Board 8 > ~ BCT's Epic 169 Movie Watch-Through (mostly '00s): Topic 1 [THE LIST] ~

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ratatouille (2007)
Directed by: Brad Bird
Written by: Jan Pinkava, Brad Bird, Jim Capobianco
Starring: Patton Oswalt, Lou Romano, Ian Holm, Janeane Garofalo, Peter O'Toole, Brian Dennehy
Previous status: Saw ages ago

"A great artist can come from anywhere."

When the quote is something like that, you know I really enjoyed it. Because this was art, plain and simple. I'm sure you'll like that, @MetalmindStats (I've moved this nomination of yours to Wall-E per your earlier request).

First, let's talk about the animation. Some of the settings looked so realistic that it was hard to tell that they were CGI (the models, of course, looked nothing close to realistic, but that's an artistic choice). This is particularly evident in the cottage interior when the old lady is shooting at Remy and Emile with her gunbrella, and the ceiling cracks, as well as the Paris skyline. It's pretty remarkable since just six years earlier, with Monsters Inc. having settings that looked good, but still computer-generated.

Next, the characters are pretty standard fare, but that works for what this is. Remy, the rat protagonist, is a mad scientist chef as indicated by the scene where he utilizes lightning to cook. This is furthered by how he treats his stew as an experiment, but I don't understand how that produced such a good taste since so many ingredients (including everything that was already in there) makes the taste more convoluted. The more complicated the recipe, the harder it is to discern what you're tasting. I think the goal was chaotic animation, for whatever reason. This was unneeded due to the chaos that happened right before it just getting to the pot, and made it hard to believe that nobody noticed.

Linguini is a believable nerdy character who gets roped into something and has no idea how to act when under pressure, on account of tensing up in those situations (likely from being treated poorly or ignored). He also does amusing things like put Remy in his jewel case (here I thought hidden immunity idols in there were gross enough), followed by punching himself in the head a la Jack from Fight Club. Colette exists as a love interest, but a talented cook nonetheless and someone who quickly establishes that you do NOT make her angry. She also was put in here due to the sincere lack of female characters, since she's really the ONLY who has actual lines that aren't idle background chatter - namely to call out the misogyny in fancy restaurants, and I think she helped push the envelope in making things more inclusive. It's like Gusteau's motto: "Anyone can cook." And also like he said, "Your only limit is your soul." You can do what you put your mind to. I need to cook more - I'm not bad at it, and can get better.

One thing I particularly liked was that there was a hell of a lot of conflict here, even before Skinner was established as the villain. There was the Remy/Django conflict, with Remy wanting to be a chef, to push the envelope for rats, to be accepted while Django just wanted to steal to adjust his expectations to what the rest of the worlds sees. This is really the only commentary in the movie, which otherwise focuses on enjoyment. There's the Linguini/Skinner conflict, which is shades of Bob Parr's awful manager in The Incredibles with a boss man with a serious Napoleon Complex and a stubborn streak. There's the Anton Ego/restaurant conflict, just knowing that he'll be back. There's Linguini/Colette's budding romance, which isn't exactly stable at first (and the first kiss is hilarious). Then Skinner tries to use truth serum to pump Linguini for info but all he gets is "Rat Patooty." And that's pretty much how it ends up for him the entire story. Deservedly so, for illegally trying to hide the will so Linguini can't get the restaurant that he was supposed to inherit from his father Gusteau (seeing as the mitochondrial DNA matched). It's particularly nice when Remy takes that will to Linguini to claim his birthright and Skinner ends up swimming in the Seine after crashing his moped.

Linguini passes out drunk but this gets him laid, since Remy's basically using a video game controller for rats: Linguini's hair, and he's disguised by the toque. This produces most of the movie's funny moments, such as the ragdolling - this is far less hilarious than Monsters Inc. but it's still every bit as much of lighthearted fun since it's such a positive movie, meant to tell people that yes, you can do it, no matter what you were born as. Even in a snobby city like Paris, you can (Paris is the only part of France I've been to, and I didn't particularly like it - but the rest of France has a different reputation - I'm hoping to go to Monaco [yes that's an independent city-state], Lyon, Nice, and Strasbourg someday).

The climax is chaos again. After Linguini reveals Remy as the true chef, the staff all quits save for Colette, who comes back upon realizing that she's defiling her teacher's motto (helmetless on her moped, mind you). I didn't realize she didn't know who "Little Chef" was by that point, seeing as she and Linguini had been bangin' and she indicated that knowledge at the press conference (possibly a veiled penis joke). The rats taking over the kitchen is hilarious, but they tie the health inspector up so they don't get shut down immediately. Skinner comes in and gets tied up too (hilariously) as Remy prepares the titular Ratatouille for Anton Ego, whose dark exterior just shatters when he takes one bite and feels like a kid again, eating his mother's cooking after a bad day. This reminiscence gets me to recall watching this very movie on this very DVD with my own mother 12 years ago - this allegory was not lost on me. Though Gusteau's is closed down for the rat infestation, Linguini, Colette, and Remy open up a new restaurant where the rats can live upstairs, and Anton Ego can happily retire from being a pompous food critic and relax. A rat made him a better person, and he's the only one aware of what the "unexpected source" was.

This was a really good movie, all things considered. It's the right mix of funny, drama, conflict, artistry (the song is nice too), messaging, and heart. It's a clear 5/5 for me. This is why Pixar had a monstrous reputation back in the day (Cars aside, practically everything they made was phenomenal for 15 years or so!). I don't feel bad giving this a gold, because it's the heartwarming kind of thing I needed, just like Fight Club was the kick in the ass to go alongside it.

Next one will probably be tomorrow, but I gotta play some Zesty first to finish that.

Casablanca (1942)
Directed by: Michael Curtiz
Written by: Julius Epstein, Philip Epstein, Howard Koch, Murray Burnett, Joan Alison
Starring: Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains
Previous status: Clips only

"Here's Lookin' At You, Kid."

To say this film is "art" would be an understatement. Seriously, this is easily one of the most revolutionary movies ever made - there's a lot more to it than just a romantic love triangle, because there's ALSO the war triangle on top of that, and even further there's the fact that the film opens as if it's being put into a time capsule - which was certainly possible given how the bad guys could still have won the war in 1942, before Mussolini's execution.

Let's get the negatives out of the way first. These are mostly technical, or related to the film's age. The dramatic music is overused really early in the movie, after which it dissipates in favor of Sam's piano (I'm reading that Sam was actually a drummer, not a pianist) - a good thing, if you ask me. There's the incomprehensible wailing from the bar singer later on, and I attribute that to poor song recording that's not easily remasterable. And I still don't know what the hell Ilsa's hat in the bazaar scene was - it was like an upside-down bowl on her head, and as B8's "resident hat fetish guy" I have to mention it (her hat at the airport scene was MUCH more flattering). All of these nitpicks are the only things that come to mind, and are really only issues because of the age of the movie. It dates this, but it's honestly a good thing that it does, because this makes it clear that this actually happened during the war itself. It's very minimal how any of this impacts my enjoyment.

But OH MY GOSH this was great for a movie older than my parents. Like... seriously. The characters were fantastically written and acted - Humphrey Bogart was very convincing as Rick when he was plastered, all while still being understandable. Rick got drunk quickly since he hadn't been drinking for a while, until his old flame showed up. Prioritizing the nightclub was his business, but he wasn't afraid to commit fraud to help people in need out, such as the Bulgarian 19 y/o who needed to flee with her husband getting money through a rigged roulette wheel. Yes, he had a cynical, snarky exterior, but that was because Ilsa had left him. This makes him a complex character alone, and her return caused all the feels to come back, and he was blatantly a damaged man. This kind of felt like a thriller, in a way, because of how his games all built up to the ending, which I'll get to soon.

Ilsa was also very complex, caught in the middle of a love triangle she never intended to get into. She had thought her husband, Lazlow (Henreid), had been killed when escaping the Nazis, but he'd in fact survived and that was just fascist bullshit spread to incite fear. So while she was banging Rick, her husband was getting away, and she felt the need to start anew and didn't want Rick to know of her history. Don't blame her. When she found out that Lazlow was alive and coming back, she left Rick a Dear John letter as he was fleeing Paris to wait for Lazlow's return, which was delivered in the rain, smudging - beautiful symbolism, if you ask me. He didn't know any of it until she came back into his life. Lazlow figured it out pretty quickly, that there was a connection between the two. Also worth noting: This movie may be in black and white (which really helps with the tone and the time), but DAMN, Ingrid Bergman is gorgeous. Look at that face!

Captain Renault (Rains) was a weasel, sure, playing both sides and trying to preserve himself. He was sympathetic to the French cause, as a holdover from the pre-Vichy days. He was making deals with both Rick and the bad guys, and got roped into things he didn't want to do, like shutting the club down after Mr. Bad Guy Major Strasser told him to (simply because the French national anthem drowned out the Germans').

The Nazis in this movie are absolutely horrific people, talking about how they're going to take over the world, and what it'd be like when they invade NYC. They tell Lazlow "What an honor it would be to serve the Third Reich" - the same people who'd imprisoned him! Like WTF, are you mad? They act like everyone should respect their national anthem when they don't respect anybody else's. To get respect, you gotta give respect. They're just horrendous, and I presume this is how they actually behaved. Which is why they make for good villains in a movie. Always have, always will. Fuck the Nazis.

The last act of the movie is absolutely thrilling. To get the travel papers that will let her get to America, Ilsa brings a gun to threaten Rick with, and he calls her bluff. She can't do it, and they reconnect... romantically, if just for one night. She tells him everything, but her husband shows up and Rick has her escorted away. Lazlow tells him he's trying to escape from himself, knowing what's going on. Rick devises a scheme to get everybody what they want - he tells Renault that he can set up Lazlow's arrest with the documents, then Rick and Ilsa can head to NYC via Lisbon. Knowing that Renault probably blabbed to Strasser since he was being watched, Rick pulls a gun on Renault and forces his aid. Renault calls the airport and Strasser eavesdrops. Rick helps Ilsa leave with Lazlow, saying she'd regret it if she stayed with him.

For whatever reason, Strasser drives up alone, acting all cocky. And guess what? THE BAD GUY ACTUALLY DIES! Rick shoots Strasser as he makes a phone call and produces his own gun, because unlike Ilsa trying to force Rick to pass the papers, he has the cajones to do it. That, and, well, Ilsa would never kill Rick, and Rick absolutely would kill a bad guy. Strasser was a piece of shit. He got what he deserved.

Really, this is a cinematic masterpiece, one that doesn't tie itself to any one genre, one carried by good characters that are well-acted and memorable storylines. 5/5, Gold, nothing else would suffice.

I'll let my friends know my thoughts tomorrow, since it's getting late. (I texted them that I was watching)

I almost posted this in the depression topic. For serious. This is going to be a dark and brutal read, so... yeah. Forgive the introspection. I tried to go light on it.

Joker (2019)
Directed by: Todd Phillips
Written by: Todd Phillips & Scott Silver
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Robert de Niro, Zazie Beetz, Frances Conroy
Previous status: Never seen

"I just hope my death makes more sense than my life."

Damn, this one hit really close to home. I'm no murdering psycho, but some of Arthur Fleck's traits align closely with my own, and I'm trying my best to reject turning into an incel but... that's what society has already labeled me. And there's really nothing I can do about that. Because, as this movie shows, you tend to become what you're labeled. That and, well, people suck. That's a lesson I've learned time and time again.

Firstly, I found this movie difficult to place in the timeline - it certainly was before the 90s based on the tech and the smoking indoors, but based on the psychiatric medications it couldn't be too far before the 90s. I looked it up and it said 1981, which makes sense in the Nolan trilogy timeline (so Batman would be ~34 y/o in Batman Begins, which makes sense). From the start, it's evident that Arthur Fleck (Phoenix) is insane. He even has a card that explains his fits of laughter, but not everyone is sympathetic toward his mental health issues. This is evident when three bullies throw him on the floor of a subway and start kicking him, only to all be shot dead because Arthur had a gun on him. This was 100% in self-defense and, if witnessed, would be wholly justified. Honestly, Arthur should've just shot one guy in the leg - non-lethal damage that would get the others to back off and panic. Evidence found on his clothing would corroborate him being kicked. No 90s fancy forensics needed. It was great to see those thugs get theirs - more people need to stand up for themselves, and that's something I am working on. Just, y'know, without a gun.

There are other things I relate to. Arthur's fantastical illusions of his neighbor Sophie (Beetz), for instance, were something to make him feel loved, to feel needed, to have someone to kiss to decompress - I speak from experience, because I need that. I dream of what I lack, what I need, and completely understand. That said him following her in the creepy way he did (which was actuality) was not cool - he should've, y'know, talked to her, asked her out, etc. Because her coming to his door was a fantasy of his, as was her involvement everywhere else after that until he intruded upon her apartment and creeped her out. I had thought she was going to die, and her illusive self did in a way. Then she went poof and Arthur forgot all about her... more on that later.

