Current Events > So coworker said that if you ahve sex with a trans person

(+) Yeah! (+)

And they don't disclose that their trans, then that's considered rape. Because he doesn't want to have sex with a trans person. But he says he ain't transphobic because he respects them and all but he just doesn't want to have sex with that kind of person. they need a public record, like if you had a std, stating that they are trans.

Tried explaining that once they go through the change, they are that sex. Something stating it is wrong to them and they don't have to disclose that. He fired back with well sinc ehe is black, if you looked it up it would say he was African america. He considers a trans person to still be their original sex regardless if they changed or not. They need something like that also to protect then form peopel beating them apparently.

So uh, what should I say?

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tell dem to eat da booty like groceries

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yutterh posted...

So uh, what should I say?

Nothing?

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yutterh posted...

they need a public record, like if you had a std, stating that they are trans.

jesus fucking christ

yutterh posted...

So uh, what should I say?

tell him he's a piece of shit or ask him what other random trivia needs to be disclosed before sex

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Captain_Qwark posted...

Who has convos like that with random coworkers

imagine talking to people

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I kinda get where he's coming from, and he's entitled to like who he likes / not like who he doesn't like, but comparing that to rape is ridiculous if they simply didn't tell you. If they explicitly lied about it, that's a bit more of a grey area, though that still feels like an overreaction. And the public record comment suggests this might be a bit more the "supportive in public, opposed in private" attitude that many people have.

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Mods be lurkin' itt

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Is there any legal precedent here?

I imagine legally theres no difference between trans/whatever if the drivers license and id has been changed?

Who knows, didnt julian assange basically get jail for life for not wearing a condom?

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yutterh posted...

But he says he ain't transphobic because he respects them and all but he just doesn't want to have sex with that kind of person.

Ah, but he is transphobic. If you're attracted to the person and you go through with the sex because you're attracted to them... that was a consensual encounter.

(Generic "you" used here, TC, jysk)

Is it rape if I don't disclose that I dye my hair blonde before sex? It's not naturally that color. But maybe you were attracted to me because of my blonde hair. It's not my job to keep your boundaries. If my hair being dyed blonde is a dealbreaker for you, the onus of verifying that is on you.

Is it rape if I don't disclose my fertility status? Is it rape if I don't disclose my religious affiliation? Is it rape if I don't disclose my political alignment? These might all be things that affect your attraction to me or your willingness to enter into a relationship with me... but if you don't explicitly ask before willingly hopping into bed with me? That's on you. Get over it.

another one

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Captain_Qwark posted...

You're that coworker

let it all out one day you'll have the courage to have actual conversations with people

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You should tell HR that your coworker was spreading terribly transphobic rhetoric and that in addition to being offended, you now fear for your personal well being should you have to interact with him again.

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_Rinku_ posted...

Ah, but he is transphobic. If you're attracted to the person and you go through with the sex because you're attracted to them... that was a consensual encounter.

(Generic "you" used here, TC, jysk)

Is it rape if I don't disclose that I dye my hair blonde before sex? It's not naturally that color. But maybe you were attracted to me because of my blonde hair. It's not my job to keep your boundaries. If my hair being dyed blonde is a dealbreaker for you, the onus of verifying that is on you.

Is it rape if I don't disclose my fertility status? Is it rape if I don't disclose my religious affiliation? Is it rape if I don't disclose my political alignment? These might all be things that affect your attraction to me or your willingness to enter into a relationship with me... but if you don't explicitly ask before willingly hopping into bed with me? That's on you. Get over it.

Without the snarkiness your point being that all physical traits essentially being on the same level?


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gunplagirl posted...

you now fear for your personal well being should you have to interact with him again.

posters is asking what to say because they want to interact with them

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The mods are looking at this one for sure.

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wholeheartedly posted...

Without the snarkiness your point being that all physical traits essentially being on the same level?

Ooh, can't handle a bit of snark when some people are literally being murdered over this? Oof.

Yeah. If you're attracted to what's presented and it's not going to cause you physical harm... it's consensual.

Captain_Qwark posted...

Who has convos like that with random coworkers

Well he is 18, just graduated and he is leaving for college soon. He looks up to me and he brought it up because he probably wants some guidance on the situation. I at least got to the part where he admitted that rape was too far.

gunplagirl posted...

You should tell HR that your coworker was spreading terribly transphobic rhetoric and that in addition to being offended, you now fear for your personal well being should you have to interact with him again.

R1masher posted...

posters is asking what to say because they want to interact with them

Pretty much this. I want to guide him and open his mind to better understanding the situation. Just not sure how to guide him.

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"you are responsible for your own boundaries. if you ever find yourself in such a situation, it's ok to move on. you aren't doing anything wrong, but neither is she. always be respectful. no, a registry is not appropriate, and it's concerning that you think such a thing is reasonable."

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Not rape; my wife and I had a similar philosophical argument afew years ago.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/old-man-suggested-fifty-shades-grey-sex-dating-sites-article-1.2210412

tl;dr, guy said he was a model and tricked women into coming to his apartment while wearing a blindfold, but he wasn't actually a model.

