Current Events > Why online dating sucks

(+) Yeah! (+)

okay the title is kind of clickbait-ish, i think its more of a "me" problem. this thread is sorta inspired by what @SwayM wrote. not to put you on blast bud lol..

when i use online dating i get pissed off easily when i message 30 people and get maybe 1 reply back. yes im on of those guys lol

everytime i reactive my acct i start off well, i message a few people i think i might be interested in, and dont message the ones im NOT interested in...but after a week i get impatient and start messaging a shit ton of people, no matter of interest level. "oh she's cute, i'll message her". thats a bad way to do it right?

could be wrong but i think the reason i get pissed is because i believe im entitled. i have a bad mindset that im entitled to get a response back, when in fact i am not. part of the reason i get pissed too is because i do put a lot of effort in, but dont get much back in return. like, i will genuinely look for something to comment on, ask a question about their job or some shit. i dont know.

if i see someone went to a university, i automatically assume they wont be interested - i never went to college. i made a few exceptions and i rarely get replies from them

i'm 5'8 and usually when someone says they prefer taller guys, or they are taller than I themselves, i usually dont bother messaging them. like above, i sometimes make exceptions to no avail.

truth is i dont know why i made this thread. i did want to come clean, hoping for some good ole sympathy, i like sympathy. but maybe you can talk some sense into me. maybe im being a dumbass.

people tell me i try to hard, and i do need to question that. i have copy/pasted messages too and that does not seem to work any better. so i dunno about that "dont try so hard" thing >_>

anyway, to those who read this thank you homie. ce i love you all. anyone else have this issue?

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po;jr

uh i mean tl;dr

i actually did read it and online dating definitely does suck. It involves so much failure that it's bound to get you down.

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Damn_Underscore posted...

po;jr

uh i mean tl;dr

thats p damn clever

Damn_Underscore posted...

i actually did read it and online dating definitely does suck. It involves so much failure that it's bound to get you down.

yup, worst part is theres no option for IRL because you know >_>

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i forgot to add, another thing i do is, if i see a shit ton of pictures of hiking or traveling to other countries, i automatically assume she isnt going to be interested because i have traveled nowhere >_>

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Women literally get to pick from every guy because guys arent picky but swipe on everyone.

Because of the nature of online dating (being very limited on personality and very lopsided for good pictures and appearance), guys 7/10 and below are much more underrated.

A guy that can get girls in real life real struggle in online format because of the severe disparity of guys to girls.

Online dating also doesnt make sense from a womans perspective since they can get mates anywhere. Be it on other social media and irl. So the women are honestly lower quality or extremely busy anyway.

Dont beat yourself up on online dating results.

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Online dating sucks for men. Pojr youre a cutie, youll have much better luck swooning women in person

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Sorry TC - looks like you trying all the things (healthy) people recommend. Props to you for recognizing the entitlement and not letting it overwhelm you

all the ladies want to do is go skydiving during a pandemic

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Make sure that you emphasize your glorious head of hair, po.

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Ill never be able to get into online dating. Id rather meet friends of friends or something.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Women literally get to pick from every guy because guys arent picky but swipe on everyone.

Because of the nature of online dating (being very limited on personality and very lopsided for good pictures and appearance), guys 7/10 and below are much more underrated.

A guy that can get girls in real life real struggle in online format because of the severe disparity of guys to girls.

Online dating also doesnt make sense from a womans perspective since they can get mates anywhere. Be it on other social media and irl. So the women are honestly lower quality or extremely busy anyway.

Dont beat yourself up on online dating results.

thanks man, this is well put. i dont think theres anything wrong with someone having options and preferences. but damn it can be frustrating when i'm in the lower percentile lol.

Harpie posted...

Online dating sucks for men. Pojr youre a cutie, youll have much better luck swooning women in person

aww thanks. id buy you a coffee if i could. this is kinda an idiot question, but how do you meet people IRL nowadays? as a man that does not drink and is awkward as hell, this is a tough one for me

Ruvan22 posted...