There's also Robert de Niro's character, late-night talk show host Murray Phillips, who's good at his job. Makes the jokes and is very, very good at improv, as evidenced when he calls Arthur to come on down the first time. Arthur's "So Bad It's Good" stand-up routine got a lot of hits too, and Murray was fully aware of who it was. I wonder if that mockery was meant to help further Arthur's career - we all know that covfefe drives up ratings. If the pundits are all talking about how controversial X is, people are gonna check it out.

Arthur's mom is just as mental as he is - and she's been spinning this huge lie for him his entire life when she had abused him as a young lad, one she'd adopted off the street. She had lied to him that he was her son and an illegitimate heir to the Wayne fortune, which Thomas Wayne quickly denies when confronted. He's the one who started the tailspin, which ended up claiming his life and that of his wife, leaving a 9 y/o Bruce to inherit it all. Joe Chill saw them and killed them, exacting revenge.

Really, Arthur is a fascinating central psychopath here, and his transformation into Joker is wholly understandable. This is pretty spot-on in how psycho killers come to be - and I know that in a parallel universe I may have transformed into that, but I'd never hurt anyone except in self-defense if I'm cornered. From this angle, the film is enjoyable at the same time it is off-putting. I wanted to love it, but part of me just couldn't because of how it made me feel sick in some ways. This really shook me in ways I'd rather not talk about.

Though let's be clear: I don't know what was real and what wasn't, because it all ended with him being questioned in Arkham, where he might've been after suffocating his psycho mother to death as revenge for lying to him. Or after he murdered Murray on live TV (woah!!!) instead of killing himself, because Murray dared call him "Arthur" and argue with him. (No way could this have happened today, because security checks are far tighter because psychos like Joker exist.) What all truly happened, and what was in his head? Because Sophie was an illusion, other things might've been too, much like Bateman in American Psycho. Only, unlike that one, this didn't end with a grinding halt. It ended with a "To Be Continued..." and a lot of anarchy in the streets. It was all for that payoff. It worked, but how well? IDK...

This movie really is a crossroads for me. It's probably going to require further interpretation and introspection later, and perhaps a rewatch at a time when I'm less unstable. This was a reminder of that, and it may help me in the end. I do not know. But, as a film, I feel like a 3.5/5 is the right way to go - fascinating character portrayal of the protagonist, but the rest of the cast lacks in the same complexity, and it lacks the "HOLY SHIT" mindfuck the thrillers I truly loved had. It still had a "WOAH" part of the ending (see above) but that was one moment, and not something that left me buzzing. In fact, the introspective shit is what's resonating, and that can either be really good or really bad.

@Zachnorn @Snake5555555555 you each get a new nomination!

Okay, I went and added another 20ish movies to THE LIST. This includes The Usual Suspects as well as the remaining Resident Evil movies. This is because I want to fill up the last movie shelf of DVD cabinet I built myself from scratch (if you don't see a certain movie, that's because it's in a jewel case or online only):
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/2/6/4/AAR0ZFAAD_rg.jpg
Once that last shelf is filled, that's it, no more movies. If you REALLY want me to add something to THE LIST, feel free to make a suggestion. (Also worth noting: This is a pic from when I first completed it; I moved some things around since that time)

Feel free to take another gander (Johnbobb: I've added your initial Sweeney Todd nomination, so you have 6 at present but that will be reduced to 5 once I watch one). I'll be watching several over the next few days (finally) at varying times. Well not Saturday, but every other day now through Monday I plan to watch one or two! (A lot does depend on how Mafia goes)

Additionally, next week I will be watching a Christmas movie at some point, regardless of nominations. Whether that's Elf or Fred Claus or something I'm forgetting or something on Disney+ is up in the air unless somebody wants to point me in a specific direction.

WALL-E (2008)
Directed by: Andrew Stanton
Written by: Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Pete Docter
Starring: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin
Previous status: Never seen

"Directive?"

Low on character development and interaction - I mean, there are only NINE total credited characters, several of them minor - and high on visuals and setting, WALL-E was a dramatic departure from Pixar's usual storycraft. Inspired by seeing love in Hello, Dolly, a robot gains sentience and finds a female robot with whom he quickly wishes to cyber. I mean, that's how robots fuck, yeah? When EVE lands on Earth, WALL-E just starts stalking her. He doesn't even go up to say "Hi" or try to help her. He just stares and this keeps him getting shot at. Her immediate aggression is... intimidating. But so is WALL-E not actually initiating conversation and only getting mauled by shopping carts. LOL!

It becomes immediately apparent that this movie has an underlying environmental message that, if we don't clean up our act, Earth really will look like this someday. Remember to reduce, reuse, and recycle, people! Don't litter and take care of things so you don't have to throw stuff out as often. Challenge corporations to be held more accountable for their wastefulness in the name of greed. But anyway, this is told through the setting and actions, not through dialogue. What little dialogue exists is adorably awkward - WALL-E and EVE saying each other's names. All his desperate attempts to impress her are actions only. She was certainly the plot twist his boring life needed. He was pointlessly compacting garbage for no real purpose, since Earth is a barren wasteland by then. Because corporations are assholes and consumerism is too rampant. Which is why everyone aboard the Axiom is basically an obese zombie, because they... don't walk anywhere.

The beautiful visuals are magnificent, and it makes me glad that I'm not overly consumeristic - yes, I bought all these DVDs, but so what? I'm not buying everything I want because I want it. I'm not maxing out my credit card. In fact, my credit score is 800 because I pay off anything before it becomes debt. While I am overweight, I still get 10,000 steps a day, and don't like being too sedentary except on the occasional necessary slug day. Really, I wouldn't want to live like this. Sure, some technology is nice to have. Like having a button to close your trunk is great when you've got your hands full, but why can't you ALSO close it the old-fashioned way when you put whatever IN the trunk? Know what I mean? That's what this is getting at. Dystopian sci-fi 101.

It's truly magnificent how this film can tell a story while hardly using words. It gets the point across: Technology is a good thing, but also a bad thing. Consumerism is a bad thing. Corporations are evil, and only care about their bottom line. Ppl r dum. I'm repeating myself a lot. You get the point. I get the message. I agree with the message. I don't fall victim to those things. I am smart with my money.

Thinking EVE is being tortured by a diagnostic procedure, WALL-E inadvertently releases a bunch of faulty robots onto the airship. This was a triumph. In what was a corporate scheme, the cleaning robot puts the plant in a pod that he programs to go kablooie, but WALL-E recovers it and survives the boom with a fire extinguisher. Okay then. He returns the plant to EVE - there's a lot of affection between these two, even in the vacuum of space. WALL-E's space dance is noticed by Mary and John, two humans he'd previously encountered, who... actually connect socially instead of using robotic screen devices or whatever. I must inquire... how do people on the Axiom procreate? Brave New World type shit? ORGY PORGY FORD AND FUN, KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM ONE...

Okay, now that that tangent's done, the "Auto" robot (the pre-Siri Apple voice, because Steve Jobs was evil) reveals itself to be the villain, trying to control the lemmings for its own satisfaction. The recordings of a LIVE PRESIDENT show the story of Earth's end - and Auto is immediately challenged by the Captain, who wants to freaking live. Surviving is only part of life. There's no point of being sentient if that's all you are - you exist, but are suspended in the universe, serving no purpose. During the scuffle in the garbage chute, WALL-E and EVE are officially introduced to MO, the cleaning robot who had painstakingly been cleaning up WALL-E's tracks before the Captain had him cleaned. Lots of fun stuff in the subsequent confrontations, namely with the defective robots taking out the drones, KNOWING that WALL-E and EVE are the good guys.

The Captain fakes Auto out by pretending he has the plant using a hologram of EVE carrying it and does battle, accidentally causing the ship to go into emergency mode and all the blobs of blubber to be evacuated centrally. Their chairs are all destroyed, so Auto's control over them is gone even if he still has the ship. The people watch the Captain get up as if it were a movie and do battle with the evil robot overlord, turning him off. The people suddenly learn to walk again as EVE mourns the death of WALL-E, crushed by the plant detector... and the Axiom hits light-speed, warping to what is left of Earth.

EVE returns to WALL-E's home, trying to revive him with the spare parts he's collected from his deceased colleagues. WALL-E comes back to life, with his solar recharge boosting... but he lacks the sentience he used to have. EVE tries to remind him of this, failing time after time... until she surprisingly kisses him. This... because robots... seems to restore WALL-E's last backup, stored inside EVE's memory. They hold hands and embrace, then presumably cyber. Earth is slowly restored by people doing actual work, living off the land, and taking care of each other.

Great movie. While it's practically the same movie as The Spirits Within, this had more plot and societal commentary. Both are visual masterpieces, but this one had a better story and that's the most important thing. I'd say Spirits Within had better characters because that wasn't a focal point of WALL-E. But it didn't need to be and succeeded in spite of that. Because I can't see myself returning to this one on a frequent basis, it's not going to get a gold, but it's still a 5/5.

@MetalmindStats I'll move your nomination to Up, which now has 3 votes so that'll be happening in the next few days for sure. Haven't had one hit three votes until now!

Was feeling like an action/thriller tonight but couldn't go over two hours, so this one it is:

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Directed by: Paul McGuigan
Written by: Jason Smilovic
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Lucy Liu, Morgan Freeman, Sir Ben Kingsley
Previous status: Don't recall

"You mean this isn't the first time a crime lord asked you to kill the gay son of a rival gangster to pay off a debt that belongs to a friend whose place you're staying in as a result of losing your job, your apartment, and finding your girlfriend in bed with another guy?"

Lucy Liu absolutely NAILED Lindsey, and I think that's a great place to start. Such a fun, bubbly character that recaps everything that just happened in genius fashion. The dialogue between her and Slevin (Hartnett) is just great, and I found myself laughing at all their James Bond jokes seeing as I have all those movies memorized. This really shows Lucy Liu's range as an actress - she's usually not the one letting loose in the movies I've seen.

While this movie was enjoyable, I wouldn't call it anything special. It didn't make me buzz the way other thrillers did, and it excels in some areas while not as much in others. The entire plan was quite ingenious - Slevin's revenge scheme on the people who killed his parents, who became high-ranking crime bosses in NYC, and his stepdad, Smith Goodkat (Willis), who was also in that organization but couldn't bring himself to kill a 10 y/o boy. I mean... what kind of assassin could? Only a total monster.

This is quickly what cures my heart attack when Smith shoots Lindsey at her work, the coroner's office, because she knew too much. Slevin can't bring himself to kill someone that awesome, who gave better sex than his cheating ex-girlfriend, who really understood him and with whom he has a good rapport... if Smith wanted grandkids, that's his ticket. So he gets her a Kevlar vest and this lets her fake her death, which thus allows her to skip town with him.

There was a lot to like here. While I did enjoy the ornate set design of The Boss's and The Rabbi's offices, I didn't understand why the apartment complex was like that too. It didn't really make any sense given the standard apartment design. The opulence of the crime lords' offices worked to establish their characters - not to already mention Morgan Freeman's air of authority, which is just something he carries with him such as when he plays God. Another thing done right is the double chess game with The Boss, with both Smith and Slevin playing him in their deceptive game. The whole plan was quite brilliant...

...have Smith infiltrate them both using the old connection. Have Slevin take the place of Nick Fisher, whom Smith had killed earlier, because he owed a lot of money to the bookies who worked for both Boss and Rabbi. This let Slevin get caught up in their whole world and he could come and go as he pleased, allowing conflicting offers to be present. And this is all because Slevin murdered Boss's son to start it off, as Boss immediately thought it was Rabbi who'd taken out the hit. Oops! Rabbi's son dies too at the hands of Slevin simply because Slevin pretends to be gay even though he was on a date with Lindsey and "got a date" - the date of death - and BOOM! The original plan was to make Lindsey think Slevin had died in the explosion, but to save her life, Slevin had to tell her he was switching the watches as a trick. This was all fascinating plot work here and the reveal was amazing. The most surprising part was that Detective Brickowski was also a bad guy, having been the one to murder Slevin's mother. He was then shot by Slevin. Revenge complete on all affiliated parties.

All this was so cool and so good, with the ending making up for the heart attack that I had to heal earlier. The writing was good. The dialogue was good. The movie had a great sense of humor (i.e. Slevin being shirtless when abducted). I don't find the overall mindfuck to be as memorable as I have others, so I'm thinking a 4/5 sounds right. Definitely will come back to this one when I'm binging thrillers.

Not sure which account you're using since you haven't PMed me in forever (get on that, okay?) but @FigureOfSpeech @Machete I hope I get a hold of you either way!

