Poll of the Day > Should I give my brother money?

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My brother, a former felon who has been out of prison for a few years now, is asking me for financial aid.

I used to help him out several years back when I thought he was getting his life in order, but he did something stupid and went back to prison. Since then I've been less inclined to help him.

Only reason I'm even considering this is that he has two young children.

Thought of maybe getting him a gift card for groceries, but I'm absolutely not giving him cash. Thing is that he is the type who would sell a gift card for cash if he needed it.

There is a red flag in that he says he needs money for court fees because they were sending the bills for his court-ordered restitution to the wrong address. I'm leery of this because he's been living where he's at for many years...

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Have him bring you the bills hes been getting and tell him youll pay some of them directly. That way youre not directly giving him money and if hes bullshitting it will be rather obvious.

MasterChiefer posted...

Have him bring you the bills hes been getting and tell him youll pay some of them directly. That way youre not directly giving him money and if hes bullshitting it will be rather obvious.

This. I do the same thing when people hang around restaurants and takeout places asking for money because they're "hungry." I offer to take them inside and buy them something from the menu and suddenly they're not interested or they have reasons why that won't work. You either directly handle what they're asking you for or you don't drop a cent.

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man101 posted...

This. I do the same thing when people hang around restaurants and takeout places asking for money because they're "hungry." I offer to take them inside and buy them something from the menu and suddenly they're not interested or they have reasons why that won't work. You either directly handle what they're asking you for or you don't drop a cent.

This. If your concerned about the kids having food, offer to go grocery shopping with them, or just drop some groceries off or have some delivered if you don't live near by.
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Far-Queue posted...

My brother, a former felon who has been out of prison for a few years now, is asking me for financial aid.

I used to help him out several years back when I thought he was getting his life in order, but he did something stupid and went back to prison. Since then I've been less inclined to help him.

Only reason I'm even considering this is that he has two young children.

Thought of maybe getting him a gift card for groceries, but I'm absolutely not giving him cash. Thing is that he is the type who would sell a gift card for cash if he needed it.

There is a red flag in that he says he needs money for court fees because they were sending the bills for his court-ordered restitution to the wrong address. I'm leery of this because he's been living where he's at for many years...

He can't get on EBT? If not, just give him a small amount that you won't miss...and if he does what he supposed to do with it, then give him a bit more.

Is he your older or younger?

Im 50/50 on this TC. Look, im not telling you what to do here, its up to you. But the smart choice would be if you cared and want to help him and make sure he isnt pulling your chain, look into these court fees. See of they are legit and if you want to pay for them. Do it through your own and do NOT, send any money to him. The very same applies to food. I once had a relative asked money for groceries and I offered to help buy the food, but I wasnt going to send any money. They scoffed at me and gave me some lame ass excuse saying they were picky about what they eat and such. And im like, dude...just write the shit down. And it was still a no go from me when they tried to work the way around it saying that sending the cash would be the better option. I wasn't buying the lies by that point anymore.

Just remember, there is always a way around someones bullshit if they are asking for help, and if you want to help, do it. But do it responsibly as well too like I talked about. It all comes down to dont send any money. And if they give a guss about not getting that money, then they are not for real. Its sad really...

If it was me I probably would. But I dont know the details of your situation and I dont think anyone could judge you if you decide to say no.

If you know their address you could always order some groceries yourself to be delivered to their house

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I would just see if you could pay the court bills yourself, and even buy the groceries yourself (or go with him and pay for them). Though, he could live not close. In the case, still have him mail the court bills. And for food, see if theres a place that delivers, or one that does curb-side pickup. And he could ask you to buy specific things instead... Like if the kids have allergies, or if he can only cook certain things, etc...
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Why you? Why can't it be another member of the family?

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I know I won't get the money back. It's not a loan, it'd be a gift. He's burned a lot of bridges in our family and I'm one of the only people who still talks to him. He's my older brother.

Not sure if he can get EBT. I imagine he's already on it. I don't think his wife works but I may be wrong.

My wife thinks I shouldn't give him anything...

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I figure it would have to be something you and your wife agree. See if you can reach A compromise based off of suggestions here. Like paying the bills yourself, and buying the groceries yourself. That way, you at least know where the money is going...
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