Sorry TC - looks like you trying all the things (healthy) people recommend. Props to you for recognizing the entitlement and not letting it overwhelm you

thanks man, i at least try to be self aware. im not doing anyone any favors if i blame everything/everyone buy myself

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I see alot of short guys with hot women. Its personality. And be a man . Weird as that sounds.

just lie about your height dude. maybe wear shoes with a bit of a lift. 5'8 is not far off the average and most people can't tell anyways. once you chat a bit online, by the time you meet up, most dates won't reject you.

people make a bigger deal out of height when it doesn't even matter once you hook up.

Say you make up the extra four inches where it matters

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muchdran posted...

I see alot of short guys with hot women. Its personality. And be a man . Weird as that sounds.

thanks man, good to know theres way around the shortcomings. that doesnt translate well in online dating though does it >_>

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I dunno how it is now but OkCupid seemed to work pretty well cuz of the match questions. Helped you find people who were similar enough to you that you don't need to feel insecure about messaging them.

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CommonStar posted...

just lie about your height dude. maybe wear shoes with a bit of a lift. 5'8 is not far off the average and most people can't tell anyways. once you chat a bit online, by the time you meet up, most dates won't reject you.

people make a bigger deal out of height when it doesn't even matter once you hook up.

for hookups i can see why that would work. what if youre looking for a relationship?

3PiesAndAFork posted...

Say you make up the extra four inches where it matters

hehe you already know

LostForest posted...

I dunno how it is now but OkCupid seemed to work pretty well cuz of the match questions. Helped you find people who were similar enough to you that you don't need to feel insecure about messaging them.

i dont remember when, but okc really took a shit in like 2014 (i think) when they became tinder.

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pojr posted...

aww thanks. id buy you a coffee if i could. this is kinda an idiot question, but how do you meet people IRL nowadays? as a man that does not drink and is awkward as hell, this is a tough one for me

And Id accept that coffee date if I could :)

Honestly its difficult if you dont have a large workplace or go to school. For me its really easy to meet people on campus.
What kind of hobbies and interests do you have? Try looking them on on facebook for example, and see if there are any meetups happening. Ie gaming, bowling, cycling, etc. Literally anyplace where you can meet and get to know someone without the pressure of knowing them from a dating app.

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Pojr!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYzMYcUty6s

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Harpie posted...

And Id accept that coffee date if I could :)

Honestly its difficult if you dont have a large workplace or go to school. For me its really easy to meet people on campus.
What kind of hobbies and interests do you have? Try looking them on on facebook for example, and see if there are any meetups happening. Ie gaming, bowling, cycling, etc. Literally anyplace where you can meet and get to know someone without the pressure of knowing them from a dating app.

thank you! i think hobbies might be my toughest thing. i dont really have any tbh, i started youtube content creation recently, but otherwise not really anything else. im open to trying new shit though. tbh im kinda a boring ass guy >_>

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Harpie posted...

And Id accept that coffee date if I could :)

Honestly its difficult if you dont have a large workplace or go to school. For me its really easy to meet people on campus.
What kind of hobbies and interests do you have? Try looking them on on facebook for example, and see if there are any meetups happening. Ie gaming, bowling, cycling, etc. Literally anyplace where you can meet and get to know someone without the pressure of knowing them from a dating app.

So it's impossible if you aren't in school and don't have a big workplace? Feels impossible.

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Mitch_Haniger posted...

So it's impossible if you aren't in school and don't have a big workplace? Feels impossible.

forgot to mention, right, i am not in school and im a security guard. and yes i did ask someone out who is a friend of one of the tenants

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I gave up on dating apps because..

1. Traveling is not important to me.
2. Football is not a hobby.
3. I have never met anyone that says tacos are a favorite food, yet on these apps every girl claims this.
4. "ill like ur dog more than ill like u!"

Like I dunno if there's a template for women to follow for their profiles, but 90% of the women I looked at had the things above somehow in there.