Joker was on my to-watch list, so I skipped reading its write-up at first. I've watched it now and come back to read the write-up. The film grabbed my attention even though it's not an easy watch. I felt quite uncomfortable at times too, though not quite as much as what it sounds like it affected you.

I think what really got me is that pretty much everyone goes out of their way to be as mean to Arthur as possible, in big ways like being physically assaulted or humiliated live on TV, or in small ways like that lady who yells at him on the bus while he's entertaining her son. Even Alfred is a jerk in this universe! Arthur is just one of those people the world hates and seems to take great enjoyment from making his life a misery at every opportunity. Even after all of that, Joker isn't totally irredeemable yet. He let Gary leave his apartment, even though he could have easily reported the crime he witnessed to the police.

I know Joker isn't part of the DCEU, but I did have a headcanon that Joaquin Phoenix Joker had kidnapped Robin and tortured him to insanity, which drove Batman to kill JPJ. Meanwhile, Robin grew up to become Jared Leto Joker. Batman kept Robin's suit in the Batcave to remind himself of what he had lost in his crusade against crime, and of the life he had taken, something he must never repeat.

GavsEvans123 posted...

I think what really got me is that pretty much everyone goes out of their way to be as mean to Arthur as possible, in big ways like being physically assaulted or humiliated live on TV, or in small ways like that lady who yells at him on the bus while he's entertaining her son. Even Alfred is a jerk in this universe! Arthur is just one of those people the world hates and seems to take great enjoyment from making his life a misery at every opportunity. Even after all of that, Joker isn't totally irredeemable yet. He let Gary leave his apartment, even though he could have easily reported the crime he witnessed to the police.

I feel like I'm one of "those people the world hates" too. It's why I lack confidence at this point. No matter what I do, people hate me. People just love shitting on me for whatever reason, though thankfully I haven't been physically assaulted the way Arthur was... twice. I'm just glad I have friends and family. Because they're really my only exceptions - without them, I'd probably lose my mind.

There's a reason I found that one pretty depressing in some ways. Even talked to my therapist about it... that might be why I wasn't feeling like watching anything in particular tonight.

P.S. Glad you enjoyed it to some effect. Not sure on that theory though... haven't seen any of the DCEU since I haven't heard much good about it.

Up (2009)
Written & Directed by: Pete Docter & Bob Peterson
Starring: Ed Asner, Jordan Nagai, Christopher Plummer, Bob Peterson
Previous status: Clips only

"I have just met you, and I love you."

Putting it succinctly, while this was enjoyable Pixar fare, I found that it was lacking in the overall memorability that other Pixar films had. Even so, this was still great. There were some funny jokes and gags, and the animation was beautiful (particularly things like the house being ripped off its foundation), plus Carl Fredricksen was quite a memorable protagonist that Ed Asner pulls off with aplomb. There were surprises - "Kevin is a girl?" comes to mind (one would think that such a beautiful bird would be a male, given how the cock tries to impress the hen with his plumage) and touching moments, like Ellie's miscarriage leading to a closer bond between her and Carl.

The movie starts off in what's probably the 1930s, where a Lindbergh clone named Charles Muntz sets off in his zeppelin to find such a bird around the Brazil/Venezuela border. Young Carl is absolutely enamored with him and his exploits, and when he overhears another kid doing the same thing in an abandoned house, he tries to introduce himself and finds out she's a girl a couple years older. Her name is Ellie and she shows him her adventure book. The two develop a bond that leads to marriage (I mean, you do wanna marry your best friend, after all), and Carl still treasures his grape soda bottlecap membership pin that was the first token of his friendship with Ellie. They buy the house that served as their hideout, renovate it, and have a happy life together where they understand each other, until Carl is about to surprise Ellie with an expedition to Paradise Falls (where Muntz went) and she suffers a stroke. She dies a month later, and Carl is devastated.

Much like that guy in Miami that duckbear posted about here, Carl refuses to sell his family home to a developer completely transforming the area. After litigation because Carl whacked a guy on the head with his cane for nearly destroying his precious mailbox that he'd painted with Ellie in the late 1950s (for some reason there was no countersuit for property damage), he is relegated to an assisted living facility despite only being 79 y/o. This is so obviously a forced excuse for why Carl executes his plan to turn the house into an airship, ripping it off its foundation and carrying a straggler - "wilderness explorer" Russell (a biracial Boy Scout, basically) who becomes the grandson Carl never had.

I feel as if the Carl/Russell relationship isn't developed enough, in large part since this movie is only 91 minutes before the credits. I'd think the ending would feel stronger if there were more chats like the "HUH? Phyllis isn't my mom!" one. Russell starts out as comic annoyance but becomes more of a man as things develop, despite being only 8 y/o. I do feel that Carl's testicular fortitude to finally go through with his dreams is inspiring nonetheless - I need to do that. I HAVE to do this. What... well no spoilers!

When they get to Paradise Falls, which Russell MIRACULOUSLY (that's seriously how it's presented) navigated through a storm to, they find themselves on the other side of the plateau with a few days' hike... that for some absolutely asinine reason they need to take on foot while... dragging the house??? This is where the movie starts losing me some. The big issue is the inconsistent physics - Carl cuts ten balloons and that's enough for the house to plummet toward the ground, yet it keeps buoyant when Carl's dragging it. Despite Carl only being a small fraction of the weight of the house, he's SOMEHOW enough to hold it down by attaching himself to the hose, yet in other circumstances the house stays airborne despite a similar weight being applied. It's all justified for plot reasons and feels forced, which is uncharacteristic of a Pixar feature.

This is where they meet Kevin, the mother hen, and Dug, a dog who can talk through his collar. Dug's one of a team of several who were actually bred to search for Kevin by none other than Charles Muntz himself. His obsession of finding that beautiful bird has consumed him to the point he's a madman, killing any explorers who are there simply to photograph or sight the bird thinking of them as "thieves." His dogs are vicious when he instructs them to be and yet all of them can talk through their collars because they can. This is done for comic effect; the most hilarious one is Alpha, the leader, whose busted-up collar gives him a squeaky voice unbefitting of the alpha dawg. It's hilariously ironic - and this is after Dug could have his translated into Japanese!

Carl keeps out over seeing Muntz's zeppelin despite pushing 80, and this is where we learn that Muntz is in fact the villain. It's apparent almost immediately - because who else could it be? Russell opens his big fat mouth and asks why the skeleton looks like Kevin, which tips Muntz off and he then sees the bird housed on the roof of Carl's house which is just parked midair again. Seriously, these physics are so weird. Muntz chases them down using turncoat Dug's collar to track them (Dug calls Carl "Master" immediately just because he does) and tries to burn the house as a ploy to make off with Kevin, which succeeds because Carl can't lose Ellie's spirit. This whole thing is just weird, honestly. The fire manages to pop balloons and lower the house... these physics are so bizarrely inconsistent. And then Carl gets to the top of the falls, only for Russell to make off with the leaf blower as a jetpack to stop Muntz from making off with the bird. Carl predictably sees a note from Ellie in the Adventure Book from when she was a kid - "Thanks for the adventure, go have a new one." (something was gonna be in there, you just knew it) and is inspired to help, so he throws everything out of the house to lighten the load. And that's enough to make it float again... when Carl, who weighs about the same as that bed, held it down when he was on the ground. Riiiiiight. There's suspension of disbelief and then there's this. This isn't like Monsters Inc. settings its own rules - this has no rules!

The climax is wild and a buildup of so many things; the geriatric sword/cane fight is pretty hilarious considering if Carl's 79 y/o, Muntz has to be like 92 y/o. Muntz dies by falling like many a Disney villain before him, but this severs the tie between Carl and the house, sending it through the clouds, descending perfectly to where he'd had it atop the falls. Dug becomes the Alpha after "coning" Alpha and reverting his voice to squeakiness, and all the other dogs start obeying him. This is all a little too perfect. But it's funny, particularly how Carl breaks Kevin out by using one of the balls from his cane to distract the doggies, who can't fight their instincts. Russell then gets his final badge - "The Ellie Badge" (the grape soda bottlecap) and Carl becomes a grandfatherly figure to him. The End.

Overall, this movie was funny, the animation was epic, Carl is great, and there was a lot to like in general - but I felt this was weaker than other Pixar entries and I blame the inconsistent physics and that it's a little more predictable. I also think they could've done a little more expanding upon the relationships with this minimalist cast. It's still fantastic, don't get me wrong, but I am gonna give it a 4/5.

@Zachnorn @hylianknight3 @MetalmindStats you all have 3 available nominations now! (Metalmind, please let me know how you want me to handle the Toy Story movies, as Toy Story 3 is the next Pixar)

This isn't going to be a very long write-up since nobody nominated it, but I felt the need to do a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve, because that's how I roll.

Elf (2003)
Directed by: Jon Favreau
Written by: David Berenbaum
Starring: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooeyr Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen, Ed Asner, Bob Newhart
Previous status: Saw... uh... something like 17 years ago?

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singling loud for all to hear."

Yeah, I have no excuse for not having seen this in literal ages, and really I didn't remember much of a thing other than things I'd been reminded of (and that ending scene, vaguely). This is not only hilarious, it's exactly what the "Christmas spirit" is all about.

Elves like to tell stories, so... wait, am I an elf? I like telling stories! I also like irony, and there's a LOT of it in the early goings here. Y'know, with things like "People believe Santa's really the parents." being dismissed as asinine. That kind of stuff. This gets dropped when the movie shifts to New York City, where the humor becomes about just how very sheltered Buddy is, and how he has no idea how to behave in a human society. This gets him labeled as a psychopath and frankly I don't blame anyone for thinking that. It's hilarious nonetheless how clueless he is, and I have no idea why scarred children in a department store seeing Santa's beard ripped off is so funny. He seems like an overgrown 5 y/o, and Ferrell sells it like a charm. He can't shut up, but hey, at least he makes work FUN. Also fun: Zooey Deschanel can SING! She also does a good job selling the jaded retail worker (and seeing her as a blonde is weird now). Ed Asner is a convincing Santa, and James Caan also does a good job portraying a man who feels stuck between all kinds of hard places.

One question I do have is when the movie is set. Because Gimbel's hasn't been around since the 80s, though this was presumably done to avoid a lawsuit for an "unfavorable" portrayal since the movie is basically criticizing corporate ethos for drowning out Christmas cheer. It doesn't mention them starting the "Christmas shopping season in October" but it does paint things unfavorably for employees being cogs, which as I've mentioned several times, I ALWAYS appreciate.

This movie has mostly aged well (even the CGI characters, since they have style points), save for Tyrion Lannister's 70" plasma screens being something to boast about. Yeah, in 2003, that was insane, but now? That's normal, and more people have moved onto 4K OLED. Taking it into perspective... yeah, that was something back then. But everything else has held up well, because I think it was by design for this movie to be something not tied to any specific time, which is thus the answer to my question of when the movie was set. It doesn't matter.

In the end, this movie is what it set out to be: A hysterical comedy that is chock full of Christmas cheer, and certainly something that should be in the traditional December rotation. I'm giving it a 5/5 - but probably not a gold, because I can't picture myself watching it in any month other than December.

Sorry I haven't commented in a while...

I'm glad you enjoyed all the acclaimed 2000s Pixar movies so much, though!

BlueCrystalTear posted...

(Metalmind, please let me know how you want me to handle the Toy Story movies, as Toy Story 3 is the next Pixar)

I think, since none of the Toy Story movies came out in the 2000s, they're all exempt from what I was going for with my nominations. With that in mind, since I have two nominations, I'll just nominate both Toy Story and Toy Story 3 to cover my bases for whichever option you'd rather go with.

It's okay - the holidays are busy for a lot of us. Kind of was for me. That and I've been sick the last few days, so that's why there hasn't been anything for a bit.

I didn't know you'd wanted to keep it just to that decade, but that makes sense since that was Pixar at its absolute best. Since then, they've been more hit-or-miss. As my straying from the path showed. That's why I didn't do the same with Finding Dory.

I think I'm going to watch the four Toy Story movies in order over the course of a month. That will be a little ways off. (Also, I believe you had three nominations - did I miss something?)

Just wanted to say I'm still lurking and reading.

I totally forgot Spacey was in Usual Suspects. Hopefully you can still enjoy it anyway. It's one of those movies that is the origin of some big tropes.

I hope to enjoy it too - that's why I added it!

Also, sorry for the lack of updates. Felt better on Sunday but have been taking care of things I put off while sick. Going to watch one tomorrow!

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Written & Directed By: Rawson Marshall Thurber
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Rip Torn
Previous status: Last seen 2016ish

"Time to put your mouth where our balls are."

