Current Events > Broken

(+) Yeah! (+)

Let me preface this by apologizing in advance to everyone im bothering with all of this. I truly detest bothering others with my difficulties.

My name is Chris. I seem to be having a...what do you call it...meltdown/breakdown/losing my marbles, and I dont know what to do.

I thought I could handle it all. I really did. All my life, ive had to endure trauma and hardship. Deaths, crippling injuries, abuse, mental "deficiencies", abandonment, and so forth. Hit after hit, absorb the blow, try to stand, and carry on ya know? Being born autistic (Aspergers sucks)? Ok, so I cant connect with people. Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, Agoraphobic? Just stay away from people altogether. Being sucked into a hurricane as a child? Still standing. Having your father on his deathbed, saying what a mistake I am, and how I ruined his life and dreams by existing? That one stings still, but what can you do? So many other things, weight on my shoulders both physical and figurative, for so many years... Now its literally the end of the world outside, and my strength and will have given out on me. I cant take anymore. I was barely hanging on by a thread as it was, the nightmares, the scars, the constant crying fits. I was terrified of people before, and now the death plague ravages the land, lurking outside my door. Im spent, so tired of fighting my already constant fears and impulses (trying so hard to get the voices to stop telling me im a failure), desperately wanting people in my life but not knowing how... I have no fiends. Zip. Nada. Goose Egg. The few family members I have left agreed with my father for the most part, and dont acknowledge me. Im so badly messed up my mother (who has a pacemaker) has to take care of me, and I have SSI that will probably get cut off if "the people on the hill" cant get their acts together. I want to give up so badly, to just be done with the pain, the sorrow, the memories, and that gets stronger every day... Please, someone, anyone, take my hand, even if only for a moment, sit beside me, tell me its gonna be ok... Someone actually want me to be be here, to be me... Someone...

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https://youtu.be/mvnVjLX_hRE

Hold on man

I've been there

This year in fact

Never came closer to death at my own two hands than this year

But somehow I got through

You will too

Believe me

The world looks dark and hopeless

But there is still some good, it's just becoming harder to find

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You there Chris?

Talk to us man

Lot of us on here been in your shoes

You ain't alone man

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