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pojr posted...

thank you! i think hobbies might be my toughest thing. i dont really have any tbh, i started youtube content creation recently, but otherwise not really anything else. im open to trying new shit though. tbh im kinda a boring ass guy >_>

Youtube content creation is cool, you should definitely lean into that. And if youre open to try new things thats all that matters, that means you can join random ass groups lol

I just joined a local buddhism club just cause. Its been a lot of fun so far getting to meet new people

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Harpie posted...

I just joined a local buddhism club just cause

are you liberated from your suffering yet?
maybe I should try that

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Simp posted...

are you liberated from your suffering yet?
maybe I should try that

No but Ill update you when I finally become enlightened

Its actually a really interesting philosophy tbh. If I practiced at it and studied it I truly think I could massively reduce my anxiety levels.
Do it with me!

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Garreyn posted...

I gave up on dating apps because..

1. Traveling is not important to me.
2. Football is not a hobby.
3. I have never met anyone that says tacos are a favorite food, yet on these apps every girl claims this.
4. "ill like ur dog more than ill like u!"
Like I dunno if there's a template for women to follow for their profiles, but 90% of the women I looked at had the things above somehow in there.

"Looking for the Jim to my Pam"

I bet all the guys come off as just as basic though. Whenever I try to make a profile I end up thinking yeah I sound boring as fuck too

Garreyn posted...

I gave up on dating apps because..

1. Traveling is not important to me.
2. Football is not a hobby.
3. I have never met anyone that says tacos are a favorite food, yet on these apps every girl claims this.
4. "ill like ur dog more than ill like u!"
Like I dunno if there's a template for women to follow for their profiles, but 90% of the women I looked at had the things above somehow in there.

There's also that one alley with angel wings every woman seems to find.

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3PiesAndAFork posted...

There's also that one alley with angel wings every woman seems to find.

Lmao

Another one I see a lot is posing under a neon sign that says "I can't control my selfie". Is that like one specific place or are these things everywhere

p

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online dating is easy if you can handle the bull

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The problem I have with it is that you find someone interesting and they end up ghosting you out of the blue.

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Harpie posted...

No but Ill update you when I finally become enlightened

Its actually a really interesting philosophy tbh. If I practiced at it and studied it I truly think I could massively reduce my anxiety levels.
Do it with me!

I'm fascinated by Buddhism, but I'm no good at the whole meditation thing. I don't like to be alone with my thoughts.

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Killmonger posted...

The problem I have with it is that you find someone interesting and they end up ghosting you out of the blue.

quit investing so much time in to a stranger//I won't even go out to eat with a girl unless we've had sex at least twice and if she pushes, Im splitting the ticket. Don't let some simp or girl talk you in to otherwise either lol.

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Only good thing about online dating is it's a good way to get girl friends if the girl you are dating has lots of guy friends.

I sincerely believe online dating is shallow. I've had success with it but getting that 1st date is the hardest part you gotta be attractive and say the right thing to get things in motion.


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Simp posted...

I'm fascinated by Buddhism, but I'm no good at the whole meditation thing. I don't like to be alone with my thoughts.

Im with you on the latter. I actively avoid being alone with my thoughts. But maybe thats something you should probably address?

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Harpie posted...

Im with you on the latter. I actively avoid being alone with my thoughts. But maybe thats something you should probably address?

There's lots of stuff I should probably address. I'm saving it all up so I'll always have something to look forward to.

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pojr posted...

for hookups i can see why that would work. what if youre looking for a relationship?

works the same.

pojr posted...

i dont remember when, but okc really took a shit in like 2014 (i think) when they became tinder.

This is so sad to hear. My wife and I met on OKC back in 2012 and it was a genuinely good dating site at the time. I plugged away at those match questions for hoooours lol.

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Dating apps have become a standard for hook up opportunities. If that's what you're interested in, it's actually DUMB NOT to use them. It's the difference between riding a bike across country or just driving your car...

For folks looking for long term commitments, however, one rule has not really changed pre and post advent of dating apps: the best catches rarely ever need that kind of assistance to find relationships to begin with and they get scooped up FAST without it, because their attractive characteristics are noticeable.