Like many comedies of the time, including Mean Girls, DodgeBall has aged mostly well with a few exceptions - namely a couple of Patches O'Hoolihan's comments about "queers" and "[r-words]" and the fact that Lance Armstrong was the one to give Peter the much-needed pep talk (since this was long before Armstrong was proven a fraud). This movie's influence was very real, in that ESPN 8: The Ocho became a real thing because this movie made it a thing. Which is pretty amazing, honestly.

Vince Vaughn does a great job at being decidedly generic as Pete LaFleur, which is as intended - he's a true Average Joe in more ways than one. The REAL stars, however, are Ben Stiller as White Goodman, and his wife (!!) Christine Taylor as Kate. Stiller's White Goodman is your typical narcissistic asshole, the one who's modeled his gym around his ego, one who thinks he's far manlier than he actually is when he's just an idiot. I mean... he got Kate fired from her job so he could be free to seduce her. For whatever reason, it didn't occur to him that she'd want to destroy him for that... by teaming up with Pete and Average Joe's. Kate's pretty complex for a character from a 90-minute movie. She's swift with rejecting both Pete and White when they make sexual advances on her. Pete actually learns to respect her boundaries when she sets them, but still offers her a back rub since that's what's in his power. He doesn't need to - she just accepts.

The movie's numerous cameo appearances - including Shatner, Lance Armstrong, Hasselhoff, Patton Oswalt, Curtis "Booger" Armstrong, LoriBeth from All That, and of course "Thank You, Chuck Norris" - make for a fantastic ride. The movie has a very clever sense of humor, with a lot of "ball" jokes (or Pete's dog giving him oral), clever commentary (Pepper Brooks is basically like a high John Madden with his Captain Obvious statements, but sans the actual passion... plus the aforementioned ESPN8), a girl scout getting DQed for doping with beaver tranquilizer (and her team immediately knowing it was her), having the school make asses of themselves by calling them the Donkeys, and a shitload of payoff. Like from the very start, we had Owen lamenting his inability to find a date (the payoff being Fran Stalinovskovich-Daviddivichski), Pete mentioning "sometimes you get two of them and hit the jackpot" (the payoff being Kate being bisexual and having an equally bisexual girlfriend), White mentioning his shareholders (payoff being Pete buying the controlling stake), Justin crushing on Amber (the cheerleader who actually recognizes that he's a nice guy who wants to care for her, the kind I so wish I had in my life... seeing as he marries her after he subs for her jackass soon-to-be-ex), and Gordon's anger (paid off by him actually getting angry at seeing his wife flirting with another guy). Really, Rawson Marshall Thurber was a master at crafting a narrative while making the movie actually funny. Each of the characters had a storyline, though Steve The Pirate had one much simpler than the rest and Dwight's was minimal.

One thing that's really good that might not be appreciated much is the discrepancies between Globo Gym and Average Joe's go so many layers deep. Sure, the advertisements that start and end the film show hugely different cultures, and that's obvious. You would MUCH rather work out with Average Joe's trainers who want you to be the best "you" you can be, as opposed to the Globo Gym assholes who think everyone should be a meathead. I've had both, personally. Sure, Globo Gym has better scenery (DAMN there were a lot of hot babes in this movie), but I wouldn't fit in there. The detail was also extended to the team logos - Globo Gym got a team name and a shiny, killer-looking logo that an actual sports team would use. Average Joe's was taken from some 1950s pamphlet cheaply. The uniform detail is also notable, though... not the "goth" uniforms they wore for the first match, which was hilarious (and shows just how hot Christine Taylor is).

A few gags kinda miss for me, like the lack of glass in the dodgeball arena makes no sense, and the "$100,000" stack is just not delivered in a way that makes me laugh at how inaccurate it is. Yes, Pete sells the deed and, after the pep talk, bets it all on Joe's so he could one-up Globo, but that was cut out. I am reading the original ending was Average Joe's losing to Globo and it just ending there, which doesn't work for me. The payoff was much better with White regaining all his weight (though that post-credits scene will be in my nightmares... yuck) and the Average Joe's ad leading to another "Spare me" from him. Really, the true ending is more complex and interesting, and is the culmination of so many more storylines.

Overall, this was a lot of fun. Everyone delivered and knew full well what this movie was supposed to be: Good, clean, ballsy fun. It's not about making a statement. It's just about the love of the game. 5/5

@Johnbobb you get another nomination! (Next movie tomorrow)

hell yeah, rewatched Dodgeball again a little bit ago and it's just an absolute blast of a movie

Also I'm already at 5 since Sweeney Todd bumped me to 6 temporarily

Johnbobb posted...

Also I'm already at 5 since Sweeney Todd bumped me to 6 temporarily

Oh right, whoops, thought I'd resolved that already. Thanks for the reminder!

Apologies for the lack of updates. I haven't been feeling very motivated as of late. Just deflated about everything in general. It's worse than normal for winter....

Very sorry. I hope to watch one tomorrow.

Let's get me out of this rut, one thing at a time. Let's do something I KNOW I love! (Also, I'm cat sitting for my sister this weekend, so might as well use her Netflix access to watch Glass Onion while I have it, since I have none of my own.)

Knives Out (2019)
Written and Directed By: Rian Johnson
Starring: Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Chris Evans, Christopher Plummer, Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Shannon, Don Johnson, Toni Collette, LaKeith Stanfield, Katherine Langford, Frank Oz (that's some list)
Previous status: Last seen 2021

"It's a weird case from the start. A case with a hole in the center. A donut."

What happens when you take an innocent bystander and a seasoned detective and drag them into a dysfunctional family of assholes (and Meg)? You'd think potentially high comedy, but it's not. Really, this movie is a fucking masterpiece that seamlessly blends the right amount of every genre there is - there's drama, there's comedy, there's action, there's mystery, and most of all there's thriller. It's basically what happens when you take a script written by Agatha Christie, have it directed by Quentin Tarantino, and cast it with a bunch of all-stars, headlined by James Bond and Captain America, all of whom seem to be enjoying themselves. Benoit Blanc is a completely different flavor than James Bond, so Daniel Craig most certainly enjoyed himself (and, hey, he and Ana de Armas immediately went to film No Time to Die after this - and it's incredible to see Ana de Armas nail two completely different roles [I want more Paloma. PLEASE????]). The rest of them are playing assholes - and villains have more fun, right?

And boy, the Thrombeys are assholes. Every one of them except for Meg, who's the only one to ever apologize for anything, the only one to show remorse toward Marta's situation, the one who wants to take the path that will cause the least family drama, and the only one who doesn't seem to be okay with threatening anyone. Yes, she's no angel since she calls her cousin "an alt-right dipshit" (when we're shown nothing to indicate this is accurate) and scoffs at Ransom saying she's only going to school to learn how to be SJW scum, but she's the only one of the Thrombeys who doesn't seem irredeemable. (She's probably also the only one who knows what country Marta's actually from, since at least four South American nations get mentioned - in one of the genius subtle bits of comedy)

Really gotta spoiler tag the shit out of this one, so sorry! Linda leads the charge when the will is read, one of many who throws out accusations. Her husband Richard is a slimeball who's fucking around and denying it. Joni was embezzling money through double dipping so she could get some for herself, in addition to Meg's tuition being paid. Walt went from saying he'd help take care of Marta to threatening to have her mother deported in order to get her to fall in line. The family goes from fighting each other to uniting against Marta, making the viewer root for her all the more to triumph over those assholes. Benny doesn't let them triumph once he realizes they've been had, and that's when the gears start turning and he realizes who did it: Ransom. The one person who'd gotten Marta to trust him. The one person who was using her to get what he wanted. And all the reveals are epic, done in a brilliant mystery-thriller fashion.

And then you get to the big Agatha Christie reveal, complete with her usual refinements: The big twist of him actually having committed suicide, because Marta recognized the potency of the morphine and the other drug, so she DIDN'T actually poison him (Christie LOVED her poisons). The morphine was then used by Ransom to murder Fran, and he confesses thinking it would just be attempted murder not realizing that Marta was holding down her regurgitated lie for as long as she could just so she could catch him off guard. Seeing that his confession had been recorded, Ransom tries to murder Marta - "in for a penny, in for a pound" as Benny had said twice earlier - but the prop knife has no effect. Ransom is subsequently arrested for one count of first degree homicide for Fran's murder, attempted murder charges for his grandfather and Marta, arson in blowing up the crime lab, obstruction of justice for messing with evidence, and probably other things. The guy was a crafty criminal and by far the biggest asshole in a family filled with them. And, in the end, Marta got the house, the inheritance, and the publishing company... and she got to do whatever she damn well pleased with it. My house, my rules, my coffee (a rewatch gets met to notice things like that same mug at the very start of the movie). The end.

Really, this is superbly-written, superbly-directed, superbly-acted, and a whole lot of fun in general. Daniel Craig nails the modern-day Poirot that is Benoit Blanc. Chris Evans does an asshole even better than he does Captain America. Ana de Armas is a breakout star, getting top billing (alongside Craig and Evans) for the first time in her career (which certainly has been exploding). Christopher Plummer's final film role (RIP - I'd forgotten that he'd passed, else I'd have mentioned it above in my Up write-up) is a central one, even though he's only shown in the flashbacks. Everybody else is believable in their parts - the family is all grieving in their own ways... but they're all spoiled brat assholes in their own ways too (again, except for Meg, who only wanted to talk Marta into rescinding the inheritance as a measure of conflict avoidance).

Rian Johnson does a fantastic job at storytelling - building things up as the movie goes on, and showing the necessary flashbacks as soon as they become necessary. The narrative is chronological despite being out of sequence, since flashbacks occur as characters share perspectives. It's quite the genius way to use the out-of-sequence buildup mastered by Tarantino. Rian Johnson uses a crap ton of influences while doing his own thing. After all... and I know some of you are gonna hate me for saying this... it's for this reason that The Last Jedi was the only truly good movie of the sequel trilogy, in large part because Johnson was willing to take risks while staying true to Star Wars. I found that to be the perfect compromise between moving away from what had become stale and keeping the course with what hadn't. Like such, this movie blends elements of everything while not oversaturating us with any one, all while being a cohesive package that never strays from its course. 5/5, gold.

Glass Onion tomorrow now that I'm refreshed on this one! And then I will get back to your nominations. Hopefully doing four a week!

Glass Onion (2022)
Written and Directed by: Rian Johnson
Starring: Daniel Craig, Edward Norton, Janelle Monae, Kathryn Hahn, Kate Hudson, Leslie Odom Jr., Dave Bautista, Madelyn Cline, Jessica Henwick
Previous status: Never seen

"I think disruptors recognize each other."

While this is a worthy film on its own right, I found it weaker than its predecessor in several areas. One of the first issues was setting it during COVID - the attempts at humor in relation to the pandemic fall flat, because at this point everyone wants to move the fuck on and thus it's not funny. Rian Johnson had to know people would boo that shit come fall 2022, right? And this permeates throughout the movie - it lacks the same cleverness as Knives Out. What was subtly delicious in the first movie is more in-your-face here, like Jared Leto and Jeremy Renner making hard kombucha and hot sauce... which I don't find funny, I find forced. Though the best laugh I had was either Serena Williams breaking the fourth wall or that while I was watching the movie, the cats were watching me:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/4/7/AAR0ZFAAEFzb.jpg
That's Tread on the table and Luna at the top of the tree (you can't really see her but she's a Tortie). Luna made me laugh again later when she came in to remind me to feed her at the time I said I would. Smart kitty.

I also didn't like how Wikipedia says that Hugh Grant played Blanc's partner since that role had zero plot purpose. And since Grant calls him Blanc instead of Benny, it adds nothing to Blanc's character and makes one presume Grant is just a roommate. I'd be saying the same things for a woman partner - it felt like a needless cameo instead of good character development, since they never even really interact! There are other minor issues, like how ugly Claire's visors are (she goes from looking 40ish to pushing 60 just like that), but then we get to the second big issue I have: The lack of surprise.

Unlike the first time I watched Knives Out, I had almost everything figured out. While Knives Out (spoilers for only that herein) had the double blackmail, the torching of the crime lab, and both Fran twists (yes I figured that Ransom was the most likely killer and the medicine labels were switched, but there was much more to it), this one... was mostly predictable. Maybe it was since I paid attention to every detail, i.e. the smokeless garden alarm (Rian Johnson is a master of payoff, which that did have), but something's off. Firstly (Glass Onion spoilers), with all the buildup toward Edward Norton's character, Elon Musk... wait, no Miles Bron, sorry... being the likely victim, and how long that lasted, it became clear he wouldn't be the one killed. Once the other four - Lionel (Odom), Claire (Hahn), Birdie (Hudson), and Duke (Bautista) - were the focus, it was pretty obvious one of them would die (it was Duke) and the guilty party would be someone outside of that foursome. I ruled Claire out quickly given how plastered she was, since there was no way she could be subtle. But the idea of Miles Musk absolving himself by giving Duke his glass, then pointing it out, was almost too obvious.

