Board 8 > Scarlet Ranks Anything Comic Book Related, As Nominated by the Users

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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:04:19 PM
#1:


Guten tag, wie geht's? Danke, gut. Let's rate and rank some fictional shit that, occasionally, I hear, gets interweb users up in arms. That's a secret, though, don't let anyone know.

I haven't done a ranking/rating topic in quite some time, so this will be a little bit of both. I'll keep track of things here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ZSNq5g-X9R7gJSuDg-LzArh37paJzWObauaGMeW3x58/edit?usp=sharing

You really have free rein on this to nominate whatever you want. Characters, issues, story arcs - you are more than welcome to break into TV, film and video game adaptations as well. Honestly, some of those latter categories might be more interesting to the board at large, so feel free to really push the "related" portion of "Comic Book Related". Hell, I'll even get controversial, if need be. The only rule is that you nominate only one thing at a time. If you think I accidentally skipped you, just repost - I think I only have Preston currently blocked, so the odds are it's not an intentional oversight.

I'll score things out of 100, and I'll be so entirely subjective that if something was nominated twice, I likely won't match scores! That's the sort of unhinged, badly-designed, poorly-contrived of write-up hypocrisy that is sure to make me friends in this topic! Nothing can possibly go wrong!

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WarThaNemesis2
06/20/22 7:07:05 PM
#2:


More Fun Comics Vol. 1 #55

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Maniac64
06/20/22 7:07:39 PM
#3:


Archie Sonic (series)

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Jesse_Custer
06/20/22 7:09:09 PM
#4:


Peacemaker (the show)
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:13:27 PM
#5:


WarThaNemesis2 posted...
More Fun Comics Vol. 1 #55
Rating: 53/100
Current Ranking: #1

For those who aren't in the know, or those of you like me who had to double-check, MFC numero fifty-five sports the first appearance of Doctor Fate, Kent Nelson the original, summoned all the way back in 1940. Fate is probably the character with the coolest helmet in the history of comics. Don't quote me on that - it could very well be something attached to a post-apocalyptic Queen Elizabeth II in, like, Indie Garbage Mad Max-Wannabe Comics #5812 or something, but I think Fate makes the play. Of lesser importance, the same Gardner Fox story that gives us Doc Fate also gives us Wotan. The tale itself reads like most Golden Age comics which! Is! To! Say! It! Has! Too! Many! Exclamation! Points? But if you can get past hackneyed scripts, there's a lot originality here for its time, and you got to give Gardner Fox all of the credit in the world for developing an enduring character now entering his 80s.

As for the rest of the issue, a heaping helping of also-rans, mostly the pudgy street cop stories that definitely wouldn't play as well in the modern era where police activity is subjected to a lot of rightful scrutiny. Oh, and you get a Spectre story. I don't recall it, but anything featuring God's right-hand man in a speedo? Count me in.

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DireKrow
06/20/22 7:13:44 PM
#6:


The Sandman (1989-1996 comic)
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:18:27 PM
#7:


Maniac64 posted...
Archie Sonic (series)
Rating: 12/100
Current Ranking: #2

Somewhere on the eighth circle of Hell, at the point where the frozen bits are starting to eke out some mind-numbingly chilling blizzards and the punished denizens of the abyss are subjected to Celine Dion on repeat for eternity, the demonic minions of Satan himself scribe the worst comic books known to man. And no, J.T. Krul is not among their number. You see, this absolute garbage features Sonic, a character so terrible that his awfulness couldn't be contained in just video games. No, this slick-inked torture features every possible conceivable awfulness, humanly possible.

In all seriousness, I've read enough of the Sonic titles to know that there are some sick dicks looking to dip their inky wicks into bizarre Sonic fetishes, presumably somehow all under the guise of a children-friendly rating. What is less awful but still terrible is the writing quality, an atrocious disaster that makes Sonic from 2006 look like Citizen Kane. Or, if you don't like Citizen Kane, pick your own monument to cinematic masterpiece. I presume you'd pick Con Air.

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HanOfTheNekos
06/20/22 7:19:36 PM
#8:


God Comics

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Snake5555555555
06/20/22 7:23:15 PM
#9:


John Ostrander's Suicide Squad

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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:23:54 PM
#10:


Jesse_Custer posted...
Peacemaker (the show)
Rating: 84/100
Current Ranking: #1

If you know my rating system, you know this is a pretty damn high ratings. I adored Peacemaker, even more than I did the originating film. Peacemaker does a phenomenal job of walking a line between disgusting, brutal ruthless redneck breakneck vigilante and someone you can actually root for, and John Cena sells just well enough for you to get a little fond of our friend Chris in his coterie of dorky-ass helmets. With a strong supporting cast Adebayo, Vigilante and Economos, it's hard to avoid being oddly charmed by this dysfunctional team. Peacemaker really lays into that Preacher territory of hard-edged violence with wicked humor attached, but there's also the James Gunn edge to it - the real James Gunn edge. That gross-out horror, with blood and guts plastered everywhere, reminiscent of his more fanged approach to cinema prior to a tree that says his name all of the time.

