Poll of the Day > Alright, alright I concede. I texted my ex about our sleeping arrangements.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:18:28 PM
#1:


I downloaded an app I just thought was for rating people but it turned out to be more like Tinder. I just wanted some positive attention. I saw a profile he made there saying he was looking for a fwb that would go on dates too.

So I texted him and said we needed to talk about our living and sleeping arrangements. I texted becahse he's at work and I didn't really want to wait to let him know what I was thinking.

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Metalsonic66
09/17/20 9:20:06 PM
#2:


What's the app lol

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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:20:48 PM
#3:


Metalsonic66 posted...
What's the app lol

It was just called Hot or Not. I thought you'd just rate people's pics and they'd rate yours but it's almost exactly like Tinder.

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IronBornCorps
09/17/20 9:22:41 PM
#4:


I know it's tough. I hope the discussion goes as smoothly as possible.

Also, you are gorgeous
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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:24:09 PM
#5:


IronBornCorps posted...
I know it's tough. I hope the discussion goes as smoothly as possible.

Also, you are gorgeous

My self esteem has been lower than ever since we broke up. He always was complimenting me and was always touchy feeling and those are my two love languages so I feel like I'm just completely undesirable.

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WhiskeyDisk
09/17/20 9:26:14 PM
#6:


Jen...I've generally had your back in this situation, but we both know it's unhealthy.

That being said...why are you texting someone about this when you can literally have this discussion in person, at will when he's still sharing the same bed and close enough to kiss you on the forehead condescendingly?

Seems...passive aggressive at best. Might as well leave a trail of post it notes from the entry way, to the bathroom, to the fridge, and back to bed at that point.

I'm not judging, but I'm kinda judging. I get that it's complicated, both financially, and emotionally...but after all the time you've been together, I find it hard to believe this convo needs to happen by proxy.

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MabinogiFan
09/17/20 9:28:35 PM
#7:


Yeah having important convos via text is kinda suss imo.
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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:34:23 PM
#8:


WhiskeyDisk posted...
Jen...I've generally had your back in this situation, but we both know it's unhealthy.

That being said...why are you texting someone about this when you can literally have this discussion in person, at will when he's still sharing the same bed and close enough to kiss you on the forehead condescendingly?

Seems...passive aggressive at best. Might as well leave a trail of post it notes from the entry way, to the bathroom, to the fridge, and back to bed at that point.

I'm not judging, but I'm kinda judging. I get that it's complicated, both financially, and emotionally...but after all the time you've been together, I find it hard to believe this convo needs to happen by proxy.

He's at work and I just wanted to get it out now. We're going to talk about it for real tomorrow.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:35:01 PM
#9:


I just texted him that I saw his profile and that we needed to talk about it but I don't think we should sleep in the same bed. He's gonna come home early and get in the same bed with me in the morning if I don't text him tonight.

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MasterChiefer
09/17/20 9:37:50 PM
#10:


Why dont you just be his fwb that goes on dates. Just do that for two years and leave like you plan. Seems like a simple solution.
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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:38:50 PM
#11:


MasterChiefer posted...
Why dont you just be his fwb that goes on dates. Just do that for two years and leave like you plan. Seems like a simple solution.



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IronBornCorps
09/17/20 9:44:33 PM
#12:


Jen0125 posted...
My self esteem has been lower than ever since we broke up. He always was complimenting me and was always touchy feeling and those are my two love languages so I feel like I'm just completely undesirable.

If I could give you a hug I would. I believe you will find your confidence and self esteem again.
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WhiskeyDisk
09/17/20 9:47:07 PM
#13:


Jen0125 posted...
I just texted him that I saw his profile and that we needed to talk about it but I don't think we should sleep in the same bed. He's gonna come home early and get in the same bed with me in the morning if I don't text him tonight.

And I know you're going to hate hearing this, but as things stand he has every right to if you haven't moved into the other room and set boundaries. You can see who can piss higher on the wall over that bed, but y'all really need to establish separate sleeping areas if this is ever going to be a clean break.

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WhiskeyDisk
09/17/20 9:48:01 PM
#14:


I'm actually not trying to be an asshole here Jen, but I have no problem being "that guy" when it comes to saying these things.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 9:55:27 PM
#15:


WhiskeyDisk posted...
And I know you're going to hate hearing this, but as things stand he has every right to if you haven't moved into the other room and set boundaries. You can see who can piss higher on the wall over that bed, but y'all really need to establish separate sleeping areas if this is ever going to be a clean break.

That's what we're doing tomorrow. What do you mean he has every right to? Right to what?

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FrndNhbrHdCEman
09/17/20 9:56:09 PM
#16:


IronBornCorps posted...
If I could give you a hug I would. I believe you will find your confidence and self esteem again.
This. Itll all get better. For now itll just be stressing. And def have the talk about the sleeping arrangements. Is the bed yours or his?