Secondly, the twin twist was a surprise, sure, but it lacked any impact since we found it out at the same time we learned that Cassandra "Andi" Brand had a twin sister Helen (both played by Monae), along with that Andi had been murdered and staged to look like a suicide. It didn't really change anything. I also wrote down "Kevlar vest" on my notepad during the extended flashback sequence explaining everything - I'm gonna count that in the win column even though it was Andi's diary that ate the bullet, but that quickly dissipated the initial shock of the apparent double homicide. Musk torching the original napkin was so obvious. I was about to write it down before it happened because it was so predictable. Musk was clearly frustrated that his escape room murder game was ruined by a professional who figured it out thanks to a ridiculous passive perception score.

I KEEP SAYING ELON MUSK, DAMMIT. But that's really who Edward Norton's character is, a smarmy rich bastard complete with he modern Bond villain lair he built for himself on a private island (Musk is your typical modern Bond villain; Jeff Bezos is your "classic" Bond villain). And Norton is a star here, playing the Musk role perfectly. He's got trust issues with even his friends and his philosophy actually makes sense: Start disrupting something small, something people are tired of anyway, and grow from there. But though people like shocks to the system, they don't want the system itself to change, and that's what bonded this group together for so long... that and the world's richest man paying for everything they needed, whether that was to quash the covfefe about a comment regarding child labor sweatshops in BANGladesh, to finance a run for the Governor of Connecticut, or to study this "Klear" stuff that is the new nuclear power for Musk himself. Very interesting and complex villain.

Now, don't get me wrong, despite all these issues I still enjoyed the movie. I found the performances to be admirable - Norton's as I said above, but Janelle Monae was also one hell of a star. She portrayed both twins effectively, both the overachiever Andi and the normal "go with the flow" Helen... and Helen being thrust into her sister's shoes so only the killer was onto her. You could see the differences, and it was great. Madelyn Cline is also great as Whiskey, with the rollercoaster of emotions that she experiences and her trying to build a brand despite associating with a thug. Bautista is par for the course with him, and Leslie Odom is channeling his Aaron Burr very well here, with a modern science-y twist.

The climax, while more contrived than Knives Out, was still fun. Helen's destruction of the place was simply smashing, and the symbolism of the exploding glass onion was not lost on me. This was her breaking the system, challenging the system the disruptors created for themselves. They instead had the same thing perpetrated upon them. And they deserved it, because as Helen said, they're shitheads. All five of shitheads are awful, though only Musk is on the Trombeys' level. Both Whiskey and Peg are bystanders dragged into this, and Whiskey recognizes her objectification though she's fine with it... for now. That storyline was great, as was the backstory with them all committing perjury since Musk had dirt on them. They just changed their mind when he was ruined, and then it just ended without much closure. No arrest, just lacking in the same satisfaction. It was just the three remaining shitheads, Whiskey, and Peg finally growing the balls to challenge the megalomaniac. Even though it certainly meant Claire not only lost her Senate bid, but reelection for Governor two years later. Whiskey could become a celebrity at a trial though, if it went the way Depp v. Turd did.

Other things I loved included that marvelous puzzle box (I want one), the way this was criticizing how rich jerks behave, the music, the de-aging of the actors back to 2005, and the set design. On the overall, I still liked this movie, but I wanted to like it more than I did. I am gonna have to go with 3.5/5.

No Country for Old Men (2007)
Adapted and directed by: Joel & Ethan Coen
Written by: Cormac McCarthy
Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, Kelly MacDonald, Woody Harrelson
Previous status: Read the book

"I mean the nature of you."

This was exactly the movie I didn't need right now. The Oscars don't know shit. This is easily among the worst movies I've ever seen, with my only praise going to just how great of a creep Javier Bardem is as Chigurh here, which he'd later channel in Skyfall. Everything else was just dull, soulless, and thoroughly unenjoyable; the technical aspects were ruined on this waste of my time. Let's just get this out of the way: 1/5

Firstly, the first 40 or so minutes were lulling me to sleep and I found myself playing with my phone. This was so boring and unnecessarily extended without the necessary buildup - in other situations this would work but there's not enough tension, too many tangential stories wholly irrelevant to the characterization in the movie, and just....

I don't even remember the book, FWIW. I mentioned my Cont Lit class reading Palahniuk, but it also had McCarthy's The Road as the final book. I was told No Country for Old Men was better, so like I watched Fight Club, I read that book, and it's from that same time of hazy memories, so... yeah. But don't worry: This is the last I'm mentioning of it, since there's no Gilead adaptation and no Little Women side stories like March (I only recall those four books from that course). I remembered it being more tense and interesting than this was. The Coens just threw all the buildup out the window by killing Llewellyn off so quickly and it came to a screeching, grinding halt.

And then Carla Jean's mother is abruptly and needlessly killed off without any explanation whatsoever; and then they leave Carla's fate ambiguous because she refuses to call the coin (in the book, it seems she called it wrong, and only a true monster from the pits of Hades would murder a woman who'd just lost both her husband and mother - I'd get assisted suicide, but murder?). The car crash was abrupt and... then Chigurh suddenly turns into Llewellyn, buying clothes off of passerby to help his wounds. This goes back to what had happened earlier, showing the difference between a cold-blooded assassin who kills anyone who gets in his way (or has something he needs) and his prey, a stand-up guy who so happened to come into possession of $2,000,000 of drug money. Chigurh is murdering his way through life while Moss is like "Hey I'll pay you $400 to give me a ride." or "I'll buy that jacket off you for $500." However, it's done so suddenly, and it's not effective. Sure, Bardem nails the character, but the only prompt for this change was Carla Jean saying that the coin had nothing to do with it - it was all his choice. And then he changed practically instantly. Did he kill her? We don't know. But he changed.... to which there was no buildup; this wasn't a gradual character growth. This movie finished with a whimper.

My issues with this run deep. The movie is too soulless and morbid, without anything resembling a laugh. There's no real central character - Tommy Lee Jones gets top billing despite Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin having more screentime, and that's because his role was the hero of the novel. The problem with this is that Sheriff Bell doesn't exactly feel like a needed character here - if you remove his entire plot, what changes? The entire conflict is between Chigurh and Moss, with the cops in general as bystanders who don't amount to anything.

I only filled half a page with notes for this one because I was so uninterested. The only part I felt on the edge of my seat for was when Chigurh was at the first hotel (man, there were a lot of those) looking for Moss as he strung together a rod to fish the cash out of the ventilator shaft. And I think that was more a "Finally, things are getting started." And then they never really went anywhere from there.

I don't get the praise for this. I literally hated this movie. It bored me thoroughly. The "hunter and hunted" symbolism didn't mean anything for me. It was terrible timing given the rut I've been in - this movie dragged me deeper into it. And that's why this hammer is gonna help me let out some steam.

@Johnbobb @FigureOfSpeech you both get another nomination. I hope I like it more.

No Country for Old Men is in my top 10 movies of all time

Johnbobb posted...

No Country for Old Men is in my top 10 movies of all time

I don't get it. I really don't. Could've been the timing. Could've just been that it's not my flavor. IDK. I'm not trying to be contrarian here - it's just what happened.

I know it's shocking, but not everyone is going to like everything. And frankly I don't see myself revisiting this one probably ever.

Hey, sorry for the lack of updates. I'm trying to figure out how to make some money right now because I'm not doing too well there. My energy is sapped, too - two weeks earlier than is normal. Fuck February.

I did buy 30 more movies but that all cost $16. Way too good of a deal to pass up, even on my tight budget. And it was good stuff - though some are full screen, unfortunately, but for 50 cents each, I'm not complaining (except for the two which certainly had wide-screen in that huge dumping ground).

If anyone wants to nominate something more, I'd appreciate it. Will try to watch a comedy tomorrow.

FYI: I didn't actually destroy the No Country for Old Men DVD. I will reappraise that... eventually. That may be a long time off, but it was probably just the mindset I was in. It was the worst kind of movie imaginable for the time I watched it, which is not a testament to whether it is quality or not.

At any rate, tonight's feature was unfortunately in full screen, not that I'd have known that was the case because the price sticker covered "FULL SCREEN" which sucked. But it was still perfectly viewable and thoroughly enjoyable.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Directed by: Michel Gondy
Written by: Charlie Kaufman, Michel Gondy, Pierre Bismuth
Starring: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood, Tom Wilkinson
Previous status: Never seen

"She was nice. Nice is good."

What happens when you take Jim Carrey and force him to be the straight man in a comedy-thriller? This, this is what happens. Paired up with an unrecognizable Kate Winslet, who's ALSO cast against type, they have a love affair told in reverse, because the entire concept revolves around memory erasure. Like I said, comedy-thriller. It's not meant to be harrowing. It's meant to be a romcom told as a thriller, with the highlight being this messed-up relationship that actually, when it goes back to its roots, feels perfectly happy and normal.

It's quite brilliant, honestly, and I find myself buzzing. This movie just gets me. Like Joel Barish (Carrey), I have this sense of hopeless romanticism, and any woman who's my type who shows me attention or makes me smile, I fall for. And I often feel like erasing one of them after a rejection, sometimes going so far as to supplant one in my cognition with whoever I can find. This has created a weird cognitive "wife" of mine who behaves exactly like Clementine (Winslet) does in Joel's head, the one who suggests ideas to him and moves his mind in certain directions, such as taking the spontaneous trip to Montauk.

Yes, the out-of-sequence storytelling here takes a completely different level here, with the entire story being told in reverse because the most recent memories are erased at the start of the procedure, the toxic ones, the ones you want erased. It starts at the ending, then goes back to Joel finding out Clementine wiped him, then has him wipe her, and then goes back to why... and we're privy to the Lacuna (the company doing this) employees the entire time. This punk kid Patrick (Wood) is utilizing memories from both Clementine and Joel to seduce her, and due to her psychic connection to Joel, she realizes she's being had and abruptly leaves him. As far as villains go, he's one of the most minor in a movie I've seen as yet, and I honestly wish he got a more brutal beating than the tongue-lashing.

The secondary storyline, which is also fantastic, is among the OTHER Lacuna employees, including its Chief of Staff, Dr. Howard (Wilkinson), having previously had an affair with his secretary Mary (Dunst). After his wife found out, Howard called off the affair and wiped Mary's memory when she suggested it, especially this part about an abortion that Wikipedia mentions. That wasn't in the final cut! Still, this surprised me - a great twist involving what ordinarily would've been something pushed to the side, thus making this cast of characters feel more complete. But Mary quitting and, in a fit of rage, seizing the company's files and mailing them to the patients. Her boyfriend, memory-eraser Stan Fink (Ruffalo, who never gets big and green) knew about her feelings for Howard, but did not know about the procedure - or so he says. Mary still quits anyway and most certainly never got a job in healthcare again. I certainly do not understand why Howard kept her in his employ after that procedure - he had to have known the risks, and should've wiped her memory of having that job at all. (There was also the fact that, while Joel was in bed, Stan and Mary were dancing, smoking, and fucking on top of him, which.................. yeah.)

As the memories unravel, Clementine becomes more and more cognitive, as opposed to who she was in the moment, telling Joel to supplant her into other memories that he wouldn't mind getting rid of - old ones, boring stuff from his childhood, and then being picked on. When the Lacuna crew calls Howard to reset him, the memories fully erase but, as they do, the cognition says to meet the actual her at Montauk, as shown in the opening. This was long after I'd figured out that the beginning was the ending, and so it was. I figured out that the punk who acted weird at Joel's car window was Patrick early, but at first thought he might be a cognition - that wasn't the case, he was confused as to why Joel and Clementine were back together. He surrendered and realized that his scheme had been foiled. She knew the truth. He was lying to her. AND he stole her underwear! Despite the venomous cassettes (in 2004, yes) they got from Mary, they agree that since they were attracted to each other TWICE, might as well try again. And they all lived kinda-sorta sappily ever after!

There are some other laughs, like the "Mama Carrey's kid" line, the Lacuna crew stealing Joel's food to their heart's content, and the general awkwardness of several of the interactions. The facial expressions are great and make for comedy at times, though this isn't a laugh-out-loud comedy. It's just a fun, feel-good romantic story told as a psychological thriller, but without going into what those thrillers usually do. This was what Gondry and Kaufman wanted in creating it: To blend elements of thrillers without actually turning the film into one. It works wonders. And you know what? Winslet absolutely deserved that Oscar nod, because she was a delightful surprise playing an unstable Gen Xer who dyed her hair a different color every other month. Jim Carrey, while recognizable, is playing a role totally unlike him - and he does a fine job, too.