I do have some issues with the show - the pacing occasionally dips into narcolepsy territory, but the final few episodes just knocked it out of the park, over and over and over.

Yes, it does have the best TV opening of all time.

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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:29:20 PM
#11:


DireKrow posted...
The Sandman (1989-1996 comic)
Rating: 98/100
Current Ranking: #1

Considering every comic run I've ever read, Sandman probably ranks #3 overall. It's not just the ability of Gaiman to create and inspire an entire universe that feels uniquely his, where every inch of it is consumed in what I can only describe as literary theory brought to life - it's also how every line feels ripped from fairy tale when it need be, how every scene feels like it crawled out of grainy horror if the necessity arises. The number of talented artistic mega-stars who put in a cup of coffee on this book... it's hard to imagine Gaiman didn't know exactly who he was handpicking with every issue. I hate to use the word 'iconic' to the point that it loses all meaning, but this is a seriously iconic title. There's really not an arc that goes by that doesn't present something memorable, something thought-provoking, something altogether wonderful. The fact that we're getting a Gaiman-led Sandman series on Netflix really, truly excites me. The casting for every part has been really impressive, although Death is going to be the trickiest role to pull off. But, ack! I'm getting ahead of myself. From beginning to end of Sandman, there's not a single arc that isn't entirely gripping. Hell, I'll fully admit myself a little bitch, crying like a baby at the end of the series - twice. It's just that excellent. Do yourself a favor - go read it. Go BUY it. Go buy me autographed issues. It's that good.

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"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:32:44 PM
#12:


HanOfTheNekos posted...
God Comics
Rating: 15/100
Current Ranking: #4

For those not in the know:
https://superdickery.com/45-pages-of-god-hitler-crucified-my-son/

Look, this is abysmal. Worthless. Stupid to a caliber almost unparalleled. And it still rates higher than the Archie Sonic title, so what does that really tell you, huh? What does that say about Archie's Sonic series that something this witless, brainlessly awful, crap to the magnitude undreamt of anywhere else can still beat it by some 20%?

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Murphiroth
06/20/22 7:34:41 PM
#13:


The PS2 Punisher game
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:37:31 PM
#14:


Snake5555555555 posted...
John Ostrander's Suicide Squad

Rating: 94/100
Current Ranking: #2

What Ostrander did for comics is humanize villains in a way that Marvel even until that point hadn't managed. Coming out of Crisis on Infinite Earths, DC ends up pulling out line-up after line-up of all-star creative team, giving every single one of them the opportunity to redefine the legacy of their characters du jour. Ostrander and company chose to resurrect a property deceased for decades, revitalizing a mid-tier bog-standard military title into something far more intriguing - villains, united. Paid, even, for the privilege of dying in the name of the US government. What that intense amount of mortality does to the series is creates an antagonist that hangs over the top of every single character in the title, humanizing them, providing pathos for characters who heretofore had never demonstrated a single iota of warmth. Boomerang, Deadshot, Count Vertigo. It gave new careers to the crippled Barbara Gordon, Poison Ivy, Nightshade. It turned Lashina into the most interesting of the New Gods and it created Amanda Waller, one of DC's absolute finest. Ostrander deserves a parade with balloons for essentially providing a template Marvel has since aped a dozen times, with Thunderbolts, Dark Avengers, Peter David's X-Factor and more.

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Anagram
06/20/22 7:39:29 PM
#15:


Thor 2: The Dark World

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hombad46
06/20/22 7:39:57 PM
#16:


Shy Crazy Lolita Canary

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WarThaNemesis2
06/20/22 7:40:48 PM
#17:


The Nintendo Comics System

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Not a stinky alien. :(
Nintendo Switch Code: SW-5719-6555-8388
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DireKrow
06/20/22 7:42:18 PM
#18:


Batman (1966-1968 TV series)
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:42:32 PM
#19:


Murphiroth posted...
The PS2 Punisher game

Rating: 33/100
Ranking: #5

I certainly could see how others enjoy the game, so I won't begrudge anyone that. But to me, the Punisher game from 2004 felt so uninspired in comparison to the comics of the time, much like the movie that likely drove the impetus for this game in the first place. To me, it always felt like bad Tarantino - which I suppose is Robert Rodriguez, or maybe Eli Roth. It never felt visceral in the way a good Punisher story does. It glorified him in the worst of ways, and to top things off, the graphics feel like polygons wrapped in saran wrap and painted with a weak, earth-tone palette. Ultimately, I think there are good Punisher games to be had - first, though, you have to work from the angle that if Frank Castle is a hero, then the Earth needs to be eradicated and started afresh, and build from there. You can't pretend that your poor man's poor man's poor man's variation on the Matrix is anything but a slog through amoralistic ritual killing.

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HanOfTheNekos
06/20/22 7:43:46 PM
#20:


https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/9/1/AAOJ0pAADXR_.jpg

This paint job.

