Current Events > So, this may be the end of me

(+) Yeah! (+)

Hello, I have been a poster on GameFAQS for a while now. Y'all may recognize me for various reasons.
I had two topics here about a kitten I rescued and raised, Jester.
Some of Y'all even gave me tips, which I still appreciate.

I have had a really rare and bad cancer for 2 years now that has left me paralyzed. Ewings Sarcoma.
It has slowly spread and has reached brain stem. It was always a slim cure chance, and now it's...really bad.
I feel I am on the downswing but I will not ever really give in.

I felt I should let someone on GameFAQS know, in case I'm never seen again, that y'all would know why.
I feel a bone marrow transplant is the next step. Another person got it for something else, and it didn't help, he died shortly after a couple months later.

Either way. I'll answer questions if you got them. Personal ones are fine. I will use discretion.
I may ask to close the topic if participating gives me too much stress as the next few days are gonna be my window to do stuff and I honestly don't know if I have it in me.

I'm even considering chickening out and deleting this because I'm getting stressed. I'll leave it up for now.

*hugs* fuck cancer.

I'll say a prayer for you. I'm sorry this had to happen

Ill be keeping you in my prayers TC.

Lets get some light hearted questions going.

What is your favorite video game of all time and is it the reason you created a GameFAQs account?

Make the most of what time you have. Thank you for caring for that kitten. You're going through a lot and I'll understand if you don't reply or anything. Just, take care of yourself. It's fucked up what you're going through and that you're being robbed of the life you have. But while you're here, for these fleeting moments in the cosmos, they're the most important times you'll ever have. Stay true to yourself. And thank you for being a part of the gamefaqs community.

Thoughts and prayers are with you TC, I hope you can find comfort here.

Fucking hell, man. Sorry.

You were here and you had an impact. We'll never forget that.

OK Ill ask you a question.

sorry if the questions are too personal, but Im sure you might be happy to express yourself and let me know how youre feeling.

What exactly does having cancer feel like?

you mentioned being paralyzed, but what are the sensations associated with it? Is everything just going numb, or are you in lots of pain?

how are you typing these messages? Are you able to use your hands? (Right now Im using a voice to text feature on my iPhone, which means all of this text is being written by my voice.)

how old are you?

what are some of your favorite things in life? Personally, I love to play poker. I was going to go to the casino yesterday, but my day got busy so I decided not to go. Thinking about going later this afternoon because I love just hanging out with people and talking to them. Part of the reason why I also enjoy forums its just talking to people and learning from their experiences.

SomeLikeItHoth posted...

Ill be keeping you in my prayers TC.

Lets get some light hearted questions going.

What is your favorite video game of all time and is it the reason you created a GameFAQs account?

My favorite...that's tough. I always will cherish A Link to the Past because of my childhood.
I would also say however that Yakuza 0 is a darn good game writing wise and gameplay wise and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I...don't remember why I made my account lol. It had to be to post, so it'd either be for the Dragon Ball boards or the Anime boards.
Maybe the religion ones.

Thank you to well wishers. If I SOMEHOW make it through this...well, I promise I will show pics and stuff that I wasn't lying.
If I don't the evidence is self evident.

Jester is doing well, little hellion. Peed on my bed with me in it.
Doesn't act lovey to ME, but loves strangers and everyone else in the house.
Last big thing I did walking was rescue him from a tree outside in the rain, heh.

Best of luck to you. Do whatever you feel in your heart to help yourself through.

Do whatever you want until the end, try to have no regrets and go out fighting and not surrendering to despair.

Take good care of that cat and know it can keep you in high spirits as a loving/loved animal companion can bring lots of joy.

Wishing you the best of whatever time you have left, hope its the best it can be.

LivingLegendx8 posted...

What exactly does having cancer feel like?

Well, it started that my spine was apparently being pushed by a tumor, shooting pain up a leg.
The hospital crappily didn't scan me and diagnosed with sciatica, until one day it was too late, and both legs slowly stopped working.
As for feeling now, my arms are numbish but functioning for now.

you mentioned being paralyzed, but what are the sensations associated with it? Is everything just going numb, or are you in lots of pain?

For now, kinda numb, muscles on neck are swelling, possibly because of the immunotherapy they have me on, I hope. Maybe that'll wear off a bit. I may...lose the arms...I can't imagine how I'll keep myself entertained at that point. I might actually lose my mind.

how are you typing these messages? Are you able to use your hands? (Right now Im using a voice to text feature on my iPhone, which means all of this text is being written by my voice.)

Oh. Interesting. I hope I can get set up somehow to do that. That could keep me sane in my possible last days!

how old are you?

