Poll of the Day > How do you convince a friend to leave a toxic relationship?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Some of you may remember my topic about a month ago where my best friend just stopped talking to me or hanging out, well I saw her the other day. While it was nice to hang with her again she just kept telling me how depressed she is because all they do is sleep all day (he doesn't work and makes his dad drive her to work because he wants to sleep in) and he doesn't really let her see any of her friends (not just me) and he freaks out over the smallest stuff, like her not messaging him as soon as she gets home because she was showering

You don't.

The more you try to push, the more likely the relationship they choose to end is your friendship.

Point out the issues where appropriate, affirm any concerns she raises, and support her as needed when she decides to get out, but that's about it. Trying to force her to leave won't work, you just have to be supportive and encouraging when the opportunity arises. For what it's worth, the fact that she's complaining about these things to you means she's already getting there and will probably make the decision for herself in due course.

Just express your concern that her relationship is unhealthy for her based on what she told you.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

You don't.

The more you try to push, the more likely the relationship they choose to end is your friendship.

Yeah, as great as it might be if you could intervene, somebody in that spot won't listen to you... or you could stage an intervention.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

You don't.

The more you try to push, the more likely the relationship they choose to end is your friendship.

This to a degree. Some might be open to advice, but most will only take advice when it's something they were already thinking of doing.

Is the toxic relationship your friendship?

It's probably best you just be there for her to talk to and give advice without sticking your nose in too much. She is probably aware of the issues.

wwinterj25 posted...

It's probably best you just be there for her to talk to and give advice without sticking your nose in too much. She is probably aware of the issues.

Wait, somebody is aware of an issue and your suggestion isnt to give them guidance repeatedly to remind them about it???

kangolcone posted...

Wait, somebody is aware of an issue and your suggestion isnt to give them guidance repeatedly to remind them about it???

Yeah. Friends tend to help guide each other. Shocking I know.

wwinterj25 posted...

Yeah. Friends tend to help guide each other. Shocking I know.

So you shouldnt stick your nose in a friends business, but you should for a complete stranger. Got it.

Seems I cant open a single topic without seeing this kangol dude raging and crying about something.

On topic: no muscles, I'm not going to leave my toxic relationship to be with you

Seems like I cant open a topic without this Not guy talking about me.

Maybe stop stalking me? Or perhaps we both click on topics that are active and respond.

Im glad you take such notice of me. Only because you mentioned me multiple times by name did I take notice of you, otherwise I would have kept going right by your posts.

Have you ever tried not being mad all the time? That shit cant be good for you.

And if you're going to be mad all the time could you at least try to be funnier?

kangolcone posted...

So you shouldnt stick your nose in a friends business, but you should for a complete stranger. Got it.

That's not what I said. Read again.

Notschmendrake posted...

Have you ever tried not being mad all the time? That shit cant be good for you.

And if you're going to be mad all the time could you at least try to be funnier?

Ok, so it is the stalking. Weird to be this obsessed with me. Hope you have a good day.

You don't just gotta let it ride it's course. I know that's super unhelpful but that's how it is. My marriage was super toxic and everyone one the outside could see it but anytime it was brought up I fought against those people.

kangolcone posted...

Ok, so it is the stalking. Weird to be this obsessed with me. Hope you have a good day.

Nah you're just mad for no reason. Post #7 proves it.

Muscles posted...

he doesn't really let her see any of her friends (not just me) and he freaks out over the smallest stuff, like her not messaging him as soon as she gets home because she was showering

Hm. I'd ask on a forum/board that specializes in something like this. I guess the first question is if you have the means to offer an out should she ever leave that relationship? One of the biggest reasons people stay in poor relationships is their material status.

Well she found out a few days ago he cheated and broke up with him so that's good. She's hmu pretty much every day since

ParanoidObsessive posted...

You don't.

The more you try to push, the more likely the relationship they choose to end is your friendship.

ding!

Muscles posted...

Well she found out a few days ago he cheated and broke up with him so that's good. She's hmu pretty much every day since

It's both amusing that somebody with so little going for them would cheat, and also what that says about her that he'd do it.

Zeus posted...

It's both amusing that somebody with so little going for them would cheat, and also what that says about her that he'd do it.

Lol what.

Revelation34 posted...

Lol what.

If a total loser cheats on you, that's gotta be a blow to your ego.

Zeus posted...

If a total loser cheats on you, that's gotta be a blow to your ego.

Depends on the person, I think. I wouldn't let it hurt my ego. But only because some people just suck. I know some people with hot SOs who still cheat because they can...

Zeus posted...

If a total loser cheats on you, that's gotta be a blow to your ego.

That is not at all what you said.

If someone is being abused you call the cops, otherwise you mind your own business.

Revelation34 posted...

That is not at all what you said.

I feel like you've been using the internet enough to know what a clarification is. Rather than repeat the exact same thing I said -- which would be pointless, unless I was going for comedic effect -- I expanded on what I meant because the initial meaning presumably wasn't understood.

Zeus posted...

I feel like you've been using the internet enough to know what a clarification is. Rather than repeat the exact same thing I said -- which would be pointless, unless I was going for comedic effect -- I expanded on what I meant because the initial meaning presumably wasn't understood.

"and also what that says about her that he'd do it."

Means you're victim blaming the person that was cheated on.

Revelation34 posted...

"and also what that says about her that he'd do it."

Means you're victim blaming the person that was cheated on.

I like how even after giving a clarification, you're still defaulting your wrong assumption. Not to mention your use of the word "victim" in the context is, at best, problematic (and, at worst, insulting or offensive)