Comparing this to Burn After Reading, the last comedy-thriller I watched, is like apples to oranges. That one was not psychological - it was all meant as one big prank on the viewer, and it was fun for that. This one was both psychological and romantic, and was more feel-good with the way it was uplifting. In a way, this was the panacea I needed - something fun, feel-good, and lighthearted despite being a mindfuck. I loved it. 5/5, though... not gonna gold it. It'll take a rewatch to decide if I do tbh, because this is the kind of movie you have to watch a second time to truly appreciate.

@FarmFox I haven't seen you around much lately, so I hope you enjoyed my write-up here! You're free to nominate more (I have a much longer list now)

Anyone is free to nominate more! I don't care about limits anymore tbh - there's not really much engagement here, sadly :/

I'm going to an anime con tomorrow (just for Saturday), so.... why not tee myself up with some Miyazaki?

Spirited Away (2001)
Written and directed by: Hayao Miyazaki
Dub director: Kirk Wise
Starring: Daveigh Chase, Jason Marsden, Suzanne Pleshette, David Ogden Stiers, Susan Egan
Previous status: Saw ages ago

"Hey Lin, what's a foreman?"

Not many quotes here, because translation. Too many of them sound too negative. So I went with the funniest one.

Can't say I remember much of this one. Or when I even saw it. But watching it, I know I did, probably in 2009 or so. Lots of little things jogged my memory, particularly in the first half.

It certainly begins with something I know all too well: "Daddy does it different." This is a longstanding family meme that happened when I was in 4th or 5th grade and my dad took a wrong turn on the way to school. Chihiro's dad did the same. That said, my dad wouldn't have abandoned 10 y/o me in the car in a strange area, though Chihiro doesn't take that for an answer and tags along even though she has an overwhelming sense of dread... or impatience. Or both. Over what looks like an uncompleted theme park that was just left to rot... apparently not too long before. (I don't get the "early '90s" part for a film made in 2001, seeing as it would take a bit longer than 8 years for that to run its course.)

I immediately notice how it's Chihiro's parents acting like children who can eat whatever they want without asking... and Chihiro saying "No, this isn't yours, you need to ask first." This feels like commentary on a cultural shift and generational divisions that's immediately apparent; the parents are used to being able to walk in anywhere and help themselves, while the kids know not to take without asking. That and... overwhelming sense of dread. She thinks she's dreaming, and it really feels like that. This place is not safe. She takes the red pill (I'll have to get to The Matrix later) from Haku, who has magic powers. It's unclear why he's there, or why he's taking her side, or why he's known her for her whole life. Already that intrigues me more than anything from No Country for Old Men.

Obviously, the gorgeous animation and environments are worth noting here; it really feels like a place full of life, with actual world-building done quickly, even without explaining everything. Are the humans (Haku, Lin) in this world actually humans? How did they get accepted by this place - by getting a job? How does all the magic work, and who all is capable of using it? And yet I don't find myself needing answers, except for how Chihiro infiltrated the spell. Was it her choosing not to eat? The old hag calls out that she has no manners, but... lazy? She's been running around trying to stay alive... and persistence is not lazy. Changing her name to "Sen" gets her further and further away from herself. And then I start to get those answers: Eating their food gets rid of the human smell, which is how Haku and Lin got accepted. But now I have more questions: Like what game Haku is playing, and why he took Chihiro's side and hid her from Hababa (who can turn into a Honchkrow)... his boss. Chihiro starts to forget her real name, but Haku reminds her and feeds her onigiri, then turns into a DARGON. She leaves her clothes with her soot ant friends, who are adorable.

Chihiro is given a filthy cleaning job in the "dirtiest clients tub" as the Sludge Monster From The Earth's Core makes his way into town, causing everyone and everything to faint due to the putrid stench. No Face helps her out, even though it's not apparent who or what he is (I honestly do not recall). The kid ends up a hero, though, climbing over the sludge and halitosis to double the cleansing water, then ties the rope to pull out all the junk the thing had amassed. A small message of teamwork, even with people you hate. And Mr. Frog pays the price of his life by succumbing to No Face's temptations of gold. This is being critical of people being enslaved to money; here, No Face is aptly named as a symbol for faceless capitalist corporations, throwing out money to people enslaved to the system. Chihiro's rejection of the excesses No Face gives her is showing the Millennial (I'd think Chihiro was born in 1991) rebellion against this, over a decade before it began to happen. The symbolism here is pretty blatant, but isn't shoved in your face - just the way I like it. When I'm watching a movie, I don't want to have to stop and think for too long about what X symbolizes because then I get too engrossed in those thoughts and miss parts of the movie.

Yubaba's babby has entrapped itself in the nursery, leading to his mother spoiling him; he just wants someone to play with. The paper bird stowing away on Chihiro turns out to be Zeniba, Yubaba's twin sister, who accuses Haku of robbing her. She causes chaos, turning babby into an earless Bunnelby, the Murkrow into a bug, and the three severed heads into a cloned babby. Kamaji, the furnace guy, explains Haku became Yubaba's slave and had no home to return to. Sad. No idea how he became a DARGON though, but the River Spirit's medicine reverts him back to his human form; the other half works to get No Face to regurgitate all his gluttony. He then joins the party on a literal witch hunt for Zeniba, in the hope to heal Haku. But he heals on his own, and Yubaba throws a fit upon realizing that her babby has been replaced. Haku uses this "hostage situation" as leverage to set Chihiro and her parents free, if he can rescue her and the real babby (and the Murkrow) from Zeniba. Yubaba counteroffers a test. Deal. At this point, she feels like a corporate overlord herself, a cruel boss who expects loyalty to the very people she can't show loyalty to.

Chihiro, No Face, and Co. get to the swamp, another beautiful environment. Bows are exchanged when a Lampent shows up to be their guide (yes I'm keeping with the Pokemon). Zeniba seems much more gracious than Yubaba, and far less sadistic. The spells were temporary. Love breaks the spell on the seal (Haku's boner for Chihiro and her compassion did it). The slug Chihiro squashed was for Yubaba to control Haku. And now she can't. It's clear who is good and who isn't, and they're in opposite places to what is the norm. No Face stays with Zeniba, who Chihiro is calling "Granny" already, as Chihiro rides off on DARGON Haku.... a form which dissipates MIDAIR when she tells him he's actually the river spirit, who saved her life when she dove into that river for her shoe. They filled in that part of the river in a "redevelopment" so Haku can't find his way home: He'd been displaced. The babby reverts form and stands up for Chihiro... literally and figuratively. Chihiro, who Haku starts calling by her real name - her identity restored - and she takes Yubaba up on the deal. It's a trap: None of those pigs are her parents. None of her corporate games will work! She gets to go free, but leaves Haku behind and can't look back. The end.

There was definitely a lot of commentary about Japan, and I obviously can't recognize all the mythological references here (just some). But it still works here as commentary about capitalism and how both all the grunts AND corporate overlord Yubaba want money, money, money. I liked how this wasn't so subtle that I didn't have to spend ages deducing it, or reading someone else's interpretation. Even with this, it has a feel-good ending - literally everyone wins except for Yubaba, who doesn't deserve it. And the animation and storytelling were marvelous in usual Miyazaki fashion. Overall, this movie has everything going for it, and the dub doesn't disappoint. This really can't be anything other than a 5/5. Gonna gild this one too, since it's a masterpiece.

@MetalmindStats you get another nomination!

Thank goodness Smell-o-Vision didn't catch on, because the Sludge Monster scene would have constituted cruel and unusual punishment if it had!

GavsEvans123 posted...

Thank goodness Smell-o-Vision didn't catch on, because the Sludge Monster scene would have constituted cruel and unusual punishment if it had!

Yeesh.... I can only imagine. If that was in a theater, everyone would head for the hills. (Thanks for the laugh, I needed it after the horrible week I had.)

Incredibles 2 (2018)
Written and Directed By: Brad Bird
Starring: Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Sarah Vowell, Huckleberry Milner, Catherine Keener, Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson, Bob Odenkirk, Brad Bird
Previous status: Never seen

"It's like a superhero's playground!"

I should have watched this months ago, but... life.

This one starts right where the last one left off, where the guy who asked Violet out recaps Mr. Underminer rising from the depths.. and him recognizing her and her blowing her cover. And then the interrogator goes full Lacuna on him and erases her from his mind. Mr. Underminer collapses the bank to rob all the cash from the vault with a vacuum... and the video game is most likely retconned or whatever, not that anyone ever cared about it. He gets away in the escape pod as the Parrs + Frozone handle the bigger drill... for which they're arrested, because of course the populace would rather have the Underminer go crazy and destroy the town. The politicians actually say this. "Orderly fashion" my ass. The town would be in total chaos. I DO hope these politicians get theirs later. (Spoiler: They sadly don't.)

After Parr family drama over dinner in their motel room (they still haven't found a place), Frozone comes over with a business card for a Winston "Win" Deavor, who screams "bad guy who wants to use superheroes for nefarious purposes." Bob and Helen wear their classic outfits but aren't subtle enough because Violet, being Violet, notices. Should've rethought that one! Winston and his sister Evelyn explain their father, a superhero advocate, was murdered by robbers right after the superhero ban, and the two of them want to restore his biggest passion... by having supers show their perspectives via camera, so people have more than just the ending on the covfefe. Uhhh... I still question if he's using those cameras for something else. Helen isn't sure. Bob is 100% right in convincing her to change this law. This certainly feels like commentary against anyone on EITHER side who wants to restrict people's self-expression, whether that being one side's legislation or the other's calling people names just for disagreeing. I'll leave it there.

The mega-mansion offers plenty of humor, with the crazy tech and Bob adapting to being a stay-at-home dad... in "Doozle-dorf." Jack-Jack refuses to sleep and makes a comparison between a TV robber and a raccoon, adorably fighting the thing before starting himself on fire, using Double Team, and whipping out LASER EYES! This is hilarious! It tops his mother Helen saving the day hi-tech style from this supervillain "the Screenslaver" who knows who she is. Hmmm. Imagine if Win and/or Evelyn is just doing this for fun. Also fun is Bob lying to Helen about how things aren't in total disarray after Violet's eating half-gallons of ice cream for comfort food, Dash is drooling while asleep over his homework, and Jack-Jack is still trying to pick a fight with raccoons. All this fun stuff is replaced by devastation when Violet doesn't realize that Tony had Lacuna performed on him until he asks if he knows her. WHOOPS!

Now that Elastigirl is getting positive press, people are starting to say "I SUPPORTED YOU ALL ALONG!" even though they never did anything about it. One of these, Ms. Ambassador, suddenly is jeopardized by Screenslaver in the middle of Helen's interview, at which point she manages to save the day (but not the helicopter). Back home, Bob lets it slip that Dicker ruined Violet's date by erasing her from Tony's mind, and she berates him. He just ruined her chance of getting laid. She takes it out on her indestructible supersuit, xD. But other young superheroes are finally emerging, such as Voyd, who idolizes Elastigirl, and Brick who's from Wisconsin (you know me). Another thing I noticed: Evelyn saying she invents, Win sells. So... she's Screenslaver? Elastigirl thinks otherwise and they scheme to bait Screenslaver. Speaking of bait, Bob baits Violet by taking her out to eat at Tony's parents' restaurant. This is awkward. And hilarious. Poor Violet, though. Teenage angst galore.

Helen tracks Screenslaver's signal and finds stolen evidence in his apartment, then fights him in a dizzying screen room with her eyes closed for long enough until she can destroy it. She misses the bomb but gets the guy... and enough evidence on camera to lock him up. Meanwhile Bob shows exactly why I have no plans to have kids by snapping when he can't handle all three of them... while sleep-deprived. Frozone scolds him and says he needs more than me-time... so he goes to Edna moaning uncontrollably. She takes Jack-Jack in for study, especially once he shows he has copycat powers, too. He's a wildcard... babies, yeah? Edna loves this assignment because it's a new challenge - the sets are exactly the same as the original, which is nice. Bob also sets a sleep record: 17 hours, lol!

It clicks with me when Win says a hundred world leaders will sign this pro-superhero legislation on a big boat. Yeah, I think he's after some kind of world domination, else why would he have this at sea instead of, y'know, the UN? To take them hostage. This clicks with Helen, too. What clicks with Bob is that he needs to apologize to Violet, so he does. This is juxtaposed with Helen telling Evelyn that this all felt too easy, like it was a setup, and that Screenslaver hacked into her supersuit's camera... and just as she's connecting the dots, Evelyn puts goggles on her. Like... hello, Helen? Obvious plot twist is obvious. Win isn't a tech guy. Evelyn is sadistic, torturing Helen in an ice chamber to further her agenda: Banning superheroes forever. BIGOT ALERT! She blames that for her parents' deaths - superheroes existing makes people weak. But you know what makes people weaker? People who use technology to make others helpless. People like you, Evelyn. I hope your death is as gory as Syndrome's. (Interesting how Win is not involved. How many back-and-forths I had! His lack of involvement wasn't predictable.)