Without getting too technical, rape is specifically non-consensual intercorse without consent. There was presumably some point in the discussion where they negotiate 'can we do it now', where they said 'yes'. Ergo, no forced entry without consent, ergo no rape.

Though in that case, the question is about misrepresenting yourself, unlike with your coworker.

But even without that angle, if you have consent to do it they can't say it's rape later just cause they regret it.

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_Rinku_ posted...

Ooh, can't handle a bit of snark when some people are literally being murdered over this? Oof.

Yeah. If you're attracted to what's presented and it's not going to cause you physical harm... it's consensual.

I guess I cant?

Because legally I agree with you, but youre testing my contrarian nature with how you say shit

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I wouldn't call it rape but it's definitely a shady and shitty thing to do.

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wholeheartedly posted...

I guess I cant?

Because legally I agree with you, but youre testing my contrarian nature with how you say shit

Ooh, that smells suspiciously like bullshit. I'm sure you really believe it if one person being a little catty on the Internet can potentially sway you.

Deception is not rape

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Is this a gunpla bait topic?

We just had two of these same "Is it rape?" topics last week, do we really need another one? Jesus

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Solid Snake07 posted...

I wouldn't call it rape but it's definitely a shady and shitty thing to do.

It's literally not shady or shitty.

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skermac posted...

Deception is not rape

hmmm interesting, that opens up a lot of valid strategies then

Crescente posted...

Is this a gunpla bait topic?

to bait gun or gun is baiting us?

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yutterh posted...

Well he is 18, just graduated and he is leaving for college soon. He looks up to me and he brought it up because he probably wants some guidance on the situation. I at least got to the part where he admitted that rape was too far.

wow sounds like a human conversation @Captain_Qwark must be so fucking pissed right now

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We just had this topic last week.

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I mean no its not rape but its still deception.

Not like you can undress and change your mind at the last second because you notice they werent being truthful.


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NoxObscuras posted...

We just had two of these same "Is it rape?" topics last week, do we really need another one? Jesus

Sorry I missed them. This was a convo I jsut recently had.

Medussa posted...

"you are responsible for your own boundaries. if you ever find yourself in such a situation, it's ok to move on. you aren't doing anything wrong, but neither is she. always be respectful. no, a registry is not appropriate, and it's concerning that you think such a thing is reasonable."

Yeah that's basically what I said. The registry thing he wont budge on though. I told him it isn't like a std and he agrees but they should still ahve it so you know. Mentioned that he could just ask. Then he brought up about them not being able to have kids and I said well if a woman is barren it's the same thing. Then he deflected to them not having a womb. Said it doesn't matter because she is now a woman regardless. He doesn't agree and that's where we are at a stand still. I hope I propped up enough seeds for him to think about changing his mindset.

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I mean, if you thought they were hot to begin with, I don't see how their being trans or not makes any difference. It'd be like demanding to know if someone has their gallbladder or not.

_Rinku_ posted...

Ooh, that smells suspiciously like bullshit. I'm sure you really believe it if one person being a little catty on the Internet can potentially sway you.

I can assure youre youre not swaying anyone to your side, thats for sureee

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Ardbert posted...

I mean, if you thought they were hot to begin with, I don't see how their being trans or not makes any difference. It'd be like demanding to know if someone has their gallbladder or not.

could be like the actress Jamie Clayton, looks decent but then she talks and you can tell she was born male (male ish voice is also a big turn off on cis women)

Captain_Qwark posted...

I def hit a nerve

Andd imagine thinking that story is real lmao

wild how you changed the subject

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captain qwark cant imagine having a conversation with someone irl, outside of the realm of possibilities in his reality

Do you fucking loons actually talk to random coworkers about rape and shit?

Wtf that aint normal

If they're work friends and it's only you two around then maybe but don't pretend this is normal

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WizardPowers posted...

Do you fucking loons actually talk to random coworkers about rape and shit?

Wtf that aint normal

If they're work friends and it's only you two around then maybe but don't pretend this is normal

I dont know mate, controversial subjects dont scare me, maybe youre more of a status quo kinda guy and its fine

ROOTFayth posted...

I dont know mate, controversial subjects dont scare me, maybe youre more of a status quo kinda guy and its fine

With strangers it's definatly weird.

But I do enjoy seeing crazies argue with each other in walmart when I need juice so keep doing your thing

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ROOTFayth posted...

I dont know mate, controversial subjects dont scare me, maybe youre more of a status quo kinda guy and its fine

How often do you start controversial conversations with strangers lol?

And where do you normally do this?

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WizardPowers posted...

Do you fucking loons actually talk to random coworkers about rape and shit?

Wtf that aint normal

If they're work friends and it's only you two around then maybe but don't pretend this is normal

it's a bit hairy for a work conversation, but if I were TC, and I remained silent and made no attempt to educate the kid, and then he went off to college and did something like the Virginia Tech murderer, I would feel guilty for having not said anything.

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