31. 32 August 20th if I make it.

what are some of your favorite things in life? Personally, I love to play poker. I was going to go to the casino yesterday, but my day got busy so I decided not to go. Thinking about going later this afternoon because I love just hanging out with people and talking to them. Part of the reason why I also enjoy forums its just talking to people and learning from their experiences.

Ah, just video games, political talk, lately even religious studies.
I'm Christian, though I've been looking into things that make me question. But are Interesting.
And of course hanging with friends, which has been harder. I may try to have one over today...

I never know what to say in a topic like this to be honest.

Do you have any favorite books or movies? Any recommendations? You mentioned being a Christian. Any favorite verses or books in the Bible?

Jabodie posted...

I never know what to say in a topic like this to be honest.

Do you have any favorite books or movies? Any recommendations? You mentioned being a Christian. Any favorite verses or books in the Bible?

Movies? Spirited Away, while a casual, and animated movie, is a comfort movie for me. It's just lovely in every way.
Books? Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, when I actually sat down and read it was really good.

I also recently watched Dexter New Blood with my mom, well, the latter half. While there was some...questionable writing it was really gripping.

As for Biblical, I struggle, because you don't just read through, I've read some of the books in full but each has a message it tries to tell.
Perhaps Mark is my favorite. It is the oldest found Gospel, thus the most reliable.
Proverbs is also interesting.

I still have you you tagged as "good person" for saving that kitten. Thank you for posting this and letting us know, and you are in my and others' thoughts here.

I really hope everything works out for you. :(

I suppose I can throw out some interesting bits about myself. That might be fun.
I grew up my life in DFW area of Texas.
Lived half my life with my grandparents then mother and grandparents and brother.
Father was out of picture early, abusive.

Had a variety of pets! Dogs, cats, a goat, hamster, turtle, chickens (though those were for eggs) tadpoles from 4th grade classroom.

Worked as a Lab Technician in a concrete plant testing rocks and sand for 10 years!
Not my passion but my Grandad got me the job. He was HUGE in the concrete business.
DFW Airport, oversaw bits, Fort Worth Convention Center Water Garden, even places like New Orleans and Panama!
I'll post more random trivia, it's...comforting oddly?

Fuck cancer. I'm praying for a miracle for you.

I hope everything works out for the best.

Fuck dude.
I'm sorry.

Well at least I don't think I'll delete this.
Heh, imagine if this reaches 500 I don't think I'll make another unless I somehow last a long time.

I have had a few fun adventures.
Went to Atlanta to Momocon to meet a youtuber i like, Pan Pizza/Rebeltaxi.
Also drove 10 HOURS from Dallas to McAllen TX for a convention and nearly went insane because that was my first big drive lol. Also because Pan was possibly selling memorabilia there.
Met Bulk and Skull from Power Rangers!
Went to several cons, met several people.
been to Washington DC, been to Baltimore, once Disney World.

I have a little Let's Play channel with 2 friends, Ray and Atou. We stopped around Covid times and never picked up again. We have lots of memories, and Playlist show who is in what.
If anyone wants to watch any of it, quality varies.
I think Virtua Quest, and our Yakuza were pretty alright. Tons of different games.
I never...watched the ones with only my friends without me so I cannot vouch.
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCCh0XxMdzgXBesj_w1qjxog

The actors who play Bulk snd Skull are legit really cool people.

Tsuyoi3 posted...

Went to Atlanta to Momocon to meet a youtuber i like, Pan Pizza/Rebeltaxi.

Oh man, I love that guy.

I'm sorry to hear this tc.

Do you have anything planned in terms of care, should things take a turn for the worse?

Also, take time to get closer with loved ones and make a bucket list and try to get it done.
At this point, maybe you're coming to terms with your mortality. It can be a very stressful experience so take your time and process your emotions and do not be hard on yourself or think that you're not being "strong".

Tsuyoi3 posted...

As for Biblical, I struggle, because you don't just read through, I've read some of the books in full but each has a message it tries to tell.
Perhaps Mark is my favorite. It is the oldest found Gospel, thus the most reliable.
Proverbs is also interesting.

I'm in the process of reading through the Bible one book at a time. It's been a couple years, and I'm in Ezekiel right now.

Ecclesiastes was always my favorite, and it probably still is. But I haven't read them all yet.

KINDERFELD posted...

Do you have anything planned in terms of care, should things take a turn for the worse?

I assume hospice will happen if it gets there.. I get disability and have insurance.
I've already sorta taken care of funeral arrangements before it even got to this bad.

Jabodie posted...

I'm in the process of reading through the Bible one book at a time. It's been a couple years, and I'm in Ezekiel right now.

Ecclesiastes was always my favorite, and it probably still is. But I haven't read them all yet.