It doesn't occur to anyone to take the goggles off. Because it doesn't. But... the kids are in charge now, because everyone else is possessed. Violet connects the dots, and the Incredibile - a James Bond car on steroids - takes off. I know the good guys will win. I know this bitch will get hers. I hope it's satisfying. But it's NOT satisfying that Violet isn't removing these thugs' mind-control masks. What the HELL? And Evelyn's evil plot is hugely successful. Boom, sheeple ate it up. The end. The rest is unrealistic. Evelyn gets a shock though, when Jack-Jack takes off Helen's mask and she takes off the others. They FINALLY start destroying that shit. Evelyn tries escaping in a jet, but Helen plays in a stupor, then kills Evelyn with the flare gun. That... was not satisfying... oh she's still alive? What? Meh. And supers save the day, ***** is arrested, Parr drama is resolved, the superheroes are accepted because the script calls for it, Violet and Tony reconnect just like at the end of the first one, and blah blah blah. Then some thugs start shooting and... oh yeah, the Underminer is still at large.

Yeah this isn't as good as the first one. Yes, it's still great. Yes, it's still a fun ride. Yes, the raccoon sequence is the best part (@Zachnorn I am a nerd). I needed that laugh. But there are still a few things - namely dizzying Porygon light effects - that make this a clear 4/5 for me.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been insanely busy and that shows no sign of stopping.

Also, after what happened, I've decided for the next month or two, at least until my life is on track, I'm going to only watch ones I like and have seen before or things that I know for a fact aren't going to derail me. So I thought I'd revisit an old favorite here because it was what I was in the mood for.

This write-up will not be long.

The Italian Job (2003)
Directed by: F. Gary Gray
Written by: Troy Kennedy Martin; Donna & Wayne Powers
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward Norton, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Donald Sutherland, Mos Def, three Mini Coopers
Previous status: Last seen 2014ish

"If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with Mother Nature, mother-in-laws, and motherfreakin' Ukrainians."

If only Vlad remembered that last one. But we're not talking about real-world villains here.

No, in this one has Edward Norton playing a smarmy sack of shit again, nearly two decades prior to doing the same in Glass Onion. Norton, from what I've seen, takes the same kind of character and puts a completely different spin on him every time. And that's what makes him so great: You never know exactly who this guy is going in. Steve is a thug who hit the big time, then betrayed the rest of his crew to take a majority share for himself. He saw an opportunity and took it, taking advantage of people who trusted him. As the guy with connections, of course he's the most logical traitor. The heist movie needs a tech guy, a demolitions expert, a driver, a safecracker, and the guy to plan it all. And that's the rest of the cast: Green, Mos Def, Statham, Theron (replacing Sutherland, her character's father), and Wahlberg, respectively.

Where this movie shines is in its character interaction. This bunch is delightful to watch together because it looks like they're bringing their characters to life - they're fully human, but having a good time. They're also professionals who are good at what they do and are able to improvise... both in the way of getting away with a crime with only killing one guy (a thug on a motorcycle who got flattened by his bike). No, they knocked the drivers asleep, blocked off another motorcycle thug, and planted the other guy in the water. Oh, and Steve definitely dies a slow, agonizing death with whatever means the junkyard had, because he didn't know not to mess with Ukrainians, either.

Now, the technology in this movie has aged pretty well, to be honest. The "monster TV" is by no means one of those anymore, but for 2003, that 60" flat screen was pretty special. The mini-camera, the traffic signal redirection, and the safecracking kit all still feel pretty remarkable. The idea of having Stella (Theron) infiltrating the slimeball's mansion as a cable tech was brilliant, though I'm surprised she didn't have a hat - you'd think "Becky" would want an easy way to tell thirsty guy customers to back away by hiding her eyes (of course, Handsome Rob [Statham] had banged the actual Becky to get her stuff, so there is that).

Both heists in the movie are done remarkably well, with the Venice one being simple at the same time it's complex. The boat chase was fun. The car chase in LA was fun. Wished there was a little more complexity to that, though. But, in the end, this was as fun of a movie as teen me enjoyed way back when. Really, the only flaws are the car chase not being as satisfying as memory served and a couple small narrative details (i.e. Charlie [Wahlberg] being everywhgere all at once during the heist prep). There's humor - Napster (Green) narrating Handsome Rob's seduction of Becky and kid Left-Ear (Mos Def... well not as a kid, but yeah) blowing up the toilet and losing his hearing being the highlights - there's romance that's not beat over our heads, and there's action. It's just a feel-good, fun movie to watch, and I stand by my initial 5/5.

Will watch another tomorrow or the next day. Gotta make it up to you guys.

Love that movie.

Glad I'm not the only!

Will watch another few soon, but I've not had time to sit down and watch for two hours, sadly.

I want to apologize: I am falling behind on this because I am doing too many things at once! Yes, my CYOA is still ongoing, sure, but let's go over everything I'm currently doing (it's exhaustive):

WATCHING

• Survivor 44, of course, and also trying to get caught up in Australian Survivor since that's surprisingly not bad this year (any posts about such will stay in the reality TV topic)
• Price Is Right and Jeopardy, as usual
• Occasional episodes of Lingo - the classic Chuck Woolery/Shandi Finnessey version, not the tacky RuPaul one. (Sorry, that was redundant)

PLAYING

• The Saints Row reboot (on my second go of it) when I have time and feel like it (I haven't in over a week)
• Exporting my Pokemon from BANK to HOME (a HOME subscription is a ripoff tbh); I have a living Pokedex through Gen 6 but will need a few things cloned in Gen 7. Need to ask for that.
• D&D on Saturday afternoons - I'm a self-righteous Paladin learning to not care that she's working with two criminals

READING

• My "every year and a half" read-through of one of my favorite comic strips, Retail (which ended just before COVID hit); you can read it yourself at http://retailcomics.com
• v1 of the Funny115, a Survivor humor project (I haven't read v1 since like 2011)
• Turtles All the Way Down by John Green, which I just picked up from the library and want to start tonight... or tomorrow... or the next day, yeah, it'll happen soon
• Board 8, of course

DOING

• I paid for a WebDev bootcamp and fell behind; getting caught up is tough. But if I want to do freelance debugging, this is the way.
• I'm trying to get myself approved to donate plasma since my doctor thinks it'll be okay; the center doesn't seem to agree but we will see what transpires. I need money FAST.
• I may get approved for SSDI because of my inability to socially function in a job; I can and will WORK, but obtaining and keeping a job have proven difficult for me on account of my Asperger's.
• Looking for part-time work... maybe, when I get back from vacation
• Cleaning my apartment
• Trying to make a perfume bomb to teach whoever's violating my building's no-smoking agreement a lesson (the goal is to explode this upon their doorway so the smell doesn't go away, not to hurt anyone)
• Mafia (cannot be discussed apart from the fact that I'm playing)
• Making sure I have all my ducks in a row for said vacation, which is 3/14 to 3/27; my parents are treating me to a Caribbean cruise for my 35th birthday. It's gonna be awesome.
• Writing my CYOA... and Ray of Hope whenever I have the time.
• Trying not to be an ass. Sorry if I slipped up the other day.

You can see why I'm absolutely hammered. So yeah, I may not get to this very often, but I PROMISE I will. Just gotta get things off this list.

I finally got around to watching Glas Onion, and I agree with what you said about it. I thought the film tried too hard to be topical and trendy with all the celebrity cameos and pop culture references that instantly date the film. I wonder if those were always meant to be part of the film or if Netflix insisted on them for marketing reasons.

I also figured out immediately that Duke died because he was allergic to pineapple.

GavsEvans123 posted...

I finally got around to watching Glas Onion, and I agree with what you said about it. I thought the film tried too hard to be topical and trendy with all the celebrity cameos and pop culture references that instantly date the film. I wonder if those were always meant to be part of the film or if Netflix insisted on them for marketing reasons.

Yeah, Knives Out will be considered an all-time iconic film in its genre. Glass Onion will be forgotten like many sequels, because it's not as smart. The original had better comedic writing, a criminal scheme with many more layers, and characters who fit in the moment but will still work years from now. Glass Onion was set in 2020, so in even five years, people won't find the tryhard cameos and references funny. The COVID jokes were already unfunny. This doesn't include the other narrative issues, including the predictability (including what you figured out and everything I saw coming), giving Blanc a partner but not allowing the two to interact, and how contrived and forced much of it felt. Basing your bad guy on Elon Musk is fine - like Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos, he's a megalomaniac villain who transcends time.

I am hoping the next one is more like Knives Out but I don't think Netflix cares as much about quality as Lionsgate.

Anyway, I will be gone on vacation for two weeks, after which I WILL get back to this. Promise.

Bumping this now, will do it again when I can (not sure when that will be)

I'm home now. Hoping to watch one tomorrow, but my to-do list is CRAZY.

Apologies. Still trying to complete that to-do list. May be a few more days.

I need to stop making excuses. I am sorry.

I'm actually trying to get used to a new freelance gig I have so there's that.

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Wasn't a fan of Glass Onion but I honestly thought even the first movie was pretty lame aside from the twist, which was epic even though I knew about it going in. Rian Johnson just comes off as a wannabe Coen Brother to me, although I definitely don't hate him as much as some do.

Thanks for saving this, Lasa!

LinkMarioSamus posted...