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WhiskeyDisk
09/17/20 10:01:41 PM
#17:


Jen0125 posted...
That's what we're doing tomorrow. What do you mean he has every right to? Right to what?

Sleep in the communal bed in the house his name is in. Whatever you may think, you literally don't have much leverage to put him on the other bed or the couch.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 10:02:10 PM
#18:


FrndNhbrHdCEman posted...
This. Itll all get better. For now itll just be stressing. And def have the talk about the sleeping arrangements. Is the bed yours or his?

The mattress is his. Mine is in the spare room. But we've been sharing it for like 5 years.

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#19
Post #19 was unavailable or deleted.
Ogurisama
09/17/20 10:04:10 PM
#20:


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FrndNhbrHdCEman
09/17/20 10:05:11 PM
#21:


Jen0125 posted...
The mattress is his. Mine is in the spare room. But we've been sharing it for like 5 years.
Might be worth changing rooms and moving your stuff then. Itll be hard but itll make your healing move faster. Can ya move by yourself or need help? Might be healthy for him to help ya out too.

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DirtBasedSoap
09/17/20 10:05:57 PM
#22:


Ogurisama posted...
so you going to fuck a random PotDer to make him feel uncomfortable?

i nominate icoyar


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Jen0125
09/17/20 10:06:56 PM
#23:


FrndNhbrHdCEman posted...
Might be worth changing rooms and moving your stuff then. Itll be hard but itll make your healing move faster. Can ya move by yourself or need help? Might be healthy for him to help ya out too.

We could just swap the mattresses

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argonautweakend
09/17/20 10:11:41 PM
#24:


He gave you compliments because they were true. And if they're true they become a fact of the universe like water will freeze at 32 degrees.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 10:20:13 PM
#25:


argonautweakend posted...
He gave you compliments because they were true. And if they're true they become a fact of the universe like water will freeze at 32 degrees.

Aw that's cute

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DrPrimemaster
09/17/20 10:22:20 PM
#26:


Hot or not was a rating site like 7 years ago. I got on there post breakup as well. But Tinder changed everything and now everyone is trying to copy it.


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Mead
09/17/20 10:25:43 PM
#27:


How is a fwb that goes on dates not just a girlfriend

cause that just sounds like a girlfriend

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SunWuKung420
09/17/20 10:26:50 PM
#28:


You did the right thing.

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zebatov
09/17/20 10:29:38 PM
#29:


Jen0125 posted...
It was just called Hot or Not. I thought you'd just rate people's pics and they'd rate yours but it's almost exactly like Tinder.

That was on FB years ago. 2009-ish. I met a lot of people on there.

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Jen0125
09/17/20 10:29:46 PM
#30:


Mead posted...
How is a fwb that goes on dates not just a girlfriend

cause that just sounds like a girlfriend

I agree lol

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ClarkDuke
09/17/20 10:45:36 PM
#31:


DirtBasedSoap posted...
i nominate icoyar
jen's already been through enough, she doesn't need a stalker to boot, ok?

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Blightzkrieg
09/17/20 10:48:13 PM
#32:


Wow bravo in taking this step Jen. Maybe next you can text him about no tongue when kissing, or no more showering together to save water.

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#33
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Jen0125
09/17/20 10:54:18 PM
#34:


Blightzkrieg posted...
Wow bravo in taking this step Jen. Maybe next you can text him about no tongue when kissing, or no more showering together to save water.

We haven't kissed in a month

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zebatov
09/17/20 10:55:12 PM
#35:


Zangulus posted...
Hot or Not is older than Facebook. It was launched in 2000...

Actually, I was thinking of Yes or No. My bad. I do remember Hot or Not now as well.

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WhiskeyDisk
09/17/20 11:06:11 PM
#36:


ClarkDuke posted...
jen's already been through enough, she doesn't need a stalker to boot, ok?


how scary can a homebound stalker really be though?

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SunWuKung420
09/17/20 11:07:04 PM
#37:


ClarkDuke posted...
jen's already been through enough, she doesn't need a stalker to boot, ok?

Said one of my stalkers...

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#38
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wwinterj25
09/18/20 12:41:27 AM
#39:


Jen0125 posted...
I downloaded an app I just thought was for rating people but it turned out to be more like Tinder. I just wanted some positive attention. I saw a profile he made there saying he was looking for a fwb that would go on dates too.

I'm not sure why you're going out of your way to rub salt into the wound here. He clearly is moving on in one way or another so just leave him to it.

I just texted him that I saw his profile and that we needed to talk about it but I don't think we should sleep in the same bed. He's gonna come home early and get in the same bed with me in the morning if I don't text him tonight.

Probably the best thing todo.


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Jen0125
09/18/20 12:42:50 AM
#40:


wwinterj25 posted...


I'm not sure why you're going out of your way to rub salt into the wound here. He clearly is moving on in one way or another so just leave him to it.