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Jesse_Custer
06/20/22 7:45:19 PM
#21:


The Department of Truth (comic series)
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:48:08 PM
#22:


Anagram posted...
Thor 2: The Dark World

Rating: 51/100
Ranking: #5

I'm sure the recent MCU board rankings have driven opinions on Thor into the ground, but despite the mediocre score, I don't have nearly as much to say about Thor 2 as I would, say Age of Dulltron. What the second Thor movie failed to do was bring back Kenneth Branagh, who, after the first film, I think would have had a much stronger voice. The first Thor plays up Shakespeare, and the more you cast about in the waters of old, stagehand tragedy, the more you spend time in the realms outside of Earth - the least interesting place you can go with Thor - the better the story gets. I cannot imagine what a Branagh variation of this same story would have been like, but I could see Odin being the focus of a King Hamlet-like prequel to Hamlet. This would be a major complete I have for a lot of early Marvel films. There's a flavor that gets quashed in favor of samesiness, and Thor 2 falls into the realm generic. Malekith, in the right hands? You have a talented actor and an intriguing character in comics. Why not eradicate Jane and the rest of Earth's coma-inducing cast and give me Balder? Karnilla? Hoder? I think the series would have been better served in this way, quite honestly.

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"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 7:51:29 PM
#23:


hombad46 posted...
Shy Crazy Lolita Canary
Rating: 77/100
Ranking: #4

This ranking is entirely based on the comic character and not my rendition in the campaign, hombad. Crazy Shy... Lolita... Shy... Canary... Crazy... Canary presented all of the potential in the world, the sort of twisted, brilliant brainchild of Grant Morrison that only Morrison could reasonably sell to the masses. But the issue with that is that you're not going to get Grant Morrison to write a series about the Super Young Team, not easily. You've got a rock star and you're going to ask him to only play B-sides? No way. So a character like Canary, who is presented in more of a fun-loving kawaii Japanese superstar idol way in comics, unfortunately disappears entirely from the DC Universe without a real proponent. We were lucky to get a single mini-series out of her. But you could always write to DC Comics and lobby for me to get the next mini!

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Snake5555555555
06/20/22 7:52:19 PM
#24:


It even recontextualized established villains like the Penguin is new and exciting ways. Just a fantastic series all around.

Ultimate Spider-Man


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hombad46
06/20/22 7:52:33 PM
#25:


scarletspeed7 posted...
This ranking is entirely based on the comic character and not my rendition in the campaign, hombad

Yep, that was the intention. I'll wait to see the campaign write up in the character rankings

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BetrayedTangy
06/20/22 8:00:33 PM
#26:


Heroes in Crisis

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Anagram
06/20/22 8:04:07 PM
#27:


Miles Morales

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scarletspeed7
06/20/22 8:07:43 PM
#28:


WarThaNemesis2 posted...
The Nintendo Comics System
Rating: 22/100
Current Ranking: #8

I've never heard of this before, but judging by the quality of Mario writing at the time, I have to imagine its about the level of a Youtube Poop compilation and features the word 'spaghetti' a lot. Probably too much.

All right, all the time I have for this evening, but I'll pick it up tomorrow.

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Mr Crispy
06/20/22 8:27:48 PM
#29:


Miracleman

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Blaziken
06/20/22 8:53:53 PM
#30:


Cassandra Cain

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WarThaNemesis2
06/20/22 8:55:46 PM
#31:


The Thin Man

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Not a stinky alien. :(
Nintendo Switch Code: SW-5719-6555-8388
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Murphiroth
06/20/22 8:56:19 PM
#32:


Namor
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Hbthebattle
06/20/22 8:57:38 PM
#33:


Crazy Quilt

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:)
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Raka_Putra
06/20/22 9:13:18 PM
#34:


Super Antics by Kerry Callen

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- RIP Stephen Sondheim, 1930-2021
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Cody11533
06/20/22 9:17:08 PM
#35:


Young Justice (TV series)

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Maniac64
06/20/22 9:19:34 PM
#36:


Haha yes I have set a truly low bar

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Johnbobb
06/20/22 10:09:32 PM
#37:


The Books of Magic (miniseries) by Neil Gaiman

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LeonhartFour
06/20/22 10:12:13 PM
#38:


The Clone Saga (Spider-Man)

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redrocket
06/20/22 10:18:13 PM
#39:


Spider-Man: One More Day

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Mega Mana
06/20/22 11:32:56 PM
#40:


DC: Rebirth

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MarkS222222222222222
06/21/22 2:16:59 AM
#41:


Apocalypse in X-Men the animated series

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NFUN
06/21/22 8:19:09 AM
#42:


this channel (I recommend Riddle me This)
https://youtube.com/c/Solidjj

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ChichiriMuyo
06/21/22 8:56:33 AM
#43:


Moon Knight Vol. 1: From The Dead aka Moon Knight (2014) 1-6 also aka Moon Knight Vol 7 issues #1-6 Ellis/Shalvey/Bellaire

(And for bonus points - should I sell my copy while the price is still pretty ridiculous?)

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ChichiriMuyo
06/24/22 5:27:13 AM
#44:


Did I kill the topic?

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