I knew about it going in

This is probably why you found it lame tbqh
~~~
Since MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU, here we go! Haven't seen this one since high school.

Please note there will be spoilers for multiple Star Wars movies unmarked in this write-up. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Written and directed by: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Keira Knightley
Previous status: Saw ages ago

"I have a bad feeling about this..."

That I really do.

The original trilogy is the best because George Lucas was writer/producer as opposed to writer/director; him trying to tackle the technical aspects of storytelling is a mismatch; he excels at the visual aspect of filmmaking but doesn't use it to tell his story effectively. It only worked with the simple story of A New Hope, and that film's success hampered his ability to replicate it.

We are thrust into Qui-Gonn (Neeson) and Obi-Wan (McGregor) being dispatched to settle a disagreement that was induced by Palpatine (McDiarmid). Blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Stuff happens, Queen Amidala (Portman) wants to avoid war (as does her decoy [Knightley]), Jar-Jar shows up and will not shut the fuck up. Sure, I like his speech patterns in moderation because they're an intriguing species trait, but he has diarrhea of the mouth in the worst way. He was meant to be comic relief, but he only ends up being obnoxious because of how one-dimensional his shtick is. I don't think his voice is the problem so much as the dosage makes him become grating. Especially given the screaming and generally obnoxious behaviors. Him getting his tongue owned by not listening was great, at least, but that's about the only actual comic relief he provides.

Amidala is quite crafty, switching places with her handmaiden, and as you probably remember from Black Swan, nothing wrong with lookin' at Natalie Portman, even when she was 18 y/o. At Tatooine (a real place in Tunisia), Anakin Skywalker (Lloyd) calls her an "Angel" when in her presence. To foreshadow their future relationship, of course, though this is me being spoiled (though Anakin x Padme is obvious, Padme's identity was written as a surprise, with the first major hint being "Well I don't approve!" She can't keep her cover story going for too long at the age of 14 [that's the character, not Portman], but neither could the Internet of 1999 since Weird Al got every spoiler out there and made "The Saga Begins" accurate without seeing the movie). The other great first meeting is R2-D2 meeting a naked C-3PO. And then we have the Force manipulating Anakin's mother, Shmi, into letting the boy help.

The pod race goes on a little too long for my liking, that being 11 minutes. I'd have gotten less bored with this particular sequence if it had been a couple minutes shorter. This feels like having too many eggs in one stretch. Light saber duels only do so much. Darth Maul doesn't even get to show his fancy light saber in the short skirmish. And Big Bad Palpatine is making power plays to try to get himself elected Supreme Chancellor, and Amidala's decoy is having none of it.... until he changes his tactics to bring Naboo into this, a world he represents for no reason other than to further his own ends.

It's quite nice to see Yoda being Yoda and Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson being his right-hand man, Mace Windu. Though there's awkwardness amongst the Jedi Council, and that's probably paranoia caused by the return of the Sith Or the cloudy future of Anakin, which you were supposed to know going into the movie, but the film works even if you don't.

Padme breaking the shtick isn't done as well as it could've been. Simply walking forward to Boss Nass to make a treaty feels too low-stakes; this could've been accomplished better in a more tense, life-or-death moment. The reveal gets some shocked reactions, but doesn't feel like the bombshell it could've been orchestrated to be. The decoy was just as smart as Padme, of course, which is why she was chosen, but we don't get any insight into who this decoy really is. She's simply cast aside.

The plan to have the Gungans create a diversion to draw the majority of the droids out of town is brilliant. Leaving Anakin in the cockpit of an aircraft he's not used to is not. The kid can FLY, though! A feat just like Darth Maul fighting two Jedi at once. Sadly, Darth Maul is as blank a slate as slates get, and is thus an underwhelming henchman in a movie that didn't fully flesh out its Big Bad. The henchman should've been developed better in this case. The fight choreography is pretty redundant of many other Star Wars climaxes, but there doesn't feel like there's anything personal about this one. There's nothing remarkable, even though the set is your standard Star Wars fare. Anakin blowing up the Death Star is also repetitive, a mainstay of any Part 1 of a trilogy; although this time, it was inadvertent. This movie's entire finale feels less cool than A New Hope or The Force Awakens, both of which had what felt like real stakes too. Qui-Gon getting killed off is also too abrupt in a way that lacks the ruthlessness of better-done versions of the same twist. One of those... I will get to later. A lot of this has to do with how lame Darth Maul is. A cold quip and a better camera cut would've sealed the deal.

Qui-Gon's funeral also lacks the emotional punch it could've had because it's immediately followed by a joyous parade, and Qui-Gon himself also lacked the development he could've had. He was simply meant to serve the same role as Obi-Wan would in A New Hope and Han would in The Force Awakens. This could have been something way greater than it was. It didn't really do anything that the original trilogy didn't already do better. It exists for the sake of existing and is easily the worst of the three trilogy-starters (4 > 7 > 1). Really, the only things I enjoyed were the special effects, Liam Neeson and Natalie Portman's performances, and the smart writing of Padme and her decoy. Because I am waffling between two numbers, I have to give this a 2.5/5.

I'll try to watch the other two soon. And also throw a surprise in this weekend.

So, about that surprise....
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Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
Written and Directed by: Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert
Starring: Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, Ke Huy Quan, Jamie Lee Curtis, James Hong
Previous status: Never seen

"You are not unlovable. There is always something to love."

Holy shit, that was a trip. This one most certainly lived up to the hype!

First of all, it's accessible. It's not trying to use characters to represent ideas in disingenuous ways. No, it's using the circumstances to showcase that people really need to stop being so damn judgmental and instead be nice to each other. And those circumstances are tremendously variant. This film, while a thriller through and through, incorporates elements from every genre under the sun. It seems like it's almost parodying American cinema, particularly with the doomsday device being an everything bagel. Hilarious.

Michelle Yeoh shows that she hadn't lost that badass edge after 25 years since her English-language breakout in Tomorrow Never Dies; this is a much stronger performance than that in large part due to her co-stars having better chemistry with her than Pierce Brosnan did. Yeoh's character Evelyn is a pretty ordinary individual in extraordinary circumstances and reacts in believable ways every time. Ke Huy Quan, who hadn't had an acting credit in two decades, didn't lose a beat. It's amazing how he made Waymond and Alpha Waymond distinguishable from one another even though both were in the same body wearing the same clothes. James Hong does the same with Gong Gong. Stephanie Hsu nails the edge of Jobu Tupaki just as well as the depressed darkness consuming Evelyn's daughter Joy. Jamie Lee Curtis handles different varieties of Deirdre well also, even if her character is kinda racist for interrupting a Chinese New Year party. Let them have their fun.

And the fun also includes inventive martial arts choreography that sometimes involves two fights in separate universes at the same time. It also involves a universe where life could not form, so they're just rocks that talk as text on the screen. It's kind of a nice pace-changer and feels relaxing and private, away from the hustle-bustle of the real world and the toxicity of humanity. It's also nice to see instead of the whirlwind of images, though the only time I needed to avert my eyes was when it was flashing five selves a second, something that could've benefited from learning about Electric Soldier Porygon.

The movie nails its humor, from funny reactions to crazy circumstances to a dog being a projectile weapon (Jenny Slate is hot btw) to hot dogs for fingers to googly eyes to... you get the idea. It incorporates drawings and a plethora of home video footage from the past that paints this reality as well as the movie paints others. The skipping between worlds is done marvelously, with conversations being interpreted in two ways due to expertly-crafted dialogue writing. This is most notable when Waymond (Quan) thinks Evelyn is talking about the divorce papers when she's really talking about the instructions his alternate self wrote on the back of them.

Really, this movie resonated with me in many ways. The writing. The comedy. The meaning of it all - let's just be nice to each other. Let's stop berating people for being a different generation. Let's stop being mean to people because of their sexuality. Let's stop making people depressed by being mean to them for no reason. I've certainly experienced my fair share of bullies who could've watched this movie and taken something from it. Be present and remember those around you are trying to be the same. I really should show this to my mother sometime, as I'm still very much mad at her for trying to control who I am and who I can be attracted to.

Overall, there's really no question of it. I hardly took any notes here because I was engaged in watching it (and also had to read the subtitles for the Cantonese portions; it's amazing how some people [mostly Asians in my experience] can switch between languages in the same sentence), and this time that's a good thing. It was all building up to a thrilling ending and I think we got it. This movie deserved all the Oscars - it's well-written, well-directed, well-edited, and well-acted... and just plain brilliant to boot. 5/5, gold.

EEAAO is honestly such a remarkable once-in-a-generation movie that I have no doubt it'll be one of the few films to define this decade of film

Yeah, I'm still buzzing about that one tbh. I wonder how the Daniels will follow it up - they have a lot of hype to live up to.

I meant to watch another Star Wars one tonight (as well as Sunday), but it didn't happen. I don't know what's with me - I keep getting distracted and before ya know it, it's after 9 pm!

BlueCrystalTear posted...

Thanks for saving this, Lasa!

no problem!

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Thank you, Lasa. I am hoping to be able to resume regular movie viewings - at least one a week - from here on out. Additionally, as an apology, I have acquired quite a few more DVDs so there's gonna be more to watch! (Yes, there are several romcoms, but I got a 4-pack of them for $4, so...)

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Directed by: George Lucas
Written by: George Lucas & Jonathan Hales
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid, Frank Oz, Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson, Christopher Lee
Previous status: Saw ages ago

"I hate it when he does that."

[WARNING: LONG]
Star Wars was never about the plot. What George Lucas envisioned was the jolly slashing of light sabers, a space pirate opera focused on entertaining people, not on the story. This of course leads to some major suspension of disbelief, such as the stunt jump to subdue the assassin's pod. But the action sequence is fun, and that's what matters.

Even so, this starts with a bang, literally, with one of Padme's doubles getting blown up in an assassination attempt. The bad guys never seemed to pick up how Padme hides in plain sight, did they? It's been a ten year gap, so maybe things have changed. Some haven't, such as Anakin having a boy crush on the now-former Queen. Which is not allowed. He's not allowed to be attached. But he is already, and Master Yoda certainly knows it. It is a test. But he's a teenage boy (barely)... and she's Natalie Portman... so why would he NOT want to do it? (As I've said, she's among the actresses I find the hottest.)

Oh, and "Why do I get the feeling that you're going to be the death of me?" is a nice little reference. Palpatine is starting to plant seeds with Anakin for later. It's meant to be obvious because you're meant to know what happens... and if you don't, you figure it out. Anyway, Obi-Wan is sent bounty hunting a bounty hunter, while Anakin is assigned as Padme's bodyguard. I am guessing that they couldn't get Keira Knightley back, which is why there's a different double (again). And then they did other shit with her character outside the movie canon. Reading her bio on the Star Wars Wiki was a trip.

When Obi-Wan gets to the ocean planet Kamino, he realizes he's being mistaken for someone else. They think he's working for a dead guy who is financing a clone army. He realizes this is amiss but plays along, knowing he's dead meat if he doesn't... and knowing they could give him a lot of useful information. Me, I'm thinking this dead guy was an alias being used by a true villain - Palpatine, obviously - to operate more discretely. Jango Fett is the original, but they also cloned the clones and changed DNA so they could become obedient Stormtroopers. This is also why Jedi Mind Tricks work so well on them.

Meanwhile, Padme and Anakin are in Italy, falling in love the way you do in Italy. Okay, it's Naboo in the movie, but this is an Italian location I've seen in movies before. Anakin shows he didn't take a government course and thinks a dictatorship might work better. He doesn't seem to get that a system like the Republic's is designed to get disagreeing people to debate and figure out what's best. Wish it worked that way in real life! Ani tells her he thinks about her every day, but is in agony because of him being stuck between a Jedi pact and a beautiful woman. Anyway, they fuck in a flower field, even though both of them think of this as forbidden.

There's an awkward conversation between Jango and Obi-Wan, which tips both of them off as to who the other is. Obi-Wan isn't subtle in trying to deduce what's going on. And yet, the Kaminoan lady doesn't catch on. Obi-Wan plants a bug on Jango's ship and follows him across the galaxy as Anakin returns home to Tatooine to respond to nightmarish visions about his mother. His former master takes a minute to recognize him (but doesn't recognize the girlfriend as the same from back then), but spills that he sold her to Mr. Lars, who freed and married her. At the Lars residence, the same as the original movie, Ani and Padme meet a rusted C-3PO, who recognizes them both and is gleeful to see them. 3PO takes him to Owen and Beru - Luke's Uncle and Aunt, per Owen being Ani's stepbrother. Owen's father, Cliegg, says the Tuskens got Shmi, who's dead. Ani can feel her alive in the Force. He goes off solo to bash in some Tusken skulls. He finds his mom first, and, feeling like her dying wish of seeing him grown up was granted, she dies in his arms. This doesn't have the impact it could have, since we weren't too attached to her. Same goes for Owen and Beru in the original movie, and this did nothing to make me care more for them. THEN Ani bashes in the skulls of literally everything he sees, but we don't get to see it. Lame.

Obi-Wan sees Dooku admit to ordering Padme's assassination and the one spearheading the clone army. But he's clearly not the top dog - he's the puppet. Obi-Wan transmits a message to Ani. I'm getting fed up with these two separate storylines not having any common ties. It doesn't feel like they're converging. At least not in this movie. Ani has a meltdown about killing everything in sight, and Padme comforts him. She is a keeper!

After Dooku says Palpatine (Sidious) is controlling the Senate for the Sith and an action sequence in the droid factory, Padme FINALLY admits she loves Ani. About time! This is the first time they've shown chemistry since Italy. Again, Star Wars was never about the plot. But this movie is only interesting when there's action. And the last hour has it in droves. Because right after that scene, we get some gladiator combat meant to be the execution of our fair Jedi. Padme manages to free her cuffs using a hairpin, while Obi-Wan and Ani use the monsters to free theirs. Ani tames his and uses it against the others. Meanwhile, Mace Windu leads a troupe of Jedi to overtake the arena hostage. Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson does some Matrix-like stunts while the Jedi start whacking Droids. 3PO is providing comic relief - thank goodness it's not Jar-Jar.

In the battle, Padme refers to it as "aggressive negotiations" and there's quite the body count, including Jango (courtesy of Windu). 3PO was salvaged by R2, of course. Yoda arrives with the Clonetroopers and they go to town taking out droids while gathering everyone. More fighting follows. Not much to say. I do see the schematics for the Death Star - obviously it later resurfaces in Rogue One, with the actual thing appearing in the original trilogy. It's all connected.

Padme falls off and Ani rebels. Obi-Wan gives him an earful. But don't worry, the plot dictates that she can't die yet. She still needs to give birth to twins. There's a light saber duel, which is only interesting for a brief moment when Anakin duel-wields. It doesn't feel like enough is at stake, since Dooku's droids got overwhelmed by Clonetroopers, and his death won't stop a war. But then Ani's arm gets cut off. Yoda does Matrix stuff too, but Dooku gets away to die another day, so the Clone Wars have begun. Ani gets a bionic arm and elopes with Padme in a ceremony that should've been more remarkable... but they had to keep it quiet. I get it.

Overall, I just finished this movie, and I did not find much memorable. This is despite some good action sequences, Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson, good set design, Yoda... I don't know what I took from it. Did I like it as I watched? At times. But it was slow at others because of the lack of quotability, meh character development, and thin plot, so I have to give it what I gave Episode 1: a 2.5/5.

Also, I'll get to Episode 3 soon.

I know I've become a meme for complaining about the alt right, but I just find it all too priceless when Star Wars fans complain about newer movies not being made for them when no Star Wars movie has been made explicitly for fans. George Lucas made his six movies for himself (I know he didn't actually direct Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi, but he still came up with the story outlines for them so they are still his works), and then all of the Disney-era content has been made specifically to capitalize on some bankable aspect of the franchise. George never intended for either of his trilogies to get the fanbases they did.

I'll admit I also really detest how the prequel trilogy and the controversial edits to the original trilogy caused people to re-evaluate George's contributions to the original trilogy. Conversely though I also think the best aspect of the sequel trilogy is how much of a middle finger to Lucas it is, specifically because Star Wars is such a big franchise it really shouldn't be held back by association with one guy.