Looking into them more in depth, Ecclesiastes is an odd one with how pessimistic it is. It practically goes against everything.
Ezekiel is interesting historically.

I remember reading recently about how certain things may be exaggerations, but that doesn't necessarily make it meaningless. They may have found David's fortress, as well as Sodom, thanks to a site pretty obviously hit by a meteor or something. Very interesting things.
Biblical archeology has shook my faith and yet strengthened in some ways.

Audible books help me relieve stress.

Just stay. It's only GameFAQs. Take a small break if you like to refresh.

I hope the bone marrow thing works out for the best man. And if not, I hope there's something really special after this waiting for all us. We don't gotta get into what you believe in. I believe there's something else tho. Or maybe nothingness is just the ultimate peace.

There was this weird week I went through where I was having these dreams that felt like they lasted days, but Id wake up to it only being 10 minutes later. I was sick and this just kept happening. Combined with dreams where I was completely lucid and had spirit guides. Oddly enough, it was a side character from Everybody Loves Raymond. Which, I have no personal attachment to. And another time it was the big mexican guy from the old SNL cast. Haratio Sans? Which again, don't have any personal attachment too. But anyway, that made me wonder if right before you go, your brain can create this space that you live in for an extended period of time that's made up of all these strange things you've accumulated over time. I just wish I remembered what I was asking them. It seemed really important. But also only a glimpse. I dream a lot too. So, for these to stick out, it really had to be something special.

That's all I got.

so sorry to hear youre going through this, I couldnt imagine how you feel. all good vibes from me to you.

what are some things youve always wanted to experience?

what are some of your favorite music artists?

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Wishing for the best.

Old NoiseTank posted...

what are some things youve always wanted to experience?

Go to Japan. Was going to when we actually thought I was getting cured. There was a tike where they didn't see anything. But that's because the scan they used was less accurate.
Now I'm just finishing games and shows while spending my time with family.

what are some of your favorite music artists?

Toby Fox, yes videogame, Hopes and Dreams legit helps my back muscles relax.
Kiss, and a bunch of 80s rock bands.
Poor Man's Poison is a band I've liked a couple songs of.
I do also enjoy the 30s, 40s and 50s style swing music. Sinatra style but no real artist I can think of.

TC do you like X-Files?

yea, I'm really sorry, TC.

I remember you posting sometimes, but I didn't know you were going through anything like that.

I'm hoping for the best for you.

fuck :(

Really sorry to hear that. Sounds grim, but I hope any options left work and you recover

Fuck cancer my dude. I lost a friend to cancer earlier this year. Lost my dad in 2008 and my aunt back in 12. Just keep fighting my dude. It may be a losing battle but go down swinging.

By far the hardest discussions I've ever had medicine is the ones where it's clear the patient wants to ask if they're going to die soon, and it's clear you don't want to answer that question, so they don't ask it, but you both know.

I'm really, really sorry man. I know we went at it a lot here, but I would never wish death on you. If there's any chance at all that you'll pull through, I'm praying that you will.

Is there someone in particular you'd like to reach out to, but cannot? I'm decent at tracking people down, I can hold a message.

Forest_Temple posted...

TC do you like X-Files?

I remember the theme scaring me at bedtime as a child. I've never watched.

Scotty_Rogers posted...

I'm really, really sorry man. I know we went at it a lot here, but I would never wish death on you. If there's any chance at all that you'll pull through, I'm praying that you will.

*sigh* Yeah. I can't hold grudges at this point.
I thank you.
Guide posted...

Is there someone in particular you'd like to reach out to, but cannot? I'm decent at tracking people down, I can hold a message.

Oh, uh...hm...not really but I thank you.

It seems we're mostly buying time. Hey if we can reverse course even a bit that'd be great.

Marijuana kills cancer.
I used marijuana daily for 4 years and got rid of a cancerous extra testicle. My story is just one of countless stories from real people that gets ignored by mainstream medicine.
I would advise you to try it. At the very least it will make your last years more pleasant.

Imit8m3 posted...

Marijuana kills cancer.
I used marijuana daily for 4 years and got rid of a cancerous extra testicle. My story is just one of countless stories from real people that gets ignored by mainstream medicine.
I would advise you to try it. At the very least it will make your last years more pleasant.

Its the whole pot is an evil drug shit that the gov still pushes, and yes it has saved lives but no mainstream media will talk about that.

Wow just learned only on May 12th 2022 did the fed finally start funding research into pot curing cancer. Better late then never I guess, not that it stopped people in the know from curing their cancer anyway. Over 100 other scientific studies already proved it but now the gov is finally doing research and funding that research for an official statement.

Anyone want to guess what the findings are ?

Damn, sorry to hear.

Sorry... Hope you can find some happiness or solace in all this, somehow.