Poll of the Day > Well, I'm a complete idiot

(+) Yeah! (+)

A few months ago, I made a topic about my best friend of over 20 years being an alcoholic. I got some good input and advice from this board, much of which I appreciate.

That said, he wasn't destructive or anything so I didn't have it in me to say something about it to him at the time. We're both on the wrong side of 25 and I didn't want to come across as being a third parent or anything.

Flash forward to now. He was passed out earlier and I sort of woke him up and just talked to him about general things a bit. He asked for my keys and I told him he was drunk and that he's not getting in my car. He wasn't all there, so of course he denied a bit, but that's pretty much where it ended. He didn't go anywhere, things were cool and I went to the other end of the house.

A few hours later, my Dad came home and I didn't feel it was necessary to tell him that my friend was drunk, because I thought it was obvious. Apparently not. He took my Dad's truck to the 7/11 around the corner and came back and destroyed a section of one of our walls pretty badly.

The good news is that no one was hurt either during the trip to and from the store or when the truck hit the house. That said, my parents are obviously and rightfully livid.

But personally, I'm worried as shit about him. I have no idea what his headspace is like half the time and I'm just praying that he doesn't hurt himself over this. I know he feels like garbage and I know he has every intention to make it right.

TL;DR
My friend has a drink problem. I should've said something ages ago and didn't. Things took a relatively bad turn(all things considered), and now I'm freakin' stressed out.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent and get this off my chest. I'm sorry for not following any of your guys' advice about approaching him months ago, and I really do want everyone to know I appreciate all of their input. And thank you for taking the time to read all of this if you did.

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I'm dealing with a similar thing my best friend of 20 years drinks every second he's not at work and gets himself into dumb situations like arguing with the neighbors or getting caught up with strangers. He says he needs help but refuses to do anything about it. He has a good paying job that would give him time off to get help but we can't convince him to

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I know he's your friend and you're worried about him hurting himself, but his behavior is completely unacceptable. Who knows whether his choices lead to the death of some innocent person just on their way home next time.

This should be a wakeup call to recognize the problem and take the necessary interventions to immediately stop drinking, PERIOD, full stop. Because the next time could end in tragedy.

Does he live with anybody, and do you know his drinking habits (time, location, triggers)? They need to help make sure that alcohol isn't allowed in the house. You should not consume alcohol with or around him. Do not invite him to events where there will be drinking.

Do not worry about sounding like a third parent. If the guy can't make responsible decisions on his own, he needs all the parenting he can get.

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He's living with us right now. We talked about some things last night and I laid it out pretty straightforward for him this morning.

He seems to be in the right frame of mind and he even suggested that I hold onto his bank card(I've got it in my wallet now).

I know he feels awful and the situation overall is not good, but as far as hard lessons go regarding drinking and driving, this should definitely the push he needs to change. Now I just have to see the long-term commitment from him.

In the end, maybe it'll be for the best that it all played out this way.

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turn him in
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He needs some real help. You gotta let him know you arent ok with what he is doing, tell him he needs to get himself some help, and leave no room for compromise. It sucks but you cant control him and this may cost you your friendship. The alternative is that youre complicit and you take a backseat view to him slowly killing himself or ending up hurting/killing someone else inadvertently.

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If I start suspecting he's drinking again, it will probably come to that.

As of right now, he seems pretty self-aware of the situation and has expressed the desire himself to stop.

He's planning on quitting cold turkey, starting immediately.

To further help things, he doesn't have his own car. Either my Dad or myself would have to lend him our keys for him to go anywhere and I doubt my Dad is intent on doing that again anytime soon.

As for myself, I can easily tell when he's been drinking even a little, and I plan on riding with him if I do let him drive somewhere.

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will you be able to live with yourself the next time he drives drunk if he hits/kills someone?
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Krazy_Kirby posted...

will you be able to live with yourself the next time he drives drunk if he hits/kills someone?

The fucks your problem dude

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CinderLock posted...

The fucks your problem dude

alcoholic with a huge problem drives drunk and wrecks some property .... guess I'm insane for thinking it will happen again
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Krazy_Kirby posted...

alcoholic with a huge problem drives drunk and wrecks some property .... guess I'm insane for thinking it will happen again

No you're shitty for your post

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Krazy_Kirby posted...

alcoholic with a huge problem drives drunk and wrecks some property .... guess I'm insane for thinking it will happen again

Nah, you're insane for thinking it's op's job to be a cop. He has no responsibility here, except that he should anticipate survivor's guilt if something happens to his friend

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CinderLock posted...

No you're shitty for your post

And you're being shitty for not encouraging the responsible thing. As KK notes, the guy clearly has a serious alcohol problem that sounds like it's beyond what Krow and his family can do for him. Right now their plan is for him to quit "cold turkey," which is just begging for a relapse. The guy likely needs actual treatment, and unless he gets that treatment, it might just be a countdown until something horrible happens.


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