covered and each session is 200) but he really helped me to work through some shame and whatnot I had with some of my feelings.

It is true that I will lose the love of my life and that it will be devastating. It is true that will fundamentally change my life in negative and positive ways. It is OK to be ready to give up that care giver role that I have had to take on for the last five years or so. It is appropriate for me to prepare myself for what life is going to look like when my wife passes away (not if, when).

It is also true that I have been mourning the loss of who my wife was for some time. Not to say I do not love the woman she is, but her health conditions have changed the trajectory of who she would have become had that not been the case. I've been a primary care giver for a disabled wife for many years now and I've only in the past few months allowed myself to be comfortable discussing how difficult it has been on myself.

When I was seeing my psychologist last year I felt a lot of self hatred and shame for having any sort of negative feelings about the situation. I would always downplay how difficult it is to be in MY position by defaulting to how terrible it is for my wife to live it. I'm far more comfortable now in expressing how difficult it is to be a primary care giver for a disabled partner. This is not how I envisioned my mid to late 30's, and it can be true that it is both a burden, and a burden I choose to take on to help my partner complete her journey towards laying down her own burdens.

Both of those things can and ARE true, and it took a good amount of therapy for me to give myself the opportunity to express that and feel it.

I mourn daily the loss of an idealized future that we foresaw together. I mourn the loss of the person my wife and I wanted her to become as we aged together. I am a very strong person and for lack of a better, healthier word... I can take it. And I will until my wife gets MAID and is allowed to die with dignity.

What that will look like once we have approval on both sides? I have no idea. Focus on helping my wife cross the finish line. Celebrate an amazing dozen plus years together, mourn the loss of my wife and best friend, and then start the journey anew.

You're a great guy and devout husband. Hoping, praying the best for you. <3

SHRlKE posted...

Apologies not sure this is the right topic for this but as TC is sharing thought i would as well.

Well, I appreciated it at least and I think others will too.

That part about starting over being scary is especially true for me. I think TC is struggling with that as well because theyre not there yet and it can make a person feel guilty about their expectations and overall feelings. Ive seen peer pressure even be a part of that when the grieving person didnt grieve the way everyone expected them to, which caused some drama. That becomes, or can become, an extra layer of guilt or fear. Ehh, its a rough situation even if you prep yourself to handle the loss.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Well, I appreciated it at least and I think others will too.

That part about starting over being scary is especially true for me. I think TC is struggling with that as well because theyre not there yet and it can make a person feel guilty about their expectations and overall feelings. Ive seen peer pressure even be a part of that when the grieving person didnt grieve the way everyone expected them to, which caused some drama. That becomes, or can become, an extra layer of guilt or fear. Ehh, its a rough situation even if you prep yourself to handle the loss.

Yes, very true.

Absolutely.

It's been a long grief process and I almost think that when my wife is finally allowed to do what she wants to do, I won't have some big grief breakdown or anything? Like... this process has been ongoing for months and I've made my peace with it? I want my wife to get what she wants and allowed to stop living in pain.

There is something to celebrate in that too, you know? We all die, some of us don't make it to 25. Some make it to 95 without a thing wrong. Some live in pain a bunch of their lives.

I've always been a huge proponent of bodily autonomy, and while you don't ever expect to have to show your conviction to your thoughts on something that is so nebulous for a lot of people, I am actually proud of how my principles held up to what I truly believe.

And no, I take no issue with adding to this topic at all. Everyone has been so thoughtful and genuine and it warms my heart.

Yeah, we're all rooting for you.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Absolutely.

It's been a long grief process and I almost think that when my wife is finally allowed to do what she wants to do, I won't have some big grief breakdown or anything? Like... this process has been ongoing for months and I've made my peace with it? I want my wife to get what she wants and allowed to stop living in pain.

There is something to celebrate in that too, you know? We all die, some of us don't make it to 25. Some make it to 95 without a thing wrong. Some live in pain a bunch of their lives.

I've always been a huge proponent of bodily autonomy, and while you don't ever expect to have to show your conviction to your thoughts on something that is so nebulous for a lot of people, I am actually proud of how my principles held up to what I truly believe.

And no, I take no issue with adding to this topic at all. Everyone has been so thoughtful and genuine and it warms my heart.

Just wanted to let you know that I admire how you've been able to navigate this situation with such grace. While I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, I think the level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness you have is something we should all aspire to.

All the best to you, brother.