If someone's awesome company on dates, has an attractive magnetic personality, and looking to settle down, they generally do not need apps to reel in partners. The partners have already been coming to them.

"But but but I'M awesome, fierce and independent, Clockwork. Nobody looking for commitment is lining up to date me! "

Then maybe you're ignoring one or more 5 common problems:

• you're looking in the wrong places (seeking commitment in places where hooking up is more catered to is like looking for a romantic dinner in a landfill).
• you're not as awesome as you think and you might be overestimating what you "bring to the table" compared to what you expect from partners.
• you're not making the conditions to approach you as easy and reasonable as you believe (you might be underestimating how much effort it takes to date you without asking yourself if you're justifiably worth the trouble compared to the competition).
• you claim you're ready for a commitment; but your actions, history, and priorities are flat out saying otherwise (red flags galore).
• you're not taking the possibility of a commitment seriously, it's just on your wish list (therefore you're more likely to overlook a real catch and let the good ones get away).

Self reflection and practical maintenance can improve your odds in finding a committed partner.
Telling yourself you're already perfect and people better accept that does not...

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ClockworkHare posted...

Dating apps have become a standard for hook up opportunities. If that's what you're interested in, it's actually DUMB NOT to use them. It's the difference between riding a bike across country or just driving your car...

For folks looking for long term commitments, however, one rule has not really changed pre and post advent of dating apps: the best catches rarely ever need that kind of assistance to find relationships to begin with and they get scooped up FAST without it, because their attractive characteristics are noticeable.

If someone's awesome company on dates, has an attractive magnetic personality, and looking to settle down, they generally do not need apps to reel in partners. The partners have already been coming to them.

"But but but I'M awesome, fierce and independent, Clockwork. Nobody looking for commitment is lining up to date me! "

Then maybe you're ignoring one of 3 common problems:
* you're not as awesome as you think and you might be overestimating what you "bring to the table" compared to what you expect from partners.
* you're not making the conditions to approach you as easy and reasonable as you believe (you might be underestimating how much effort it takes to date you without asking yourself if you're justifiably worth the trouble compared to the competition).
* you claim you're ready for a commitment; but your actions, history, and priorities are flat out saying otherwise (red flags galore).

Self reflection and practical maintenance can improve your odds in finding a committed partner.
Telling yourself you're already perfect and people better accept that does not...

dating apps tend to be filled with bottom feeders...The perfect filter is to only go for someone that just moved in town for a job and doesn't know anybody.


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ClockworkHare posted...

Dating apps have become a standard for hook up opportunities. If that's what you're interested in, it's actually DUMB NOT to use them. It's the difference between riding a bike across country or just driving your car...

For folks looking for long term commitments, however, one rule has not really changed pre and post advent of dating apps: the best catches rarely ever need that kind of assistance to find relationships to begin with and they get scooped up FAST without it, because their attractive characteristics are noticeable.

If someone's awesome company on dates, has an attractive magnetic personality, and looking to settle down, they generally do not need apps to reel in partners. The partners have already been coming to them.

"But but but I'M awesome, fierce and independent, Clockwork. Nobody looking for commitment is lining up to date me! "

Then maybe you're ignoring one or more 4 common problems:
<ul> <li>you're looking in the wrong places (looking for commitment in places where hooking up is more catered to is like looking for romantic dinner in a landfill). </li> <li>you're not as awesome as you think and you might be overestimating what you "bring to the table" compared to what you expect from partners.</li> <li>you're not making the conditions to approach you as easy and reasonable as you believe (you might be underestimating how much effort it takes to date you without asking yourself if you're justifiably worth the trouble compared to the competition).</li> <li>you claim you're ready for a commitment; but your actions, history, and priorities are flat out saying otherwise (red flags galore).</li></ul>

Self reflection and practical maintenance can improve your odds in finding a committed partner.
Telling yourself you're already perfect and people better accept that does not...

Have you been on online dating site before? Almost every woman says "not looking for sex" or something similar. Sounds like you're a real expert. And would you say you have this all figured out?
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I don't know what it is but my luck has been turning around some actually

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