How is it rubbing salt in the wound? I didn't know he'd be on there. I wasn't looking for him lol.

He's not moving on because he texted me back saying that he's just trying to find someone to make him feel better and it isn't even what he wants. Situation sucks ass.

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wwinterj25
09/18/20 12:47:47 AM
#41:


Jen0125 posted...
How is it rubbing salt in the wound? I didn't know he'd be on there. I wasn't looking for him lol.

I mean in your other topic you said you know he's been using dating apps so it's no surprise you saw him on whatever app you used. I don't know I'd imagine seeing a exs dating profile would be a bit of a slap in the face when living and sharing the same bed as them.

He's not moving on because he texted me back saying that he's just trying to find someone to make him feel better and it isn't even what he wants. Situation sucks ass.

It certainly isn't helping matters sharing the same bed as each other so it's good you're knocking that on the head. Still setting up a dating app profile implies he's trying to move on. You should too.


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Jen0125
09/18/20 1:04:56 AM
#42:


Idk why you think I'm not. I'm not trying to get into any relationship at all right now. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to move on. I'm focusing on work, school, my hobbies and my future goals. I don't want another relationship. I wanted the one I had and that didn't work so I don't want anything right now.

Have you ever been in a six year long relationship where you completely enmeshed your lives together since the beginning? It's not something you get over in a few weeks. I'm going through my own grieving process. I just use this place as a place to vent because I don't have a ton of people in real life to talk to.

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JoseAAV
09/18/20 1:36:37 AM
#43:


Replying with That isnt even what I want goes into the youre lying zone. Why?
Because writing about yourself on a dating profile is suppose to be an honest objective. unfortunately lied to you, and every other women interested. They dont know yet. Dont encourage bad behavior believing his fake excuse.
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Revelation34
09/18/20 1:58:34 AM
#44:


ClarkDuke posted...

jen's already been through enough, she doesn't need a stalker to boot, ok?


NMB instead?
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ClarkDuke
09/18/20 7:06:21 AM
#45:


WhiskeyDisk posted...
how scary can a homebound stalker really be though?
fair point, but he could always get his mom to drive him to jen's.
Revelation34 posted...
NMB instead?
but he would always have that inkling of jen's dog, secretly teaming up with the packs of wild dogs that roam around looking for him, ok?

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Jen0125
09/18/20 9:06:03 AM
#46:


JoseAAV posted...
Replying with That isnt even what I want goes into the youre lying zone. Why?
Because writing about yourself on a dating profile is suppose to be an honest objective. unfortunately lied to you, and every other women interested. They dont know yet. Dont encourage bad behavior believing his fake excuse.

What do you mean, lying? I feel like you guys don't understand complex emotions.

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RCtheWSBC
09/18/20 9:30:32 AM
#47:


Jen0125 posted...
What do you mean, lying? I feel like you guys don't understand complex emotions.
If he isn't looking for FWBs, why would he put that on his profile for others to read? If he wanted to be with you, why would he sign up for multiple dating sites looking for FWBs so soon after breaking up? I can see what that poster is saying, honestly.

It can come off as deception--either to you, or to the other folks on those apps who may match with him. Or he's confused about what he really wants.

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Jen0125
09/18/20 9:33:25 AM
#48:


RCtheWSBC posted...
If he isn't looking for FWBs, why would he put that on his profile for others to read? If he wanted to be with you, why would he sign up for multiple dating sites looking for FWBs so soon after breaking up? I can see what that poster is saying, honestly.

It can come off as deception--either to you, or to the other folks on those apps who may match with him. Or he's confused about what he really wants.

He said he wants someone to make him feel better but he doesn't truly want our relationship to be over. It seems like he thinks hooking up or hanging out with someone else will help him start to move on but it isn't what he really wants. He said he wanted to get married and have a family with me. But I don't want kids. So we're at an impasse.

What he really wants is our relationship. But it doesn't seem likely that we can successfully resolve this issue because there is not compromise. You either have kids or you don't. And I don't want them. And since he said he's starting to resent that I don't think I'd believe if he said he'd be fine not having kids. So he wants wants a form of our relationship that isn't possible the same way I do.

And honestly I didn't even see this is from you but it's a little weird you'd say this considering I sent you his direct text message explaining all of this. He's deceiving himself thinking that hooking up with other people will make him actually feel better.

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adjl
09/18/20 9:35:30 AM
#49:


He could always adopt a kid and keep it in the garage. He gets kids, you don't have to be involved. Win-win (as long as nobody calls CPS)!

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awezomerobot
09/18/20 9:40:04 AM
#50:


It's like Brexit but with Jen... Jenexit!

Why are people being hard on Jen? The guy bought the house under dishonest reasons which lead to Jenexit. He should take the responsibility to make things right like move to the spare bedroom instead of making profiles on dating apps.

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